Chuck Norris Generator



With the increasing popularity of my George W. Bush generator, it’s time to expand.

Chuck Norris

All you need to do is post the following code on your site:

<script type="text/javascript" language="javascript" src="http://marsupialmusic.net/stu/scripts/fortunes.php?file=chucknorris"></script>

You can also add the quote generator to your Google home page.

Add to Google

Chuck Norris Facts were provided by Paul Kessler’s Chuck Norris fortune module. The generator runs using Pascal Hakim’s excellent fortune program.

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categories Gimmicks, Only In America, Web | stu | datetime January 28, 2007 10:27 pm

2,131 Comments

  • By Ron T UNITED STATES, March 29, 2007 @ 5:45 pm

    When Chuck Norris eats chili he farts fire. It’s called a Texas backdraft.

  • By Daniel W. UNITED STATES, March 31, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    Chuck Norris Dosnt T-Bag He potato Sacks.

  • By Ron T UNITED STATES, March 31, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

    Chuck Norris once roadhouse kicked a guy so hard it killed his whole family, and their dog Fido.

  • By randy miller UNITED STATES, April 2, 2007 @ 9:00 pm

    chuck norris’s tears are said to cure cancer. to bad he never cries

  • By The Daryl UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 3:40 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

  • By R criz UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 4:12 am

    they say they are marketing chuck norrises urine nowadays… its called REDBULL

  • By alex UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    chuck norris sleeps with a night light. not because hes afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:10 am

    god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create the world!

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create chuck norris to create the world!

  • By joolzeee AUSTRALIA, April 3, 2007 @ 3:11 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.

  • By jack11709 UNITED STATES, April 4, 2007 @ 11:02 am

    Jesus may walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

  • By jack11709 UNITED STATES, April 4, 2007 @ 11:04 am

    God said “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said “Say please!”

  • By Chris Trueman, April 4, 2007 @ 1:20 pm

    Chuck Norris sleeps with guys, but he still isn’t gay

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 1:17 am

    If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s fucking beef.

    Chuck Norris is not egotistical…Chuck Norris is just better than you.

    Chuck Norris does not do drugs to get high, Drugs do Chuck Norris to get high.

    Chuck Norris does not strive to be a god…Chuck Norris IS god.

    Chuck Norris has only 2 rules… 1- Chuck Norris can kick your ass, 2- if you think you can kick Chuck Norris’ ass, see rule 1.

  • By Mike Moalli UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 3:09 am

    -Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
    -Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    -When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • By Mike Moalli UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 3:10 am

    I Am Chuck Norris

  • By Paul UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 1:34 pm

    if Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the fuck down…

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:38 am

    Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinity three times.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:39 am

    Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinite three times.

  • By Chuck Norris' Mom AKA Mrs. Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:42 am

    Chuck, you better call that youg boy’s mom back or i will roundhouse kick your ass to the moon.

  • By Paul UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 6:28 am

    Once Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands…

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    I had a friend who fought Chuck Norris once…

    I sure do miss him.

  • By TopWop UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 9:13 am

    chuck norris drank 4 gallons of gasoline just so he could use his penis as a flame thrower!

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 11:15 pm

    Back at the dawn of history…Chuck Norris searched for a sign to send his people… an everlasting sign that his power could never be questioned…
    This is the day he created Richard Simmons and said unto his people:

    “Thou shalt look upon Richardicus and know of the power of Chuck Norris eternally, for I endow him with the gift of hot pink shorts…and the glare from them a beaming reminder that the Chuck Norris is all powerful and omnipotent forever”

    -Chuckus 3:16

    This is the word of Norris, our Lord. Hollowed by thy name. Let us recite the Norris’ Prayer:

    Chuck Norris, who art in Texas, Hallowed be thy name!
    Thy Roundhouse come, thy will be done, in real life and as on Television.
    Give us this day, our Daily Ass Kicking, and forgive us of our weakness, as we forgive those who for some reason do not worship you. And lead us not to other TV Shows, but deliver us to Walker Texas Ranger, for thine is the best, Ass-Kickinest, Roundhouse giving show in all the heavens. Achuck.

  • By e dizzle UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 2:41 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t answer to God, God answers to Chuck Norris.

  • By DICK CARNEY UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 8:34 am

    DON’T LET ALL THIS KICK ASS STUFF GO TO YOUR HEAD. I REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS A LONELY AIRMAN IN OSAN, KOREA AND THOUGHT KARATE WAS SOME ASIAN JOSAN. AT TIMES IT GOT SO BAD THAT HE WAS REDUCED TO EATING GOLD FISH………I WAS A REAL BELIEVER UNTIL HE STARTED JUMPING FROM HELICOPTERS AND DOING ALL THIS HOLLYWOOD SHIT……..RCC, OSAN AFB, A DAMN LONG TIME AGO.

  • By Melissa UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 10:37 am

    Chuck Norris took his own virginity and he will damn well take yours too

  • By Deaj UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

  • By Joe UNITED STATES, April 8, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t push up he pushes the world down.

  • By Melissa UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 12:55 am

    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

  • By Billy B UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 6:23 am

    Who wins in a race Chuck Norris or God? Trick question Chuck Norris is God.

  • By Billy B UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

  • By I know UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 7:16 am

    Chuck Norris DOESN’T love Raymond

  • By ... UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    … i shot Chuck Norris… then i got the sensation that i was being watched and the next thing i know i am in a pile of ash…. i hate when chuck cheet’s on Halo…

  • By laughing loudly NEW ZEALAND, April 9, 2007 @ 5:03 pm

    chuck norris doesnt pay tax’s with money he just sents a picture of him getting ready to attack

  • By Trevor UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 10:44 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t hit on women, he says “Now.”

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    If at first you don’t succeed, you’re obviously not Chuck Norris.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Wilson met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

    As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Wilson replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.

    Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

    When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

    According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

    Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    Chuck Norris Does not clean pools he cleans oceans, BIH.

  • By Chaz Monster UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 4:21 am

    When everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten, everytime God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    YOU KNOW HOW YOU SOMETIMES SEE WEIRD THINGS IN NATURE SUCH AS DEAD WHALES LIGHTNING HITTING PEOPLE OR HURRICANES… MOREL OF THE STORY DON’T PISS CHUCK NORRIS OFF

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    chuck once got pissed at the earth and karate chopped it we now know this as the grand canyon

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    chuck Norris DOES wall hack on cs source and DOSEN’T get baned

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:20 am

    there are no such things as weapons of mass destruction-only chuck Norris and a swift round house kick

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:24 am

    there are only two things that can survive nuclear fallout- cockroaches and chuck norris

  • By Randy UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 8:53 am

    Once Chuck Norris submitted an item to the Chuck Norris Fact List. It was funnier than all the other items put together, but they had to remove it from the list because anyone who read it died laughing.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    the national terror alert level changes up or down depending on chuck norris’s mood

  • By chuck norris UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 9:58 am

    yo one time i read this message form and got really pissed and ate a gallon of ice cream then got fat and died

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:44 am

    cars have to look both ways when chuck norris crosses the street

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:45 am

    if superman and the flash had a race aroung the edge of the universe, chuck norris would win

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:49 am

    chuck norris can win a game of monopoly without owning any property

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:50 am

    there is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live.

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:53 am

    there isnt a theory of evolutipn, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:56 am

    there is no chin behind chuck norris’s beard only another fist

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:57 am

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

    Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night

    When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 11:01 am

    God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6

    Every year on his birthday, Chuck norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own…

    Chuck Norris is made of 94% perspiration, 4% electricity and 2% butterscotch ripple

    Once, Chuck Noris built a time machine, went back before the universe existed. God appeared startling Chuck, with a sudden bang he round housed kicked god. And within that bang of a kick the universe was made

    Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly

    Chuck Norris can take a number 2 standing up

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:26 pm

    Chuck Norris never lost at dodge ball.The ball knew better.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:45 pm

    whats the square root of pie? chuck norris

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

    they finally found jimmy Hoffa… he was lodged in chuck norris’ stool

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:50 pm

    chuck norris hates horses so he punches them in the head we know these animals as donkeys. at least the ones that live

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:52 pm

    when chuck norris plays battle ship he uses REAL battleships

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

    a fact that few people know is that chuck norris is a inventor too. he once ate half a engine block,some raw silicon, a clock radio,and drank the blood of 20 ninjas and shat out a computer

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

    chuck norris doesn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed. because it is hard to wake up on one side or the other on a pile of corpses floating in a pool of blood.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:05 pm

    chuck Norris doesn’t need guns, he eats molten steel and shits out bullets at over the speed of sound.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    there are two types of people in this world… people who are alive. and people who have pissed off chuck Norris.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:09 pm

    whenever chuck Norris has t sign a document he punches someone in the face to get blood on his fist and then punches the paper to leave a crimson fist mark we know as his signature.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:10 pm

    when chuck Norris gets mad he punches the sky we can see he aftermath as black holes or supernovas

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

    when chuck Norris plays monopoly and passes go he roundhouse kicks the bank keeper in the face and collects 200 teeth

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:20 pm

    the speed of chuck Norris’ cpu can be measured in norrahurts or (nhz) meaning if ts not fast enough he makes t hurt…… allot

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

    at one point the planet was made of just ocean then chuck Norris took a dump giving us land.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:27 pm

    chuck Norris got pissed of at windows xp and threatened bill gates. bill then made windows vista. notice how we haven’t seen bill in a while?

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:29 am

    Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris (So does Jason)

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:31 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt have nightmares he creates other peoples nightmares(He usually puts himself in them)

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:36 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt watch movies but when all superheroes and law enforcers are in danger he rondhouse kicks the movie theater guy takes some pop-corn and keeps watchin the people in danger

  • By Lil SWEDEN, April 11, 2007 @ 3:19 am

    If Chuck Norris can do it, you can’t do it.

  • By Coleman UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.

    The Boogie Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed.

  • By Sam UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    Chuck Norris owns the best poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a 2 of spades, a 7 of clubs, a joker, a green number 4 from UNO, and a monopoly get-out-of-jail-free card.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 9:51 am

    Q: where does a 500 pound gorilla sit?
    A: wherever the fuck chuck Norris tells it to.

  • By FestivalNut UNITED KINGDOM, April 11, 2007 @ 11:32 am

    Charlie Chaplin once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest…
    Because Chuck norris came first AND second, who’s gonna argue?

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

    Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn’t submitted them to the site because he doesn’t believe in any form of submission.

    Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

    There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

    Chuck Norris once killed 5 people in less than a second. The only thing he said after this incident was, “Dammit. When Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies.”

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
    can kill him and take it.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.

  • By Napolean UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 12:08 am

    Michael Jackson is only white because Chuck Norris RoundHouse Kicked the black out of him

  • By Stan UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 3:21 am

    Chuck Norris CAN “touch this”

    In Dungeons and Dragons, a common answer given to players for when something implausible occours is “a wizard did it.” In real life, the answer is “Chuck Norris did it.”

    Chuck Norris tears off the little tabs on mattresses.

    Kevlar is woven from Chuck Norris’ beard trimmings.

    The Soviet Union collapsed when Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the “U” out of “USSR”, thereby removing “Union” from the country’s name.

    Chuck Norris knows all your secrets. Yes, even that one, you sick freak.

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hideing.

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    Chuck norris can make a woman orgasism by just pointing at her and saying “bam”…

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:18 am

    Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen SanDiego is hideing.

  • By ladd UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 9:02 am

    chuck norris does not use spell check, if he mis-spells a word Webster had better fix that shit.

  • By Louis Cyphre UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 11:10 am

    When Chuck Norris finds out Samuel L. Jackson has his wallet, he’s going to be pissed.

  • By Nummesis UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 8:53 am

    When Chuck Norris shaves his beard… He shows a tattoo of his beard on his chin.

  • By Bubbadaduche UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 11:53 am

    Once Chuck Norris had sex in a RV. During the course of intercourse, some of Chuck Norris’s sperm got into the engine. We now know this RV as Optimous Prime.

    Chuck Norris’s sperm count is so high you have to chew before you swallow.

  • By Babbadaduche UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 12:27 pm

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

    Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and shit it out solved.

  • By tippy CANADA, April 17, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    at first chuck norris was going to star in the movie Kill Bill but then they realized that the title would have to be changed to Kill Billions. so they just went with uma thurman.

  • By tippy CANADA, April 17, 2007 @ 12:58 am

    chuck norris knows were carmen santiago is in the world

  • By Kelly UNITED STATES, April 17, 2007 @ 2:57 am

    Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has dared question his motive.

  • By Adam UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 7:29 am

    chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved

  • By Adam UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 7:30 am

    chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved

    chuck norris went to the virgin islands……when he got bak, they were just called the islands

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    Chuck Norris did not disappear in the Bermuda Triangle, The Bermuda Triangle disappeared in Chuck Norris!!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:30 am

    Chuck Norris was born 9 months early!!!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:32 am

    Chuck Norris’ computer keyboard doent have CntrlAltDelete, it has PunchRoundhousekickKill

  • By theDro UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 3:34 am

    Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he took yours too, and your prolly thinking “no he didn’t”.. but your wrong… your very wrong…

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 5:50 am

    Contrary to what pilots & scientist tell us, sonic booms are actually the result of Chuck Norris passing gas.

  • By dontworryitsinflammable UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    Scientists have recently found a dinosaur in south Asia. This dinosaur was famous for round house kicking the other dinosaurs in the face. They suggested it be called the Chucknorrisasaurus but then they realized, chuck norris never dies.

  • By matuer UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 10:34 am

    chuck norris was tired so he created god and told him to create everything… just kidding chuck norris never gets tired

  • By Randy UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 10:52 am

    Before Chuck Noriss, there was no water. When Chuck Norris did come along, water had to be invented too, so he could have something to walk on.

  • By Paul and Matt UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 12:53 am

    when on a chuck norris movie set, chuck norris found a dead goat and touched it and brought it back to life……5 seconds later he round house kicked it to its death..

    Chuck Norris then said “The good chuck giveth and good chuck taketh away”

  • By jon UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 1:52 am

    chuck norris is a gigantic pussy… i could kick his ass with no problem

  • By CHUCK MORRIS UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 8:37 am

    chuck noris doesnt listen to music music listen to him

  • By Simon UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 11:13 am

    Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and when he left they were just the Islands

  • By Zach Greene UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 2:54 pm

    chuck norris didnt lose his virginity it ran away

  • By Mandy UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 5:17 pm

    Recent studies conclude that global warming is caused by Chuck Norris. He single handedly produces more CO2 emissions with one roundhouse kick than the USA produces in a year.

  • By Pandaemonean AUSTRALIA, April 20, 2007 @ 6:02 pm

    I ate Chuck Norris and there is nothing you can do about it.

  • By fancis UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:11 am

    chuck norris sucks so much balls

  • By fancis UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:12 am

    chuck norris suck so much weener

  • By ben UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:37 am

    why is febuary the shortest month of the year, because its black history month

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:39 am

    I know the last digit of pi

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:42 am

    ask me a question and i will give you the answer Chuck Noris
    No matter what the question is i am write.
    And if you ask a questyion like “Who is stupid” i will roundhousekick you in the face

  • By rick UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:43 am

    chuck norris tried to roundhouse kick me ………his funeral is tomorrow

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 8:22 am

    Chuck Norris hates Westboro Baptist Church, he is going to roundhouse kick them into Hades!!

  • By Chucky McNorris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 8:26 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t round-house kicked the Virginia Tech killer, that’s why he died.

  • By seda UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 9:08 am

    The air bag was invented because too many people where dying in car crashes when Chuck Norris jay walked.

  • By Kilahral UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 10:50 am

    Once Chuck Norris killed 3 people at the same time with a single strand of beard hair.

  • By VAN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:38 am

    Chuck Norris grows in the shape of a tire!

  • By SyN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    The Defense Department once implemented a new missle defense system using a giant slingshot and Chuck Norris. Little did they know, Chuck Norris can fly you bitches!!!

  • By SyN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 2:12 am

    God didn’t rest on the seventh day, Chuck Norris round-housed him.

  • By coolieo UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

    once chuck norris killed 5 ppl at once. then he said when chuck norris dosent want girlscout cookies he dosent want girl scout cookies.

  • By coolieo UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:38 pm

    chuck norris is gay AND he has kids

  • By Randy, April 23, 2007 @ 4:53 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t eat lunch. Lunch eats Chuck Norris. Wait, that’s not right..Oh hi Chuck!…What? No..no Chuck it was a mistake, Chuck! Nnooo … AHHHH!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 5:45 am

    If Chuck Norris moved in next door to you, your lawn would die.

  • By rachel UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 7:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stairs them down till it gives him the information he needs.

  • By bruce lee UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 8:44 am

    Chuck Norris is gay… the end

  • By Bridget UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 10:48 am

    Chuck Norris does not use a stove to cook his bacon. He says Sizzle and it better be fucking done.

  • By Milton UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 2:44 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have blood flowing through his veins to donate; only hydrolic oil. 25 million tractor trailors can thank Chuck for their existence.

  • By asdf UNITED STATES, April 24, 2007 @ 5:36 am

    Leading disinfectants claim to kill 99.99% of any germs that they come in contact with. Chuck Norris kills 100% of whatever the fuck he wants.

  • By alex davs UNITED STATES, April 24, 2007 @ 5:50 am

    and theirs nothing chuck norris can do i will beat the living shit out of him if i see him

  • By Honor UNITED STATES, April 24, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

    This is a moronic wad of shit & I’m removing it from my home page. Too bad - the political part was fun.

  • By ^Fags UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 5:47 am

    Chuck Norris taste lies.

  • By ahoy. UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    chuck norris climed mount everest 4 times ………….while pulling a trailor up there.

  • By Chuck Norria UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Rick & Honor will soon be the next victims of horrific Roundhouse related deaths. Nobody talks to Chuck Norris like that. Not even Chuck Norris’ own mother.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:25 am

    Alex davs has also made the above list…

  • By GBOWEN UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:55 am

    Darth Vader says.. Luke … Chuck Norris is my father.

  • By luke UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:09 am

    chuck norris’ tears can cure cancer and aids….it’s just too bad chuck NEVER cries!

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:45 am

    Religious skeptics always ask the question “If there is a God, then who created God?” The answer is clearly Chuck Norris.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:46 am

    Chuck Norris does not have huge balls, huge balls have Chuck Norris.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:51 am

    Chuck Norris’s taint doubles as an F-18 airstrip.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:56 am

    When Chuck Norris flips you off your feelings are hurt forever.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:58 am

    Chuck Norris does not have sex, he makes woman-kabobs.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:06 am

    When Chuck Norris farts millions of dreams are broken.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:39 am

    Chuck Norris’s heart is actually a tiny Chuck Norris.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:43 am

    Chuck Norris uses oars as chopsticks.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:51 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get sun burnt, the sun gets Chuck Norrised.

  • By Seth UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 11:25 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use masturbation, masterbation chuck norrises

  • By Seth UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 11:31 am

    2+2=Chuck Norris

  • By simon UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 1:02 pm

    god used to be real but when chuck noris was born god mysteriously vanished thats why people dont beleive in god anymore

  • By simon UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 1:04 pm

    when you type chuck norrises name wrong on google it doesnt say the real correct way of spelling it.
    it says run while you still can!!!

  • By Jimmy UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 1:23 pm

    Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

  • By jon UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 12:51 am

    chuck norris lost his virginity before his father

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 2:26 am

    dinosaurs tried eating chuck norris…………….tried……

  • By Nuck Chorris UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 3:21 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t watch TV….the TV watches Chuck Norris

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 5:55 am

    chuck norris doesnt lift weights, weigths lift chuck norris

  • By Fat UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 8:26 am

    Chuck is a wimp

  • By prof UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 9:43 am

    chuck norris is the only known person to locate all four corners in a circular room.

  • By dude741 UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 10:08 am

    master cheif from halo, is realy chuck norris is disguise, thats why he never dies and kills everything in site

  • By Dan UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 10:38 am

    There once was a man from Nantucket…Chuck Norris is that man.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 3:32 pm

    If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be Jack Bauer.

  • By weapon UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 7:32 pm

    chuck norris screws chicks over the internet, for real.

  • By Nokimono UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 12:22 am

    After a night of heavy drinking Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up, he throws DOWN.

  • By D Lou UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason Forrest Gump kept running.

    Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know when Chuck Norris is going to jump out and roundhouse kick you.

  • By D Lou UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 6:26 am

    Chuck Norris is cooler than Drew Blakeney

  • By abebuckingham22 UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 9:21 am

    There’s a reason the Nickelodeon show “Roundhouse” was only on for two seasons and none of the actors appeared in anything else afterwards. Chuck Norris wanted to strengthen each leg for a year so he could roundhouse kick the show and anyone associated with it out of existence. Chuck Norris will not tolerate defamation of the word “Roundhouse”.

  • By Louie UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

    No one can play the rhyme game with Chuck Norris…chuck chuck bo buck…

  • By Lenny CHINA, April 28, 2007 @ 5:54 pm

    “Chuck Norris is my first, my last, my everything” these were Barry White’s last words.

  • By matt n UNITED STATES, April 29, 2007 @ 4:53 pm

    If Chuck Norris’s urine was marketed as a beverage, it would be called Chuck Gold”(R)

  • By matt n UNITED STATES, April 29, 2007 @ 4:56 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t dance, he fights. And then dances after winning, yet again.

  • By joe N UNITED STATES, April 30, 2007 @ 1:41 am

    chuck norris can make beef jerkey just by looking at a cow

  • By joe N UNITED STATES, April 30, 2007 @ 1:43 am

    chuck norris’ cells are actually made up of tiny nuclear reactors

  • By mike r UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 2:07 am

    Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands….Now they are known just as the Islands

  • By mike r UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes, he steps on throats

  • By Oz UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 2:34 am

    Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris;

    Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT’s becuase he simply answered
    Chuck Norris for everything;

    Some people piss their name into snow, Chuck Norris can piss his name into cement;

    Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS, but he gives it to people anyway;

    Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life, Ever.

  • By carlos roman UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 3:13 am

    The Universe is not expanding. It is running away from Chuck Norris

  • By me UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 3:18 am

    in chuck norris’s free time he knits sweaters….and by knit i mean kick, and by sweaters i mean babies.

  • By me UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 3:31 am

    when chuck norris was born he came out feet first and round house kicked the doctor and said “the only person who delivers chuck norris is chuck norris

  • By Kat Jackson UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 5:04 am

    Out of curiosity, does anyone know that Chuck Norris writes an column for a magazine by the name of New Man Magazine. By the way, NMM is a Christian magazine.

    Some New Man webpages to prove this:

    http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=15109

    http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=11352

    http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=14005

  • By kevin UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    if chuck noris is gay he……………

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:14 am

    who wants to fight me?

  • By the incredable hulk UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:15 am

    I will fight chuck norris

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:17 am

    I,ll take both the hulk and kevin in a fight

  • By rick UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:19 am

    i could whoop all 3 of you

  • By Nuck Chorris UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 10:51 am

    We are all Chuck Norris. He is the only one who isn’t. Only Chuck Norris understands this.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 11:54 pm

    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
    but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
    him. Pirates never were very smart.

  • By Hobo Bob UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    One time Chuck Norris sharted and it turned into a statue of himself posed nude…… It was so powerful… :*-( Then some guy looked at it and said what a peice of shit. The statue came to life and roundhouse kicked his ass. >:)

  • By I like grapes UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 2:28 am

    Chuck Norris is the World of Warcraft GOD. he made his own realm called the Norris. Only he plays on it cuz hes badass. If you play WoW you know what goes on in the Barrens >:( FUCK DAMN SHIT >:)

  • By phill bean UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 2:51 am

    the diameter of chucks bycept, in yards (84765187) multiplied by the number of cement vlocks he can crush with one roundhouse kick (counting in millions of course)(1372461987) multiplied by the wieght of his beared in tons (985872185182) added to the number of people he has killed by just looking at them (counting by trillions of course) (1087465918765182765874165)

    all this is equal to the number of women he has slept with. an astonishing

    [stupidly large number truncated to fit on page]

  • By WTF UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 4:26 am

    chuck norris can tie his shoes with his feet

  • By jo UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 4:47 am

    Once Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a cow and got two sirloins, a prime rib, four flnk steaks, and a basket of chicken fingers.

  • By Robert UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 1:29 pm

    How much wood, Would a woodchuck, chuck. If a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

  • By Zach Greene UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 3:03 pm

    daredevil is afraid of chuck norris

  • By Allie UNITED STATES, May 3, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

  • By willie nelson and jon heder UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 3:27 am

    Willie can kick Chuck Norris’s ass and will damn well kick yours too. jon heder will just napolean dynamite dance your pants off and moon boot kick chuck norris’s package.

  • By willie nelson and jon heder UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 3:29 am

    Before Chuck Norris their was Willie Nelson. Before Wille Nelson There was Jon Heder

  • By mr rogers and the back street boys UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 3:32 am

    mr rogers will kick chuck norris’s ass and the back street boys will suck the paint off his truck.

  • By rick UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 5:39 am

    willie nelson and jon heder are cool,but mr.rogers and the back street bitichs are fuckin gay

  • By James F UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 11:14 am

    Chuck Norris is only has sex with men because females cannot handle is thrusting power. Thats why

  • By Devon UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 11:50 am

    Chuck Norris does not go hunting: that implies the possibility of Failure. Chuck Norris goes Killing

  • By Devon Also UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:04 pm

    Chuck Norris was never actually born. He roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother’s woom. Then, Chuck Norrises umbilical cord was so tough he saved it and used it as his horse whip.

  • By Devon P.S. UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:05 pm

    How the hell do you put that little possesion S on his name anyway? since he owns everything, its pretty important.

  • By Rohe UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

    Chuck Norris ALWAYS knows Where Waldo is. in fact, Chuck is the reason why he is hiding in the first place.

  • By Fergie UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:46 pm

    Why doesn’t hair grow on Chuck Norris’ testicles?………………..
    Because hair doesn’t grow on steel.

  • By Rohe also UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:52 pm

    If Chuck Norris missed you with a Roundhouse kick, his foot would travel so fast it would travel through time to when youre 80 years old and knock you out of your wheel chair. many people know this: that is why he never misses.

  • By Dude UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 6:19 pm

    God created Chuck Norris. God dose with Chuck, and whoever else, what He wants to. Chuck Norris is just a man with no special powers or abilities. Just a man. The jokes are funny, and the show was awesome, but I just think we’ve taken it a bit too far…no offense.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 8:28 pm

    My excessively large head has been named by doctors as “Chuck Norris Roundhouse Syndrome”

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 10:31 pm

    RE: “Dude” comment.
    Are you also the sad twat who put the comment on Movie Mistakes that (Highlander) “There is NO invisible magic power lifting Christopher Lambert in air at the end - there are two wires clearly fixed on his shoulders.”
    Go away you sad bastard before Chuck Norris sees your sad post and round house kicks you into tomorrow.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 10:37 pm

    Only Chuck Norris can tell me and Dominic Salvia apart.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 10:42 pm

    Chuck Norris knows whose EFACS it is.

  • By jordan UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 1:10 am

    Chuck Norris was on MySpace before the internet existed.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 5, 2007 @ 1:13 am

    Chuck Norris can drink 40 pints without needing a piss.

  • By Miller's Twin Brother UNITED KINGDOM, May 5, 2007 @ 1:48 am

    Chuck Norris eats Chicken Tikka Ceylon for Dessert.
    He then washes it down with the blood of a thousand T-Rex’s

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 3:03 am

    Chuck Norris once ripped a guys tongue out for calling him “Charles Norris.” This was, of course, followed by a roundhouse kick to the head.

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 3:37 am

    Chuck Norris once attached a roundhouse kick to an email.

  • By Chuck Norris' Dad UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 4:44 am

    I once tried to spank Chuck Norris when he was 3 months old. I died.

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 5:15 am

    Chuck Norris was on Wheel of Fortune once. When he asked to buy a vowel, Pat Sajak gave it to him for free.

  • By rick UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 5:49 am

    and if he did it would still be a little bitch

  • By josh UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 9:12 am

    When Chuck Norris looks up at the sky, the Ozone layer gets scared and crumbles, causing Global Warming.. (Chuck Norris often looks up at the sky to see if it is time to kill or eat hippies)

  • By josh UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 9:32 am

    Chuck Norris has been banned from smoking cigarettes, because every time he does, a cigarette dies of cancer. To retaliate against the cigarette companies for the ban, Chuck killed 3 million people of various ethnic backgrounds.

  • By Doyle UNITED STATES, May 6, 2007 @ 10:44 am

    A guy hit Chuck Norris once. Once.

  • By Matt UNITED KINGDOM, May 7, 2007 @ 8:59 am

    All your base are belong to Chuck Norris

  • By Robin CANADA, May 8, 2007 @ 7:06 am

    When Chuck Norris goes to Molten Core, Ragnaros puts his Fire Resistance gear on.

  • By Sholley UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 9:23 am

    What is the meaning of life? Chuck Norris.

  • By Stan UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 1:14 pm

    While it is believed that Bruce Lee trained Chuck Norris, the one who taught Chuck his super-secret CIA moves was, in fact, Mr. Rogers.

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:02 pm

    Why did Chuck Norris call Boys2men?

    He thought it was a delivery service!!!

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

    What do you say to Chuck Norris at the beach??

    Stay out of my son!

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:05 pm

    Chuck Norris says “If you dont look down, you aren’t a pedofile!”

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:07 pm

    Chuck Norris says Whatever! I run with 12 gangs that only commit hate crimes!

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:07 pm

    remember it’s only a hate crime if you dont laugh…

  • By mmhmm UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 5:30 pm

    Chuck Norris once ate four turtles for breakfeast…later that day he pooped out what we now know as the teenage mutant ninja turtles

  • By Derek UNITED STATES, May 9, 2007 @ 8:12 am

    Chuck Norris mind is so sharp that he once wressled with a riddle and accidentally killed the answer.

  • By Sparrow UNITED KINGDOM, May 10, 2007 @ 12:20 am

    George Bush is the only person to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and survive. That explains a lot.

  • By Veetro UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 12:46 am

    Chuck Norris isn’t Lovin’ it. In fact Chuck Norris fucking hates it.

    Chuck Norris’ Favorite element is the element of surprise.

  • By Ron T. UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 3:09 am

    Chuck Norris eats rusty nails and spits silver bullets.

  • By Ron T. UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 3:11 am

    Chuck Norris has a dog, his name is Roundhouse and we all know why!

  • By Ron T. UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 3:19 am

    Chuck Norris -TRUE FACT: Is the only westerner to win the tae kw-on do championship, now its called CHUCK KW-ON DO- any questions?

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 5:07 am

    Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
    A: Chuck Norris.

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 5:10 am

    The full title of the World’s Strongest Man Competition reads: “World’s Strongest Man next to Chuck Norris Competition.”

  • By Cactus UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 5:30 am

    Chuck Norris eats the corn kernals out of his own shit.

  • By Alex UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 7:24 am

    Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the fucking dogs out thats who…

  • By Jim UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 7:52 am

    Chuck Norris is known as the Master Plumber because he lays more pipe than any other plumber in history

  • By Jim UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 7:57 am

    Chuck Norris once ate a 372 ounce steak in 1 hour, he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

  • By Steve CANADA, May 10, 2007 @ 8:03 am

    Chuck Norris does not take showers, he takes bloodbaths.

    Chuck Norris can dribble a football.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 10:52 am

    Chuck says, Chuck once roundhouse kicked a man so hard in the nuts he threw up his heart.

    Chuck you,
    Chuck Norris

    P.S.
    Chuck off

  • By MCHEVA AUSTRALIA, May 10, 2007 @ 7:34 pm

    Chuck Norris found Nemo and ate him.

  • By MCHEVA AUSTRALIA, May 10, 2007 @ 7:55 pm

    Stars are where Chuck Norris pokes holes in the sky.

  • By Tim UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 11:32 pm

    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack cause even his heart isnt dumb enough to attack Chuck Norris

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, May 11, 2007 @ 12:54 am

    W.W.C.N.D.? (What Would Chuck Norris Do?)

    Of course, this question is irrelevant. Chuck Norris will do whatever the fuck he wants, be it to your girlfriend, wife, daughter or neighbor’s dog.

  • By djvc UNITED STATES, May 11, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    Chuck Norris’s shit is scared of him because he once ate it so he could shit it out again. 3 times.

  • By Kookie UNITED STATES, May 11, 2007 @ 2:35 pm

    Chuck Norris eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast. And don’t start thinking, “Chuck Norris eats pieces of shit?” because Chuck Norris will kill you and then you’ll never know whether or not he actually eats pieces of shit.

  • By Bo Ners UNITED STATES, May 12, 2007 @ 3:17 am

    Chuck Norris can spell, unlike you illiterate fucks.

  • By The real chuck UNITED STATES, May 12, 2007 @ 5:02 am

    Why cant n e 1 spell?!!! Oh ya and Chuck Norris says that he is sewing this company. He says ether that or he round house kicks you (I’d chose to shoot myself)…… Just a warning

  • By zib CANADA, May 12, 2007 @ 6:23 pm

    Chuck Norris can go there, girlfriend

  • By waffles baby UNITED STATES, May 13, 2007 @ 3:47 pm

    chuck norris dosnt take any technological bullshit, so he relies on the skies as his information. when chuck norris has perfect connection on the internet, its a full moon

  • By Fysh UNITED STATES, May 14, 2007 @ 3:36 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe. Air just hides in his lungs for protection.

    Chuck Norris knows better than to repeat the past. He repeats the future.

    Ever notice that Chuck Norris never bleeds? It’s because his blood is to afraid of the real world.

  • By SEXY MONKEYS R SEXY UNITED STATES, May 14, 2007 @ 5:26 am

    Once i said that chuck norris was just an urban legend. the next day i sat on the toilet to take a dumpand chuck norris came out of the crapper and ripped out all of my organs through my ass, crawled inside, and now posseses my body

    no joke
    once i sneezed and i accidently made a volcano erupted

  • By my humps my humps UNITED STATES, May 14, 2007 @ 5:28 am

    when normal people masterbate they kill kittens.
    when chuck norris masterbates he kills Tigra from the xmen
    and she was the one jacking him off

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 6:36 am

    Chuck Norris is the only man who can slam a revolving door.

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 6:38 am

    Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win. Everytime.

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 6:40 am

    Chuck Norris is the only man who can stare down a statue and turn him into a real man.

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

    Chuck Norris is the only person with a life.
    cause controls every one else’s with a quick round house kick

  • By Nick UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 3:59 am

    One time someone called Chuck Norris “Chuckie Boy”, and that was the only time.

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 6:19 am

    Jackie Chan does not do his own stunts. It’s really Chuck Norris and a really good make-up job.

  • By Gothimdone UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 6:57 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t pick his nose, the boogers jump.

  • By Mad Dog UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 8:29 am

    Chuck Norris gave aids, aids.

  • By H2Oat32 UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 10:08 am

    Chuck Norris finally got a MySpace page. The website is now called http://www.ChuckNorrisSpace.com

  • By victor UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 1:02 pm

    the devil doesnt kill people chuck norris kills people

  • By victor UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 1:18 pm

    chuck norris is so strong that he round house kicked this girl and killed her in the future as she was making her flight over the atlantic ocean.

  • By Will MacLean UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 1:30 pm

    It is a well known fact that Chuck Norris taught both
    Bela Fleck and Earl Scruggs to play banjo and only allows his
    three finger style to be called ‘Scruggs Style’ to keep the
    economy from getting fucked up by people buying a zillion banjos to learn ‘Chuck Norris Style’.

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 5:40 pm

    Bruce Lee didn’t die. He’s in hiding from Chuck Norris

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 5:44 pm

    with Chuck Norris as world leader there’d be no crime. Only punishment

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 6:01 pm

    # jon UNITED STATES Says:
    April 20th, 2007 at 1:52 am

    chuck norris is a gigantic pussy… i could kick his ass with no problem
    so long as i never meet him

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 6:03 pm

    Chuck Norris is so good. people compare themselves to him. an find themselves lacking. ALWAYS

  • By GeeJay NEW ZEALAND, May 16, 2007 @ 10:14 pm

    I once tried to go to Chuck Norris for emotional support. I miss my tear ducts..

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:23 am

    chuck norris is my right hand man

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:24 am

    chuck norris can strangel you with a cord less phone

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:26 am

    i didnt create chuck norris,he created me

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:32 am

    chuck norris destored the table of elements because the only element he knows is the element of …… SUPRISE

  • By SoPoo UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 6:09 am

    Chuck Norris sells his turds to the military. They use them as land mines

  • By djvc UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 10:46 am

    Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

    When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre holding a football even further.

    It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

    Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

    Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

    Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins.

    Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

    Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

    Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

    If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

    Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

    Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

    Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

    Chuck Norris can speak braille.

    On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

    Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

  • By Zack UNITED STATES, May 18, 2007 @ 10:33 pm

    Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, the Devil is just too afraid to tell him.

  • By Caitlin UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 4:02 am

    when chuck norris and mr. t walk into a building at the same time, the whole building collapses, because no building can withstand that much awesomeness!

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 4:29 am

    chuck norris will live forever. everyones afraid to tell him he’s dead.

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 5:20 am

    huck norris doesn’t get junk mail. the websites are too afraid hell roundhouse kick them to mars where there is no internet

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 5:46 am

    the government doesn’t capture aliens. chuck norris captures AND kills them

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 5:53 am

    what would chuck norris do? your girlfriend, mom, AND your girlfriends mom…. all at the same time

  • By bob UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 1:11 pm

    Chuck norris and Mr .T walked into a bar. the bar exploded because so much awesomeness cannot be contained in one room.

  • By Fysh UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 4:21 pm

    Chuck Norris started a trek across Death Valley on a Wednesday. Five days later at his destination, he Roundhouse kicked a hole in the space-time continuum and arrived on the Monday before he left.

  • By Jim Carrey AUSTRALIA, May 19, 2007 @ 10:24 pm

    The number 23 is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 4:06 am

    Once, chuck norris roundhouse kicked a guy so hard it send flying 3 seconds back in time to the exact moment he got kickede, sendeing him in a never ending loop

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 5:57 am

    mrs. chuck norris is sooo hot, only chuck can fuck her

  • By hozehead UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 7:59 am

    After a long night partying Chuck Norris dosn’t throw up, he throws down!!!

  • By timmy hendrix UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 4:23 pm

    ChucK Norris’ idea of fun is to climb up the most dangerous mountains for the sole purpose of finding mountain lions to laugh in the face of.

  • By Gitonga Anthony, May 21, 2007 @ 11:04 pm

    When Chuck Norris drives he does not need to gas up since his car runs purely on FEAR!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, May 22, 2007 @ 2:18 am

    Chuck Norris is so tough that under his beard he doesn’t have a chin, he has another fist.

  • By Artie Lange's 5th Chin UNITED STATES, May 22, 2007 @ 9:28 am

    Chuck Norris is the fountain of youth. His jokes never get old.

  • By Scott UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    Elvis didn’t die on the toilet from drugs, he died from the roundhouse. He just used the name “The King” one minute longer than Chuck Norris had allowed.

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    yes, elvis did die on the toilet. chuck norris just roundhouse kicked while he was on the toilet.

  • By pbuck UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 5:49 am

    Chuck Norris invented Al Gore

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 6:03 am

    What would a Klondike bar do for chuck Norris??

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    chuck norris stold the cookies frome the cookie jar!! and no one can do a fucking thing about it!!!

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 5:12 am

    a telemarketer once called chuck norris and pissed him off. he died becuase chuck roundhouse kicked him over the phone

  • By silva UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 10:08 am

    why is chuck norris grass so short? He dare’s it to grow

  • By HOZEHEAD UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 1:21 pm

    Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, to bad Chuch Norris never crys.

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 4:11 am

    chuck norris can do 1000 push ups………………………………………with out using arms

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 4:14 am

    chuck norris had once frozen his sperm in the shape of a pill…..these are now known as steroids.

  • By Silva UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 6:56 am

    Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, “I believe… I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride.” good answer GOD replies. GOD then tells Arnold the same question, Arnie says, “I believe… that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements.” fair but good GOD says. God then turns to Chuck Norris, who then replies with, “I believe… you are sitting in my seat.”

  • By Luke "Skywalker" Evans UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 7:50 am

    Low tide exist because the ocean is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Charlier Chach UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 7:56 am

    Chuck Norris can find Waldo every damn time. And then he kills him.

  • By Jeffe UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 8:00 am

    Chuck Norris sails with ease South on the Nile River

  • By MCHEVA AUSTRALIA, May 25, 2007 @ 11:36 am

    Chuck Norris is seventy times stronger than steel of the same weight.

  • By Stewart UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 11:51 am

    Chuck Norris’s right and left legs are better known as Law and Order.

  • By unknown UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 12:23 pm

    chuck norris isnt hung like a horse horses are hung like chuck norris

    chuck norris once shot down a plane by pointing at it and saying bang

  • By Billy Barue UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 12:36 pm

    Chuck Norris once walked into a bar to have a bear. As he sat down a man asked if he could push his stool in. Chuck mistook this as a request for Anal Sex and roundhouse kicked the man into the next conty.

  • By Alex T UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 7:07 am

    The moon is actually made of cheese. Cheese that Chuck Norris hates. That’s why he gathered it all, formed it into a large ball, and roundhouse kicked it into orbit.

  • By redpartycup02 UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 10:17 am

    chuck norris won the nobel prize award but the real lucky one is the nobel prize

  • By troy UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 10:22 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t knock a girl up… he knocks her down.

  • By room2fly UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 10:33 am

    When Bruce Lee died, St. Peter was taking him on his initial tour of heaven when Bruce noticed Chuck Norris down by a creek bed teaching a group of little children the Round-House kick. Bruce asked St. Peter, “hey, what is Chuck Norris doing here? He is still alive”. St. Peter replied, “Oh, no, that is God. He thinks he is Chuck Norris.”

  • By jj UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 3:43 pm

    JBWeld is equal parts of kryptonite and Chuck Norris spit

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, May 27, 2007 @ 9:00 am

    After the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, Admiral Yamamoto was quoted as saying ” I fear we have awakened a sleeping giant.”The next day Chuck Norris woke up.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:10 pm

    Chuck Norris once played in a soccer game. Trying out a variation of the roundhouse kick, he accidentally kicked the head off an opposing player, sending it flying into the goal. Thus the creation of the popular Bicycle Kick.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    Allergies exist because Chuck Norris blows the pollen off of trees the way children blow the fuzz off of a dandelion.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:23 pm

    The only reason Chuck Norris does exercize infomercials is to remind people that no matter how hard they work, they will never kick ass the way that he does.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:25 pm

    You think Bo knows? Chuck knows.

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:33 pm

    chuck norris plays pool with the planets!….. tell me how u liked it! ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:34 pm

    when people play simon says ,everyone moves…. except chuck norris

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:36 pm

    chuck norris was the only sperm in his dads balls because he roundhouse kicked all the other ones………………………..tell me how u liked it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:39 pm

    when jesus wanted the sea to part… all he did was get chuck norris to touch it……………………………………….tell me how u liked it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

    the big red spot on jupiter is there because chuck norris roundhouse-kicked my sister

    howd u like it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:43 pm

    if u stand next to chuck norris, u will be bald, because the hair was so afraid………………………………tell me how u liked it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    Hercules maybe one of the best known mythological heroes but what people don’t know is thet Hercules graduated from the “Chuck Norris School of Heroes”….

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    Hercules maybe one of the best known mythological heroes but what people don’t know is that Hercules graduated from the “Chuck Norris School of Heroes”….

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:14 am

    It is Said that Chuck Norris’es severed Head Can turn the Medusa into Stone!!!!

  • By edizzle UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:15 am

    Chuck Norris once said “If you lose to someone, beat the living crap out of them”.

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:21 am

    The Mount Saint Helens eruption on may 18 1980 was nothing more then Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicking his way out of the volcano’s molten hot crater after falling into it while he was trying to save a young boy from a cougar attack!!!!

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:27 am

    the Only man that was ever, EVER able beat chuck Norris in a movie fight was Bruce Lee!!!

    AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPEND TO BRUCE LEE RIGHT!!!??

  • By AquaLad UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    Chuck Norris Eats Puppies!

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 5:13 am

    Chuck Norris is sooo cool, when the sun explodes and dies, hell sve the world from the heat

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 5:14 am

    it is said Rocky Balboa never lost a match against anyone…. except for chuck norris

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    peter doesn’t answer. niether does the magic 8 ball. but chuck norris does

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 6:46 am

    rocky balboa lost plenty of fights.. although i am a very good rocky fan… he lost againts apollo, and a bunch of other people…… so nate…!

  • By JavaMan BRAZIL, May 30, 2007 @ 8:06 am

    All classes in Java extends the Object Class.
    Object class extends Chuck Norris.

  • By Testa di Cazzo UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 8:21 am

    Each one of Bruce Lee’s fists is actually a mini Chuck Norris, which would explain how he won in Return of the Dragon.

  • By nolan UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 10:33 am

    Chuck Norris is a christian and so am I so be nice about him

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 1:44 am

    Chuck Norris had sex with your mom . . . so why are YOU such a loser?

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:18 am

    The Horror Stories of Chuck Norris are never passed along to other people. Only because nobody survives to tell them.

  • By elkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:20 am

    Chuck Norris once tripped…the result was the grand canyon

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:21 am

    If you do survive. Chuck Norris will Roundhouse kick you to death.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    My friend once saw Chuck Norris and asked for his autograph… He’s never been the same since…

  • By mkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    a wise man once told me “dont fuck with Chuck Norris” i wanted to ask why not but when i turned around that once wise man was dead.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:26 am

    Just because you don’t see Chuck Norris doesn’t mean your safe.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:28 am

    Don’t run away from Chuck Norris. It wastes his time and your going to die anyways.

  • By mkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:31 am

    My friend BoB was touched bye Chuck Norris and lived…we now know him as Tyrone

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:32 am

    Comedian Dane Cook saw Chuck Norris and ran to tell him a joke. Hey Chuck want to hear a joke??? Well, I tell it anyways “why do women- AHHHHHHH!!!”.

    Moral of the story: There is no joke Chuck Norris hasn’t heard of. Chuck Norris makes all the jokes.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:37 am

    Chuck Norris once killed 4 people and a chicken with only a .40 colt with 1 round. How did he do it?

    WE DARE NOT ASK

  • By mkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 3:34 am

    Plate tectonics is not natural

  • By Bizz-Nass UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 4:49 am

    I heard that when Chuck was in college he was boning this chick and his roommate accidently walked in on him. Chuck gave him a six foot boner uppercut then finished her off!

  • By Bizz-Nass UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:27 am

    and by finished her off I mean round house kicked her in the vaj!

  • By a UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    when chuck norris pisses he clogs the toilet

  • By a UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:49 am

    Hew Hefner is said to have had sex with 26,000 women. chuck norris calls that a slow tuesday

  • By a UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:53 am

    Chuck Norris gave away a piece of shit to the US government. We now know it as the A-bomb

  • By chuck norris UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    acutually i suck at everything this is gay

  • By straight guy UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 11:20 am

    oh my god. chuck norris isnt that cool. stop idiolizing a guy just cause he had a cool tv show and can roundhouse kick god. u make urselves look stupid.

  • By Dirty Dom UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    My last name is Norris, but me, and the thousands that share the last name, have never met their father.

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 8:13 am

    i dont roole the united states, chuck norris does. but i dont lisen to him. and the reason im so stoopid is because of all the times hes roundhouse kicked me in the head.

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 8:14 am

    i dont rule the united states. chuck norris does, and always has. but the reason im so stoopid is becuz i dont lisen to him and he is constantly roundhouse kicking me for that

  • By Chuck Norris's Father UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    I AM HIS FATHER!!!1!1! ^_^ i was the one who created chuck norris!!1!!1!

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 1:11 pm

    DAD HOW DARE YOU!!1! remember? we had a talk about this last night… damn alsheimer’s…. Hes lying everyone. i created everything….including my father. If u ever question this i will hunt you down. HUNT-YOU-DOWN

  • By Dan UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 2:12 am

    Only Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    If at first you don’t succeed, your not Chuck Norris.

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 5:11 am

    chuck norris was once charged for attempted murder. the jury dropped the charged because chuck norris does not attempt murder. he is murder

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 5:14 am

    if at first you dont succeed, you need to lower your expectations. if you dont succeed then, your stoopid and you need the chuck norris hep line. call anytime except times that are inconveinent for chuck norris. hours are never open, call us at 1-800-4norris

  • By Fist UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 5:49 am

    Chuck Norris ordered that all shitty jokes and assholes with no sense of humor be executed. nate lone is no longer with us.

  • By da buckest UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 6:43 am

    Have you ever starred the devil in the eye and made him piss himself…? Chuck Norris has

  • By John UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 1:49 pm

    Chuck Norris once roundhoused a guy so hard it kicked the crap out of his crap

  • By John UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 1:53 pm

    Making a silly face won’t make it stay that way. Chuck Norris will.

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 3:03 pm

    There is no steroids in baseball just players Chuck Norris breathes on.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite he bites frost.

    Chuck Norris built numbers to count how many living creatures hes killed.

    Chuck Norris is now suing Burger King for not letting him have it his way.

    There were 15,687,516 deaths in world war 2 Chuck Norris is two kills away from the record.

    There is no such thing as species just creatures Chuck Norris lets live.

    There is no evolution Chuck Norris wanted to rule A LOT OF MINDLESS APES.

    Chuck Norris will get those who impersonate him, even at Halloween.

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 3:04 pm

    Beat That People

  • By Asia UNITED STATES, June 3, 2007 @ 11:33 am

    Chuck norris breathes air … 9 times a day

  • By Blake UNITED STATES, June 3, 2007 @ 3:27 pm

    After a long night of partying, Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up…he throws down

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 3, 2007 @ 3:27 pm

    Straight guy u f***ing suck. So stop making yourself look good when you really know that your gay. You just want to stick out. Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you in the nuts so hard that you would die if he red what you said.

    Chuck Norris sees all even if you hide he will find Mr.T

    Mr.T and Chuck Norris fought at the beginning of time to see who would win and that caused a Big Bang, just then life started.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 12:59 am

    Who would win? Chuck Norris vs. da Chicago Bears…..CHUUUUCK norris

  • By Alex F-D UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 8:31 am

    This One’s for you Chuck

    Chuck Norris LOVES Chris

  • By Alex F-D UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 8:37 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason why France has no victories.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 12:40 pm

    It ain’t over til the fat lady gets roundhoused by Chuck Norris.

  • By .... UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 1:51 pm

    Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

  • By GOT NORRIS? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 3:14 am

    When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norrised

  • By GOT NORRIS? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 3:17 am

    Chuck Norris’s piss is also known as red bull

  • By GOT NORRIS? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 3:17 am

    Chuck Norris’s piss is also known as red bull.

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 7:50 am

    You people have the worst jokes. Chuck Norris walked into town with his boner and when he left there were no survivors.

  • By UMMMMM??? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 4:00 pm

    Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus

  • By UMMMMM??? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 4:03 pm

    Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:50 am

    chuck norris once said “im gonna kill u” then u died

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:51 am

    when chuck norris gos to the bathroom the toilet bowl gets full

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:52 am

    chuck norris once told my friend get a life cause chuck norris already killed him haha!!

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:53 am

    once chuck norris told my friend “get a life” he couldnt cuz chuck already powned him

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 2:08 am

    when chuck norris kills somebody they die sometimes

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 2:09 am

    there once was a wise man named chuck norris. then he killed u

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 2:48 am

    chuck norris went to mcdonalds one day. the kid at the counter said “what do u want”. chuck said he wanted a big mac. the kid said “ok”. went the big mac was ready the kid gave it to chuck. chuck then ate the big mac. chuck then decided he wanted another one. so chuck told the kid to get him another one. the kid got chuck another one. chuck ate the second one. then when he walked out of mcdonalds instead of using a door he went thru the wall. LOLOLOLOLOL

  • By Otsum UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 7:35 am

    Chuck Norris is the only person in history to hit a home run playing golf.

    One round house kick from Chuck Norris can power China for 26 minutes.

    Chuck Norris won World War II, he gave the credit to the U.S.

    Everytime you shoplift, Chuck Norris endagers a species.

    Performance enhancing drugs get their training from Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris’s home is better known as the Bermuda Triangle.

    Sir Isaac Newton’s theory of gravitation was tested by how fast people hit the ground after a Chuck Norris round house kick, on earth and later on the moon.

  • By J UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 11:02 am

    Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

  • By J-Man UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 12:55 am

    Chuck Norris, in fact, lives in a Round-House

  • By J-Man UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 12:55 am

    Chuck Norris in fact lives in a Round-House

  • By J-Man UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    Chuck Norris in fact lives in a Round-House!!

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:43 am

    Chuck Norris used 75 grit sandpaper to wipe his ass

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:45 am

    Chuck Norris once went to a nude beach. Everyone on that beach instantly orgasmed and died.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:46 am

    Chuck Norris once received an emergency blood transfusion of pure, industrial grade hydrualic fluid.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:47 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he just doesn’t round-house kick anyone for 8 hours.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:48 am

    Chuck Norris has been worshiped by South American indian tribes for thousands or years. Chuck Norris has never been to South America

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:49 am

    The Earth doesn’t rotate, it merely moves in response to Chuck Norris walking on top of it.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:50 am

    Chuck Norris once donated sperm. His donation instantly impregnated any woman who was within 15 feet of it.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:51 am

    Chuck Norris was once tested for sexually transmitted diseases. He tested positive for gonorhea, syphylis, herpes and AIDs. He coughed.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:52 am

    Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of Ex-Lax. He farted, once.

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 10:58 am

    The grass is greener on the other side because Chuck Norris pissed on it

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:34 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t undress, he just stares his clothes down. Chuck Norris doesn’t even undress others, his clothes just stare their clothes down.

    The moon was created from a Chuck Norris nose boogie that was roundhoused into orbit, and the sun was born as the content of a Chuck Norris zit.

    Skyscrapers go limp when Chuck Norris’ balls come around in their orbit. The Tower of Pizza suddenly stands erect. No-one knows why…

    Not even Chuck Norris can escape from a black hole’s event horizon. So he just eats them for breakfast.

    Chuck Norris uses cluster bombs to clean his teeth.

    There once was a man named Chuck Norris,
    Who roundhoused a russian named Boris,
    This man then threw up
    His heart in a cup
    And Norris showed him where the floor is

    Chuck Norris roundhoused a kebap stand
    And it flew right into a nuke plant
    A mushroom cloud rose
    Chuck chuckles and blows
    The fallout away with his left hand

    Chuck once had a big stroke of good luck
    Cause there was a gay duck behind Chuck
    The duck thrusted hard
    But with a big fart
    Chuck killed it and just missed a buttfuck

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:38 am

    If you ever meet Chuck Norris….. RUN!

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:39 am

    When Chuck Norris calls you, the explosion of your telephone unit will wipe out your planet.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:41 am

    France tried to cover up a Chuck Norris fart aimed at Mururoa by calling it nuclear tests.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:48 am

    Jack Bauer once tried to break Chuck Norris. The only things broken were the syringe with the pain serum and every bone in Bauers body.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:51 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t climb mountains, mountains climb Chuck Norris.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:54 am

    Most houses are more or less square, so they can stay up. Contrary to common belief, that’s not because of structural integrity but because round houses break the Chuck Norris roundhouse patent.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

    Dishes wash Chuck Norris.

    Movies go see Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norrises house demolishes wrecking balls.

    Diarrhea gets Chuck Norris.

    To be or not to be, that’s the question. The answer is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can piss a hole in a diamond wall.

    Chuck Norris can still win a game of chess when all he has is monopoly cards.

    During both Gulf wars, Chuck Norris took out a whopping total of 2351 Stinger missiles with his Patriot sperm. Without even having to leave home!

    Chuck Norris will never send out a handwritten letter… The ink is hiding inside the pen and just won’t come out. And when Chuck Norris sits behind a computer keyboard, all the keys commit suicide to avoid the excruciating pain of being hit by his gentle strokes.

    When a deck of cards sees Chuck Norris approaching, it removes all possible Full House combinations.

  • By brian dulen UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 2:58 pm

    chunck norris pubes can cure balding to bad he never shaves.

  • By brian dulen UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:01 pm

    superaman IS chuck norris’ bitch

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 12:04 am

    Ask not what Chuck Norris can do for you, ask what Chuck Norris can do to you and be thankful that he has not done it yet.

  • By jojo UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 12:47 am

    One time, Chuck Norris shot down a German spy plane by pointing his finger at it and saying, “Bang.”

  • By chuck norris is a giant wenier UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 1:49 am

    jerk9003 for runescape

  • By BABE RUBE UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 1:54 am

    Chuck Norris thought he was the man until he met Kris Kristopherson. Now Chuck Norris is Kris Kristopherson Jr.

  • By Babe Rube UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    Burt Reynolds moustache took a dump and called it Chuck Norris.

  • By db UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    Chuck Norris “Wrote the Book of Love” AND “Put the Ram In the Rama Lama Ding Dong.”

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:08 am

    CHUCK NORRIS is the wind beneath my wings!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:15 am

    At Christmas time it is really Chuck Norris that climbs down your chimney!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:16 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t recycle- he EATS the cans!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:18 am

    Chuck Norris is GOD’s role model

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:21 am

    In his yearbook, Chuck Norris was voted most likely to RULE THE WORLD

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:23 am

    Every time Chuck Norris flexes his muscles it causes a supernova

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:24 am

    Chuck Norris is immortal- too bad his opponents aren’t!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:30 am

    Chuck Norris is everyones “babies daddy”

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    CNN stands for Chuck Norris News

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:39 am

    C-chuck
    H-has the
    U-ultimate
    C-critical
    K-knowledge

    N-never
    O-outshined by
    R-rivals,
    R-rules
    I-in
    S-style!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:41 am

    Chuck Norris Sweats oil, thats why gas prices are so high
    (he rarely breacks a sweat)

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:13 am

    Chuck Norris bleeds red, white, and blue

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:15 am

    On Chuck Norris Day, everyone celebrates with beer and fireworks (Chuck Norris Day is July 4th)

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    Chuck Norris is too sexy for his shirt

  • By Don H UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    Chuck norris drinks his own piss for coffee.

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:19 am

    Michaelangelo really painted Chuck Norris on the ceiling of the Sistine Chaple

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:22 am

    Chuck Norris plays marbles with bowling balls

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:23 am

    Chucks Norris Lights Up My Life

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:25 am

    Chuck Norris killed the Grim Reaper

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:30 am

    Chuck Norris eats nuclear bombs for breackfest

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:31 am

    Chuck Norris eats kittens and puppies for dinner

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:34 am

    Chuck Norris is hidding under your bed

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:38 am

    Chuck’s moustache is coming for you

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:40 am

    Chuck Norris puts out fires with his icy stare

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:41 am

    Chuck Norris invented the wheel

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:43 am

    One time Chuck Norris tripped and fell- it created the Grand Canyon

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:46 am

    Chuck Norris sunk the Titanic

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:51 am

    Chuck Norris brushes his hair with a porcupine and combs his moustache with a cactus

  • By DonLee UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:59 am

    superman is afraid of Kayptonyte, therefore Kayptonyte is afraid of Chuck Norris

  • By Franni Lee UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:01 am

    Chuck Norris wrote the Kama Sutra.

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:04 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t fear the reaper

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:06 am

    One day Chuck Norris farted and it created a hurricane in South Afica

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:10 am

    chuck norris spits hot fire!!

  • By Babe Rube UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    Chuck Norris went swimming in Burt Reynolds 1978 moustache.

  • By Burt Reynolds UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:12 am

    Once I asked Chuck Norris if he had a life, he replied “no but I got monolopy”

  • By Burt Reynolds UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:14 am

    When Chuck Norris played smear the queer when he was younger, he would get tackled when he didnt even have the ball.

  • By Burt Reynolds' Moustache UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:15 am

    Chuck Norris was never king of the hill, he was always picking himself up off the bottom.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 8, 2007 @ 7:54 am

    Chuck Norris went hunting for wild boar
    He found one and uttered a loud roar
    The boar then dropped dead
    ’cause Chuck needs no led
    To drop his foes down on the floor

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 8, 2007 @ 8:00 am

    Chuck Norris takes so big a shit
    That toilets get filled to the lid
    He flushes it down
    But it cannot drown
    No loo in the world is that fit

  • By Burt Reynolds' Moustache UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 10:43 am

    I suck ass and my jokes blow!

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

    President Franklin D. Roosevelt was once quoted saying: Ask not what Chuck Norris can do for you but ask what Chuck Norris can do to you. And pray that he doesn’t do it.

    Chuck Norris’ instant messenger has a body list.

  • By Joe Rich UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 2:37 pm

    When little kids go to bed they wear Superman P.J’s. When Superman goes to bed he wears Chuck Norris P.J.’s. Balede Dat!

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 12:53 am

    President Harry S. Truman was once quoted saying: We have nothing to fear but fear itself; and fear itself has nothing to fear but Chuck Norris.

  • By Burt Renyolds Moustache UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 1:27 am

    Somebody is trying to be me…all I have to say is ha ha ha haaaaaa.

    My jokes are funny, trust me….just like your moms hairy back.

  • By Sidekick 2 UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 5:04 am

    The FBI didn’t kill Pablo Escobar, Chuck Norris sent a picture of himself doing a roundhouse kick to poor Pablo and scared him to death.

  • By Sidekick 2 UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 5:07 am

    Chuck than went on to impregnate half the town of Medellin.

  • By Jerwarfare UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 6:57 am

    If Chuck Norris had breasts he could milk Mother Earth

  • By Drunknmunky UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    Fall Out Boy didn’t fall….Chuck Norris pushed them.

  • By Drunknmunky UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 5:59 am

    Fall Out Boy didn’t fall….Chuck Norris pushed them.

  • By Drunknmunky UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 6:00 am

    Fall Out Boy didn’t fall….Chuck Norris pushed them..

  • By Rick UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 6:42 pm

    Chuck Norris works out in the ocean frequently. His last roundhouse caused the Tsunami that devastasted Indonesia.

  • By TJW UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    Chuck Norris record breaking javelin throw was never acknowledged because it landed 10 feet in front of the current world record. Nobody noticed that the javelin orbited the earth once before finally sticking in the ground. The judges all received roundhouse kicks to the head and died.

  • By gracie UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 7:10 am

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!*’

  • By gracie UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    Chuck Norris’s arm muscles are named thunder and lightning. Dont get caught in between them. Then it is the perfect storm!*’

  • By gracie UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 7:14 am

    Chuck norris is so HOT he is the one who caused global warming!*’

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 11:01 am

    This is easily the longest post on this thread, I think… Hope you like my poetry! :)

    Violets are blue
    Roses are red
    Chuck Norris is here…
    Prepare to eat lead!

    He’s coming along
    Oh man is he great
    And if you bug him
    You summon his hate

    He’ll roundhouse and hit
    As hard as he can
    He’ll kick out the shit
    Of every man

    To be more exact
    He’ll focus his Chi
    He’ll bow his right leg
    And straighten his knee

    So all the power
    Extends to your gut
    Hard as Jack Bauer
    Flex like The Hutt

    You’ll absorp impact
    Get kicked back far
    Slam into a wall
    Get hit by a car

    Ran over by trams
    And trampled by bulls
    Chuck always makes sure
    His punishment rules

    He will pull you up
    And start it again
    To punish mankind
    Is Norris’ big plan

    Though every man
    Pretends to be good
    Chuck finds the badness
    And bathes it in blood!

    Some wise people said
    The end of the world
    Was set from the start
    But time turned out curved

    Cause Jack came along
    And sat on the throne
    See us little dogs
    Fight over a bone

    Who adores him most
    And has the most fun
    Posting in this thread
    And shooting his pun

    Which will not hurt him
    He’ll make sure of that
    Whatever we try
    We’ll all end up dead!

    Receive his blessing
    Or be ground to dust
    Try kissing His feet
    Try pleasing His lust!

    If he likes you much
    You might live some more
    And see for yourself
    What Jack has in store

    For every sick
    And dirty old hick
    And every chick
    That carries a dick

    Cause clicketyclick
    Out comes Chuckys Sig
    He’ll shoot you and kick
    And swing with a stick

    And yes, you and I
    Would gratefully die
    We won’t even try
    To run from this guy

    Cause that wouldn’t fly
    He’ll simply come by
    No friend, you and I
    Had better comply

    This saga is done
    And so is my food
    I bid you farewell
    And wish you much good

    Good you don’t see me
    I look like a ghost
    Now that I’ve written
    This record-length post

    Goodbye all :)

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 11:20 am

    Too bad it doesn’t let you edit your posts here… I typed Jack a few times, instead of Chuck, probably because I’m tired, it’s late and I am religiously watching the third season of 24 on my laptop at the same time…

    Anyway. Short ones then.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t go murder everyone in high school… He just stares the building to rubble.

    Chuck Norris can roundhouse faster than his shadow. In fact, his shadow hasn’t been born yet.

    Chuck Norris is better than Chuck Norris.

    If I had to choose between fighting Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris, I’d take the suicide option. The soft one. Something like shooting up cyanide with a virus-infected needle, after getting shot off a razorblade bed by a nailgun through the window of the 5th story, falling towards a cactus farm protected by rusty barb wire and hungry pitbulls. No wait, that’s the cowards way out…

    Little did you know that Chuck Norris doesn’t even ever have to use his killer roundhouse… He has wrecking balls and a steel crane to swing them with.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 12:50 pm

    My roundhouse is better than Chu… *THUMP*
    Noooo Chuck! I was kidd… *THUD*
    Sorry Chu… *BIFF*
    Chuck, no, pl… *KA-THOFF*
    Help! Anyo… *ZABOOM*CRUNCH*CRACKLE*
    My teeff! My teeff! *ZONK*ROMP*
    Blbphhf! Rlmfgh! *WHOPP*THOCK*
    Uhhhhhhgn *WOOMPH*
    Uhfffff… *KATHANK*CRASH*KLUNK*
    …. *WHAP*CHOPCHOPCHOP*WONK*BANG*KHONT*WAMP*SWOCK*

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    Chuck was challenged by a Kung Fu guy
    He thought he could make Chuck Foo Yong Hai
    Chuck kicked his behind
    And made the guy blind
    By swapping his left and right eye

  • By C N = G UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 5:15 pm

    Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

  • By sea 2 sky UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 11:25 pm

    The department of the US Army changed its slogan from “Army Strong” to “Chuck Norris Strong”

  • By pooopsplash UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 11:48 pm

    Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye

    Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 13, 2007 @ 2:22 am

    Chuck Norris’ balls are so big they have their own gravitational pull.

  • By hils UNITED STATES, June 13, 2007 @ 5:01 am

    The devil is the spawn of Chuck Norris

  • By DG UNITED STATES, June 13, 2007 @ 10:16 am

    Chuck Norris invented Coca-Cola because he wanted to teach the world to roundhouse kick, but they changed the song in an effort to prevent global destruction.

  • By Michael L UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 4:40 am

    Chuck Norris took on the founder of Jeet Kun Do - Bruce Lee, and lost in the movie. Bruce Lee dies years later from the event.

  • By JavaMan BRAZIL, June 14, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    Chuck Norris my ass……my name is KRATOS!!!!!!!!

  • By JavaMan BRAZIL, June 14, 2007 @ 6:00 am

    Chuck Norris my ass…my name is Kratos!

  • By Ana CHILE, June 14, 2007 @ 6:29 am

    On May 25th. Chuck Norris DOESN’T carry his towel.

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:47 am

    Chuck Norris’ balls are so big they have their own gravitational pull

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:48 am

    Chuck Norris can eat coal and shit diamonds

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:51 am

    Chuck Norris can kick a football harder than superman

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    The government is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:56 am

    last time Chuck Norris did a roundhouse it caused 50million dollars in damage because it made a tornado that wiped out three towns

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:58 am

    Chuck Norris’ all seeing eye is on the dollar bill

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:59 am

    Chuck Norris’ sperm looks like pollywogs

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    if Chuck Norris farted it would push all the oxygen out of the hole in the ozone layer and cause a methane fallout

  • By Mitchell A. UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 2:04 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt go to the bathroom… the bathroom comes to him.

  • By Shake and Bake1920 UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 3:46 am

    Did you know that in 14 states the death penalty is a roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris

  • By Heath UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 4:55 am

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero. (for the math geeks)

  • By chuck and bake UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 5:31 pm

    chuck norris let the dogs out

  • By graciela GUATEMALA, June 16, 2007 @ 5:04 am

    Chuck Norris can actually suck his elbow!!!

  • By Steve UNITED STATES, June 16, 2007 @ 4:34 pm

    It is now a well known fact that nothing can block Chuck Norris’ cock

  • By StoneyJ UNITED STATES, June 16, 2007 @ 9:01 pm

    Eating captain crunch doesn’t hurt the roof of Chuck Norris’ mouth.

  • By Alotta Fagina AUSTRALIA, June 17, 2007 @ 10:05 pm

    Superman is Chuck Norris’ bitch.

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, June 18, 2007 @ 4:33 am

    i dont rule the country,chuck norris does. he started the war in iraq bcuz he roundhouse kicked osama bin laden so hard. 9/11 was the effect of the kick

  • By Newman UNITED STATES, June 18, 2007 @ 6:58 am

    Chuck Noris built the house he was born in.

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:08 am

    O.J’s wife didnt have sex with Chuck Norris, so O.J. was merciful before Norris found her.

    And when O.J. says he’ll catch the real killers, he always secretly whispers ‘Chuck Norris owns me’

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    Chuck Norris CAN touch this, but he prefers a swift roundhouse.

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    Tenacious D were the greatest band in the world, till Chuck Norris picked up a guitar. And kill both JB and KJ in a single swing. POW!

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:18 am

    Chuck Norris got bored with no-one fattering him with this message board, so he punched Bill Gates so hard it kick started both sides of his brain. unfortunately for Bill, the right side is tuning out now (VISTA?! what the HELL is THAT?!?!!!!) and Bill will be getting a roung house kick to the back of his oblivious head.

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:21 am

    Chuck Norris was once refused serive in a bank for murdering a queue jumper - after that, he threw a credit card at the speed of light and killed the CEO of the bank - 9 states away. The sweet irony…..

  • By robbie UNITED STATES, June 18, 2007 @ 8:01 pm

    ther was no adam and eve chuck norris lived in the garden of norris roundhouse kicked the snake ate all the apples he wanted.

  • By god of chuck UNITED STATES, June 19, 2007 @ 2:16 pm

    every night god prayes to chuck norris…….bam

  • By god of chuck UNITED STATES, June 19, 2007 @ 2:18 pm

    ingrediants of GOD…… 50% chuck 50% norris 100% Chuck Norris

    bingo bango

  • By god of chuck UNITED STATES, June 19, 2007 @ 2:20 pm

    if chuck norris is god, than steve siegal is satan..

  • By reese's UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 6:52 am

    chuck norris did a cannonball in the ocean- we call it “hurricane Katrina”

  • By reese's UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 6:54 am

    The earth once had two moons but Chuck Norris only wanted 1 so he roundhouse kicked one and created the asteriod belt

  • By reese's UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 6:58 am

    Chuck Norris killed mother nature because she made it rain once when chuck was outside

  • By Dirty UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 7:49 am

    The only thing chuck norris is afraid of is his own reflection because one day he looked in the mirror on christmas and woke up and it was Thanksgiving! Thats why he doesn’t have any mirrors because his reflection is the only thing that can give a roundhouse of equal power to that of his.

  • By Fupa UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 8:17 am

    Chuck Norris makes his bed every day. Every. Day.

  • By Dirty UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 4:54 pm

    My Chuck Norris jokes suck and make no sense! I wish i would die!

  • By Your Jokes Suck UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 4:59 pm

    A man was once arrested for attempted murder. When the judge discovered the man had fired a shot at Chuck Norris, the Judge instead had the man locked up for attempting suicide.

  • By Your Jokes Suck UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 5:00 pm

    Chuck Norris’s semen cures aids.

  • By wogman AUSTRALIA, June 20, 2007 @ 11:16 pm

    At the begining of time, Chuck Norris gave a massive roundhouse kick to a floating object which got in his way. Scientist like to refer to this event as the Big Bang theory…

  • By wogman AUSTRALIA, June 20, 2007 @ 11:26 pm

    The Hidenberg air disaster was actually caused by Chuck Norris’ roundhouse. The pilot made the mistake of interfering with Chuck’s TV reception.

  • By Fupa UNITED STATES, June 21, 2007 @ 4:27 am

    Chuck Norris CAN polish a turd.

  • By Elzine UNITED STATES, June 21, 2007 @ 11:04 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet. He wears shoes to protect the ground.

  • By josh UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 5:08 am

    Chuck Norris can stain stainless steel

  • By Daniel MEXICO, June 22, 2007 @ 5:30 am

    If you would invite Chuck Norris to your birthday party, his present to yo would be to let go of your balls, which he was clinging to since you were BORN!

  • By Sean UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 6:32 am

    Jesus cured a blind man by spitting in his hands and touching the man’s eyes. Chuck Norris cured the world of idiots, who thought that they could beat him in a fight, by killing them with a roundhouse kick to the cranium.

  • By Mike T UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 8:14 am

    Chuck Norris does not have friends…there are people he has given permission to speak to him

  • By Mark UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 2:30 pm

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

  • By Rob D UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 3:02 pm

    chuck norris once decided to can his own urine. then single handely started the Red Bull company.

  • By Jevon M UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 9:42 pm

    Chuck Norris only sleeps with the light on. Not because he’s afraid of the dark; but because the dark’s afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Son of Chuck UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 11:24 pm

    It is better to have love and lost, then to be visited by Chuck Norris. Less pain!!!

  • By Son of Chuck UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 11:28 pm

    Chuck Norris visited the great jungle in North Africa, he roundhouse kicked a few trees on a sunny afternoon for fun, the jungle was never the same. The name of that jungle was, Sahara Jungle. We now know it as a different name.

  • By Brother of Chuck UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 1:53 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to eat skittles to taste a rainbow.

  • By vocaluproar UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 5:31 am

    Chuck Norris once poked a man’s eye out with a round house kick to the face from 2.3 miles away….. Seriously! He did!

    Chuck Norris eats anything that falls on the floor, even after the 5 second rule!

    Chuck Norris isn’t afraid to stand close to the microwave while it’s heating his food!

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use a condom!

    Chuck Norris drives without a seatbelt!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

    Chuck Norris doesn’t ever clean his cowboy hat. I’m serious!!!

    When Chuck Norris rides a roller coaster, he keeps his hands and feet outside the car at all times!!!!! You think I’m lying????

    Chuck Norris eats peanuts out of the bowl at the bar when everyone else has had their hands in it!!!!!!

    Chuck Norris drives more than 15mph over speed bumps! AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!!!!!!!

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 6:06 am

    Chuck Norris is so tough he can run uphill with his lips, whistling, with saltine crackers in his mouth.

  • By Mid UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 6:14 am

    Suicide was invented to aviod death by Chuck Norris.

  • By RON T UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 7:41 am

    HE KNOW WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING, HE KNOWS WHEN YOUR AWAKE, HE KNOWS IF YOU’VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD, SO YOU BETTER BE GOOD OR ALL YOUR GONNA GET IS A STOCKING FULL OF ROUNDHOUSE KICKS AND ASS WHOOPINGS FROM SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER C.N.

  • By Brad R UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 7:47 am

    Chuck Norris played golf once, he shot 72 under par.

  • By Dr3vil UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 11:37 pm

    Chuck Norris would give blood. Too bad they can’t peirce his skin.

    If Chuck Norris eats another person it is not cannibilism. It’s the food chain.