Chuck Norris Generator



With the increasing popularity of my George W. Bush generator, it’s time to expand.

Chuck Norris

All you need to do is post the following code on your site:

<script type="text/javascript" language="javascript" src="http://marsupialmusic.net/stu/scripts/fortunes.php?file=chucknorris"></script>

You can also add the quote generator to your Google home page.

Add to Google

Chuck Norris Facts were provided by Paul Kessler’s Chuck Norris fortune module. The generator runs using Pascal Hakim’s excellent fortune program.

categories Gimmicks, Only In America, Web | stu | datetime January 28, 2007 10:27 pm

2,102 Comments

  • By Ron T UNITED STATES, March 29, 2007 @ 5:45 pm

    When Chuck Norris eats chili he farts fire. It’s called a Texas backdraft.

  • By Daniel W. UNITED STATES, March 31, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    Chuck Norris Dosnt T-Bag He potato Sacks.

  • By Ron T UNITED STATES, March 31, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

    Chuck Norris once roadhouse kicked a guy so hard it killed his whole family, and their dog Fido.

  • By randy miller UNITED STATES, April 2, 2007 @ 9:00 pm

    chuck norris’s tears are said to cure cancer. to bad he never cries

  • By The Daryl UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 3:40 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

  • By R criz UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 4:12 am

    they say they are marketing chuck norrises urine nowadays… its called REDBULL

  • By alex UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    chuck norris sleeps with a night light. not because hes afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:10 am

    god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create the world!

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create chuck norris to create the world!

  • By joolzeee AUSTRALIA, April 3, 2007 @ 3:11 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.

  • By jack11709 UNITED STATES, April 4, 2007 @ 11:02 am

    Jesus may walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

  • By jack11709 UNITED STATES, April 4, 2007 @ 11:04 am

    God said “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said “Say please!”

  • By Chris Trueman, April 4, 2007 @ 1:20 pm

    Chuck Norris sleeps with guys, but he still isn’t gay

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 1:17 am

    If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s fucking beef.

    Chuck Norris is not egotistical…Chuck Norris is just better than you.

    Chuck Norris does not do drugs to get high, Drugs do Chuck Norris to get high.

    Chuck Norris does not strive to be a god…Chuck Norris IS god.

    Chuck Norris has only 2 rules… 1- Chuck Norris can kick your ass, 2- if you think you can kick Chuck Norris’ ass, see rule 1.

  • By Mike Moalli UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 3:09 am

    -Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
    -Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    -When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • By Mike Moalli UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 3:10 am

    I Am Chuck Norris

  • By Paul UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 1:34 pm

    if Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the fuck down…

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:38 am

    Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinity three times.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:39 am

    Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinite three times.

  • By Chuck Norris' Mom AKA Mrs. Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:42 am

    Chuck, you better call that youg boy’s mom back or i will roundhouse kick your ass to the moon.

  • By Paul UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 6:28 am

    Once Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands…

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    I had a friend who fought Chuck Norris once…

    I sure do miss him.

  • By TopWop UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 9:13 am

    chuck norris drank 4 gallons of gasoline just so he could use his penis as a flame thrower!

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 11:15 pm

    Back at the dawn of history…Chuck Norris searched for a sign to send his people… an everlasting sign that his power could never be questioned…
    This is the day he created Richard Simmons and said unto his people:

    “Thou shalt look upon Richardicus and know of the power of Chuck Norris eternally, for I endow him with the gift of hot pink shorts…and the glare from them a beaming reminder that the Chuck Norris is all powerful and omnipotent forever”

    -Chuckus 3:16

    This is the word of Norris, our Lord. Hollowed by thy name. Let us recite the Norris’ Prayer:

    Chuck Norris, who art in Texas, Hallowed be thy name!
    Thy Roundhouse come, thy will be done, in real life and as on Television.
    Give us this day, our Daily Ass Kicking, and forgive us of our weakness, as we forgive those who for some reason do not worship you. And lead us not to other TV Shows, but deliver us to Walker Texas Ranger, for thine is the best, Ass-Kickinest, Roundhouse giving show in all the heavens. Achuck.

  • By e dizzle UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 2:41 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t answer to God, God answers to Chuck Norris.

  • By DICK CARNEY UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 8:34 am

    DON’T LET ALL THIS KICK ASS STUFF GO TO YOUR HEAD. I REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS A LONELY AIRMAN IN OSAN, KOREA AND THOUGHT KARATE WAS SOME ASIAN JOSAN. AT TIMES IT GOT SO BAD THAT HE WAS REDUCED TO EATING GOLD FISH………I WAS A REAL BELIEVER UNTIL HE STARTED JUMPING FROM HELICOPTERS AND DOING ALL THIS HOLLYWOOD SHIT……..RCC, OSAN AFB, A DAMN LONG TIME AGO.

  • By Melissa UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 10:37 am

    Chuck Norris took his own virginity and he will damn well take yours too

  • By Deaj UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

  • By Joe UNITED STATES, April 8, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t push up he pushes the world down.

  • By Melissa UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 12:55 am

    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

  • By Billy B UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 6:23 am

    Who wins in a race Chuck Norris or God? Trick question Chuck Norris is God.

  • By Billy B UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

  • By I know UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 7:16 am

    Chuck Norris DOESN’T love Raymond

  • By ... UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    … i shot Chuck Norris… then i got the sensation that i was being watched and the next thing i know i am in a pile of ash…. i hate when chuck cheet’s on Halo…

  • By laughing loudly NEW ZEALAND, April 9, 2007 @ 5:03 pm

    chuck norris doesnt pay tax’s with money he just sents a picture of him getting ready to attack

  • By Trevor UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 10:44 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t hit on women, he says “Now.”

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    If at first you don’t succeed, you’re obviously not Chuck Norris.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Wilson met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

    As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Wilson replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.

    Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

    When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

    According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

    Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    Chuck Norris Does not clean pools he cleans oceans, BIH.

  • By Chaz Monster UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 4:21 am

    When everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten, everytime God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    YOU KNOW HOW YOU SOMETIMES SEE WEIRD THINGS IN NATURE SUCH AS DEAD WHALES LIGHTNING HITTING PEOPLE OR HURRICANES… MOREL OF THE STORY DON’T PISS CHUCK NORRIS OFF

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    chuck once got pissed at the earth and karate chopped it we now know this as the grand canyon

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    chuck Norris DOES wall hack on cs source and DOSEN’T get baned

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:20 am

    there are no such things as weapons of mass destruction-only chuck Norris and a swift round house kick

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:24 am

    there are only two things that can survive nuclear fallout- cockroaches and chuck norris

  • By Randy UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 8:53 am

    Once Chuck Norris submitted an item to the Chuck Norris Fact List. It was funnier than all the other items put together, but they had to remove it from the list because anyone who read it died laughing.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    the national terror alert level changes up or down depending on chuck norris’s mood

  • By chuck norris UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 9:58 am

    yo one time i read this message form and got really pissed and ate a gallon of ice cream then got fat and died

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:44 am

    cars have to look both ways when chuck norris crosses the street

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:45 am

    if superman and the flash had a race aroung the edge of the universe, chuck norris would win

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:49 am

    chuck norris can win a game of monopoly without owning any property

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:50 am

    there is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live.

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:53 am

    there isnt a theory of evolutipn, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:56 am

    there is no chin behind chuck norris’s beard only another fist

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:57 am

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

    Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night

    When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 11:01 am

    God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6

    Every year on his birthday, Chuck norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own…

    Chuck Norris is made of 94% perspiration, 4% electricity and 2% butterscotch ripple

    Once, Chuck Noris built a time machine, went back before the universe existed. God appeared startling Chuck, with a sudden bang he round housed kicked god. And within that bang of a kick the universe was made

    Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly

    Chuck Norris can take a number 2 standing up

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:26 pm

    Chuck Norris never lost at dodge ball.The ball knew better.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:45 pm

    whats the square root of pie? chuck norris

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

    they finally found jimmy Hoffa… he was lodged in chuck norris’ stool

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:50 pm

    chuck norris hates horses so he punches them in the head we know these animals as donkeys. at least the ones that live

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:52 pm

    when chuck norris plays battle ship he uses REAL battleships

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

    a fact that few people know is that chuck norris is a inventor too. he once ate half a engine block,some raw silicon, a clock radio,and drank the blood of 20 ninjas and shat out a computer

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

    chuck norris doesn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed. because it is hard to wake up on one side or the other on a pile of corpses floating in a pool of blood.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:05 pm

    chuck Norris doesn’t need guns, he eats molten steel and shits out bullets at over the speed of sound.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    there are two types of people in this world… people who are alive. and people who have pissed off chuck Norris.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:09 pm

    whenever chuck Norris has t sign a document he punches someone in the face to get blood on his fist and then punches the paper to leave a crimson fist mark we know as his signature.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:10 pm

    when chuck Norris gets mad he punches the sky we can see he aftermath as black holes or supernovas

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

    when chuck Norris plays monopoly and passes go he roundhouse kicks the bank keeper in the face and collects 200 teeth

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:20 pm

    the speed of chuck Norris’ cpu can be measured in norrahurts or (nhz) meaning if ts not fast enough he makes t hurt…… allot

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

    at one point the planet was made of just ocean then chuck Norris took a dump giving us land.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:27 pm

    chuck Norris got pissed of at windows xp and threatened bill gates. bill then made windows vista. notice how we haven’t seen bill in a while?

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:29 am

    Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris (So does Jason)

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:31 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt have nightmares he creates other peoples nightmares(He usually puts himself in them)

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:36 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt watch movies but when all superheroes and law enforcers are in danger he rondhouse kicks the movie theater guy takes some pop-corn and keeps watchin the people in danger

  • By Lil SWEDEN, April 11, 2007 @ 3:19 am

    If Chuck Norris can do it, you can’t do it.

  • By Coleman UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.

    The Boogie Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed.

  • By Sam UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    Chuck Norris owns the best poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a 2 of spades, a 7 of clubs, a joker, a green number 4 from UNO, and a monopoly get-out-of-jail-free card.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 9:51 am

    Q: where does a 500 pound gorilla sit?
    A: wherever the fuck chuck Norris tells it to.

  • By FestivalNut UNITED KINGDOM, April 11, 2007 @ 11:32 am

    Charlie Chaplin once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest…
    Because Chuck norris came first AND second, who’s gonna argue?

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

    Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn’t submitted them to the site because he doesn’t believe in any form of submission.

    Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

    There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

    Chuck Norris once killed 5 people in less than a second. The only thing he said after this incident was, “Dammit. When Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies.”

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
    can kill him and take it.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.

  • By Napolean UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 12:08 am

    Michael Jackson is only white because Chuck Norris RoundHouse Kicked the black out of him

  • By Stan UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 3:21 am

    Chuck Norris CAN “touch this”

    In Dungeons and Dragons, a common answer given to players for when something implausible occours is “a wizard did it.” In real life, the answer is “Chuck Norris did it.”

    Chuck Norris tears off the little tabs on mattresses.

    Kevlar is woven from Chuck Norris’ beard trimmings.

    The Soviet Union collapsed when Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the “U” out of “USSR”, thereby removing “Union” from the country’s name.

    Chuck Norris knows all your secrets. Yes, even that one, you sick freak.

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hideing.

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    Chuck norris can make a woman orgasism by just pointing at her and saying “bam”…

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:18 am

    Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen SanDiego is hideing.

  • By ladd UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 9:02 am

    chuck norris does not use spell check, if he mis-spells a word Webster had better fix that shit.

  • By Louis Cyphre UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 11:10 am

    When Chuck Norris finds out Samuel L. Jackson has his wallet, he’s going to be pissed.

  • By Nummesis UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 8:53 am

    When Chuck Norris shaves his beard… He shows a tattoo of his beard on his chin.

  • By Bubbadaduche UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 11:53 am

    Once Chuck Norris had sex in a RV. During the course of intercourse, some of Chuck Norris’s sperm got into the engine. We now know this RV as Optimous Prime.

    Chuck Norris’s sperm count is so high you have to chew before you swallow.

  • By Babbadaduche UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 12:27 pm

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

    Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and shit it out solved.

  • By tippy CANADA, April 17, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    at first chuck norris was going to star in the movie Kill Bill but then they realized that the title would have to be changed to Kill Billions. so they just went with uma thurman.

  • By tippy CANADA, April 17, 2007 @ 12:58 am

    chuck norris knows were carmen santiago is in the world

  • By Kelly UNITED STATES, April 17, 2007 @ 2:57 am

    Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has dared question his motive.

  • By Adam UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 7:29 am

    chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved

  • By Adam UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 7:30 am

    chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved

    chuck norris went to the virgin islands……when he got bak, they were just called the islands

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    Chuck Norris did not disappear in the Bermuda Triangle, The Bermuda Triangle disappeared in Chuck Norris!!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:30 am

    Chuck Norris was born 9 months early!!!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:32 am

    Chuck Norris’ computer keyboard doent have CntrlAltDelete, it has PunchRoundhousekickKill

  • By theDro UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 3:34 am

    Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he took yours too, and your prolly thinking “no he didn’t”.. but your wrong… your very wrong…

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 5:50 am

    Contrary to what pilots & scientist tell us, sonic booms are actually the result of Chuck Norris passing gas.

  • By dontworryitsinflammable UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    Scientists have recently found a dinosaur in south Asia. This dinosaur was famous for round house kicking the other dinosaurs in the face. They suggested it be called the Chucknorrisasaurus but then they realized, chuck norris never dies.

  • By matuer UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 10:34 am

    chuck norris was tired so he created god and told him to create everything… just kidding chuck norris never gets tired

  • By Randy UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 10:52 am

    Before Chuck Noriss, there was no water. When Chuck Norris did come along, water had to be invented too, so he could have something to walk on.

  • By Paul and Matt UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 12:53 am

    when on a chuck norris movie set, chuck norris found a dead goat and touched it and brought it back to life……5 seconds later he round house kicked it to its death..

    Chuck Norris then said “The good chuck giveth and good chuck taketh away”

  • By jon UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 1:52 am

    chuck norris is a gigantic pussy… i could kick his ass with no problem

  • By CHUCK MORRIS UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 8:37 am

    chuck noris doesnt listen to music music listen to him

  • By Simon UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 11:13 am

    Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and when he left they were just the Islands

  • By Zach Greene UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 2:54 pm

    chuck norris didnt lose his virginity it ran away

  • By Mandy UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 5:17 pm

    Recent studies conclude that global warming is caused by Chuck Norris. He single handedly produces more CO2 emissions with one roundhouse kick than the USA produces in a year.

  • By Pandaemonean AUSTRALIA, April 20, 2007 @ 6:02 pm

    I ate Chuck Norris and there is nothing you can do about it.

  • By fancis UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:11 am

    chuck norris sucks so much balls

  • By fancis UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:12 am

    chuck norris suck so much weener

  • By ben UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:37 am

    why is febuary the shortest month of the year, because its black history month

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:39 am

    I know the last digit of pi

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:42 am

    ask me a question and i will give you the answer Chuck Noris
    No matter what the question is i am write.
    And if you ask a questyion like “Who is stupid” i will roundhousekick you in the face

  • By rick UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:43 am

    chuck norris tried to roundhouse kick me ………his funeral is tomorrow

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 8:22 am

    Chuck Norris hates Westboro Baptist Church, he is going to roundhouse kick them into Hades!!

  • By Chucky McNorris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 8:26 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t round-house kicked the Virginia Tech killer, that’s why he died.

  • By seda UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 9:08 am

    The air bag was invented because too many people where dying in car crashes when Chuck Norris jay walked.

  • By Kilahral UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 10:50 am

    Once Chuck Norris killed 3 people at the same time with a single strand of beard hair.

  • By VAN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:38 am

    Chuck Norris grows in the shape of a tire!

  • By SyN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    The Defense Department once implemented a new missle defense system using a giant slingshot and Chuck Norris. Little did they know, Chuck Norris can fly you bitches!!!

  • By SyN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 2:12 am

    God didn’t rest on the seventh day, Chuck Norris round-housed him.

  • By coolieo UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

    once chuck norris killed 5 ppl at once. then he said when chuck norris dosent want girlscout cookies he dosent want girl scout cookies.

  • By coolieo UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:38 pm

    chuck norris is gay AND he has kids

  • By Randy UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 4:53 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t eat lunch. Lunch eats Chuck Norris. Wait, that’s not right..Oh hi Chuck!…What? No..no Chuck it was a mistake, Chuck! Nnooo … AHHHH!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 5:45 am

    If Chuck Norris moved in next door to you, your lawn would die.

  • By rachel UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 7:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stairs them down till it gives him the information he needs.

  • By bruce lee UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 8:44 am

    Chuck Norris is gay… the end