They Come A-Creeping Through The Night

I hate to harp on about this. Actually that’s a lie - I love to harp on about this. I’d love it even more if there was nothing to harp on about, but that’s neither here nor there.

Now, it worries me that the general community (viz. you, my loyal readers) have exhibited a conspicuous lack of concern regarding the recent breaches of fundamental human rights that have occurred in our beloved country. Is it that we trust the people who are wielding these draconian powers, believing that they are acting in our best interests? Would you trust this man?

Doesn’t he kind of remind you of inner-party backstabber O’Brien?

If I had my way, this man would not be running around wielding the authority to slap a control order on anyone who looks at him the wrong way. In fact, it is deeply concerning to me that these control orders even exist.

In case you failed to read between the lines of the sensationalised media reports, Jack Thomas has not broken any laws. He was found not guilty of two charges, and had two convictions overturned on appeal, on the grounds that his confession had been tortured out of him by the CIA. Under the letter of the law however, the government can simply restrict him to a prison cell for 24 hours a day, without requiring any kind of trial per pares. Now tell me, is this really pro bono publico? The man was on vacation, for fuck’s sake! What was he gonna do, knock down someone’s sandcastle?

If you think you’re safe ’cause it can’t happen to you, you’re wrong. To have a control order slapped on you, you only need to satisfy one of two conditions:

1. Philbo considers on reasonable grounds that the order in the terms to be requested would substantially assist in preventing a terrorist act; or
2. Philbo suspects on reasonable grounds that you have provided training to, or received training from, a listed terrorist organisation.

But that doesn’t affect me, I hear you cry. Wrong!

Let’s say that Uncle Philbo wakes up one morning and thinks to himself: “I don’t really like [insert your name here]. I’d like to throw him into gaol.”

Can he do it? Yes!

Since clause a) is a long shot, even for the Howard government, all he has to do is list some organisation that you have belonged to as a terrorist organisation. You then satisfy clause b), and can become the subject of a control order and effectively thrown in gaol sans trial.

Sounds paranoid? Maybe a little quote popularised by Kurt Cobain will help to clear things up.

Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not after you.

Somebody please, end this madness now. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

No Surprises

You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don’t, they don’t speak for us

Don Chipp (21st August , 1925 - 28th August, 2006)

The man who kept the bastards honest for nearly ten years has finally moved on. Reports say that he died of pnuemonia, but the true believers amongst us know that it was Meg Lees who killed him, and his beloved Democrats, with her treachery and backstabbing ways.

I’m just glad that Don died before the party did. At least he can hold the hope that somehow, Natasha will ressurect the party and regain control of the senate. Stranger things have happened.

The Thought Police Draw Nearer

We have travelled another step down Orwell’s dark road towards totalitarianism.

The Palpatine-esque “emergency powers” which were rushed through parliament at the end of last year have been invoked during a secret trial in Canberra over the weekend.

For former taxi driver Joseph Thomas, or “Jihad Jack” as the in-no-way-trying-to-be-sensationalist-quality-broadsheet-publication SMH likes to call him, no warning was given. No trial was held. No crime was committed. The men in blue simply drove down to interrupt his family holiday, gave him the papers, and escorted him back to his family home.

So let’s take a look at the relevant section of the Anti-Terrorism Act (No. 2) 2005, Schedule 4, Part 1, Clause 24.

24 After Division 103 of the Criminal Code
Insert:
Division 104—Control orders
…
104.5 Terms of an interim control order
…

1. The obligations, prohibitions and restrictions that the court may impose on the person by the order are the following:
   1. a prohibition or restriction on the person being at specified areas or places;
   2. a prohibition or restriction on the person leaving Australia;
   3. a requirement that the person remain at specified premises between specified times each day, or on specified days;
   4. a requirement that the person wear a tracking device;
   5. a prohibition or restriction on the person communicating or associating with specified individuals;
   6. a prohibition or restriction on the person accessing or using specified forms of telecommunication or other technology (including the Internet);
   7. a prohibition or restriction on the person possessing or using specified articles or substances;
   8. a prohibition or restriction on the person carrying out specified activities (including in respect of his or her work or occupation);
   9. a requirement that the person report to specified persons at specified times and places;
   10. a requirement that the person allow himself or herself to be photographed;
   11. a requirement that the person allow impressions of his or her fingerprints to be taken;
   12. a requirement that the person participate in specified counselling or education.

Let’s have a quick look at a couple of those fantastic provisions.

Good old Mr Thomas will be told:

• Where he can and can’t go.
• When he can and can’t go.
• Who he can and can’t talk to.
• How he can talk to those people (through an AFP-approved (read:tapped) mobile, landline and internet connection)
• What he can and can’t do.
• What things he can and can’t do those specified things with.

In addition, he will have to:

• Wear a tracking device.
• Stay in the country.
• Report to the authorities at their beck and call.
• Be photographed, and give his fingerprints.

And, my own personal favourite requirement:

(l) a requirement that the person participate in specified counselling or education.

That’s right people, re-education! Does this sound familiar?

If there aren’t top ASIO operatives working right now on getting a Room 101 ready for his arrival, I’ll eat my hat.

Now, I would love to continue this missive, but unfortunately, I must head into that hallowed institution known as “university”. I will leave you with some wise words from my old friend and mentor Pastor Martin Niemöller.

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.

Moving Complete

Ah, it’s been an incredibly long weekend, but I’ve finished moving all my crap out of Redfern and into mum’s place. Big thanks to Joel, Pole, Renee and Sarah for helping me out, also my family for carrying boxes down the driveway.

Still trying to work out how to set up my computer, until then, I have to use this deplorable Windoze machine. OH the pain.

Also, had a job interview this morning. Looks like an awesome place to work at, good travel prospects, so fingers crossed.

My cat smells!

Zed’s Dead, Baby

And so is Pluto. I am now raising money for an international rescue mission. It seems that to satisfy the new International Astronomical Union planetary qualification rules, a planet must clear the surrounding space, which Pluto has failed to do. It’s orbited by all sorts of rubble. So here is my proposal:

1. Raise enough money to get on a space shuttle launch. I’m sure China will chip in if I ask them nicely.
2. Strap a bobcat to the shuttle.
3. Once in orbit, drive the bobcat to Pluto, and bulldoze all the rubble, including Nix and Hydra, into a pile.
4. Dump the pile of rubbish on Pluto.
5. Go home, have a celebratory Martini.
6. Call the IAU and tell them that Pluto now qualifies!

So come on fellow sky-watchers. Chip in today and help save the underdog planet!

Maynard Ferguson (4th May, 1928 - 23rd August, 2006)

One of the great trumpet players of our time has passed away.

The man who inspired Rocky Balboa with his blistering lines on “Gonna Fly Now” succumbed to liver and kidney problems at the ripe old age of 78. If I ever become a world-famous trumpet player, this is exactly what I want to look like:

Another trumpet legend who I will never have the opportunity to see perform live. I’ll always have the memories of playing Coconut Champagne at high school. No doubt we will all meet again in trumpet player’s heaven, with Miles, Dizzy and Louis. No flautists allowed!

Ernie Awards

Meredith Burgmann’s annual Ernie Awards for chauvinism were held last night at Macquarie street. I am pleased to announce the winners here:

The gold Ernie goes to… P&O Cruises!

P&O also picked up the silver Ernie in the industrial category.

The political silver Ernie goes to The Hon. Bill Heffernan with his comment about future PM Julia Gillard:

Anyone who chooses to remain deliberately barren …they’ve got no idea what life’s about.

Nice one Bill, still waiting for you yourself to fall pregnant to show us what it’s all about.

In the media category, the silver Ernie goes to Newcastle Herald reporter Jeff Corbett for his report about how NASA requires that a male engineer be on board the space shuttle “in case anything goes wrong”. Cult leader Tom Cruise picked up the celebrity gong (The “Fred”) with his insight:

I’ve got Katie tucked away so no one will get to her until my child is born … [Katie's] life from now on was going to be about being a mother. I’m not giving her the chance to turn into another Nicole.

Nicole’s ten times the woman that Katie will ever be. Sorry Tom, you lucked out there.

Surprisingly enough, no awards went to perennial achiever Tony Abbott. Don’t worry Tony, I’ll still send you hate mail on your birthday.

Whatever happened to… the AWB inquiry?

That’s right - remember the little matter of $900 million worth of bribes paid to Saddam?

Remember a trail of evidence leading all the way back to the idiot son and even Little Johnny himself?

Remember mass media coverage and public outrage?

Now I realise that the Cole Inquiry is still going, but really, isn’t it about time we saw some results? In fact, we really should have seen some results about six months ago, but the government has managed to drag out the process until everyone has forgotten. Imagine Terence Cole QC came out today and delivered the following statement.

Hi guys. We’ve found the cheque. We’ve got Al and John’s signatures on it. It’s pretty conclusive.

I can hear you now. “So what?” says Australia. Is this going to affect my mortgage repayments?

Maintain the rage, people! I demand satisfaction. Just because the inquiry has been dragged out and forgotten, doesn’t mean that we have to miss out on heads rolling.

Damn this apathetic, money hungry country.

Pick the Pollie

Okay, it’s time to test your knowledge. Can you match the faces to the state liberal leaders?

1	2	3
4	5	6

Good luck!

You scored a$comm $score points.

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