No sign of distress in Hicks, says Downer

There is no evidence of [mental distress] from what I have heard from Guantanamo Bay, none at all.

The great education slippery-dip

The media is really ramping up the coverage of sub-standard university graduates. The SMH places the blame on university administrators, Sky News follow suit, and I had to go all the way to the Korean Times to find someone who would even think of mentioning the real reason behind the decline in education standards.

But is it any great wonder that these asian students (yes, it is only asian students, not all foreign students, who struggle) cannot speak the language? In my beloved undergraduate degree, population 50, there were about 20-30 international (asian) students in each class. Most of them were quiet, studious types, so they tended to keep to themselves and in general had no need to converse with the boorish, drunken local engineering students. Groupwork was a problem, but they usually solved that by plaguarising entire assignments from such reputable and well-researched sources as Wikipedia, and relied on the poor bastard of a group leader who had to edit their work so it was up to scratch before handing it in.

I copped this job several times in the first couple of years of my course, and the students in question passed every time. So, when I was placed in a group consisting of me and four chinese students who didn’t speak a word of English, I tried the same trick on them – dumping the group leader with a whole pile of irrelevant garbage the day before the assignment was due. Needless to say, I failed the course.

Some media outlets have been suggesting that being unable to speak English is a major disadvantage when it comes to lectures, however, I couldn’t disagree more. The percentage of lectures in my degree who had a decent grasp of the English language was about one quarter. Some were so bad, it actually took a couple of minutes to translate their quiz questions from chinglish and work out what the hell I was supposed to be answering.

Virginia Trioli, in all her wisdom, suggested recently on her morning show that perhaps speaking English wasn’t a real big requirement of the courses that are popular with international students – computer science, engineering and architecture. I can’t speak for the other two degrees, but there is a hell of a lot of report writing in engineering, and without proper communication skills, little things like OH&S can easily get passed over.

It’s about time for this government to step up and reinvest in our education system. Recent ABC headlines say it all about the government’s attitude:

Rudd promises education overhaul

Versus:

Govt rejects Rudd’s ‘education revolution’

Federal Education Minister Julie Bishop is deluded if she thinks that our education system is anywhere near world standards. Maybe third world standards, Ms Bishop. Last time I checked, Harvard Business School wasn’t in Australia.

Mr Rudd has it right this time. Stop politicising our future.

Chuck Norris Generator

With the increasing popularity of my George W. Bush generator, it’s time to expand.

All you need to do is post the following code on your site:

<script type="text/javascript" language="javascript" src="http://marsupialmusic.net/stu/scripts/fortunes.php?file=chucknorris"></script>

You can also add the quote generator to your Google home page.

Chuck Norris Facts were provided by Paul Kessler’s Chuck Norris fortune module. The generator runs using Pascal Hakim’s excellent fortune program.

Holiday countdown

Less than 5 hours until Tool!

And then, camping for the weekend.

Oh yeah.

Compass time

Esteemed political correspondent Joel has come out of exile to give us some valuable insight into his political leanings. For those of you who had given up hope that he would ever post again, and therefore haven’t seen this post, I have reproduced the results below:

Proof finally that Joel is indeed a militant naysayer.

Out of interest, I also took the test.

Oh no! I’m a militant fence sitter! If only I was more religious, then I could have scraped into the Militant Yes-Man category.

Worst test ever.

Paranoia

Okay, so last night I did some market research. The topic was a new series of propoganda/paranoia advertisements along the lines of “see something, say something” and “be alert, not alarmed”.

There was a guy there who was deadset convinced that ASIO financed the Bali bombings.

This guy honestly believed that the new series of advertisements was going to put ideas into terrorists heads, and that if the terrorists didn’t attack Australia, the government would do it anyway.

And yet, this guy was stupid enough to say all of this, and more, in a market research session paid for and being filmed by the commonwealth.

Being paranoid is one thing, but at least back up your paranoia with a heightened sense of security. He wasn’t even wearing a tin-foil hat, for fuck’s sake.

Upon leaving the building he was met by some nice men in black suits, who drove him off in a black van. I get the impression he was working for them, trying to see if anyone would fall for his transparent attempt at convincing us that he was a nutcase.

Clearly not. Try harder next time, secret service.

Mr (Alex) Alexander John MCTAGGART, MP

Time to move on to the “action seats”.

Name: Mr Alex McTaggart, MP
Party: Independent
Electorate: Pittwater
Margin: 5%

The mayor for Pittwater stormed it into Macquarie Street on the back of Johnny Brogden’s suicide attempt in 2005. While Brogden failed, the Liberal Party certainly succeeded in their death wish, copping an unprecedented 25% swing in the supercilious blue-ribbon seat.

Not being a member of either NSW Labor or the NSW Liberal Party makes McTaggart an immediately likeable fellow. Was this just a quick experiment by the people of Pittwater? Or will having an independent voice in parliament start to grow on them? I hope so.

The Libs are running a young gun straight out of Johnny Brogden’s office by the name of Rob Stokes. Rob is an environmental lawyer educated at Macquarie University, and as such possesses all the mediocrity required for a position in state politics.

Also running is Cr Patricia Giles, of the Christian Democratic Party. She doesn’t stand a chance.

My prediction for this one: Alex to win it by 4 votes.

Mr Steven John CHAYTOR, MP

Another one bites the dust, as Steven Chaytor is found guilty of wife-bashing.

Chaytor was convicted in Campbelltown Local Court today of assaulting his former girlfriend and placed on an 18-month good behaviour bond.

The member for Macquarie Fields remained impassive as Magistrate Robert Rabbidge convicted him.

In contrast, his accuser and former girlfriend, Fee Fen Njoo, appeared to shake and was comforted by a friend when the verdict was handed down.

Outside court, Ms Njoo said justice had been done, before urging other victims of domestic violence to come forward.

Name: Mr Steven Chaytor, MP
Party: ALP
Electorate: Macquarie Fields
Margin: 10%

Following his disendorsement in approimately 2 hours time, Chaytor will have lasted only 16 months after replacing former planning minister Craig Knowles. Chaytor suffered a 13% swing against him at that by-election, and another 10% swing is needed to give the seat to the big Ls.

Will it happen? I doubt it. South-west Sydney is pretty safe Labor heartland, and I think we’ll need to look further abroad before we start stumbling across any closely-contested seats. On the plus side, Labor are free to fly in another candidate for a free ride into parliament. May I suggest this time that Tommy Raudonikis be drafted in. It’s about time we got a sports minister who has actually touched a football at some time in their life, and beside, Tommy would lend immense charisma to a starved parliament. Tommy also has experience in the region, having played for the Magpies for ten years. He’s also quit smoking, and only drinks light beer, presumably in preperation for his tilt at politics. Sandra out, Tommy in.

Chinese up the ante

Not to be outdone, the Chinese have successfully tested an anti-satellite laser. Our asian allies blew up an old weather satellite with a missile-mounted laser, sending a warning to the US to develop satellite-based rail guns at their own peril.

Bring on the new arms race!

The continuing story of Bungalow J. Wombat

Now, I’m not going to hide the fact that 88% of the traffic to this site consists of people demanding the return of one Nicholas J. Wombat (hereafter known as Bungalow J. Wombat). Hardly surprising too, as he has only posted 5 times in the past 62 days.

Furthermore, we have been starved of human observations of late, what with Naomi Robson leaving Today Tonight, as well as Miranda Devine going on summer holidays (destination unknown). Even the reliable religious right, usually so good for a chortle, have vanished off the face of the internet.

So, my dear Bungalow J. Wombat, I challenge you to top your roundabout story. You’re residing in the fattest country in the world, and yet your adventures barely contain enough action to scrape over one thin piece of burnt toast.

Let it be known that 2007 is the year of global domination for the marsupials! Join us or perish! Exclamation marks for all!

Let the bloodletting begin.