Chuck Norris Generator



With the increasing popularity of my George W. Bush generator, it’s time to expand.

Chuck Norris

All you need to do is post the following code on your site:

<script type="text/javascript" language="javascript" src="http://marsupialmusic.net/stu/scripts/fortunes.php?file=chucknorris"></script>

You can also add the quote generator to your Google home page.

Add to Google

Chuck Norris Facts were provided by Paul Kessler’s Chuck Norris fortune module. The generator runs using Pascal Hakim’s excellent fortune program.

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categories Gimmicks, Only In America, Web | stu | datetime January 28, 2007 10:27 pm

2,150 Comments

  • By Ron T UNITED STATES, March 29, 2007 @ 5:45 pm

    When Chuck Norris eats chili he farts fire. It’s called a Texas backdraft.

  • By Daniel W. UNITED STATES, March 31, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    Chuck Norris Dosnt T-Bag He potato Sacks.

  • By Ron T UNITED STATES, March 31, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

    Chuck Norris once roadhouse kicked a guy so hard it killed his whole family, and their dog Fido.

  • By randy miller UNITED STATES, April 2, 2007 @ 9:00 pm

    chuck norris’s tears are said to cure cancer. to bad he never cries

  • By The Daryl UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 3:40 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

  • By R criz UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 4:12 am

    they say they are marketing chuck norrises urine nowadays… its called REDBULL

  • By alex UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    chuck norris sleeps with a night light. not because hes afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:10 am

    god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create the world!

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 3, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create chuck norris to create the world!

  • By joolzeee AUSTRALIA, April 3, 2007 @ 3:11 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.

  • By jack11709 UNITED STATES, April 4, 2007 @ 11:02 am

    Jesus may walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

  • By jack11709 UNITED STATES, April 4, 2007 @ 11:04 am

    God said “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said “Say please!”

  • By Chris Trueman, April 4, 2007 @ 1:20 pm

    Chuck Norris sleeps with guys, but he still isn’t gay

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 1:17 am

    If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s fucking beef.

    Chuck Norris is not egotistical…Chuck Norris is just better than you.

    Chuck Norris does not do drugs to get high, Drugs do Chuck Norris to get high.

    Chuck Norris does not strive to be a god…Chuck Norris IS god.

    Chuck Norris has only 2 rules… 1- Chuck Norris can kick your ass, 2- if you think you can kick Chuck Norris’ ass, see rule 1.

  • By Mike Moalli UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 3:09 am

    -Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
    -Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    -When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • By Mike Moalli UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 3:10 am

    I Am Chuck Norris

  • By Paul UNITED STATES, April 5, 2007 @ 1:34 pm

    if Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the fuck down…

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:38 am

    Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinity three times.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:39 am

    Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinite three times.

  • By Chuck Norris' Mom AKA Mrs. Norris UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 3:42 am

    Chuck, you better call that youg boy’s mom back or i will roundhouse kick your ass to the moon.

  • By Paul UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 6:28 am

    Once Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands…

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    I had a friend who fought Chuck Norris once…

    I sure do miss him.

  • By TopWop UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 9:13 am

    chuck norris drank 4 gallons of gasoline just so he could use his penis as a flame thrower!

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 6, 2007 @ 11:15 pm

    Back at the dawn of history…Chuck Norris searched for a sign to send his people… an everlasting sign that his power could never be questioned…
    This is the day he created Richard Simmons and said unto his people:

    “Thou shalt look upon Richardicus and know of the power of Chuck Norris eternally, for I endow him with the gift of hot pink shorts…and the glare from them a beaming reminder that the Chuck Norris is all powerful and omnipotent forever”

    -Chuckus 3:16

    This is the word of Norris, our Lord. Hollowed by thy name. Let us recite the Norris’ Prayer:

    Chuck Norris, who art in Texas, Hallowed be thy name!
    Thy Roundhouse come, thy will be done, in real life and as on Television.
    Give us this day, our Daily Ass Kicking, and forgive us of our weakness, as we forgive those who for some reason do not worship you. And lead us not to other TV Shows, but deliver us to Walker Texas Ranger, for thine is the best, Ass-Kickinest, Roundhouse giving show in all the heavens. Achuck.

  • By e dizzle UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 2:41 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t answer to God, God answers to Chuck Norris.

  • By DICK CARNEY UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 8:34 am

    DON’T LET ALL THIS KICK ASS STUFF GO TO YOUR HEAD. I REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS A LONELY AIRMAN IN OSAN, KOREA AND THOUGHT KARATE WAS SOME ASIAN JOSAN. AT TIMES IT GOT SO BAD THAT HE WAS REDUCED TO EATING GOLD FISH………I WAS A REAL BELIEVER UNTIL HE STARTED JUMPING FROM HELICOPTERS AND DOING ALL THIS HOLLYWOOD SHIT……..RCC, OSAN AFB, A DAMN LONG TIME AGO.

  • By Melissa UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 10:37 am

    Chuck Norris took his own virginity and he will damn well take yours too

  • By Deaj UNITED STATES, April 7, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

  • By Joe UNITED STATES, April 8, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t push up he pushes the world down.

  • By Melissa UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 12:55 am

    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

  • By Billy B UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 6:23 am

    Who wins in a race Chuck Norris or God? Trick question Chuck Norris is God.

  • By Billy B UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

  • By I know UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 7:16 am

    Chuck Norris DOESN’T love Raymond

  • By ... UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    … i shot Chuck Norris… then i got the sensation that i was being watched and the next thing i know i am in a pile of ash…. i hate when chuck cheet’s on Halo…

  • By laughing loudly NEW ZEALAND, April 9, 2007 @ 5:03 pm

    chuck norris doesnt pay tax’s with money he just sents a picture of him getting ready to attack

  • By Trevor UNITED STATES, April 9, 2007 @ 10:44 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t hit on women, he says “Now.”

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    If at first you don’t succeed, you’re obviously not Chuck Norris.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Wilson met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

    As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Wilson replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.

    Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

    When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

    According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

    Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

  • By chris UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    Chuck Norris Does not clean pools he cleans oceans, BIH.

  • By Chaz Monster UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 4:21 am

    When everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten, everytime God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    YOU KNOW HOW YOU SOMETIMES SEE WEIRD THINGS IN NATURE SUCH AS DEAD WHALES LIGHTNING HITTING PEOPLE OR HURRICANES… MOREL OF THE STORY DON’T PISS CHUCK NORRIS OFF

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    chuck once got pissed at the earth and karate chopped it we now know this as the grand canyon

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    chuck Norris DOES wall hack on cs source and DOSEN’T get baned

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:20 am

    there are no such things as weapons of mass destruction-only chuck Norris and a swift round house kick

  • By RAVENHACKER UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 7:24 am

    there are only two things that can survive nuclear fallout- cockroaches and chuck norris

  • By Randy UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 8:53 am

    Once Chuck Norris submitted an item to the Chuck Norris Fact List. It was funnier than all the other items put together, but they had to remove it from the list because anyone who read it died laughing.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    the national terror alert level changes up or down depending on chuck norris’s mood

  • By chuck norris UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 9:58 am

    yo one time i read this message form and got really pissed and ate a gallon of ice cream then got fat and died

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:44 am

    cars have to look both ways when chuck norris crosses the street

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:45 am

    if superman and the flash had a race aroung the edge of the universe, chuck norris would win

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:49 am

    chuck norris can win a game of monopoly without owning any property

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:50 am

    there is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live.

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:53 am

    there isnt a theory of evolutipn, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:56 am

    there is no chin behind chuck norris’s beard only another fist

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 10:57 am

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

    Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night

    When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt

  • By poop UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 11:01 am

    God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6

    Every year on his birthday, Chuck norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own…

    Chuck Norris is made of 94% perspiration, 4% electricity and 2% butterscotch ripple

    Once, Chuck Noris built a time machine, went back before the universe existed. God appeared startling Chuck, with a sudden bang he round housed kicked god. And within that bang of a kick the universe was made

    Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly

    Chuck Norris can take a number 2 standing up

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:26 pm

    Chuck Norris never lost at dodge ball.The ball knew better.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:45 pm

    whats the square root of pie? chuck norris

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

    they finally found jimmy Hoffa… he was lodged in chuck norris’ stool

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:50 pm

    chuck norris hates horses so he punches them in the head we know these animals as donkeys. at least the ones that live

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:52 pm

    when chuck norris plays battle ship he uses REAL battleships

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

    a fact that few people know is that chuck norris is a inventor too. he once ate half a engine block,some raw silicon, a clock radio,and drank the blood of 20 ninjas and shat out a computer

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

    chuck norris doesn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed. because it is hard to wake up on one side or the other on a pile of corpses floating in a pool of blood.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:05 pm

    chuck Norris doesn’t need guns, he eats molten steel and shits out bullets at over the speed of sound.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    there are two types of people in this world… people who are alive. and people who have pissed off chuck Norris.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:09 pm

    whenever chuck Norris has t sign a document he punches someone in the face to get blood on his fist and then punches the paper to leave a crimson fist mark we know as his signature.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:10 pm

    when chuck Norris gets mad he punches the sky we can see he aftermath as black holes or supernovas

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

    when chuck Norris plays monopoly and passes go he roundhouse kicks the bank keeper in the face and collects 200 teeth

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:20 pm

    the speed of chuck Norris’ cpu can be measured in norrahurts or (nhz) meaning if ts not fast enough he makes t hurt…… allot

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

    at one point the planet was made of just ocean then chuck Norris took a dump giving us land.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 10, 2007 @ 2:27 pm

    chuck Norris got pissed of at windows xp and threatened bill gates. bill then made windows vista. notice how we haven’t seen bill in a while?

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:29 am

    Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris (So does Jason)

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:31 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt have nightmares he creates other peoples nightmares(He usually puts himself in them)

  • By BAM UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 12:36 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt watch movies but when all superheroes and law enforcers are in danger he rondhouse kicks the movie theater guy takes some pop-corn and keeps watchin the people in danger

  • By Lil SWEDEN, April 11, 2007 @ 3:19 am

    If Chuck Norris can do it, you can’t do it.

  • By Coleman UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.

    The Boogie Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed.

  • By Sam UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    Chuck Norris owns the best poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a 2 of spades, a 7 of clubs, a joker, a green number 4 from UNO, and a monopoly get-out-of-jail-free card.

  • By ravenhacker UNITED STATES, April 11, 2007 @ 9:51 am

    Q: where does a 500 pound gorilla sit?
    A: wherever the fuck chuck Norris tells it to.

  • By FestivalNut UNITED KINGDOM, April 11, 2007 @ 11:32 am

    Charlie Chaplin once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest…
    Because Chuck norris came first AND second, who’s gonna argue?

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

    Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn’t submitted them to the site because he doesn’t believe in any form of submission.

    Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

    There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

    Chuck Norris once killed 5 people in less than a second. The only thing he said after this incident was, “Dammit. When Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies.”

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
    can kill him and take it.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, April 12, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.

  • By Napolean UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 12:08 am

    Michael Jackson is only white because Chuck Norris RoundHouse Kicked the black out of him

  • By Stan UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 3:21 am

    Chuck Norris CAN “touch this”

    In Dungeons and Dragons, a common answer given to players for when something implausible occours is “a wizard did it.” In real life, the answer is “Chuck Norris did it.”

    Chuck Norris tears off the little tabs on mattresses.

    Kevlar is woven from Chuck Norris’ beard trimmings.

    The Soviet Union collapsed when Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the “U” out of “USSR”, thereby removing “Union” from the country’s name.

    Chuck Norris knows all your secrets. Yes, even that one, you sick freak.

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hideing.

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:17 am

    Chuck norris can make a woman orgasism by just pointing at her and saying “bam”…

  • By waldo UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 7:18 am

    Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen SanDiego is hideing.

  • By ladd UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 9:02 am

    chuck norris does not use spell check, if he mis-spells a word Webster had better fix that shit.

  • By Louis Cyphre UNITED STATES, April 14, 2007 @ 11:10 am

    When Chuck Norris finds out Samuel L. Jackson has his wallet, he’s going to be pissed.

  • By Nummesis UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 8:53 am

    When Chuck Norris shaves his beard… He shows a tattoo of his beard on his chin.

  • By Bubbadaduche UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 11:53 am

    Once Chuck Norris had sex in a RV. During the course of intercourse, some of Chuck Norris’s sperm got into the engine. We now know this RV as Optimous Prime.

    Chuck Norris’s sperm count is so high you have to chew before you swallow.

  • By Babbadaduche UNITED STATES, April 16, 2007 @ 12:27 pm

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

    Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and shit it out solved.

  • By tippy CANADA, April 17, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    at first chuck norris was going to star in the movie Kill Bill but then they realized that the title would have to be changed to Kill Billions. so they just went with uma thurman.

  • By tippy CANADA, April 17, 2007 @ 12:58 am

    chuck norris knows were carmen santiago is in the world

  • By Kelly UNITED STATES, April 17, 2007 @ 2:57 am

    Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has dared question his motive.

  • By Adam UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 7:29 am

    chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved

  • By Adam UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 7:30 am

    chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved

    chuck norris went to the virgin islands……when he got bak, they were just called the islands

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    Chuck Norris did not disappear in the Bermuda Triangle, The Bermuda Triangle disappeared in Chuck Norris!!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:30 am

    Chuck Norris was born 9 months early!!!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 18, 2007 @ 9:32 am

    Chuck Norris’ computer keyboard doent have CntrlAltDelete, it has PunchRoundhousekickKill

  • By theDro UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 3:34 am

    Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he took yours too, and your prolly thinking “no he didn’t”.. but your wrong… your very wrong…

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 5:50 am

    Contrary to what pilots & scientist tell us, sonic booms are actually the result of Chuck Norris passing gas.

  • By dontworryitsinflammable UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    Scientists have recently found a dinosaur in south Asia. This dinosaur was famous for round house kicking the other dinosaurs in the face. They suggested it be called the Chucknorrisasaurus but then they realized, chuck norris never dies.

  • By matuer UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 10:34 am

    chuck norris was tired so he created god and told him to create everything… just kidding chuck norris never gets tired

  • By Randy UNITED STATES, April 19, 2007 @ 10:52 am

    Before Chuck Noriss, there was no water. When Chuck Norris did come along, water had to be invented too, so he could have something to walk on.

  • By Paul and Matt UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 12:53 am

    when on a chuck norris movie set, chuck norris found a dead goat and touched it and brought it back to life……5 seconds later he round house kicked it to its death..

    Chuck Norris then said “The good chuck giveth and good chuck taketh away”

  • By jon UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 1:52 am

    chuck norris is a gigantic pussy… i could kick his ass with no problem

  • By CHUCK MORRIS UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 8:37 am

    chuck noris doesnt listen to music music listen to him

  • By Simon UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 11:13 am

    Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and when he left they were just the Islands

  • By Zach Greene UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 2:54 pm

    chuck norris didnt lose his virginity it ran away

  • By Mandy UNITED STATES, April 20, 2007 @ 5:17 pm

    Recent studies conclude that global warming is caused by Chuck Norris. He single handedly produces more CO2 emissions with one roundhouse kick than the USA produces in a year.

  • By Pandaemonean AUSTRALIA, April 20, 2007 @ 6:02 pm

    I ate Chuck Norris and there is nothing you can do about it.

  • By fancis UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:11 am

    chuck norris sucks so much balls

  • By fancis UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:12 am

    chuck norris suck so much weener

  • By ben UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 12:37 am

    why is febuary the shortest month of the year, because its black history month

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:39 am

    I know the last digit of pi

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:42 am

    ask me a question and i will give you the answer Chuck Noris
    No matter what the question is i am write.
    And if you ask a questyion like “Who is stupid” i will roundhousekick you in the face

  • By rick UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 5:43 am

    chuck norris tried to roundhouse kick me ………his funeral is tomorrow

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 8:22 am

    Chuck Norris hates Westboro Baptist Church, he is going to roundhouse kick them into Hades!!

  • By Chucky McNorris UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 8:26 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t round-house kicked the Virginia Tech killer, that’s why he died.

  • By seda UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 9:08 am

    The air bag was invented because too many people where dying in car crashes when Chuck Norris jay walked.

  • By Kilahral UNITED STATES, April 21, 2007 @ 10:50 am

    Once Chuck Norris killed 3 people at the same time with a single strand of beard hair.

  • By VAN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:38 am

    Chuck Norris grows in the shape of a tire!

  • By SyN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    The Defense Department once implemented a new missle defense system using a giant slingshot and Chuck Norris. Little did they know, Chuck Norris can fly you bitches!!!

  • By SyN UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 2:12 am

    God didn’t rest on the seventh day, Chuck Norris round-housed him.

  • By coolieo UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

    once chuck norris killed 5 ppl at once. then he said when chuck norris dosent want girlscout cookies he dosent want girl scout cookies.

  • By coolieo UNITED STATES, April 22, 2007 @ 1:38 pm

    chuck norris is gay AND he has kids

  • By Randy, April 23, 2007 @ 4:53 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t eat lunch. Lunch eats Chuck Norris. Wait, that’s not right..Oh hi Chuck!…What? No..no Chuck it was a mistake, Chuck! Nnooo … AHHHH!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 5:45 am

    If Chuck Norris moved in next door to you, your lawn would die.

  • By rachel UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 7:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stairs them down till it gives him the information he needs.

  • By bruce lee UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 8:44 am

    Chuck Norris is gay… the end

  • By Bridget UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 10:48 am

    Chuck Norris does not use a stove to cook his bacon. He says Sizzle and it better be fucking done.

  • By Milton UNITED STATES, April 23, 2007 @ 2:44 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have blood flowing through his veins to donate; only hydrolic oil. 25 million tractor trailors can thank Chuck for their existence.

  • By asdf UNITED STATES, April 24, 2007 @ 5:36 am

    Leading disinfectants claim to kill 99.99% of any germs that they come in contact with. Chuck Norris kills 100% of whatever the fuck he wants.

  • By alex davs UNITED STATES, April 24, 2007 @ 5:50 am

    and theirs nothing chuck norris can do i will beat the living shit out of him if i see him

  • By Honor UNITED STATES, April 24, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

    This is a moronic wad of shit & I’m removing it from my home page. Too bad – the political part was fun.

  • By ^Fags UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 5:47 am

    Chuck Norris taste lies.

  • By ahoy. UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    chuck norris climed mount everest 4 times ………….while pulling a trailor up there.

  • By Chuck Norria UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Rick & Honor will soon be the next victims of horrific Roundhouse related deaths. Nobody talks to Chuck Norris like that. Not even Chuck Norris’ own mother.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:25 am

    Alex davs has also made the above list…

  • By GBOWEN UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 6:55 am

    Darth Vader says.. Luke … Chuck Norris is my father.

  • By luke UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:09 am

    chuck norris’ tears can cure cancer and aids….it’s just too bad chuck NEVER cries!

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:45 am

    Religious skeptics always ask the question “If there is a God, then who created God?” The answer is clearly Chuck Norris.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:46 am

    Chuck Norris does not have huge balls, huge balls have Chuck Norris.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:51 am

    Chuck Norris’s taint doubles as an F-18 airstrip.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:56 am

    When Chuck Norris flips you off your feelings are hurt forever.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 8:58 am

    Chuck Norris does not have sex, he makes woman-kabobs.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:06 am

    When Chuck Norris farts millions of dreams are broken.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:39 am

    Chuck Norris’s heart is actually a tiny Chuck Norris.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:43 am

    Chuck Norris uses oars as chopsticks.

  • By Sarcor UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 9:51 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get sun burnt, the sun gets Chuck Norrised.

  • By Seth UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 11:25 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use masturbation, masterbation chuck norrises

  • By Seth UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 11:31 am

    2+2=Chuck Norris

  • By simon UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 1:02 pm

    god used to be real but when chuck noris was born god mysteriously vanished thats why people dont beleive in god anymore

  • By simon UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 1:04 pm

    when you type chuck norrises name wrong on google it doesnt say the real correct way of spelling it.
    it says run while you still can!!!

  • By Jimmy UNITED STATES, April 25, 2007 @ 1:23 pm

    Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

  • By jon UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 12:51 am

    chuck norris lost his virginity before his father

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 2:26 am

    dinosaurs tried eating chuck norris…………….tried……

  • By Nuck Chorris UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 3:21 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t watch TV….the TV watches Chuck Norris

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 5:55 am

    chuck norris doesnt lift weights, weigths lift chuck norris

  • By Fat UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 8:26 am

    Chuck is a wimp

  • By prof UNITED STATES, April 26, 2007 @ 9:43 am

    chuck norris is the only known person to locate all four corners in a circular room.

  • By dude741 UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 10:08 am

    master cheif from halo, is realy chuck norris is disguise, thats why he never dies and kills everything in site

  • By Dan UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 10:38 am

    There once was a man from Nantucket…Chuck Norris is that man.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 3:32 pm

    If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be Jack Bauer.

  • By weapon UNITED STATES, April 27, 2007 @ 7:32 pm

    chuck norris screws chicks over the internet, for real.

  • By Nokimono UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 12:22 am

    After a night of heavy drinking Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up, he throws DOWN.

  • By D Lou UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason Forrest Gump kept running.

    Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know when Chuck Norris is going to jump out and roundhouse kick you.

  • By D Lou UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 6:26 am

    Chuck Norris is cooler than Drew Blakeney

  • By abebuckingham22 UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 9:21 am

    There’s a reason the Nickelodeon show “Roundhouse” was only on for two seasons and none of the actors appeared in anything else afterwards. Chuck Norris wanted to strengthen each leg for a year so he could roundhouse kick the show and anyone associated with it out of existence. Chuck Norris will not tolerate defamation of the word “Roundhouse”.

  • By Louie UNITED STATES, April 28, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

    No one can play the rhyme game with Chuck Norris…chuck chuck bo buck…

  • By Lenny CHINA, April 28, 2007 @ 5:54 pm

    “Chuck Norris is my first, my last, my everything” these were Barry White’s last words.

  • By matt n UNITED STATES, April 29, 2007 @ 4:53 pm

    If Chuck Norris’s urine was marketed as a beverage, it would be called Chuck Gold”(R)

  • By matt n UNITED STATES, April 29, 2007 @ 4:56 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t dance, he fights. And then dances after winning, yet again.

  • By joe N UNITED STATES, April 30, 2007 @ 1:41 am

    chuck norris can make beef jerkey just by looking at a cow

  • By joe N UNITED STATES, April 30, 2007 @ 1:43 am

    chuck norris’ cells are actually made up of tiny nuclear reactors

  • By mike r UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 2:07 am

    Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands….Now they are known just as the Islands

  • By mike r UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes, he steps on throats

  • By Oz UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 2:34 am

    Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris;

    Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT’s becuase he simply answered
    Chuck Norris for everything;

    Some people piss their name into snow, Chuck Norris can piss his name into cement;

    Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS, but he gives it to people anyway;

    Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life, Ever.

  • By carlos roman UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 3:13 am

    The Universe is not expanding. It is running away from Chuck Norris

  • By me UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 3:18 am

    in chuck norris’s free time he knits sweaters….and by knit i mean kick, and by sweaters i mean babies.

  • By me UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 3:31 am

    when chuck norris was born he came out feet first and round house kicked the doctor and said “the only person who delivers chuck norris is chuck norris

  • By Kat Jackson UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 5:04 am

    Out of curiosity, does anyone know that Chuck Norris writes an column for a magazine by the name of New Man Magazine. By the way, NMM is a Christian magazine.

    Some New Man webpages to prove this:

    http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=15109

    http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=11352

    http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=14005

  • By kevin UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    if chuck noris is gay he……………

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:14 am

    who wants to fight me?

  • By the incredable hulk UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:15 am

    I will fight chuck norris

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:17 am

    I,ll take both the hulk and kevin in a fight

  • By rick UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 6:19 am

    i could whoop all 3 of you

  • By Nuck Chorris UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 10:51 am

    We are all Chuck Norris. He is the only one who isn’t. Only Chuck Norris understands this.

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, May 1, 2007 @ 11:54 pm

    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
    but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
    him. Pirates never were very smart.

  • By Hobo Bob UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    One time Chuck Norris sharted and it turned into a statue of himself posed nude…… It was so powerful… :*-( Then some guy looked at it and said what a peice of shit. The statue came to life and roundhouse kicked his ass. >:)

  • By I like grapes UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 2:28 am

    Chuck Norris is the World of Warcraft GOD. he made his own realm called the Norris. Only he plays on it cuz hes badass. If you play WoW you know what goes on in the Barrens >:( FUCK DAMN SHIT >:)

  • By phill bean UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 2:51 am

    the diameter of chucks bycept, in yards (84765187) multiplied by the number of cement vlocks he can crush with one roundhouse kick (counting in millions of course)(1372461987) multiplied by the wieght of his beared in tons (985872185182) added to the number of people he has killed by just looking at them (counting by trillions of course) (1087465918765182765874165)

    all this is equal to the number of women he has slept with. an astonishing

    [stupidly large number truncated to fit on page]

  • By WTF UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 4:26 am

    chuck norris can tie his shoes with his feet

  • By jo UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 4:47 am

    Once Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a cow and got two sirloins, a prime rib, four flnk steaks, and a basket of chicken fingers.

  • By Robert UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 1:29 pm

    How much wood, Would a woodchuck, chuck. If a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

  • By Zach Greene UNITED STATES, May 2, 2007 @ 3:03 pm

    daredevil is afraid of chuck norris

  • By Allie UNITED STATES, May 3, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

  • By willie nelson and jon heder UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 3:27 am

    Willie can kick Chuck Norris’s ass and will damn well kick yours too. jon heder will just napolean dynamite dance your pants off and moon boot kick chuck norris’s package.

  • By willie nelson and jon heder UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 3:29 am

    Before Chuck Norris their was Willie Nelson. Before Wille Nelson There was Jon Heder

  • By mr rogers and the back street boys UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 3:32 am

    mr rogers will kick chuck norris’s ass and the back street boys will suck the paint off his truck.

  • By rick UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 5:39 am

    willie nelson and jon heder are cool,but mr.rogers and the back street bitichs are fuckin gay

  • By James F UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 11:14 am

    Chuck Norris is only has sex with men because females cannot handle is thrusting power. Thats why

  • By Devon UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 11:50 am

    Chuck Norris does not go hunting: that implies the possibility of Failure. Chuck Norris goes Killing

  • By Devon Also UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:04 pm

    Chuck Norris was never actually born. He roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother’s woom. Then, Chuck Norrises umbilical cord was so tough he saved it and used it as his horse whip.

  • By Devon P.S. UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:05 pm

    How the hell do you put that little possesion S on his name anyway? since he owns everything, its pretty important.

  • By Rohe UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

    Chuck Norris ALWAYS knows Where Waldo is. in fact, Chuck is the reason why he is hiding in the first place.

  • By Fergie UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:46 pm

    Why doesn’t hair grow on Chuck Norris’ testicles?………………..
    Because hair doesn’t grow on steel.

  • By Rohe also UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 12:52 pm

    If Chuck Norris missed you with a Roundhouse kick, his foot would travel so fast it would travel through time to when youre 80 years old and knock you out of your wheel chair. many people know this: that is why he never misses.

  • By Dude UNITED STATES, May 4, 2007 @ 6:19 pm

    God created Chuck Norris. God dose with Chuck, and whoever else, what He wants to. Chuck Norris is just a man with no special powers or abilities. Just a man. The jokes are funny, and the show was awesome, but I just think we’ve taken it a bit too far…no offense.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 8:28 pm

    My excessively large head has been named by doctors as “Chuck Norris Roundhouse Syndrome”

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 10:31 pm

    RE: “Dude” comment.
    Are you also the sad twat who put the comment on Movie Mistakes that (Highlander) “There is NO invisible magic power lifting Christopher Lambert in air at the end – there are two wires clearly fixed on his shoulders.”
    Go away you sad bastard before Chuck Norris sees your sad post and round house kicks you into tomorrow.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 10:37 pm

    Only Chuck Norris can tell me and Dominic Salvia apart.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 4, 2007 @ 10:42 pm

    Chuck Norris knows whose EFACS it is.

  • By jordan UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 1:10 am

    Chuck Norris was on MySpace before the internet existed.

  • By Simon Miller UNITED KINGDOM, May 5, 2007 @ 1:13 am

    Chuck Norris can drink 40 pints without needing a piss.

  • By Miller's Twin Brother UNITED KINGDOM, May 5, 2007 @ 1:48 am

    Chuck Norris eats Chicken Tikka Ceylon for Dessert.
    He then washes it down with the blood of a thousand T-Rex’s

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 3:03 am

    Chuck Norris once ripped a guys tongue out for calling him “Charles Norris.” This was, of course, followed by a roundhouse kick to the head.

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 3:37 am

    Chuck Norris once attached a roundhouse kick to an email.

  • By Chuck Norris' Dad UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 4:44 am

    I once tried to spank Chuck Norris when he was 3 months old. I died.

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 5:15 am

    Chuck Norris was on Wheel of Fortune once. When he asked to buy a vowel, Pat Sajak gave it to him for free.

  • By rick UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 5:49 am

    and if he did it would still be a little bitch

  • By josh UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 9:12 am

    When Chuck Norris looks up at the sky, the Ozone layer gets scared and crumbles, causing Global Warming.. (Chuck Norris often looks up at the sky to see if it is time to kill or eat hippies)

  • By josh UNITED STATES, May 5, 2007 @ 9:32 am

    Chuck Norris has been banned from smoking cigarettes, because every time he does, a cigarette dies of cancer. To retaliate against the cigarette companies for the ban, Chuck killed 3 million people of various ethnic backgrounds.

  • By Doyle UNITED STATES, May 6, 2007 @ 10:44 am

    A guy hit Chuck Norris once. Once.

  • By Matt UNITED KINGDOM, May 7, 2007 @ 8:59 am

    All your base are belong to Chuck Norris

  • By Robin CANADA, May 8, 2007 @ 7:06 am

    When Chuck Norris goes to Molten Core, Ragnaros puts his Fire Resistance gear on.

  • By Sholley UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 9:23 am

    What is the meaning of life? Chuck Norris.

  • By Stan UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 1:14 pm

    While it is believed that Bruce Lee trained Chuck Norris, the one who taught Chuck his super-secret CIA moves was, in fact, Mr. Rogers.

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:02 pm

    Why did Chuck Norris call Boys2men?

    He thought it was a delivery service!!!

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

    What do you say to Chuck Norris at the beach??

    Stay out of my son!

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:05 pm

    Chuck Norris says “If you dont look down, you aren’t a pedofile!”

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:07 pm

    Chuck Norris says Whatever! I run with 12 gangs that only commit hate crimes!

  • By jimbob UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 2:07 pm

    remember it’s only a hate crime if you dont laugh…

  • By mmhmm UNITED STATES, May 8, 2007 @ 5:30 pm

    Chuck Norris once ate four turtles for breakfeast…later that day he pooped out what we now know as the teenage mutant ninja turtles

  • By Derek UNITED STATES, May 9, 2007 @ 8:12 am

    Chuck Norris mind is so sharp that he once wressled with a riddle and accidentally killed the answer.

  • By Sparrow UNITED KINGDOM, May 10, 2007 @ 12:20 am

    George Bush is the only person to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and survive. That explains a lot.

  • By Veetro UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 12:46 am

    Chuck Norris isn’t Lovin’ it. In fact Chuck Norris fucking hates it.

    Chuck Norris’ Favorite element is the element of surprise.

  • By Ron T. UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 3:09 am

    Chuck Norris eats rusty nails and spits silver bullets.

  • By Ron T. UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 3:11 am

    Chuck Norris has a dog, his name is Roundhouse and we all know why!

  • By Ron T. UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 3:19 am

    Chuck Norris -TRUE FACT: Is the only westerner to win the tae kw-on do championship, now its called CHUCK KW-ON DO- any questions?

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 5:07 am

    Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
    A: Chuck Norris.

  • By Todd UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 5:10 am

    The full title of the World’s Strongest Man Competition reads: “World’s Strongest Man next to Chuck Norris Competition.”

  • By Cactus UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 5:30 am

    Chuck Norris eats the corn kernals out of his own shit.

  • By Alex UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 7:24 am

    Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the fucking dogs out thats who…

  • By Jim UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 7:52 am

    Chuck Norris is known as the Master Plumber because he lays more pipe than any other plumber in history

  • By Jim UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 7:57 am

    Chuck Norris once ate a 372 ounce steak in 1 hour, he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

  • By Steve CANADA, May 10, 2007 @ 8:03 am

    Chuck Norris does not take showers, he takes bloodbaths.

    Chuck Norris can dribble a football.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 10:52 am

    Chuck says, Chuck once roundhouse kicked a man so hard in the nuts he threw up his heart.

    Chuck you,
    Chuck Norris

    P.S.
    Chuck off

  • By MCHEVA AUSTRALIA, May 10, 2007 @ 7:34 pm

    Chuck Norris found Nemo and ate him.

  • By MCHEVA AUSTRALIA, May 10, 2007 @ 7:55 pm

    Stars are where Chuck Norris pokes holes in the sky.

  • By Tim UNITED STATES, May 10, 2007 @ 11:32 pm

    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack cause even his heart isnt dumb enough to attack Chuck Norris

  • By Bruiser UNITED STATES, May 11, 2007 @ 12:54 am

    W.W.C.N.D.? (What Would Chuck Norris Do?)

    Of course, this question is irrelevant. Chuck Norris will do whatever the fuck he wants, be it to your girlfriend, wife, daughter or neighbor’s dog.

  • By djvc UNITED STATES, May 11, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    Chuck Norris’s shit is scared of him because he once ate it so he could shit it out again. 3 times.

  • By Kookie UNITED STATES, May 11, 2007 @ 2:35 pm

    Chuck Norris eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast. And don’t start thinking, “Chuck Norris eats pieces of shit?” because Chuck Norris will kill you and then you’ll never know whether or not he actually eats pieces of shit.

  • By Bo Ners UNITED STATES, May 12, 2007 @ 3:17 am

    Chuck Norris can spell, unlike you illiterate fucks.

  • By The real chuck UNITED STATES, May 12, 2007 @ 5:02 am

    Why cant n e 1 spell?!!! Oh ya and Chuck Norris says that he is sewing this company. He says ether that or he round house kicks you (I’d chose to shoot myself)…… Just a warning

  • By zib CANADA, May 12, 2007 @ 6:23 pm

    Chuck Norris can go there, girlfriend

  • By waffles baby UNITED STATES, May 13, 2007 @ 3:47 pm

    chuck norris dosnt take any technological bullshit, so he relies on the skies as his information. when chuck norris has perfect connection on the internet, its a full moon

  • By Fysh UNITED STATES, May 14, 2007 @ 3:36 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe. Air just hides in his lungs for protection.

    Chuck Norris knows better than to repeat the past. He repeats the future.

    Ever notice that Chuck Norris never bleeds? It’s because his blood is to afraid of the real world.

  • By SEXY MONKEYS R SEXY UNITED STATES, May 14, 2007 @ 5:26 am

    Once i said that chuck norris was just an urban legend. the next day i sat on the toilet to take a dumpand chuck norris came out of the crapper and ripped out all of my organs through my ass, crawled inside, and now posseses my body

    no joke
    once i sneezed and i accidently made a volcano erupted

  • By my humps my humps UNITED STATES, May 14, 2007 @ 5:28 am

    when normal people masterbate they kill kittens.
    when chuck norris masterbates he kills Tigra from the xmen
    and she was the one jacking him off

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 6:36 am

    Chuck Norris is the only man who can slam a revolving door.

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 6:38 am

    Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win. Everytime.

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 6:40 am

    Chuck Norris is the only man who can stare down a statue and turn him into a real man.

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, May 15, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

    Chuck Norris is the only person with a life.
    cause controls every one else’s with a quick round house kick

  • By Nick UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 3:59 am

    One time someone called Chuck Norris “Chuckie Boy”, and that was the only time.

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 6:19 am

    Jackie Chan does not do his own stunts. It’s really Chuck Norris and a really good make-up job.

  • By Gothimdone UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 6:57 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t pick his nose, the boogers jump.

  • By Mad Dog UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 8:29 am

    Chuck Norris gave aids, aids.

  • By H2Oat32 UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 10:08 am

    Chuck Norris finally got a MySpace page. The website is now called http://www.ChuckNorrisSpace.com

  • By victor UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 1:02 pm

    the devil doesnt kill people chuck norris kills people

  • By victor UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 1:18 pm

    chuck norris is so strong that he round house kicked this girl and killed her in the future as she was making her flight over the atlantic ocean.

  • By Will MacLean UNITED STATES, May 16, 2007 @ 1:30 pm

    It is a well known fact that Chuck Norris taught both
    Bela Fleck and Earl Scruggs to play banjo and only allows his
    three finger style to be called ‘Scruggs Style’ to keep the
    economy from getting fucked up by people buying a zillion banjos to learn ‘Chuck Norris Style’.

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 5:40 pm

    Bruce Lee didn’t die. He’s in hiding from Chuck Norris

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 5:44 pm

    with Chuck Norris as world leader there’d be no crime. Only punishment

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 6:01 pm

    # jon UNITED STATES Says:
    April 20th, 2007 at 1:52 am

    chuck norris is a gigantic pussy… i could kick his ass with no problem
    so long as i never meet him

  • By sinssta AUSTRALIA, May 16, 2007 @ 6:03 pm

    Chuck Norris is so good. people compare themselves to him. an find themselves lacking. ALWAYS

  • By GeeJay NEW ZEALAND, May 16, 2007 @ 10:14 pm

    I once tried to go to Chuck Norris for emotional support. I miss my tear ducts..

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:23 am

    chuck norris is my right hand man

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:24 am

    chuck norris can strangel you with a cord less phone

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:26 am

    i didnt create chuck norris,he created me

  • By God him self UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 5:32 am

    chuck norris destored the table of elements because the only element he knows is the element of …… SUPRISE

  • By SoPoo UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 6:09 am

    Chuck Norris sells his turds to the military. They use them as land mines

  • By djvc UNITED STATES, May 17, 2007 @ 10:46 am

    Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

    When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre holding a football even further.

    It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

    Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

    Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

    Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins.

    Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

    Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

    Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

    If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

    Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

    Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

    Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

    Chuck Norris can speak braille.

    On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

    Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

  • By Zack UNITED STATES, May 18, 2007 @ 10:33 pm

    Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, the Devil is just too afraid to tell him.

  • By Caitlin UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 4:02 am

    when chuck norris and mr. t walk into a building at the same time, the whole building collapses, because no building can withstand that much awesomeness!

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 4:29 am

    chuck norris will live forever. everyones afraid to tell him he’s dead.

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 5:20 am

    huck norris doesn’t get junk mail. the websites are too afraid hell roundhouse kick them to mars where there is no internet

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 5:46 am

    the government doesn’t capture aliens. chuck norris captures AND kills them

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 5:53 am

    what would chuck norris do? your girlfriend, mom, AND your girlfriends mom…. all at the same time

  • By bob UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 1:11 pm

    Chuck norris and Mr .T walked into a bar. the bar exploded because so much awesomeness cannot be contained in one room.

  • By Fysh UNITED STATES, May 19, 2007 @ 4:21 pm

    Chuck Norris started a trek across Death Valley on a Wednesday. Five days later at his destination, he Roundhouse kicked a hole in the space-time continuum and arrived on the Monday before he left.

  • By Jim Carrey AUSTRALIA, May 19, 2007 @ 10:24 pm

    The number 23 is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 4:06 am

    Once, chuck norris roundhouse kicked a guy so hard it send flying 3 seconds back in time to the exact moment he got kickede, sendeing him in a never ending loop

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 5:57 am

    mrs. chuck norris is sooo hot, only chuck can fuck her

  • By hozehead UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 7:59 am

    After a long night partying Chuck Norris dosn’t throw up, he throws down!!!

  • By timmy hendrix UNITED STATES, May 20, 2007 @ 4:23 pm

    ChucK Norris’ idea of fun is to climb up the most dangerous mountains for the sole purpose of finding mountain lions to laugh in the face of.

  • By Gitonga Anthony, May 21, 2007 @ 11:04 pm

    When Chuck Norris drives he does not need to gas up since his car runs purely on FEAR!

  • By Aaron UNITED STATES, May 22, 2007 @ 2:18 am

    Chuck Norris is so tough that under his beard he doesn’t have a chin, he has another fist.

  • By Artie Lange's 5th Chin UNITED STATES, May 22, 2007 @ 9:28 am

    Chuck Norris is the fountain of youth. His jokes never get old.

  • By Scott UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    Elvis didn’t die on the toilet from drugs, he died from the roundhouse. He just used the name “The King” one minute longer than Chuck Norris had allowed.

  • By Nate Lone UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    yes, elvis did die on the toilet. chuck norris just roundhouse kicked while he was on the toilet.

  • By pbuck UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 5:49 am

    Chuck Norris invented Al Gore

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 23, 2007 @ 6:03 am

    What would a Klondike bar do for chuck Norris??

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    chuck norris stold the cookies frome the cookie jar!! and no one can do a fucking thing about it!!!

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 5:12 am

    a telemarketer once called chuck norris and pissed him off. he died becuase chuck roundhouse kicked him over the phone

  • By silva UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 10:08 am

    why is chuck norris grass so short? He dare’s it to grow

  • By HOZEHEAD UNITED STATES, May 24, 2007 @ 1:21 pm

    Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, to bad Chuch Norris never crys.

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 4:11 am

    chuck norris can do 1000 push ups………………………………………with out using arms

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 4:14 am

    chuck norris had once frozen his sperm in the shape of a pill…..these are now known as steroids.

  • By Silva UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 6:56 am

    Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, “I believe… I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride.” good answer GOD replies. GOD then tells Arnold the same question, Arnie says, “I believe… that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements.” fair but good GOD says. God then turns to Chuck Norris, who then replies with, “I believe… you are sitting in my seat.”

  • By Luke "Skywalker" Evans UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 7:50 am

    Low tide exist because the ocean is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Charlier Chach UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 7:56 am

    Chuck Norris can find Waldo every damn time. And then he kills him.

  • By Jeffe UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 8:00 am

    Chuck Norris sails with ease South on the Nile River

  • By MCHEVA AUSTRALIA, May 25, 2007 @ 11:36 am

    Chuck Norris is seventy times stronger than steel of the same weight.

  • By Stewart UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 11:51 am

    Chuck Norris’s right and left legs are better known as Law and Order.

  • By unknown UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 12:23 pm

    chuck norris isnt hung like a horse horses are hung like chuck norris

    chuck norris once shot down a plane by pointing at it and saying bang

  • By Billy Barue UNITED STATES, May 25, 2007 @ 12:36 pm

    Chuck Norris once walked into a bar to have a bear. As he sat down a man asked if he could push his stool in. Chuck mistook this as a request for Anal Sex and roundhouse kicked the man into the next conty.

  • By Alex T UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 7:07 am

    The moon is actually made of cheese. Cheese that Chuck Norris hates. That’s why he gathered it all, formed it into a large ball, and roundhouse kicked it into orbit.

  • By redpartycup02 UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 10:17 am

    chuck norris won the nobel prize award but the real lucky one is the nobel prize

  • By troy UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 10:22 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t knock a girl up… he knocks her down.

  • By room2fly UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 10:33 am

    When Bruce Lee died, St. Peter was taking him on his initial tour of heaven when Bruce noticed Chuck Norris down by a creek bed teaching a group of little children the Round-House kick. Bruce asked St. Peter, “hey, what is Chuck Norris doing here? He is still alive”. St. Peter replied, “Oh, no, that is God. He thinks he is Chuck Norris.”

  • By jj UNITED STATES, May 26, 2007 @ 3:43 pm

    JBWeld is equal parts of kryptonite and Chuck Norris spit

  • By Kaajonman UNITED STATES, May 27, 2007 @ 9:00 am

    After the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, Admiral Yamamoto was quoted as saying ” I fear we have awakened a sleeping giant.”The next day Chuck Norris woke up.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:10 pm

    Chuck Norris once played in a soccer game. Trying out a variation of the roundhouse kick, he accidentally kicked the head off an opposing player, sending it flying into the goal. Thus the creation of the popular Bicycle Kick.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    Allergies exist because Chuck Norris blows the pollen off of trees the way children blow the fuzz off of a dandelion.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:23 pm

    The only reason Chuck Norris does exercize infomercials is to remind people that no matter how hard they work, they will never kick ass the way that he does.

  • By Delicious UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 2:25 pm

    You think Bo knows? Chuck knows.

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:33 pm

    chuck norris plays pool with the planets!….. tell me how u liked it! ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:34 pm

    when people play simon says ,everyone moves…. except chuck norris

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:36 pm

    chuck norris was the only sperm in his dads balls because he roundhouse kicked all the other ones………………………..tell me how u liked it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:39 pm

    when jesus wanted the sea to part… all he did was get chuck norris to touch it……………………………………….tell me how u liked it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

    the big red spot on jupiter is there because chuck norris roundhouse-kicked my sister

    howd u like it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 28, 2007 @ 4:43 pm

    if u stand next to chuck norris, u will be bald, because the hair was so afraid………………………………tell me how u liked it ahw126ahw@aol.com

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    Hercules maybe one of the best known mythological heroes but what people don’t know is thet Hercules graduated from the “Chuck Norris School of Heroes”….

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:10 am

    Hercules maybe one of the best known mythological heroes but what people don’t know is that Hercules graduated from the “Chuck Norris School of Heroes”….

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:14 am

    It is Said that Chuck Norris’es severed Head Can turn the Medusa into Stone!!!!

  • By edizzle UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:15 am

    Chuck Norris once said “If you lose to someone, beat the living crap out of them”.

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:21 am

    The Mount Saint Helens eruption on may 18 1980 was nothing more then Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicking his way out of the volcano’s molten hot crater after falling into it while he was trying to save a young boy from a cougar attack!!!!

  • By kyubi UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:27 am

    the Only man that was ever, EVER able beat chuck Norris in a movie fight was Bruce Lee!!!

    AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPEND TO BRUCE LEE RIGHT!!!??

  • By AquaLad UNITED STATES, May 29, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    Chuck Norris Eats Puppies!

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 5:13 am

    Chuck Norris is sooo cool, when the sun explodes and dies, hell sve the world from the heat

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 5:14 am

    it is said Rocky Balboa never lost a match against anyone…. except for chuck norris

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    peter doesn’t answer. niether does the magic 8 ball. but chuck norris does

  • By arlie UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 6:46 am

    rocky balboa lost plenty of fights.. although i am a very good rocky fan… he lost againts apollo, and a bunch of other people…… so nate…!

  • By JavaMan BRAZIL, May 30, 2007 @ 8:06 am

    All classes in Java extends the Object Class.
    Object class extends Chuck Norris.

  • By Testa di Cazzo UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 8:21 am

    Each one of Bruce Lee’s fists is actually a mini Chuck Norris, which would explain how he won in Return of the Dragon.

  • By nolan UNITED STATES, May 30, 2007 @ 10:33 am

    Chuck Norris is a christian and so am I so be nice about him

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 1:44 am

    Chuck Norris had sex with your mom . . . so why are YOU such a loser?

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:18 am

    The Horror Stories of Chuck Norris are never passed along to other people. Only because nobody survives to tell them.

  • By elkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:20 am

    Chuck Norris once tripped…the result was the grand canyon

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:21 am

    If you do survive. Chuck Norris will Roundhouse kick you to death.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    My friend once saw Chuck Norris and asked for his autograph… He’s never been the same since…

  • By mkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    a wise man once told me “dont fuck with Chuck Norris” i wanted to ask why not but when i turned around that once wise man was dead.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:26 am

    Just because you don’t see Chuck Norris doesn’t mean your safe.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:28 am

    Don’t run away from Chuck Norris. It wastes his time and your going to die anyways.

  • By mkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:31 am

    My friend BoB was touched bye Chuck Norris and lived…we now know him as Tyrone

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:32 am

    Comedian Dane Cook saw Chuck Norris and ran to tell him a joke. Hey Chuck want to hear a joke??? Well, I tell it anyways “why do women- AHHHHHHH!!!”.

    Moral of the story: There is no joke Chuck Norris hasn’t heard of. Chuck Norris makes all the jokes.

  • By FAT MAN UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 2:37 am

    Chuck Norris once killed 4 people and a chicken with only a .40 colt with 1 round. How did he do it?

    WE DARE NOT ASK

  • By mkydd UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 3:34 am

    Plate tectonics is not natural

  • By Bizz-Nass UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 4:49 am

    I heard that when Chuck was in college he was boning this chick and his roommate accidently walked in on him. Chuck gave him a six foot boner uppercut then finished her off!

  • By Bizz-Nass UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:27 am

    and by finished her off I mean round house kicked her in the vaj!

  • By a UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    when chuck norris pisses he clogs the toilet

  • By a UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:49 am

    Hew Hefner is said to have had sex with 26,000 women. chuck norris calls that a slow tuesday

  • By a UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 6:53 am

    Chuck Norris gave away a piece of shit to the US government. We now know it as the A-bomb

  • By chuck norris UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    acutually i suck at everything this is gay

  • By straight guy UNITED STATES, May 31, 2007 @ 11:20 am

    oh my god. chuck norris isnt that cool. stop idiolizing a guy just cause he had a cool tv show and can roundhouse kick god. u make urselves look stupid.

  • By Dirty Dom UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 7:15 am

    My last name is Norris, but me, and the thousands that share the last name, have never met their father.

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 8:13 am

    i dont roole the united states, chuck norris does. but i dont lisen to him. and the reason im so stoopid is because of all the times hes roundhouse kicked me in the head.

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 8:14 am

    i dont rule the united states. chuck norris does, and always has. but the reason im so stoopid is becuz i dont lisen to him and he is constantly roundhouse kicking me for that

  • By Chuck Norris's Father UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    I AM HIS FATHER!!!1!1! ^_^ i was the one who created chuck norris!!1!!1!

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, June 1, 2007 @ 1:11 pm

    DAD HOW DARE YOU!!1! remember? we had a talk about this last night… damn alsheimer’s…. Hes lying everyone. i created everything….including my father. If u ever question this i will hunt you down. HUNT-YOU-DOWN

  • By Dan UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 2:12 am

    Only Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    If at first you don’t succeed, your not Chuck Norris.

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 5:11 am

    chuck norris was once charged for attempted murder. the jury dropped the charged because chuck norris does not attempt murder. he is murder

  • By nate lone UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 5:14 am

    if at first you dont succeed, you need to lower your expectations. if you dont succeed then, your stoopid and you need the chuck norris hep line. call anytime except times that are inconveinent for chuck norris. hours are never open, call us at 1-800-4norris

  • By Fist UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 5:49 am

    Chuck Norris ordered that all shitty jokes and assholes with no sense of humor be executed. nate lone is no longer with us.

  • By da buckest UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 6:43 am

    Have you ever starred the devil in the eye and made him piss himself…? Chuck Norris has

  • By John UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 1:49 pm

    Chuck Norris once roundhoused a guy so hard it kicked the crap out of his crap

  • By John UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 1:53 pm

    Making a silly face won’t make it stay that way. Chuck Norris will.

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 3:03 pm

    There is no steroids in baseball just players Chuck Norris breathes on.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite he bites frost.

    Chuck Norris built numbers to count how many living creatures hes killed.

    Chuck Norris is now suing Burger King for not letting him have it his way.

    There were 15,687,516 deaths in world war 2 Chuck Norris is two kills away from the record.

    There is no such thing as species just creatures Chuck Norris lets live.

    There is no evolution Chuck Norris wanted to rule A LOT OF MINDLESS APES.

    Chuck Norris will get those who impersonate him, even at Halloween.

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 2, 2007 @ 3:04 pm

    Beat That People

  • By Asia UNITED STATES, June 3, 2007 @ 11:33 am

    Chuck norris breathes air … 9 times a day

  • By Blake UNITED STATES, June 3, 2007 @ 3:27 pm

    After a long night of partying, Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up…he throws down

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 3, 2007 @ 3:27 pm

    Straight guy u f***ing suck. So stop making yourself look good when you really know that your gay. You just want to stick out. Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you in the nuts so hard that you would die if he red what you said.

    Chuck Norris sees all even if you hide he will find Mr.T

    Mr.T and Chuck Norris fought at the beginning of time to see who would win and that caused a Big Bang, just then life started.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 12:59 am

    Who would win? Chuck Norris vs. da Chicago Bears…..CHUUUUCK norris

  • By Alex F-D UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 8:31 am

    This One’s for you Chuck

    Chuck Norris LOVES Chris

  • By Alex F-D UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 8:37 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason why France has no victories.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 12:40 pm

    It ain’t over til the fat lady gets roundhoused by Chuck Norris.

  • By .... UNITED STATES, June 4, 2007 @ 1:51 pm

    Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

  • By GOT NORRIS? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 3:14 am

    When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norrised

  • By GOT NORRIS? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 3:17 am

    Chuck Norris’s piss is also known as red bull

  • By GOT NORRIS? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 3:17 am

    Chuck Norris’s piss is also known as red bull.

  • By T.W.R. UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 7:50 am

    You people have the worst jokes. Chuck Norris walked into town with his boner and when he left there were no survivors.

  • By UMMMMM??? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 4:00 pm

    Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus

  • By UMMMMM??? UNITED STATES, June 5, 2007 @ 4:03 pm

    Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:50 am

    chuck norris once said “im gonna kill u” then u died

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:51 am

    when chuck norris gos to the bathroom the toilet bowl gets full

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:52 am

    chuck norris once told my friend get a life cause chuck norris already killed him haha!!

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 1:53 am

    once chuck norris told my friend “get a life” he couldnt cuz chuck already powned him

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 2:08 am

    when chuck norris kills somebody they die sometimes

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 2:09 am

    there once was a wise man named chuck norris. then he killed u

  • By the bob guy UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 2:48 am

    chuck norris went to mcdonalds one day. the kid at the counter said “what do u want”. chuck said he wanted a big mac. the kid said “ok”. went the big mac was ready the kid gave it to chuck. chuck then ate the big mac. chuck then decided he wanted another one. so chuck told the kid to get him another one. the kid got chuck another one. chuck ate the second one. then when he walked out of mcdonalds instead of using a door he went thru the wall. LOLOLOLOLOL

  • By Otsum UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 7:35 am

    Chuck Norris is the only person in history to hit a home run playing golf.

    One round house kick from Chuck Norris can power China for 26 minutes.

    Chuck Norris won World War II, he gave the credit to the U.S.

    Everytime you shoplift, Chuck Norris endagers a species.

    Performance enhancing drugs get their training from Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris’s home is better known as the Bermuda Triangle.

    Sir Isaac Newton’s theory of gravitation was tested by how fast people hit the ground after a Chuck Norris round house kick, on earth and later on the moon.

  • By J UNITED STATES, June 6, 2007 @ 11:02 am

    Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

  • By J-Man UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 12:55 am

    Chuck Norris, in fact, lives in a Round-House

  • By J-Man UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 12:55 am

    Chuck Norris in fact lives in a Round-House

  • By J-Man UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    Chuck Norris in fact lives in a Round-House!!

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:43 am

    Chuck Norris used 75 grit sandpaper to wipe his ass

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:45 am

    Chuck Norris once went to a nude beach. Everyone on that beach instantly orgasmed and died.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:46 am

    Chuck Norris once received an emergency blood transfusion of pure, industrial grade hydrualic fluid.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:47 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he just doesn’t round-house kick anyone for 8 hours.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:48 am

    Chuck Norris has been worshiped by South American indian tribes for thousands or years. Chuck Norris has never been to South America

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:49 am

    The Earth doesn’t rotate, it merely moves in response to Chuck Norris walking on top of it.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:50 am

    Chuck Norris once donated sperm. His donation instantly impregnated any woman who was within 15 feet of it.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:51 am

    Chuck Norris was once tested for sexually transmitted diseases. He tested positive for gonorhea, syphylis, herpes and AIDs. He coughed.

  • By justinian UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:52 am

    Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of Ex-Lax. He farted, once.

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 10:58 am

    The grass is greener on the other side because Chuck Norris pissed on it

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:34 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t undress, he just stares his clothes down. Chuck Norris doesn’t even undress others, his clothes just stare their clothes down.

    The moon was created from a Chuck Norris nose boogie that was roundhoused into orbit, and the sun was born as the content of a Chuck Norris zit.

    Skyscrapers go limp when Chuck Norris’ balls come around in their orbit. The Tower of Pizza suddenly stands erect. No-one knows why…

    Not even Chuck Norris can escape from a black hole’s event horizon. So he just eats them for breakfast.

    Chuck Norris uses cluster bombs to clean his teeth.

    There once was a man named Chuck Norris,
    Who roundhoused a russian named Boris,
    This man then threw up
    His heart in a cup
    And Norris showed him where the floor is

    Chuck Norris roundhoused a kebap stand
    And it flew right into a nuke plant
    A mushroom cloud rose
    Chuck chuckles and blows
    The fallout away with his left hand

    Chuck once had a big stroke of good luck
    Cause there was a gay duck behind Chuck
    The duck thrusted hard
    But with a big fart
    Chuck killed it and just missed a buttfuck

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:38 am

    If you ever meet Chuck Norris….. RUN!

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:39 am

    When Chuck Norris calls you, the explosion of your telephone unit will wipe out your planet.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:41 am

    France tried to cover up a Chuck Norris fart aimed at Mururoa by calling it nuclear tests.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:48 am

    Jack Bauer once tried to break Chuck Norris. The only things broken were the syringe with the pain serum and every bone in Bauers body.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:51 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t climb mountains, mountains climb Chuck Norris.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 11:54 am

    Most houses are more or less square, so they can stay up. Contrary to common belief, that’s not because of structural integrity but because round houses break the Chuck Norris roundhouse patent.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 7, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

    Dishes wash Chuck Norris.

    Movies go see Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norrises house demolishes wrecking balls.

    Diarrhea gets Chuck Norris.

    To be or not to be, that’s the question. The answer is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can piss a hole in a diamond wall.

    Chuck Norris can still win a game of chess when all he has is monopoly cards.

    During both Gulf wars, Chuck Norris took out a whopping total of 2351 Stinger missiles with his Patriot sperm. Without even having to leave home!

    Chuck Norris will never send out a handwritten letter… The ink is hiding inside the pen and just won’t come out. And when Chuck Norris sits behind a computer keyboard, all the keys commit suicide to avoid the excruciating pain of being hit by his gentle strokes.

    When a deck of cards sees Chuck Norris approaching, it removes all possible Full House combinations.

  • By brian dulen UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 2:58 pm

    chunck norris pubes can cure balding to bad he never shaves.

  • By brian dulen UNITED STATES, June 7, 2007 @ 3:01 pm

    superaman IS chuck norris’ bitch

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 12:04 am

    Ask not what Chuck Norris can do for you, ask what Chuck Norris can do to you and be thankful that he has not done it yet.

  • By jojo UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 12:47 am

    One time, Chuck Norris shot down a German spy plane by pointing his finger at it and saying, “Bang.”

  • By chuck norris is a giant wenier UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 1:49 am

    jerk9003 for runescape

  • By BABE RUBE UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 1:54 am

    Chuck Norris thought he was the man until he met Kris Kristopherson. Now Chuck Norris is Kris Kristopherson Jr.

  • By Babe Rube UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    Burt Reynolds moustache took a dump and called it Chuck Norris.

  • By db UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    Chuck Norris “Wrote the Book of Love” AND “Put the Ram In the Rama Lama Ding Dong.”

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:08 am

    CHUCK NORRIS is the wind beneath my wings!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:15 am

    At Christmas time it is really Chuck Norris that climbs down your chimney!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:16 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t recycle- he EATS the cans!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:18 am

    Chuck Norris is GOD’s role model

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:21 am

    In his yearbook, Chuck Norris was voted most likely to RULE THE WORLD

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:23 am

    Every time Chuck Norris flexes his muscles it causes a supernova

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:24 am

    Chuck Norris is immortal- too bad his opponents aren’t!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:30 am

    Chuck Norris is everyones “babies daddy”

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    CNN stands for Chuck Norris News

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:39 am

    C-chuck
    H-has the
    U-ultimate
    C-critical
    K-knowledge

    N-never
    O-outshined by
    R-rivals,
    R-rules
    I-in
    S-style!

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 4:41 am

    Chuck Norris Sweats oil, thats why gas prices are so high
    (he rarely breacks a sweat)

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:13 am

    Chuck Norris bleeds red, white, and blue

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:15 am

    On Chuck Norris Day, everyone celebrates with beer and fireworks (Chuck Norris Day is July 4th)

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    Chuck Norris is too sexy for his shirt

  • By Don H UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:16 am

    Chuck norris drinks his own piss for coffee.

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:19 am

    Michaelangelo really painted Chuck Norris on the ceiling of the Sistine Chaple

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:22 am

    Chuck Norris plays marbles with bowling balls

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:23 am

    Chucks Norris Lights Up My Life

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:25 am

    Chuck Norris killed the Grim Reaper

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:30 am

    Chuck Norris eats nuclear bombs for breackfest

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:31 am

    Chuck Norris eats kittens and puppies for dinner

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:34 am

    Chuck Norris is hidding under your bed

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:38 am

    Chuck’s moustache is coming for you

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:40 am

    Chuck Norris puts out fires with his icy stare

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:41 am

    Chuck Norris invented the wheel

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:43 am

    One time Chuck Norris tripped and fell- it created the Grand Canyon

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:46 am

    Chuck Norris sunk the Titanic

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:51 am

    Chuck Norris brushes his hair with a porcupine and combs his moustache with a cactus

  • By DonLee UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 5:59 am

    superman is afraid of Kayptonyte, therefore Kayptonyte is afraid of Chuck Norris

  • By Franni Lee UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:01 am

    Chuck Norris wrote the Kama Sutra.

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:04 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t fear the reaper

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:06 am

    One day Chuck Norris farted and it created a hurricane in South Afica

  • By ahoy UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:10 am

    chuck norris spits hot fire!!

  • By Babe Rube UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    Chuck Norris went swimming in Burt Reynolds 1978 moustache.

  • By Burt Reynolds UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:12 am

    Once I asked Chuck Norris if he had a life, he replied “no but I got monolopy”

  • By Burt Reynolds UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:14 am

    When Chuck Norris played smear the queer when he was younger, he would get tackled when he didnt even have the ball.

  • By Burt Reynolds' Moustache UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 6:15 am

    Chuck Norris was never king of the hill, he was always picking himself up off the bottom.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 8, 2007 @ 7:54 am

    Chuck Norris went hunting for wild boar
    He found one and uttered a loud roar
    The boar then dropped dead
    ’cause Chuck needs no led
    To drop his foes down on the floor

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 8, 2007 @ 8:00 am

    Chuck Norris takes so big a shit
    That toilets get filled to the lid
    He flushes it down
    But it cannot drown
    No loo in the world is that fit

  • By Burt Reynolds' Moustache UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 10:43 am

    I suck ass and my jokes blow!

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

    President Franklin D. Roosevelt was once quoted saying: Ask not what Chuck Norris can do for you but ask what Chuck Norris can do to you. And pray that he doesn’t do it.

    Chuck Norris’ instant messenger has a body list.

  • By Joe Rich UNITED STATES, June 8, 2007 @ 2:37 pm

    When little kids go to bed they wear Superman P.J’s. When Superman goes to bed he wears Chuck Norris P.J.’s. Balede Dat!

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 12:53 am

    President Harry S. Truman was once quoted saying: We have nothing to fear but fear itself; and fear itself has nothing to fear but Chuck Norris.

  • By Burt Renyolds Moustache UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 1:27 am

    Somebody is trying to be me…all I have to say is ha ha ha haaaaaa.

    My jokes are funny, trust me….just like your moms hairy back.

  • By Sidekick 2 UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 5:04 am

    The FBI didn’t kill Pablo Escobar, Chuck Norris sent a picture of himself doing a roundhouse kick to poor Pablo and scared him to death.

  • By Sidekick 2 UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 5:07 am

    Chuck than went on to impregnate half the town of Medellin.

  • By Jerwarfare UNITED STATES, June 9, 2007 @ 6:57 am

    If Chuck Norris had breasts he could milk Mother Earth

  • By Drunknmunky UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    Fall Out Boy didn’t fall….Chuck Norris pushed them.

  • By Drunknmunky UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 5:59 am

    Fall Out Boy didn’t fall….Chuck Norris pushed them.

  • By Drunknmunky UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 6:00 am

    Fall Out Boy didn’t fall….Chuck Norris pushed them..

  • By Rick UNITED STATES, June 11, 2007 @ 6:42 pm

    Chuck Norris works out in the ocean frequently. His last roundhouse caused the Tsunami that devastasted Indonesia.

  • By TJW UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    Chuck Norris record breaking javelin throw was never acknowledged because it landed 10 feet in front of the current world record. Nobody noticed that the javelin orbited the earth once before finally sticking in the ground. The judges all received roundhouse kicks to the head and died.

  • By gracie UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 7:10 am

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!*’

  • By gracie UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    Chuck Norris’s arm muscles are named thunder and lightning. Dont get caught in between them. Then it is the perfect storm!*’

  • By gracie UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 7:14 am

    Chuck norris is so HOT he is the one who caused global warming!*’

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 11:01 am

    This is easily the longest post on this thread, I think… Hope you like my poetry! :)

    Violets are blue
    Roses are red
    Chuck Norris is here…
    Prepare to eat lead!

    He’s coming along
    Oh man is he great
    And if you bug him
    You summon his hate

    He’ll roundhouse and hit
    As hard as he can
    He’ll kick out the shit
    Of every man

    To be more exact
    He’ll focus his Chi
    He’ll bow his right leg
    And straighten his knee

    So all the power
    Extends to your gut
    Hard as Jack Bauer
    Flex like The Hutt

    You’ll absorp impact
    Get kicked back far
    Slam into a wall
    Get hit by a car

    Ran over by trams
    And trampled by bulls
    Chuck always makes sure
    His punishment rules

    He will pull you up
    And start it again
    To punish mankind
    Is Norris’ big plan

    Though every man
    Pretends to be good
    Chuck finds the badness
    And bathes it in blood!

    Some wise people said
    The end of the world
    Was set from the start
    But time turned out curved

    Cause Jack came along
    And sat on the throne
    See us little dogs
    Fight over a bone

    Who adores him most
    And has the most fun
    Posting in this thread
    And shooting his pun

    Which will not hurt him
    He’ll make sure of that
    Whatever we try
    We’ll all end up dead!

    Receive his blessing
    Or be ground to dust
    Try kissing His feet
    Try pleasing His lust!

    If he likes you much
    You might live some more
    And see for yourself
    What Jack has in store

    For every sick
    And dirty old hick
    And every chick
    That carries a dick

    Cause clicketyclick
    Out comes Chuckys Sig
    He’ll shoot you and kick
    And swing with a stick

    And yes, you and I
    Would gratefully die
    We won’t even try
    To run from this guy

    Cause that wouldn’t fly
    He’ll simply come by
    No friend, you and I
    Had better comply

    This saga is done
    And so is my food
    I bid you farewell
    And wish you much good

    Good you don’t see me
    I look like a ghost
    Now that I’ve written
    This record-length post

    Goodbye all :)

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 11:20 am

    Too bad it doesn’t let you edit your posts here… I typed Jack a few times, instead of Chuck, probably because I’m tired, it’s late and I am religiously watching the third season of 24 on my laptop at the same time…

    Anyway. Short ones then.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t go murder everyone in high school… He just stares the building to rubble.

    Chuck Norris can roundhouse faster than his shadow. In fact, his shadow hasn’t been born yet.

    Chuck Norris is better than Chuck Norris.

    If I had to choose between fighting Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris, I’d take the suicide option. The soft one. Something like shooting up cyanide with a virus-infected needle, after getting shot off a razorblade bed by a nailgun through the window of the 5th story, falling towards a cactus farm protected by rusty barb wire and hungry pitbulls. No wait, that’s the cowards way out…

    Little did you know that Chuck Norris doesn’t even ever have to use his killer roundhouse… He has wrecking balls and a steel crane to swing them with.

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 12:50 pm

    My roundhouse is better than Chu… *THUMP*
    Noooo Chuck! I was kidd… *THUD*
    Sorry Chu… *BIFF*
    Chuck, no, pl… *KA-THOFF*
    Help! Anyo… *ZABOOM*CRUNCH*CRACKLE*
    My teeff! My teeff! *ZONK*ROMP*
    Blbphhf! Rlmfgh! *WHOPP*THOCK*
    Uhhhhhhgn *WOOMPH*
    Uhfffff… *KATHANK*CRASH*KLUNK*
    …. *WHAP*CHOPCHOPCHOP*WONK*BANG*KHONT*WAMP*SWOCK*

  • By SadBunny NETHERLANDS, June 12, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    Chuck was challenged by a Kung Fu guy
    He thought he could make Chuck Foo Yong Hai
    Chuck kicked his behind
    And made the guy blind
    By swapping his left and right eye

  • By C N = G UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 5:15 pm

    Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

  • By sea 2 sky UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 11:25 pm

    The department of the US Army changed its slogan from “Army Strong” to “Chuck Norris Strong”

  • By pooopsplash UNITED STATES, June 12, 2007 @ 11:48 pm

    Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye

    Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 13, 2007 @ 2:22 am

    Chuck Norris’ balls are so big they have their own gravitational pull.

  • By hils UNITED STATES, June 13, 2007 @ 5:01 am

    The devil is the spawn of Chuck Norris

  • By DG UNITED STATES, June 13, 2007 @ 10:16 am

    Chuck Norris invented Coca-Cola because he wanted to teach the world to roundhouse kick, but they changed the song in an effort to prevent global destruction.

  • By Michael L UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 4:40 am

    Chuck Norris took on the founder of Jeet Kun Do – Bruce Lee, and lost in the movie. Bruce Lee dies years later from the event.

  • By JavaMan BRAZIL, June 14, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    Chuck Norris my ass……my name is KRATOS!!!!!!!!

  • By JavaMan BRAZIL, June 14, 2007 @ 6:00 am

    Chuck Norris my ass…my name is Kratos!

  • By Ana CHILE, June 14, 2007 @ 6:29 am

    On May 25th. Chuck Norris DOESN’T carry his towel.

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:47 am

    Chuck Norris’ balls are so big they have their own gravitational pull

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:48 am

    Chuck Norris can eat coal and shit diamonds

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:51 am

    Chuck Norris can kick a football harder than superman

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    The government is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:56 am

    last time Chuck Norris did a roundhouse it caused 50million dollars in damage because it made a tornado that wiped out three towns

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:58 am

    Chuck Norris’ all seeing eye is on the dollar bill

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 8:59 am

    Chuck Norris’ sperm looks like pollywogs

  • By Brandon M. UNITED STATES, June 14, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    if Chuck Norris farted it would push all the oxygen out of the hole in the ozone layer and cause a methane fallout

  • By Mitchell A. UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 2:04 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt go to the bathroom… the bathroom comes to him.

  • By Shake and Bake1920 UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 3:46 am

    Did you know that in 14 states the death penalty is a roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris

  • By Heath UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 4:55 am

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero. (for the math geeks)

  • By chuck and bake UNITED STATES, June 15, 2007 @ 5:31 pm

    chuck norris let the dogs out

  • By graciela GUATEMALA, June 16, 2007 @ 5:04 am

    Chuck Norris can actually suck his elbow!!!

  • By Steve UNITED STATES, June 16, 2007 @ 4:34 pm

    It is now a well known fact that nothing can block Chuck Norris’ cock

  • By StoneyJ UNITED STATES, June 16, 2007 @ 9:01 pm

    Eating captain crunch doesn’t hurt the roof of Chuck Norris’ mouth.

  • By Alotta Fagina AUSTRALIA, June 17, 2007 @ 10:05 pm

    Superman is Chuck Norris’ bitch.

  • By george bush UNITED STATES, June 18, 2007 @ 4:33 am

    i dont rule the country,chuck norris does. he started the war in iraq bcuz he roundhouse kicked osama bin laden so hard. 9/11 was the effect of the kick

  • By Newman UNITED STATES, June 18, 2007 @ 6:58 am

    Chuck Noris built the house he was born in.

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:08 am

    O.J’s wife didnt have sex with Chuck Norris, so O.J. was merciful before Norris found her.

    And when O.J. says he’ll catch the real killers, he always secretly whispers ‘Chuck Norris owns me’

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    Chuck Norris CAN touch this, but he prefers a swift roundhouse.

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    Tenacious D were the greatest band in the world, till Chuck Norris picked up a guitar. And kill both JB and KJ in a single swing. POW!

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:18 am

    Chuck Norris got bored with no-one fattering him with this message board, so he punched Bill Gates so hard it kick started both sides of his brain. unfortunately for Bill, the right side is tuning out now (VISTA?! what the HELL is THAT?!?!!!!) and Bill will be getting a roung house kick to the back of his oblivious head.

  • By Daddy Chainsaw UNITED KINGDOM, June 18, 2007 @ 7:21 am

    Chuck Norris was once refused serive in a bank for murdering a queue jumper – after that, he threw a credit card at the speed of light and killed the CEO of the bank – 9 states away. The sweet irony…..

  • By robbie UNITED STATES, June 18, 2007 @ 8:01 pm

    ther was no adam and eve chuck norris lived in the garden of norris roundhouse kicked the snake ate all the apples he wanted.

  • By god of chuck UNITED STATES, June 19, 2007 @ 2:16 pm

    every night god prayes to chuck norris…….bam

  • By god of chuck UNITED STATES, June 19, 2007 @ 2:18 pm

    ingrediants of GOD…… 50% chuck 50% norris 100% Chuck Norris

    bingo bango

  • By god of chuck UNITED STATES, June 19, 2007 @ 2:20 pm

    if chuck norris is god, than steve siegal is satan..

  • By reese's UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 6:52 am

    chuck norris did a cannonball in the ocean- we call it “hurricane Katrina”

  • By reese's UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 6:54 am

    The earth once had two moons but Chuck Norris only wanted 1 so he roundhouse kicked one and created the asteriod belt

  • By reese's UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 6:58 am

    Chuck Norris killed mother nature because she made it rain once when chuck was outside

  • By Dirty UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 7:49 am

    The only thing chuck norris is afraid of is his own reflection because one day he looked in the mirror on christmas and woke up and it was Thanksgiving! Thats why he doesn’t have any mirrors because his reflection is the only thing that can give a roundhouse of equal power to that of his.

  • By Fupa UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 8:17 am

    Chuck Norris makes his bed every day. Every. Day.

  • By Dirty UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 4:54 pm

    My Chuck Norris jokes suck and make no sense! I wish i would die!

  • By Your Jokes Suck UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 4:59 pm

    A man was once arrested for attempted murder. When the judge discovered the man had fired a shot at Chuck Norris, the Judge instead had the man locked up for attempting suicide.

  • By Your Jokes Suck UNITED STATES, June 20, 2007 @ 5:00 pm

    Chuck Norris’s semen cures aids.

  • By wogman AUSTRALIA, June 20, 2007 @ 11:16 pm

    At the begining of time, Chuck Norris gave a massive roundhouse kick to a floating object which got in his way. Scientist like to refer to this event as the Big Bang theory…

  • By wogman AUSTRALIA, June 20, 2007 @ 11:26 pm

    The Hidenberg air disaster was actually caused by Chuck Norris’ roundhouse. The pilot made the mistake of interfering with Chuck’s TV reception.

  • By Fupa UNITED STATES, June 21, 2007 @ 4:27 am

    Chuck Norris CAN polish a turd.

  • By Elzine UNITED STATES, June 21, 2007 @ 11:04 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet. He wears shoes to protect the ground.

  • By josh UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 5:08 am

    Chuck Norris can stain stainless steel

  • By Daniel MEXICO, June 22, 2007 @ 5:30 am

    If you would invite Chuck Norris to your birthday party, his present to yo would be to let go of your balls, which he was clinging to since you were BORN!

  • By Sean UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 6:32 am

    Jesus cured a blind man by spitting in his hands and touching the man’s eyes. Chuck Norris cured the world of idiots, who thought that they could beat him in a fight, by killing them with a roundhouse kick to the cranium.

  • By Mike T UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 8:14 am

    Chuck Norris does not have friends…there are people he has given permission to speak to him

  • By Mark UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 2:30 pm

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

  • By Rob D UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 3:02 pm

    chuck norris once decided to can his own urine. then single handely started the Red Bull company.

  • By Jevon M UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 9:42 pm

    Chuck Norris only sleeps with the light on. Not because he’s afraid of the dark; but because the dark’s afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Son of Chuck UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 11:24 pm

    It is better to have love and lost, then to be visited by Chuck Norris. Less pain!!!

  • By Son of Chuck UNITED STATES, June 22, 2007 @ 11:28 pm

    Chuck Norris visited the great jungle in North Africa, he roundhouse kicked a few trees on a sunny afternoon for fun, the jungle was never the same. The name of that jungle was, Sahara Jungle. We now know it as a different name.

  • By Brother of Chuck UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 1:53 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to eat skittles to taste a rainbow.

  • By vocaluproar UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 5:31 am

    Chuck Norris once poked a man’s eye out with a round house kick to the face from 2.3 miles away….. Seriously! He did!

    Chuck Norris eats anything that falls on the floor, even after the 5 second rule!

    Chuck Norris isn’t afraid to stand close to the microwave while it’s heating his food!

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use a condom!

    Chuck Norris drives without a seatbelt!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

    Chuck Norris doesn’t ever clean his cowboy hat. I’m serious!!!

    When Chuck Norris rides a roller coaster, he keeps his hands and feet outside the car at all times!!!!! You think I’m lying????

    Chuck Norris eats peanuts out of the bowl at the bar when everyone else has had their hands in it!!!!!!

    Chuck Norris drives more than 15mph over speed bumps! AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!!!!!!!

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 6:06 am

    Chuck Norris is so tough he can run uphill with his lips, whistling, with saltine crackers in his mouth.

  • By Mid UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 6:14 am

    Suicide was invented to aviod death by Chuck Norris.

  • By RON T UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 7:41 am

    HE KNOW WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING, HE KNOWS WHEN YOUR AWAKE, HE KNOWS IF YOU’VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD, SO YOU BETTER BE GOOD OR ALL YOUR GONNA GET IS A STOCKING FULL OF ROUNDHOUSE KICKS AND ASS WHOOPINGS FROM SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER C.N.

  • By Brad R UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 7:47 am

    Chuck Norris played golf once, he shot 72 under par.

  • By Dr3vil UNITED STATES, June 23, 2007 @ 11:37 pm

    Chuck Norris would give blood. Too bad they can’t peirce his skin.

    If Chuck Norris eats another person it is not cannibilism. It’s the food chain.

  • By Father Nelson UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 6:06 am

    Chuck Norris is the catholic church.

    Chuck Norris is Santos L Halper.

  • By Father Nelson UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 6:19 am

    What they really wanted to name some TV shows.

    Joannie Loves Chuck Norris(Joanne Loves Chachi)
    ChuckFeld(Seinfeld)
    I dream if Chuck Norris(I dream of Jeannie)
    Chuck Norris Days(Happy Days)
    St Chuck Norris(St elsewhere)
    Different Chucks(diffrent Strokes)
    The facts of Chuck ( the facts of life)
    The Chuck Show (I cant remember)
    I love Chuck ( lUCY)
    The Price is Chuck(RIGHT)
    Chuck of Fortune
    Who Wants To Be Chuck Norris
    C*H*U*C*K (MASH)
    The Odd Chuck
    Late Night With Chuck Norris
    CBS Evening News with Chuck Norris
    Chuck’s View….My favorite, he roundhouse that fat pig Rosie and kicks the lesbo right out of her.
    Saturday Night Chuck
    Chuck Acres
    Car 54 where is Chuck Norris
    Chuck Buddies
    The Chuck Norris Bunch
    Chuck and Norris
    The Chuckpranos
    CSI CHUCK NORRIS
    Saved by the Chuck
    Saved by the Chuck College years.
    Family Chuck
    Tic Tac Chuck
    Chuck vs 100
    Chuck Rider
    The Chuck Team
    Hee-Norris or Chuck Haw
    SpongeChuck Norris Pants
    Norris Park
    Chuck and Butthead
    …..Check back…I will be doing songs next.

  • By Bono UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 6:23 am

    I talked to the edge last night…we have given new lyrics to Pride(in the name of love)

    Chuck Norris come in the name of love
    Chuck Norris come and go.
    Chuck Norris come he to justify
    Chuck Norris to overthrow.

    In the name of Chuck
    What more in the name of Chuck.
    In the name of Chuck
    What more in the name of Chuck.

    Chuck’s Beard caught on a barbed wire fence
    One man he resist
    Chuck washed up on an empty beach
    Chuck betrayed with a kiss.

    In the name of love
    What more in the name of love.
    In the name of love
    What more in the name of love.

    Early morning, April four
    Shot rings out in the Memphis sky.
    Free at last, they took your life
    They could not take your pride.

    In the name of love
    What more in the name of love.
    In the name of love
    What more in the name of love.

    In the name of love
    What more in the name of love.
    In the name of love
    What more in the name of love.

  • By RonT. UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 7:55 am

    songs like that make me want to UP-CHUCK!

  • By RonT. UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 8:38 am

    My name is Ron…MY God what where my parents thinking…Ron….Ron….Ron….Ron…a do ron ron ron a do ron ron…

  • By RonT. UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 9:17 am

    Chucks Norris’ toupee came from Burt Reynolds moustache.

  • By CHEESEGUY*88 UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 10:38 am

    Chuck Norris sleeps with the nightlight on….Not because he is afraid of the dark,its because the dark is afraid of HIM!!

  • By CHEESEGUY*88 UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 10:41 am

    Chuck Norris should be pronounced KILL THE GRIM REAPER!

  • By CHEESEGUY*88 UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 10:42 am

    STICK IT TO THE MAN is what chuck norris says allllllllllllllllllllllllll the time cuz he is…………………………………………………………..UGLY!

  • By Bruce lee UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 10:43 am

    Did you know that i am Bruce Lee

  • By Bruce lee UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 10:45 am

    Cheeseguy*88 is my best freind(and by the way Cheeseguy*88 is really chuck norris why do you think im bein so nice to him LOLZ)im so sexy man

  • By Fysh UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 1:47 pm

    It is said that JFK was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald, who was killed by Jack Ruby, who was later executed. The truth is that Chuck Norris killed all three of them simutaneously while juggling 9 Saturn-5 Rockets. Twice.

    Chuck Norris was banned from the PGA after being the only person to get 18 connsecutive holes in zero.

  • By TCW UNITED STATES, June 24, 2007 @ 9:46 pm

    A dinosaur once looked at Chuck Norris……Once.

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Ralph MEXICO, June 26, 2007 @ 1:41 am

    Chuck Norris knows where you live…

  • By Dr3vil UNITED STATES, June 26, 2007 @ 9:13 am

    The Lord giveth. Chuck Norris taketh.

  • By Dr3vil UNITED STATES, June 26, 2007 @ 9:35 am

    Chuck Norris can break every single one of the ten commandments with a single roundhouse kick.

  • By Dr3vil UNITED STATES, June 26, 2007 @ 9:42 am

    My mommy once told me that thunder is the sound of Chuck Norris and God bowling. God doesn’t dare try to win.

  • By Dr3vil UNITED STATES, June 26, 2007 @ 10:48 am

    Chuck Norris only uses a gun if he wants to take it easy on someone.

    When they were casting The Sixth Sense, they wanted Chuck Norris for the part played by Bruce Willis. But, who would actually believe Chuck Norris was dead.

    The producers of Walker Texas Ranger wanted Chuck Norris to get beat up in one of the episodes. After many failed attempts they gave up, because there are limits to what can be accomplished with special effects.

    If you look in the mirror and say Chuck Norris three times, Chuck eats a baby. If you say it four times he eats a chicken pot pie.

  • By Amanya Bagutti UNITED STATES, June 26, 2007 @ 3:16 pm

    Chuck Norris Doesnt do pushups he pushes the universe down.

  • By bs bitch UNITED STATES, June 26, 2007 @ 4:05 pm

    the boogeyman checks his closet for chuck norris before going to sleep

    Chuck norris has 2 speeds walk and kill

    most people wear superman pajamas. superman wears chuck norris pajamas

    chuck norris doesnt have to shave. his beard is too scared to grow

    chuck norris died 10 years ago but the grim reaper is too scared to tell him

    under his beard chuck norris does not have a chin.. he has another fist

    who would win in a race.. chuck norris or god? trick question. chuck norris is god

    god can walk on water but chuck norris can walk on god

    god wanted 10 days to create the earth. chuck norris gave him 6

    god said “let there be light” and chuck norris said “say please”

    Chuck norris only uses guns when he wants to take it easy on people

    chuck norris sleeps woth a night light on.. not because he is scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of chuck norris

    chuck norris eats things off of teh floor EVEN AFTER THE 5 SECOND RULE

    chuck norris doesnt do push ups.. he pushes the earth down

    chuck norris once karate choped the earth.. it is now known as the grand canyon

    chuck norris doesnt need to eat skittles to taste the rainbow

    i hear that they sell chuck norris’s urine now-a-days.. its called red bull

    chuck norris would give blood.. but they cant pierce his skin

    suicide was invented to avoid death by chuck norris

    chuck norris can get to the center of a tootsie pop without licking

    chuck norris can believe its not butter

    how many licks does it take to get to the center of chuck norris? the world WILL never know

    chuck norris’s tears can cure cancer.. too bad he never cries

  • By Chick Norris UNITED STATES, June 27, 2007 @ 8:36 am

    God only made 7 days in the week cause Chuck Norris hates the number 8.

    Chuck Norris is the Alpha and The Omega.

    So put that in yer pipe and smoke it.

  • By Chick Norris UNITED STATES, June 27, 2007 @ 8:40 am

    The Only thing Chuck Norris is afraid of is Chuck Norris.

    When Chuck Norris gives you the goat, it usually turns into a bull.

    It isnt called a Cleveland Steamer…it is called a Chuck Norris Steamer.

    Chuck Norris once gave a lady a Dirty Sanchez, and it wiped out the whole Idonesian Coast.

  • By young captures jr UNITED STATES, June 27, 2007 @ 2:21 pm

    Tiger Woods isnt really good at golf. Hes just afraid chuck norris will kick his ass if he dosnt win

  • By DrJones UNITED STATES, June 27, 2007 @ 2:35 pm

    There is no way that someone could have fathered Chuck Norris. The popular opinion is that he somehow went back in time and fathered himself.

  • By few0efef UNITED STATES, June 27, 2007 @ 3:52 pm

    amillia airheart got lost because chuck noriss round-housed kicked the plane.

  • By Jake Liro UNITED STATES, June 28, 2007 @ 7:59 am

    Because the force of procreating with Chuck Norris would mean absolute death for whatever women he was with, Chuck Norris merely willed his children into existence.

  • By know fuhl UNITED STATES, June 28, 2007 @ 9:20 am

    Whenever Chuck Norris farts, it creates a rip in space-time. Fortunately, Chuck Norris knows this and wields this mighty power carefully.

  • By lollipoplicker UNITED STATES, June 29, 2007 @ 12:43 am

    why is 7 afraid of 8?
    because chuck norris is hiding in 8′s closet

  • By Joe Verga UNITED STATES, June 29, 2007 @ 1:40 am

    Chuck Norris jump started a fleet of 18 wheelers by attaching the positive and negative thongs to his left and right nipples, respectively.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, June 29, 2007 @ 3:41 am

    There once was a Chuck from Nantucket. With a dick so long he could suck it. Just kidding – it was so long he could enter you from Southeast Asia while you joy ride on a two-person bicycle flying down the hillside of Montreal.

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, June 29, 2007 @ 5:07 am

    Chuck Norris can polish a turd with both hands tied behind his back.

  • By Greg UNITED STATES, June 29, 2007 @ 11:17 pm

    If t = 0 is when our known existence started, t = Norris is when it will end.

  • By VaidLeVey UNITED STATES, June 29, 2007 @ 11:51 pm

    The Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris.

  • By Mark UNITED STATES, June 30, 2007 @ 4:57 am

    Chick Norris knows the last digit of Pi.

  • By Mark UNITED STATES, June 30, 2007 @ 4:59 am

    Chuck Norris invented the internet to store his porn.

  • By Amy L UNITED STATES, June 30, 2007 @ 5:41 am

    Chuck Noris is actually a five time amputee…but you wouldn’t know that because he regenerates his limbs.

  • By Amy L UNITED STATES, June 30, 2007 @ 5:42 am

    You can power the world for 100 years off Chuck Noris because his heart is actually a cold fusion reactor!!!

  • By Isaac UNITED STATES, June 30, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    Children sleep with teddy bears…Chuck Noris sleeps with grizzly bears!!!

  • By Sarah UNITED STATES, June 30, 2007 @ 9:22 am

    Chuck Norris was once tripped by a crack in the ground. He kicked it so far in, it became a historical landmark, now known as “The Grand Canyon.”

    Chuck Norris is so fly, hookers pay to sleep with HIM.

  • By jon UNITED STATES, June 30, 2007 @ 1:26 pm

    When Chuck Norris eats Weaties he shit athletes!

  • By Zell018 CANADA, July 1, 2007 @ 5:51 am

    Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys

  • By Bob UNITED KINGDOM, July 1, 2007 @ 9:40 am

    Chuck Norris uses planets as stressballs.

    Chuck Norris’s idea of acupuncture involves nail guns.

    Chuck Norris Ctrl Alt’s YOUR Del.

    On Chuck Norris’s birthday, the stars realign themselves to write him a birthday message.

  • By chuck (no, not Norris) UNITED STATES, July 3, 2007 @ 5:01 am

    Even Chuck Norris’s Mother is afraid call him “Charlie”

  • By chuck (no, not Norris) UNITED STATES, July 3, 2007 @ 5:03 am

    Even Chuck Norris’s Mother is afraid to call him “Charlie”

  • By e-to-the-i-e-dizle UNITED STATES, July 3, 2007 @ 9:04 am

    chuck norris is so hot when the sun explodes NASA might send him up to replace it

  • By Jesse B (call me for a good time) UNITED STATES, July 3, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

    Chick Norris doesnt need to wear a cup, his balls are made of steel.

  • By jeff UNITED STATES, July 3, 2007 @ 5:03 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have a nightlight because he’s afraid of the dark; it’s because the dark’s afraid of him.

  • By jeff UNITED STATES, July 3, 2007 @ 5:21 pm

    Leap years happen because Chuck Norris’s favorite number is 365. Scientists have to balance it out by adding days sometimes.

  • By GOD UNITED STATES, July 3, 2007 @ 8:30 pm

    - SAVE CHUCK NORRIS, SAVE THE WORLD. NEVERMIND CHUCK NORRIS NEVER NEEDS TO BE SAVED.

    - CHUCK NORRIS IS THE ONE WHO SHOT BAMBI’S MOM

    - CHUCK NORRIS IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN MAKE IT OUT OF ROOM 1408

    - MR. T DOESNT PITY CHUCK NORRIS, CHUCK NORRIS PITYS MR. T

    - CINGULAR ONCE GOT CHUCK NORRIS MAD, IT IS NOW AT&T

    - CHUCK NORRIS ONCE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED HE’S IPOD, IT IS NOW THE IPHONE.

    - JESUS CAN ONLY WALK ON WATER BECAUSE CHUCK NORRIS WONT LET HIM WALK ON LAND

    - CHUCK NORRIS KNOCKED UP HIS MOTHER AND SHE GAVE BIRTH TO CHUCK NORRIS

    - THE LIGHTS NEVER TURN OFF IN CHUCK NORRIS’ HOUSE, THEIR TOO SCARED

    - CHUCK NORRIS GAVE CANCER, AIDS

    - CHUCK NORRIS SLEPT WITH MARY… IT WAS NOT AN IMMACULATE CONCEPTION

    - ONLY CHUCK NORRIS CAN CHUCK, NORRIS

  • By Travis Pippens UNITED STATES, July 4, 2007 @ 2:42 am

    Chuck was in a head on car crash once. There wasn’t a scratch on chuck. The other car was totaled. Chuck did not have a car.

  • By Adriane UNITED STATES, July 4, 2007 @ 3:28 am

    when chuck norris goes bowling, he doesn’t use a ball…the pins fall down in fear

  • By Jon West UNITED STATES, July 4, 2007 @ 5:02 am

    Chuck Norris ended World War 2 at the age of 4 by staring a picture of Adolf Hitler.

  • By Fritz UNITED STATES, July 4, 2007 @ 8:06 am

    Don’t worry about the sticks and stones, Chuck Norris’s words liquefy bones.

  • By Amanya AKA Afrikan Boy UNITED STATES, July 4, 2007 @ 9:15 am

    When everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten, everytime God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a Liger.

  • By Amanya AKA Afrikan Boy UNITED STATES, July 4, 2007 @ 9:21 am

    Chuck Norris is a bitch. He once faught Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee Beat the shit out of him …thats when Chuck made the biggest bitch move in the world..he killed bruce by making a satalite that shot 2 beams of plasma it killed bruce blocked the first one and it shot off chuck norrises penis and not expecting a second one her died

  • By JEff M UNITED STATES, July 5, 2007 @ 4:05 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris

  • By JoD UNITED STATES, July 5, 2007 @ 5:34 am

    I think it’d be great if someone got Chuck Norris very drunk and told him he could do all these things.

  • By Buck Morris UNITED STATES, July 5, 2007 @ 6:56 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t askaninja.com, He tellstheninja.com!

  • By Lee Ving UNITED STATES, July 5, 2007 @ 3:34 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t change a light bulb, he holds the bulb and the world revolve around him.

  • By Muloney IRELAND, July 6, 2007 @ 1:18 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t mash potatoes….he pulverises them!

  • By Chris UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 3:34 am

    Chuck noris vs Megagozilla, space godzilla, King Dhigobrah, and godzilla all at once = Chuck noris wins without breaking a sweat.

    My point: Chuck Noris rules. Period.

  • By SGT. Husen GREECE, July 6, 2007 @ 7:39 am

    According to the Geneva Convention, it is considered a war crime to use Chuck Norris.

  • By SGT. Husen GREECE, July 6, 2007 @ 8:22 am

    If Chuck Norris, Mr. T and Arnold Swartzeniger all walk into the same room.
    all the energy produced from their awsomeness would create a catalysm that would destroy the universe.

    -That is why you don’t see the three of them together at all.

    It happened once and was called the big bang

  • By GOD HIMSELF UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 8:39 am

    CHUCK NORRIS is so F ing COOL. it not even funny

  • By Me UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 10:33 am

    The .44 Magnum is not the most powerful handgun in the world, Chuck Norris is when he sees a hot chick.

  • By HAWKE UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

    Chuck Norris uses rattlsnakes as comdoms.

    Chuck norris doesnt walk the earth, the earth simply moves beneath him.

    chuck norris doesn’t dodge bullets, bullets dodge chuck norris.

    thank you for reading.

  • By Will S UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 12:27 pm

    Chuck Norris just had a custom motorcycle built by the guys on American Chopper. When traffic gets bad, the bike delivers a series of roundhouse kicks and the traffic is immediately pushed to the side of the road.

  • By SIRO UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 6:37 pm

    Chuck Norris learned how to do the robot before techno was invented.

  • By Cat III UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 10:24 pm

    After watching just one episode of Walker Texas Ranger, top scientists agreed that no hurricane should ever be named Chuck. If given that name they fear that a hurricane could gain enough strength to equal one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, which could destroy an entire continent.

  • By Cat III UNITED STATES, July 6, 2007 @ 10:29 pm

    After numerous hours of research, scientists concluded that the most poisonous food on earth is a Chuck Norris knuckle sandwich because of the 100% fatality rate.

  • By Chris UNITED STATES, July 7, 2007 @ 9:48 am

    Im bored with Chuck Norris…..Oh hi chuck….no i didnt say i wa–Wait No! *thud* Please! STOP! *crash* NOOO! *gunshot* *dead*”

    And thats why you DONT mess with Chuck Norris.

  • By GOD HIMSELF UNITED STATES, July 7, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

    Chuck Norris’s sperm is so strong it broke through 13 condoms, 2 brick walls, and the 1987 pittsberg steelers def. line. I WAS THERE

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, July 8, 2007 @ 4:31 am

    If I see one more post on this site, I will hunt down every one of you and round-house kick you into next week. I am tired of people saying I can do things that is impossible.

  • By Muloney IRELAND, July 8, 2007 @ 11:12 am

    The reason there are no more leprechauns in Ireland anymore, is because Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicked the Magic out of them and sent them over the rainbow, not only this he Roundhouse Kicked the snakes out too, he’s old friends with Saint Patrick, he did this as a favour as Saint Patrick blessed his beard.

  • By Chris UNITED STATES, July 8, 2007 @ 11:18 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt have orgasims, orgasims have chuck norris

  • By Karey UNITED STATES, July 9, 2007 @ 9:34 am

    When Chuck Norris visits the Washington Monument it goes limp with penis envy.

  • By Dawie UNITED STATES, July 9, 2007 @ 1:16 pm

    Superman and Chuck Norris once had a race around the Universe. The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside…

  • By ratfink UNITED STATES, July 9, 2007 @ 2:49 pm

    The only time Chuck Norris was wrong is when he thought he made a mistake.

  • By ratfink UNITED STATES, July 9, 2007 @ 2:51 pm

    If Chuch Norris looks at you then kill yourself….its easier.

  • By ratfink UNITED STATES, July 9, 2007 @ 2:56 pm

    Chuck Norris will give you his autograph for an arm and a leg.

  • By ratfink UNITED STATES, July 9, 2007 @ 11:59 pm

    Chuck Norris will never die and will never pay taxes.

  • By Buck Morris UNITED STATES, July 10, 2007 @ 7:24 am

    WARNIG:

  • By Buck Morris UNITED STATES, July 10, 2007 @ 7:27 am

    WARNIG: Emails w/ attatchments from Chuck Norris should be unopened and deleted. It may contain a deadly computer virus titled Delta Force v.2.0 This virus actually Roundhouse kick the computer right in the motherboard.

  • By Buck Morris UNITED STATES, July 10, 2007 @ 7:27 am

    WARNING: Emails w/ attatchments from Chuck Norris should be unopened and deleted. It may contain a deadly computer virus titled Delta Force v.2.0 This virus actually Roundhouse kick the computer right in the motherboard.

  • By Ward UNITED STATES, July 11, 2007 @ 1:46 am

    Chuck Norris Doesn’t make beer runs. Beer comes crawling to Chuck Norris.

  • By Jaubs UNITED STATES, July 11, 2007 @ 4:15 am

    When Chuck Norris has sex, he requires special kevlar condoms in order not to riddle his selected mate full of holes like a machine gun!

  • By Greg West AUSTRALIA, July 11, 2007 @ 5:51 pm

    Chuck Norris once drew a Fred Basset comic strip. It was funny.

  • By gopal UNITED STATES, July 12, 2007 @ 3:00 pm

    Men’s Health magazine recommends two portions of NUTS of different kinds such as almonds, pistaccio, hazelnuts, etc…hence one finds a plateful of a dozen coconuts at chuck norris’s house.

  • By gopal UNITED STATES, July 12, 2007 @ 3:04 pm

    There is some good news for Nicole Richie and Angelina Jolie. It is a less known fact that the big busty american women of today are a result of regularly swallowing highly nutritious load delivered by chuck norris.

  • By gopal UNITED STATES, July 12, 2007 @ 3:07 pm

    A woman can die of dehydration while having sex with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris’s tool roundhouse kicks the G and T spots to make the lady squirt till the last drop of fluids from her body.

  • By Lenny HONG KONG, July 12, 2007 @ 5:31 pm

    A Chuck Norris a day kills the doctor a freakin’ powerful way.

  • By Lenny HONG KONG, July 12, 2007 @ 5:32 pm

    A Chuck Norris a day keeps the ninjas away

  • By Rob CANADA, July 13, 2007 @ 2:22 am

    Chuck Norris killed 2 stones with one bird

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, July 13, 2007 @ 9:24 am

    They say that when John Wayne died they found over a pound of beef in his intestine. What they didn’t tell you is Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a cow across the mid west directly into the gut of the Duke.

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, July 13, 2007 @ 9:29 am

    Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris kicked it’s fucking ass across the street!

  • By Steven UNITED STATES, July 13, 2007 @ 9:52 am

    Chuck Norris can be in two places at once. He does this so that he can watch your expression while he kills you from behind.

  • By anonymous UNITED STATES, July 13, 2007 @ 9:52 am

    Chuck Norris is so hot that he roundhouse kicked Bruce Willis and Bruce Willis DIED HARD

    Although most people wear a “What Would Jesus Do” bracelet, Jesus wears a “What Would Chuck Norris Do” bracelet.

    Chuck Norris can chew up a Mini Cooper and spit out a Porsche

    Chuck Norris never has to paint his house, it turns white with fear at the sight of him.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t bake cookies, he glares at the ingredients and they bake themselves.

    A dodo pooped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. When was the last time you saw a dodo alive?

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, July 13, 2007 @ 10:24 am

    Scientists say that global warming may have lead to the devastating tsunami that ravaged South East Asia. What they didn’t take into account was the fact that Chuck Norris pissed into the Pacific Ocean while vacationing in San Diego. The shear force of his urination registered on Seismographs across the globe.

  • By NFGATCER UNITED STATES, July 13, 2007 @ 12:47 pm

    When God created the earth and said “Let there be Light”, when the lights came on Chuck Norris was standing there, then turned the lights off!

  • By FreeStyla AUSTRALIA, July 13, 2007 @ 6:31 pm

    Chuck Norris has twice stared death in the face. They are the only two times Chuck Norris has looked in a mirror.

  • By FreeStyla AUSTRALIA, July 13, 2007 @ 6:40 pm

    There are many physical constants. One such constant is Scnrk, the speed of a Chuck Norris round house kick. This speed is also identical to another physical constant, ‘c’, the speed of light.

  • By Tim UNITED STATES, July 14, 2007 @ 1:12 am

    Chuck Norris’ jeans have seen more bloodshed than the beaches of Normandy.

  • By Almighty Xerxes, July 14, 2007 @ 1:33 am

    After the death of the 300 Spartans at thermoplae, the Persian army decapitated all their corpses, when it came time to decapitate the corpse of King Leonidas, his beard detached itself and formed into a new creature, the creature began destroying the entire Persian encampment killing anyone that was foolish enough to standing its way with a flurry of roundhouse kicks. The Ancient Persians called this beast Chuck Norris, which is Persian for “Oh my god we’re all gonna die!”

  • By Almighty Xerxes, July 14, 2007 @ 1:33 am

    After the death of the 300 Spartans at thermoplae, the Persian army decapitated all their corpses, when it came time to decapitate the corpse of King Leonidas, his beard detached itself and formed into a new creature, the creature began destroying the entire Persian encampment killing anyone that was foolish enough to be standing its way with a flurry of roundhouse kicks. The Ancient Persians called this beast Chuck Norris, which is Persian for “Oh my god we’re all gonna die!”

  • By Felman UNITED STATES, July 14, 2007 @ 3:42 am

    Chuck Norris’ sperm count is so high that his girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, July 14, 2007 @ 5:43 am

    I am pleased by your recognition of my greatness. Please understand, if I kill you, it is because Chuck Norris must kill.

  • By Slipdipidis UNITED STATES, July 15, 2007 @ 12:24 am

    Chuck Norris has made a list, but only checks it once, Chuck Norris does not believe in second chances.

  • By wes UNITED STATES, July 15, 2007 @ 1:19 am

    these jokes are retarded.. very few of them are actually funny.. take some off.. you are ruining chuck norris jokes for me.. thanks

  • By Slipdipidis UNITED STATES, July 15, 2007 @ 7:45 am

    Wes is retarded. Maybe my contribution wasn’t as funny as he’d like but I don’t see any contributions from him at all. So sorry we don’t live up to your standards Wes. Some day, when you leave your mothers basement you can dazzle us with a Chuck Norris joke you came up with yourself.

  • By wes UNITED STATES, July 15, 2007 @ 4:10 pm

    fuck this site and all the queers that have too much time on their hands to sit and make these dumbass jokes up.. get a life kids.. i on the other hand, am hammered right now

  • By ShaunKingston UNITED STATES, July 15, 2007 @ 4:14 pm

    i agree, i mean

    “It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.”

    That isn’t even remotely funny.

  • By Mo Fat Women Please!!! UNITED STATES, July 16, 2007 @ 5:00 pm

    Chuck Norris flosses with barbwire…Twice a day

  • By Nicole UNITED STATES, July 17, 2007 @ 12:43 am

    “Chuck Norris can taste lies.”

    *lmfao*!!!!

  • By Mike UNITED STATES, July 18, 2007 @ 12:38 am

    Fabio was not hit in the face by a bird, it was a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.

  • By chris tucker UNITED STATES, July 19, 2007 @ 3:12 am

    walker teaxas ranger made a lot of killings, especialy alot of actors carreers.

  • By Auguajuebos UNITED STATES, July 19, 2007 @ 3:55 am

    Chuck Norris never experiences server issues. His server has too much respect for Chuck’s roundhouse kick.

  • By Almighty Xerxes, July 19, 2007 @ 4:07 am

    Chuck Norris; if cornered; is the most lethal thing in the universe, no one has ever…e..v..e..r… cornered Chuck Norris, but he is still the most lethal thing in the universe.

    Chuck Norris’ Beard is suitable as a substitute for 100 Grit Sandpaper.

    If he could be bothered Chuck Norris could hunt down and kill Osama Bin Laden in .0376 Seconds, unfortunately he doesn’t see Bin Laden as a threat, the only threat to Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris

    The only reason Sauron is never seen in Lord of The Rings, is because Chuck Norris refused to lend New Line the rights to his image, saying that he doesn’t ‘do’ autobiographies.

    Chuck Norris once let Bruce Lee think he defeated him, but in reality one of the roundhouse kicks delivered by Chuck Norris to the face of Bruce Lee carried the pathogens that gave Lee the brain tumor that killed him 5 years later. Ever since this incident the US Supreme Court has ruled that Chuck Norris must be classified as a Level 5 biological weapon.

  • By chris tucker UNITED STATES, July 19, 2007 @ 4:21 am

    chuck norris’s sweaters are made from steel wool.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 19, 2007 @ 5:18 am

    I still think all you guys are queers!

  • By Wes' Dong UNITED STATES, July 19, 2007 @ 10:44 am

    I hate Wes. I never get used

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 12:41 am

    Thats not my Dong

  • By Jesus UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:34 am

    Blessed are the Chuck Norris’, for they’ll kill me otherwise.

  • By The Bible UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:35 am

    On the 8th day God made Chuck Norris, but He cut it out of the week because too many people died.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:41 am

    Chuck Norris once peed on the third rail. It blacked out half of New York.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:44 am

    Scientists have recently fond that Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick holds the key to free energy.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:47 am

    Don’t worry. Chuck Norris killed Osama.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:52 am

    Chuck Norris has been stung in the heart by 28 sting rays.

    Steve Irwin’s a pussy.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:56 am

    Thanks to advancements in underwater robotics scientists have found that 7 miles below sea level, at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, lies the spawning point of Chuck Norris.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    Chuck Norris has killed 38,548,367 birds with one stone.

    And 38,548,368 men with one roundhouse kick.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 6:01 am

    They once sent Chuck Norris into space. That is why Pluto is no longer a planet.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 6:03 am

    A long, long time ago
    In a galaxy far away
    Chuck Norris killed Jar Jar

    That guy was fucking annoying

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 6:05 am

    Chuck Norris eats Kryptonite for breakfast.
    Who’s the super man now.

  • By Crazy Eyez Killa UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 6:07 am

    The Aura Borealis is just the sun reflecting off of Chuck Norris’ watch.

  • By ROMO UNITED STATES, July 20, 2007 @ 8:28 am

    The bulls from Pamplona go to Texas to run with Chuck Norris…

  • By Chuck Norris, July 21, 2007 @ 4:39 am

    Hey Wes…..

    RUN!!!!

  • By Wes Is Wack UNITED STATES, July 21, 2007 @ 5:05 am

    Hey Wes. you still suck even if you complain and get jokes about you and your mom removed

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 21, 2007 @ 6:05 am

    Does Chuck Norris sweat? That is a rhetorical question you fucking idiot. Of course Chuck Norris sweats. Where did you think whiskey comes from?

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 22, 2007 @ 10:29 pm

    How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? Zero. The tootsie pop sees Chuck approach and it shits its hard candy shell.

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 22, 2007 @ 10:33 pm

    Chuck Norris strikes his matches with his beard or his caustic sense of justice.

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 22, 2007 @ 10:48 pm

    When tough people come a walking, you don’t go a talking. When Chuck Norris come a walking. You shut the fuck up.

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 22, 2007 @ 10:52 pm

    Chuck Norris could probably annex the Republic of Texas. He would rule it under martial law, for sure.

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 22, 2007 @ 10:56 pm

    When elephants fight, only the grass suffers. When Chuck Norris fights, fuck the grass, he just killed about 6 dudes.

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 22, 2007 @ 10:59 pm

    When Chuck Norris plays chess, he kills his opponent in 3 moves, and their parents in 2.

  • By S2H UNITED STATES, July 22, 2007 @ 11:06 pm

    Chuck Norris ‘s morning coffee is made from espresso, black liquorice extract, tobacco essence, tobasco sauce, whiskey, and 2 raw eggs. He has 3.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, July 23, 2007 @ 5:09 am

    how the fuck would u no whats in my coffee. ill tell u.4 bottles of whiskey, 6 cans of beer, pufferfish juice, and only the finest columbian beans. now u no bitch. and ur no my personal chef either, so drop it bitch

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 2:50 am

    Fuck you Wes Is Wack and u too chuck norris. This site is extremely gay. U pathetic motherfucker should just drop this stupid ass comment writting shit. speacially that chuck norris is like 60+ years that fucker farts dust. by all means he is no threat to anyone. shit!!!

  • By Wes Bent over UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 4:47 am

    Even if Chuck farts dust it would have radiation in it thereby killing anyone who sniffs it in.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 4:48 am

    Chuck Norris is the best. I think that everyone on this site is extremely funny.

  • By Wes touched me as a child UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 4:54 am

    Chuck Norris eats fire and farts earth

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 7:10 am

    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 7:12 am

    Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 7:13 am

    • Chuck Norris did not “lose” his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 10:07 am

    Hoever is talking as me could suck dick you fucking cocksucking bastards, wes bent over go to HELL!!!! u and all this fucking people that believe that chuck norris is god. FUCK you CHUCK NORRIS

  • By Wes can't spell UNITED STATES, July 24, 2007 @ 10:38 am

    It’s spelled “whoever” not hoever. You are sad.

  • By Joosh UNITED STATES, July 25, 2007 @ 1:02 am

    So the Chuck Norris fact generator for google homepage is down… Did Chuck Norris roundhouse kick the server because you placed a fact that he did not like?

  • By Cold Hard Fact UNITED STATES, July 25, 2007 @ 3:17 am

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse . . . horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
    Conversely, two-year-olds are not hung like Wes . . . Wes is hung like a two-year-old.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 25, 2007 @ 10:29 am

    Im sorry cold hard fact. Once again I have insulted someone due to my schizophrenia. Im so freaking emotional. Its like im pregnant!!!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 25, 2007 @ 2:01 pm

    Asshole!!!!!!!!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 25, 2007 @ 11:37 pm

    rednut this is a a and b conversation u could c ur way out! u fucking douchebag

  • By Wes's 2nd Grade English Teacher, July 26, 2007 @ 1:34 am

    Wes never understood the basics of grammar, and has consequently spent his entire life sounding like an ignorant hick, which is exactly what he is.

  • By Chuck Norris, July 26, 2007 @ 1:36 am

    Wes is now officially on my list, and once your on my list, there’s only one way off…

  • By Almighty Xerxes, July 26, 2007 @ 1:38 am

    Hey Mr. Auld…. start a “Wes is a Douchebag” thread.

  • By Westard UNITED STATES, July 26, 2007 @ 6:49 am

    When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

  • By Authority UNITED STATES, July 26, 2007 @ 3:32 pm

    Wes is gone forever. We scared him off. Long live Roundhouse kicks to the gut

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 27, 2007 @ 1:56 am

    Authority you suck bitch so does everyone in this fucking site!

  • By darlann UNITED STATES, July 27, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    I’m very disappointed that the Chuck Norris Fact Generator is no longer working on my Google Homepage. I’ll give it another week and if it is still not fixed, I am deleting it.

  • By Cold Hard Fact UNITED STATES, July 27, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    Has anyone noticed how Wes showed up about the time the Chuck Norris Fact Generator went down on Google?

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 27, 2007 @ 6:16 am

    Thats not me you fucking asshole that is writting as me. If you really hate me that much why dont you just write as yourself you fucking pussy! Fuck you too Cold Hard Facts and CHUCK NORRIS

  • By Chris Brown, July 27, 2007 @ 6:59 am

    Wes, if you post on this site one more time i will hunt you down, come to your house at 3 AM and castrate you, then I’ll draw and quarter you, finally I’ll decapitate you, and stuff your tiny shriveled excuse for genitalia in you fucking pie-hole and plant your head on a stake on your front lawn, then I’ll post a sign saying “Let This Be A Warning; Chuck Norris is GOD”

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 27, 2007 @ 8:34 am

    Everyone that thinks that CHUCK NORRIS is GOD is a fucking retard. I hope that CHUCK NORRIS and his whole fucking family specialy his kids should burn in hell or better yet, be burn alive while CHUCK NORRIS watches and then dispose of him like Chris Browns mom tried to do to him. But only this time GOD will succeed on his mission. Not like your stupid ass mother did, so thats why GOD punished her, having a Douchebag as a fucking son, and I’ll bet your ugly ass father left your mom too on that matter. Fuck you and Chuck Norris!!!! Plus everyone in this stupid ass site.

  • By FUCK WES AND HIS GAY ASS UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 1:23 am

    Wes you suck ass you dumb ass pussy

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 3:42 am

    Thats the best you got

  • By Wes' Mom UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:25 am

    I really wish that coat hanger had worked. My tits itch.

  • By Wes' Priest UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:27 am

    I love wes. His skin is soft

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:30 am

    I love Chuck Norris he is awesome!!! I’m really sorry that Im a total piece of shit.
    Here are some Chuck Norris Jokes. I drink piss.

    • Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you’re thinking to yourself, “But Chuck Norris isn’t black”, then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:31 am

    • Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:31 am

    • Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question… just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:32 am

    Chuck Norris’ gay uncle knows Im gay

  • By Wes' Mom UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:34 am

    Wes is a side effect of of being kicked by Chuck Norris while pregnant. He still has a dent in his head

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:34 am

    I have herpes on my a-hole

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:35 am

    I love men
    ….who touch my balls with their bare hands

  • By Wes Side UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 6:36 am

    Friends let Wes drive drunk

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 7:56 am

    Were you at Chris Brown? thats what I tought pussy! Make your joke assholes, you guys are still insignificant pieces of shit and chuck norris is still a child molester, That likes to touch his own kids. Fucking pussies!

  • By What????? UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 8:46 am

    Wes…wtf? that didnt even make sense. Chris Brown? R U speaking english?

    Chuck Norris likes to touch Wes’s vagina…..with Wes’ Dad’s hand

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 9:19 am

    STOP!!!!!!! i fucking hate you guys, go fuck yourself chuck norris freaks

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 9:52 am

    DONT STOP!!!!!!!!!. I fucking love you guys. Please dont go fuck yourself. Viva la Chuck Norris. My nuts smell

  • By Wes' Sister UNITED STATES, July 28, 2007 @ 9:54 am

    I douche with wes’ face.

    SOS pads are not made from steel. They are made from Chuck Norris’ beard clippings.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 29, 2007 @ 4:13 am

    One time at band camp, Chuck Norris once stuck a tuba up my butt and then went on to play “when the saints go marchin in” and I loved it so much that that now I stick things up my own butt and blow guys to the tune of ” I am a big ol’ queer”.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 29, 2007 @ 4:16 am

    Hey, thats not true! I never heard of that song… I blow guys and dont care what song it sounds like. But it sounds like *ahdgg gaaaggg* everytime.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 29, 2007 @ 6:03 am

    You fucking retards dont be pussies and write as yourself!!!!!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 29, 2007 @ 1:13 pm

    Hey stop writing as me! I dont call people retards. Fuck you and my mom’s pussy!!!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 29, 2007 @ 4:02 pm

    I dont go to church camp bcuz all the priest take turns putting their fingers inside my pussy. I hated it….at first!!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 29, 2007 @ 4:04 pm

    Chuck Norris once took a dump and he named it Wes.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 29, 2007 @ 4:08 pm

    Sometimes I wish I was half as cool as just one of Chuck Norris’ pubic hairs

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, July 31, 2007 @ 12:44 am

    You guys haved officially gone retarded! Lame as motherfuckers that are afraid to write as themselfs but thats how the world is today full of jiggaboos and pussies.

  • By Wes' Mom UNITED STATES, July 31, 2007 @ 1:38 am

    I am actually Wes’ Mom. Wes your grounded. My asshole itches.

  • By Trent UNITED STATES, July 31, 2007 @ 5:40 am

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

    Chuck Norris CAN touch M.C. Hammer

  • By dell UNITED STATES, August 1, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

    SOMEBODY ALREADY SAID THAT!!!!!

  • By dell UNITED STATES, August 1, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

    SOMEBODY ALREADY SAID THAT!!!!! WHAT THE CRAP

  • By dellyfarmerlala UNITED STATES, August 1, 2007 @ 1:38 pm

    SOMEBODY ALREADY SAID THAT!!!!! WHAT THE CRAP

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 2, 2007 @ 12:41 am

    ………………………………………..

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 2, 2007 @ 8:59 am

    Hey who in here thinks these fuckers are douchebags? You fucking retatrds

  • By chris tucker UNITED STATES, August 2, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    in spain chuck norris dosen’t run from the bulls, the bulls run from chuck norris

  • By chris tucker UNITED STATES, August 2, 2007 @ 9:57 am

    wes is just to stupid to think of something smart to say, hes the tard

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, August 2, 2007 @ 11:56 am

    On Chuck Norris Day, everyone celebrates with beer and fireworks (Chuck Norris Day is July 4th)

  • By Amelia F. UNITED STATES, August 2, 2007 @ 11:57 am

    Every time Chuck Norris flexes his muscles it causes a supernova!!!

  • By Wes's Noodle UNITED STATES, August 3, 2007 @ 9:47 am

    I’m small and weak. Women laugh at me…please, Chuck, put me out of my misery. One very very very small roundhouse kick should destroy me utterly.

  • By Delirium UNITED STATES, August 3, 2007 @ 10:19 am

    Chuck Norris is, therefore I am.

    And to wes: You are a such flaming piece of shit that I feel you are not worthy for my toilet. I hope some hacker tracks you down so Chuck can kick your ass.

  • By RZ UNITED STATES, August 3, 2007 @ 12:59 pm

    Wes, come on. Are you really going to get so rilled up by a bunch of people posting in a comment section of a web site that you need to keep posting and trying to defend yourself…? I mean you tried to insult Chuck Norris (hallowed be thy name), on a Chuck Norris “fan” site…nicely done ass-jack. And then, the best insult you can come up with is “Hey who in here thinks these fuckers are [douche bags]? You fucking [retards]“…its sad by the way that you failed to spell retard, kinda begs the question of who the retard is…

    With that out of the way, when the Hell am I going to get my fact-generator back? It ruled…

  • By Wayde Klein UNITED STATES, August 3, 2007 @ 11:29 pm

    The Chuck Norris Fact Generator was not down because of server issues. The servers were down due to Chuck Norris issues.

  • By Chucky N UNITED STATES, August 4, 2007 @ 3:46 am

    Does anyone know a link to a myspace chuck norris fact generator that actually works?

  • By treefish UNITED STATES, August 4, 2007 @ 3:55 am

    Chuck Norris can fold a piece of paper as many times as damn well feels like.

  • By Rohillio UNITED STATES, August 4, 2007 @ 1:47 pm

    chuck norris can unscramble an egg

  • By westard UNITED STATES, August 5, 2007 @ 1:04 pm

    Some kids played kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick your Mom

  • By Dave Itz UNITED STATES, August 6, 2007 @ 7:38 am

    The only thing Chuck Norris fears is his own reflection

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 6, 2007 @ 10:41 am

    I hate you guys. You are all pieces of shit asses. I hope you all die. Only retards like Chuck Norris jokes. My pussy smells.

  • By Kerim UNITED STATES, August 6, 2007 @ 1:33 pm

    The endangered species list is just a list of animals Chuck Norris hasn’t gotten around to yet.

  • By Kerim UNITED STATES, August 6, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

    Chuck Norris won the 1987 World Series of Poker with a 2 of hearts, 7 of clubs, Monopoly “Get out of Jail Free” card, and a red 2 Uno Card.

    Look it up.

    Don’t look it up.

  • By mcheva AUSTRALIA, August 6, 2007 @ 7:59 pm

    Global warming is caused by chuck norris turning up the sun as it was cold. Who’s gonna tell him not to you?

  • By Indysbigpimp UNITED STATES, August 7, 2007 @ 8:36 am

    Every night before the boggie man go to sleep he checks his closet for CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Clark Kent UNITED STATES, August 7, 2007 @ 10:46 am

    According to “The Ultimate Showdown”, “Gandalf the Grey, and Gandalf the White, Monty Python and The Holy Grail’s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robo-Cop, Terminator, Captain Kirk and Darth Vader, Lo-Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Doc Oc and Hulk Hogan all came out of nowhere lightning fast, and they kicked Chuck Norris and his Cowboy ass”. This however, is misleading; yes, they all-together managed one kick on Chuck Norris, and his pet-cowboy-donkey Eyore, but it doesn’t tell what happened to them after they pulled that stunt… I barely managed to get out alive…
    -Clark Kent

  • By OptimusStab UNITED STATES, August 8, 2007 @ 2:30 am

    Money doesn’t grow on trees. Unless, that is, Chuck Norris buries a quarter.

  • By OptimusStab UNITED STATES, August 8, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    When Jesus was born, there were actually four wise men that visited him. The fourth was Chuck Norris, who presented Jesus the gift of Beard. Jesus wore the beard proudly throughout his entire life. The other three wise men, being jealous of Chuck’s far superior gift, used their combined influence to keep Chuck out of the Bible. Those three wise men are dead now. Wonder why?

  • By Adam Savadge UNITED STATES, August 8, 2007 @ 7:38 am

    Chuck Norris bleeds Napalm.

  • By truckersdontbefooled UNITED STATES, August 8, 2007 @ 11:42 am

    Chuck Norris CAN have his cake and eat it too.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 9, 2007 @ 1:59 am

    Come’on people, you guys cant posibly think that Chuck Norris is GOD. You guys are retarted. Hopefully one day Chuck Norris Dies and leaves you fuckers crying in his doorstep. you fuckers suck!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Chuck norris IRELAND, August 9, 2007 @ 2:37 am

    My dick is so big it has its own dick…and that dick is still bigger than yours!

  • By Chuck norris IRELAND, August 9, 2007 @ 2:37 am

    My dick is so big it has its own dick…and that dick is still bigger than yours

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 9, 2007 @ 5:11 am

    Fuck You CHUCK NORRIS!!!!

  • By love master UNITED STATES, August 9, 2007 @ 7:53 am

    IF YOU PLAY LED ZEPPLKINS STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN BACKWARDS, YOU CAN HEAR CHUCK NORRIS BANGING WES’S MOM AND SISTER…

  • By love master UNITED STATES, August 9, 2007 @ 7:53 am

    IF YOU PLAY LED ZEPPLINS STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN BACKWARDS, YOU CAN HEAR CHUCK NORRIS BANGING WES’S MOM AND SISTER…

  • By love master UNITED STATES, August 9, 2007 @ 7:54 am

    IF YOU PLAY LED ZEPPLINS STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN BACKWARDS, YOU CAN HEAR CHUCK NORRIS BANGING WES’S MOM AND SISTER…AND DAD!!!AND CHUCK STILL ISNT GAY

  • By TCW UNITED STATES, August 9, 2007 @ 9:16 pm

    Jean Claude Van-Damme once kicked Chuck Norris’ Ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a swift roundhouse kick to the face.

    All roads lead to Chuck Norris, and by transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

    Oh and Wes chews Chuck Norris’ Semen.

  • By TCW UNITED STATES, August 9, 2007 @ 9:16 pm

    hehe

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 10, 2007 @ 12:38 am

    Not funny!!!!!! Jackass

  • By Wes Norris UNITED STATES, August 10, 2007 @ 5:35 am

    Chuck Norris teabagged Wes’ myspace page .

    and yes wes, you chewing Mr. Norris’ semen is hilarious

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 10, 2007 @ 9:01 am

    Haha you fucker thats you and your brother you pathetic asshole!!!! thats NOT me bitch you wish you had a pic of me. Fuck you guys this site is fucking retarded. Chuck Norris, YOU SUCK ASSHOLE, YOU FUCKING DILDO

  • By wes is a bitch UNITED STATES, August 10, 2007 @ 12:38 pm

    wes is a dumb fuck and if he doesnt shut the fuck up right now im gonna personally go over to his house and teabag his mom hes living with then squirt on wes’s face

  • By TIts McGee UNITED STATES, August 11, 2007 @ 4:55 am

    Chuck Norris can eat a whole bag of peanuts in one bite.

  • By drill sargeant UNITED STATES, August 11, 2007 @ 7:11 am

    Real men pee standing up. Chuck Norris poops standing up.

  • By Hask UNITED STATES, August 11, 2007 @ 9:41 am

    Chuck Norris taught his dog to clean up after itself because Chuck Norris doesn’t take shit from anyone.

  • By Wes' Dead Mother UNITED STATES, August 11, 2007 @ 10:48 am

    Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home

    Chuck Norris’ semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.

    The chief import of Chuck Norris is cock.

    Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.

    Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris once became popular for no apparent reason whatsoever.

    A Chinaman once told Chuck Norris that his penis was small during a karate tournament.

    Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.

    Chuck Norris’ most lethal art is face painting.

  • By Tim AUSTRALIA, August 11, 2007 @ 7:46 pm

    In the begining there was God and he said ‘let there be light’
    Chuck Norris said ‘say please’

  • By Wayde UNITED STATES, August 12, 2007 @ 8:01 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep…and he doesn’t wait. Things simply stop happening for a while he relaxes his eyelids. It’s a respect thing.

  • By Wayde UNITED STATES, August 12, 2007 @ 8:02 am

    Chuck Norris has no other choice.

  • By Wayde UNITED STATES, August 12, 2007 @ 8:03 am

    Chuck Norris uses Che’s hands as an ashtray.

  • By g-funk UNITED STATES, August 12, 2007 @ 8:13 am

    was the titanic really sunk becaue of an ice burg? i think not! it was really Chuck Norris trying to defend the burg that was going to make his red bull smoothy.

  • By Boss UNITED STATES, August 12, 2007 @ 2:57 pm

    Did you know that Check Norris is the only one that can prevent forest fires?

  • By wesfucked in the ass UNITED STATES, August 13, 2007 @ 8:45 am

    Chuck Norris stops the bleeding with tampons

  • By Dondo UNITED STATES, August 13, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

    Chuck Norris once brought a still born baby deer back to life with a single gentle rub from his beared, then after being surrounded by astonished onlookers, he swiftly roundhouse kicked the baby deer to death, thus proving…… The Good Chuck Giveth, and The Good Chuck Taketh Away.

  • By Jstar UNITED STATES, August 13, 2007 @ 8:43 pm

    They sent Chuck Norris and only Chuck Norris to guard an air base in Iraq.

  • By Not Jstar UNITED STATES, August 15, 2007 @ 6:10 am

    Jstar that wasnt funny at all. Stick to reading the jokes…not writing them

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 15, 2007 @ 6:12 am

    I blow asian men

  • By Dan UNITED STATES, August 16, 2007 @ 4:03 pm

    At night the boogeyman looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, August 17, 2007 @ 3:01 am

    Chuck Norris CAN eat just one..

  • By Trotl CZECH REPUBLIC, August 17, 2007 @ 8:57 pm

    Chuck Norris is forbidden to have any children as it would be a clear violation of the Non-Proliferation Treaty of Weapons of Mass Destruction.

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, August 18, 2007 @ 7:28 am

    “Have it your way !!!” was a phrase first coined by a quaking Burger King worker as he took Chuck Norris’ order.

  • By Cattibry UNITED STATES, August 18, 2007 @ 4:38 pm

    The origional comcept was “Transformers, Chuck Norris in Disguise.” About a robot Texas ranger that captured decepticon drug dealers using rondhouse kicks. But producers realised that this show was too awesome for the human mind to comprehend. So they had to split it in to two seperate shows.

  • By Dr. Feel UNITED STATES, August 18, 2007 @ 7:16 pm

    chuck norris is the man

  • By Paul UNITED STATES, August 19, 2007 @ 12:17 am

    Chuck Norris walks in the rain without getting wet. Even the rain isn’t foolish enough to strike Chuck Norris

  • By Pintcho UNITED STATES, August 19, 2007 @ 7:55 am

    Chuck Norris sucks honey out of living bees.

  • By CK1 UNITED STATES, August 19, 2007 @ 10:00 am

    God never gives Chuck Norris more than he can handle; if He did, He would have to handle Chuck Norris.

  • By CK1 UNITED STATES, August 19, 2007 @ 10:02 am

    Chuck Norris looks gift horses in the mouth.

  • By Vik UNITED STATES, August 19, 2007 @ 2:01 pm

    Only Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick his own ass.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, August 19, 2007 @ 2:20 pm

    Chuck Norris’ dick can chew gum.

    Chuck Norris’ Dick is so big, it hurt its knee.

    Chucks dick is so big it has an elbow.

  • By Trey UNITED STATES, August 22, 2007 @ 12:41 am

    Scissors can’t run with Chuck Norris.

  • By Brennie J. UNITED STATES, August 22, 2007 @ 3:37 am

    Chuck Norris beat Superman in a staring contest.

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, August 22, 2007 @ 7:43 am

    The United Nations has voted on numerous occasions to ban Chuck Norris from pursuing international terrorists and dealing with rogue nations. It seems the votes stem from fear that after dealing with these smaller issues; Chuck Norris might consider the larger problem and visit the U.N. personally!

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, August 22, 2007 @ 7:54 am

    Chuck Norris counts Chickens BEFORE they hatch.

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, August 22, 2007 @ 7:57 am

    Chuck Norris knows what all the prime numbers are, but he doesn’t reveal them so that Mathematicians have something to do.

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, August 22, 2007 @ 8:06 am

    Chuck Norris is being added to the Periodic Table of the Elements.

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, August 22, 2007 @ 8:20 am

    Paul Hogan was originally going to cast Chuck Norris as “Crocodile Dundee.” He soon realized that nobody would believe that a crocodile could be dumb enough to attack Chuck Norris and removed Chuck’s name from the part.

  • By BB UNITED STATES, August 23, 2007 @ 1:03 am

    1. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so fast, that his foot went back in time and killed Amelia Earheart.

    2. Chuck Norris went back in time to stop the JFK assaination. He jumped in front of the bullets and caught them in his beard. JFK head exploded out of plain amazment.

    3. When chuck norris jumps intoi a pool, he doesn’t get wet – the water gets chuck norrised!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, August 23, 2007 @ 8:00 am

    Chuck Norris loves kittens, so when he masterbated, it killed god

    The only person to ever end a fight with Chuck Norris to a draw was Sirron Kcuhc.

    Chuck Norris is the only man ever to protect his body Guard

    The Blue Screen of Death was originally called Chuck Norris because the second you see it you fill with fear and sorrow.

  • By BIG-D UNITED STATES, August 23, 2007 @ 1:43 pm

    CHUCK NORRIS DOSENT HAVE A CHIN UNDER HIH BEARD…….JUST ANOTHER FIST

  • By Brent UNITED STATES, August 23, 2007 @ 2:21 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch… He SAYS what time it is…

  • By Wes Rocks, August 23, 2007 @ 11:05 pm

    Wes you crazy guy you. Bloody awesome. Haven’t laughed this hard for years. Your mom must be so proud of her highly strung, little illiterate chuck hater.

  • By Zanthis UNITED STATES, August 23, 2007 @ 11:51 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his balls. Hair doesn’t grow on steel.

  • By George kolo GREECE, August 24, 2007 @ 3:48 am

    Chuck Norris is the only only one that can start a fire by pissing on the ground

  • By George kolo GREECE, August 24, 2007 @ 3:50 am

    Chuck Norris can ride a bike with no wheels. But he prefers to fly.

  • By alex GREECE, August 24, 2007 @ 9:35 pm

    Chuck Norris is the first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth horseman of the apocalypse!

  • By alex GREECE, August 25, 2007 @ 1:53 am

    Chuck Norris never counts sheep before he sleeps. He count the bodies he has round-house kick. ever.

  • By jeff UNITED STATES, August 25, 2007 @ 4:53 am

    teh real reason that american gladiators was canceled was chuck norris was invited. . . there were no survivors

  • By alex GREECE, August 25, 2007 @ 9:34 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason for Global Warming. He cant go to toilet lately…

  • By wendy CANADA, August 26, 2007 @ 1:06 am

    You guys are hilarious. Thanks for making me LMAO.

  • By chuk hater UNITED STATES, August 26, 2007 @ 6:41 am

    chuck norris can kiss my ass. if i see him im going to roundhouse kick his

  • By love poopoo GUAM, August 26, 2007 @ 8:29 pm

    when chuck noris poos angels come out of his but and when the rapture comes he going to poo a huge turd

  • By love poopoo GUAM, August 27, 2007 @ 7:52 pm

    chuck norris gets what chuck norris wants!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Grillin n Chillin UNITED STATES, August 28, 2007 @ 8:24 am

    chuck norris Invented the BAD ASS Cheese Buger
    http://www.grillinnchillin.net

  • By Grillin n Chillin UNITED STATES, August 28, 2007 @ 8:25 am

    chuck norris Puts the Q in BBQ
    http://www.grillinnchillin.net

  • By Geoff UNITED STATES, August 28, 2007 @ 11:46 am

    Osama Bin Laden isn’t hiding from the United States, he’s hiding from Chuck Norris.

  • By Geoff UNITED STATES, August 28, 2007 @ 11:50 am

    We could win the war in Iraq but Bush is afraid to ask Chuck Norris for help.

  • By jstar UNITED STATES, August 28, 2007 @ 3:48 pm

    to NOT JSTAR, if you knew about chuck norris you would get it, and he did come out to iraq to see us when i was there because he did the same job as me. PS: He personally thought it was funny.

  • By Robert Mugabe...Wes's Uncle, August 28, 2007 @ 9:44 pm

    What’s an I.T. day without some Chuck Norris jokes? Read on…
    1. Chuck Norris invented C++ after roundhouse kicking C – TWICE.
    2. Chuck Norris is the Domain controller.
    3. Chuck Norris has the IP 0.0.0.0
    4. Chuck Norris can ping 256.256.256.256 and get a reply.
    5. Chuck Norris can hack into ANY bank with his palmtop.
    6. Chuck Norris’ computer boots into Windows XP Pro even though only DOS 6.2 is installed.
    7. Chuck Norris’ email address is ChuckNorris. He IS the internet domain.
    8. Chuck Norris is mailer-daemon.
    9. Chuck Norris is Dr Watson.
    10. format c: is the request to have Chuck Norris come roundhouse kick your PC.
    11. Chuck Norris has Windows XP on his Apple MAC (Sorry Chuck, that’s already been done!)
    12. Chuck Norris never gets the page cannot be displayed error.
    13. Machine code is another name for Chuck Norris language.
    14. Chuck Norris CPU doesn’t have a fan.
    15. Chuck Norris can write DVDs on floppy drive.
    16. Chuck Norris invented the internet.
    17. Chuck Norris can paste pics in Notepad.
    18. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his 14400k modem & thats how we got ADSL.
    19. Chuck Norris’s Dot matrix printer prints photos – in colour.
    20. Chuck Norris uses Notepad as a database.
    21. Chuck Norris’ PC speaker gives him 7.1 DTS surround sound.
    22. Chuck Norris monitor has no glare…no-one glares at Chuck Norris.
    23. Chuck Norris can edit PDF files.
    24. Chuck Norris rips CDs with his hands.
    25. Chuck Norris can download Metallica mp3s using Naspter.
    26. Chuck Norris has a yahoo account with hotmail.
    27. Chuck Norris has an Intel CPU on an AMD motherboard.
    28. Chuck Norris can program a MAC with excel macros.
    29. Chuck Norris website has never had a hit – Nobody hits Chuck Norris’ website.

  • By alex GREECE, August 28, 2007 @ 11:55 pm

    Chuck Norris landed on the moon first. He went there by riding a bike with square wheels

  • By felix, August 29, 2007 @ 2:01 am

    He then bungee jumped cordless, back to the earth’s atmosphere. Landed on the peak of Mount Everest and snow feeted down. Barefoot. U could see the trail of hot lava behind him…it started at the peak..when he stopped at the foot of the mountain!

  • By Wannabechuck, August 29, 2007 @ 2:52 am

    The sun shining through Chuck Norris’s beard is what we know as twilight.

  • By Wannabechuck [SOUTH AFRICA], August 29, 2007 @ 3:23 am

    Peter Parker’s alter-ego is spider-man.
    Bruce wayne’s alter-ego is batman.
    God’s alter-ego is Chuck Norris.

  • By Jill K. UNITED STATES, August 29, 2007 @ 5:02 am

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  • By Papi P UNITED STATES, August 29, 2007 @ 8:49 am

    On the eigth day, the Lord said “Let there be world peace.” And Chuck Norris said “I’ll think about it. No.”

  • By Papi P UNITED STATES, August 29, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    As a child, Chuck caused so much trouble his family was banned from the tower of Pisa, the Sphinx of Egypt, and the tower at Stonehenge. They gave up family vacations altogether after he stubbed a toe at the Grand Mountain in Arizona.

  • By Mzansi's Finest, August 29, 2007 @ 7:52 pm

    If Chuck got the part as the villain in all our favourite Superhero movies…they would have been history by now. Just history…NO Superman Returns, No Spiderman 2 or 3!! Nothing..nada!!

  • By chuck norris UNITED STATES, August 29, 2007 @ 8:59 pm

    robert. your jokes are fuking gay. i saw the same jokes on a different site. make up ure own jokes you stupid fuck.

  • By Chuck's Chosen Few UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 6:12 am

    Chuck Noris was lonely, so he created a race of asskicking superhumans with the strength and power to make him proud.
    They are called the Florida Gator’s.

  • By Aboutjosh UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 8:15 am

    What did God say to Chuck Norris?

    Trick question, Chuck Norris is God, and Chuck don’t talk to himself.

  • By fungtord UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 11:43 am

    chuck norris and i agree that wes is raging, hemroida,l lactating, rectal foot warmer

  • By fungtord UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 11:44 am

    chuck norris and i agree that wes is a raging, hemroidal, lactating, rectal foot warmer

  • By turtle UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 12:30 pm

    Chuck Norris literally beats that pussy up.

    Chuck Norris does not have to masturbate… he just stares at it really hard.

  • By soundman2007 UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 2:02 pm

    Chuck Norris once round house kicked a chimp so hard he sped up the evolutionary process and it turned into a man. Then it fell over dead.

  • By chuck noris UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 6:20 pm

    wes and i agreed that fungtord is a fucking retard

  • By chuck noris UNITED STATES, August 30, 2007 @ 6:23 pm

    wes. you bring great shame to your name

  • By DJ UNITED STATES, August 31, 2007 @ 3:18 am

    Jesus did not walk on water, Chuck Norris carried him.

  • By bryan UNITED STATES, August 31, 2007 @ 3:30 am

    chuck nours dont need to ues his arms to kill people he uses his money. to hire a stunt devil to take his place and kill them

  • By bryan UNITED STATES, August 31, 2007 @ 3:32 am

    piss

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, August 31, 2007 @ 12:06 pm

    I banged my wife and left her paralyzed.

  • By chuck noris UNITED STATES, August 31, 2007 @ 5:42 pm

    impersonate me again and ill leave you parolized

  • By 1337 pwner UNITED STATES, September 1, 2007 @ 4:27 am

    U all r n00bs. I could totally pwn u n00bs in leik SSBM or zero hour. I could pwn u in leik FPS, be all leik, BOOM HEAD SHOT! BOOM HEAD SHOT! I could totally pwn u noobs… but not Chuck Norris..

  • By Chris UNITED STATES, September 1, 2007 @ 6:17 am

    We’re the noobs? You said Leik, 3 times. and you are using netspeak. you are the noob. I will pwn you in Kuma war.

  • By Stupid Kids UNITED STATES, September 1, 2007 @ 11:04 am

    Dumbass kids shut the hell up talking about games here grow up go out and get laid.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, September 1, 2007 @ 11:06 am

    Yeah shut the hell up you illiterate ass chuck norris can’t even spell worthless shit.

  • By billy bob UNITED STATES, September 2, 2007 @ 4:04 pm

    chuck norris does not get blowjobs. blowjobs get chuck norris.

    SHITFUCK

  • By chuck noris UNITED STATES, September 2, 2007 @ 6:20 pm

    billy bob, you fucking retard.

  • By Vik UNITED STATES, September 3, 2007 @ 5:17 am

    According to legend Chuck Norris was born with a beard. When the puzzled midwife tried to shave it off she is said to have received a swift round house kick,thus becoming the first and only person to be seriously injured in a midwifing accident.

  • By l0li3 UNITED STATES, September 4, 2007 @ 2:13 am

    Just saw this on the generator… Whiskey… Not Whickey. Jack Daniels would be pissed… As would Jim Bean… Or they would be too drunk to notice..

    Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, September 5, 2007 @ 3:54 am

    CHUCK NORRIS CAN DO LONG DIVISION WITH AN ABBUCUS.

  • By alex GREECE, September 6, 2007 @ 4:20 am

    Chuck Norris Round-House Kicked the winds and created the Katrina Hurricane in his morning training.

  • By jordan olive UNITED STATES, September 6, 2007 @ 6:35 am

    chuck norris is the reason forest kept running

  • By Garrett UNITED STATES, September 7, 2007 @ 8:25 am

    all we half to do to stop illegal imagration is to send chuck norris to the border

  • By Bob marley UNITED STATES, September 7, 2007 @ 8:27 am

    chuck norris dosent use stairiods, stariods take chuck norris

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, September 7, 2007 @ 8:37 am

    CHUCK NORRIS KNOWS HOW TO USE A DICTIONARY; DO YOU?

  • By Drew Couture UNITED STATES, September 7, 2007 @ 12:59 pm

    WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE BULL,YOU GET THE CHUCK NORRIS

  • By truckersdontbefooled UNITED STATES, September 7, 2007 @ 3:03 pm

    Question: How much wood would Chuck Norris chuck, if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?

    Answer: How dare you even ask.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, September 8, 2007 @ 1:57 am

    Fact: Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad

  • By Fysh UNITED STATES, September 8, 2007 @ 3:29 am

    According to Dante, the deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers. For those who require more punishment, Chuck Norris is sent ot roundhouse kick them in the face so hard that it breaks through the space time continuum, causing the unlucky recipient to travel back in time two seconds, therefore experieneing being roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris for the rest of Eternity.

  • By jorge UNITED STATES, September 9, 2007 @ 4:27 am

    hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi C-H-U-C-K N-O-R-R-I-S

  • By mcmahon IRELAND, September 9, 2007 @ 8:18 am

    Chuck Norris challanged churchill’s car insurance, and won

  • By Joe Cool UNITED STATES, September 9, 2007 @ 1:25 pm

    Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires!

  • By The Chazz COSTA RICA, September 9, 2007 @ 5:57 pm

    Chuck Norris’ turds are what we know as Kryptonite

  • By The Chazz COSTA RICA, September 9, 2007 @ 6:05 pm

    Nothing can move faster than light…and by the way, it’s only called the speed of light because Chuck Norris thought calling it the speed of Chuck Norris was too long of a name

  • By grillinnchillin.net UNITED STATES, September 11, 2007 @ 1:08 pm

    mAHSJFKd

  • By grillinnchillin.net UNITED STATES, September 11, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

    impersonate me again and ill leave you parolized

  • By grillinnchillin.net UNITED STATES, September 11, 2007 @ 1:10 pm

    little vinnie love the big chuck

  • By Logan UNITED STATES, September 12, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    Chuck norris raped the only girl who works for bungie. shortly after EVE-Online was made.

    Chuck norris doesnt play World of Warcraft, when asked why he said,”i round house kicked my gm.”

    Chuck norris HAS visited all the planets in EVE.

    Chuck norris trimmed his fingernails toenails beard and happy trail, soon after the races of eve were born.

    cuck norris plays with fire

  • By Cameron AUSTRALIA, September 12, 2007 @ 4:22 pm

    If chuck norris was a drug, I’d be addicted

  • By Dawn UNITED STATES, September 13, 2007 @ 2:07 am

    The flat earth society is not a group of irrational and stupid people. The earth was actually flat at one time until Chuck Norris came along and squashed it into a ball shape and decided to play catch with God.

  • By They Call Me Bruce UNITED STATES, September 13, 2007 @ 11:46 am

    Chuck Norris is just an old, wrinkly man.

  • By me UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 6:50 am

    chuck doesnt swim, pools move in the direction he wants them to

  • By me UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 7:00 am

    chuck was told not to play with fire by smokey the bear, anyone see him around lately?

  • By me UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 7:01 am

    the seasons change because chuck gets bored

  • By blah UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 9:39 am

    if you people dont like chuck norris dont be dicks and say something on this website thats just stupid… and if u think u could win in a fight against him ur wrong

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:11 pm

    Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:14 pm

    Superman and The Flash raced around the world. Chuck Norris won.

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:16 pm

    Sticks and stones may break my bones but Chuck Norris will come along and beat the crap out of whoever hurts innocent children.

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:23 pm

    Jimmy Hoffa once said he could take on Chuck Norris. Seen Jimmy recently?

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:30 pm

    In the movie Transformers the Cube gave birth to the Autobots and Decepticons. Recently people have started wondering, “Where did the Cube come from?” The answer; A hair from Chuck Norris’s beard.

  • By Blake UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:34 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t own house. He just walks into people’s houses and tells them to leave. Anyone who disobeys gets roundhouse kicked into the 4th dimension.

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:36 pm

    The Silver Surfer goes from planet to planet. A few days later the planet is destroyed. Why does the Silver Surfer world hop? Because he got on the wrong side of Chuck Norris.

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:37 pm

    Moses didn’t part the Red Sea. Chuck Norris showed up and the sea moved out of his way.

  • By Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:38 pm

    Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

  • By Blake and Cameron UNITED STATES, September 14, 2007 @ 2:41 pm

    CHUCK NORRIS FOR PRESIDENT IN ’08

  • By go for it girl UNITED STATES, September 15, 2007 @ 1:55 am

    they say behind chuck norris’s beard is a fist of death~~~

  • By Vik UNITED STATES, September 15, 2007 @ 2:34 pm

    Chuck Norris saves MORE THAN 15% on car insurance.

  • By Vik UNITED STATES, September 15, 2007 @ 2:40 pm

    “You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.”
    -Al Capone

    “You can get much further with a roundhouse kick and a gun than you can with a gun alone.”
    -Walker, Texas Ranger

  • By Dylan UNITED STATES, September 15, 2007 @ 3:25 pm

    Chuck Norris doesnt mow his lawn…he stares at it and dares it to grow

    When Chuck Norris pees he clogs the toilet

  • By Dylan UNITED STATES, September 15, 2007 @ 3:51 pm

    If Chuck Norris knew of all the jokes about him on the internet he would delete the internet.

  • By Brimm CANADA, September 16, 2007 @ 8:04 am

    Chuck Norris was the 4th Wiseman in the Bible. He gave Jesus the gift of the beard. Afterwards, the 3 remaining Wisemen got jealous and wrote him out of the Bible.

  • By what kinda name is wes??? UNITED STATES, September 17, 2007 @ 9:27 am

    wes is agay sooo it doesnt mater what he says technally just ignore him

  • By chud UNITED STATES, September 18, 2007 @ 4:38 am

    chuck norris can hump every single human on earth into a paralyzing submission :)

  • By chud UNITED STATES, September 18, 2007 @ 4:40 am

    chuck norris can try this at home

  • By CrapFaceBurglar UNITED STATES, September 19, 2007 @ 2:00 pm

    When Chuck Norris was born the nurse came in and said “holly shit, that’s Chuck Norris,” and that was the third woman he had sex with.

  • By Jerry1316 UNITED STATES, September 20, 2007 @ 12:12 am

    Chuck Norris has NO limit when eating schnitzengruben.

  • By JebTexas UNITED STATES, September 20, 2007 @ 3:35 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t take out the trash, at his house the trash knows when to get the fuck out!

  • By Farfanugan CANADA, September 20, 2007 @ 9:19 am

    Chuck Norris kills animals for food, he kills everything else for fun!

  • By trickidicki UNITED STATES, September 20, 2007 @ 9:41 am

    Superman wears Chuck Norris pj’s

  • By Jman UNITED STATES, September 21, 2007 @ 8:11 am

    Once you pop…Chuck Norris can stop.

  • By cock sniffer UNITED STATES, September 21, 2007 @ 8:16 am

    AIDS is uncurable because it’s really chuck norris semen that caused it. It,s so powerful that it slowly kills it’s host.

  • By getalife UNITED STATES, September 21, 2007 @ 11:47 pm

    Why did the chicken cross the road? cause Chuck Norris told him to!

  • By Son OF Chuck UNITED STATES, September 22, 2007 @ 3:23 am

    Suicide was invented to avoid death by a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.

    It is better to have love and lost, then to get a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck.

  • By Amanda UNITED STATES, September 22, 2007 @ 12:06 pm

    Why the crap did Wes keep posting if this site was dumb in his opinion? And what kind of name is Wes anyway? Sheesh. I wouldn’t call myself Wes if you paid me. I’d change my name to Chuck Norris… who’s with me?

    Also, Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. (:

  • By NICK CANADA, September 22, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

    When chuck was little he never wet the bed the bed wet it self i fear

  • By NICK CANADA, September 22, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

    When chuck was little he never wet the bed the bed wet it self in fear

  • By Mark UNITED STATES, September 23, 2007 @ 1:17 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get caught in storms; he’s the storm everyone else gets caught in.

  • By Zach UNITED STATES, September 23, 2007 @ 4:25 am

    for some people the left testicle is larger than the other, for chuck norris each testicle is lager than the other one.

  • By Joey UNITED STATES, September 23, 2007 @ 12:00 pm

    Chuck Norris goes to the grocery on the first of every month because that’s when the fresh order of whoop ass comes in.

  • By Dani UNITED STATES, September 24, 2007 @ 10:54 pm

    chuck norris likes to knit sweaters. by knit, i mean roundhouse kick. And by sweaters, i mean babies.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, September 25, 2007 @ 1:03 am

    Blah blah blah somthing blah Chuck Norris!! Blah blah blah!!

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, September 25, 2007 @ 1:06 am

    I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Chuck Norris.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, September 25, 2007 @ 1:08 am

    Chuck Norris could get a man pregnant, just by looking at him.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, September 25, 2007 @ 1:11 am

    Chuck Norris eats flour,eggs,water,tomatoes then drinks a gallon of milk and shits out Lasanga just like mom used to make.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, September 25, 2007 @ 1:13 am

    Chuck Norris is the man responsible for Mary’s “immaculent conseption”.

  • By ck UNITED STATES, September 25, 2007 @ 12:35 pm

    Chuck Norris decided he was going to dig his own in-ground pool one weekend and name it after himself, we now know it as Lake Superior.

  • By mfiloooo UNITED STATES, September 25, 2007 @ 1:12 pm

    chuck norris’s calender goes straight from march 31 to april 2…. nobody fools chuck norris.

  • By Yunk UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 1:03 am

    Chuck Norris Flew to the Moon. Thats It!

  • By Yunk UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 5:52 am

    I’m gay and I fucked Wes’ ass hole whilst he had a shitty runny case of ‘ria.

  • By Charles P. Norris (P stands for PAIN!) UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 6:16 am

    FUCK YOU YUNK!!!! I”M GONNA FIND YOU AND SHIT IN YOUR MOTHERS MOUTH!!! Then throw you a little roundhouse kick to your tits.

  • By Duder UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 6:36 am

    Barry Bonds never took steroids, he instead injected Chuck Norris’ urine directly into his veins

  • By Duder UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 7:42 am

    Chuck Norris was originally cast as Jack Baur in 24, but they had to let him go when he killed every character with a roundhouse kick in 24 seconds.

  • By themanwhoknowseverything UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 12:09 pm

    There’s no such thing at looking at women posing nude on the internet, thats just the women when they wake up see a camera and their pusssy is fucking sore.

  • By Charles Roundhousekick Norris UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 12:12 pm

    You know what themanwhoknowseverything, I’ve takin your virginity haven’t i?

  • By Matt Johnson UNITED STATES, September 26, 2007 @ 3:12 pm

    In the beginning there was nothing. Then, Chuck Norris round-house-kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job!” This is how the Universe was made.

  • By Bobby UNITED STATES, September 27, 2007 @ 12:47 am

    Chuck Norris is awesome

  • By ilandavazo UNITED STATES, September 27, 2007 @ 2:16 am

    once chuck norris farted so hard all the dinosaurs died why do you think they call it exstinked

  • By chuck killa UNITED STATES, September 27, 2007 @ 8:52 am

    aLL U GUYS MUST BE GAY BECAUSE THE WAY U GUYS TALK ABOUT HIM SEEMS LIKE YA’LL WANNA FUCK HIM ……………………ISN’T HE IN A WHEELCHAIR OR DEAD …….. OH MY BAD THATS CHRISTOPHER REEVES ………WAIT THEN WHO THE FUCK IS CHUCK NORRIS!?!?!?!

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, September 27, 2007 @ 11:53 pm

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup he dosent push up he pushes the earth down.

  • By the rock UNITED STATES, September 27, 2007 @ 11:55 pm

    Alians do exist. They just dont want to vist a planet with Chuck Norris on it.

  • By Marius, September 28, 2007 @ 4:38 am

    I enjoyed the gadget until you started with the blasphemy.

  • By TD UNITED STATES, September 28, 2007 @ 12:42 pm

    chuck norris is a cock!

  • By DeePWilsoN UNITED KINGDOM, September 28, 2007 @ 6:37 pm

    Who would win in a fight between the Daleks and the Cybermen?

    … Chuck Norris

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, September 29, 2007 @ 1:42 am

    Chuck Norris is so tough that NASA has tried to replicate a sample of his skin to protect future Space Shuttles from damage while re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere.

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, September 29, 2007 @ 1:54 am

    Nature abhors a vacumn, and it pitties any fool that messes with Chuck Norris!

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, September 29, 2007 @ 2:42 am

    The first man to climb Mt. Everest was Sir Edmund Hillary, It took him about 7 weeks to summit the grand mountain. As he took his last couple steps and turned to pose for the camera, he stumbled over Chuck Norris’ lunch box and a .50 cal. that he’d been cleaning for the opening of duck season. A sticky note on the gun read, “need more gun oil, going back down to the valley base camp, be back in 20 minutes….”

  • By Garrett UNITED STATES, September 29, 2007 @ 3:35 am

    Chuck Norris does not pay for gasoline. His Hummer is activated by a Chuck Norris glare and gets 80,000 miles to the glare.

  • By Vik UNITED STATES, September 29, 2007 @ 3:22 pm

    Nausea- Heartburn- Indigestion-Upset Stomach- Diarrahea all these start when Chuch Norris stares at you…and no Pepto Bismol doesn’t help.

  • By steven UNITED STATES, September 30, 2007 @ 4:47 am

    chuck norris can suck my balls (which are bigger than his).
    Yeah suck it bitch

  • By Donovan PORTUGAL, September 30, 2007 @ 10:37 am

    Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.

    Chuck Norris solved the Bermuda Triangle by using the Pythagorean Theorem.

    The Nile flows north because Chuck Norris told it to.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris was awarded the nobel peace prize, for letting so many people live.

    Never ask Chuck Norris to play a game of “Sorry!” It will only end in tears. Yours.

    At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

    Vin Diesel’s hair is too afraid of Chuck Norris to grow.

    A kid once stole Chuck Norris’ hat and ran into an apple orchard. Chuck Norris flew into such a rage that he accidentally invented apple sauce.

    Chuck Norris votes people off of the island by roundhouse kicking them into the ocean.

    When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with bunnies on them. Real bunnies.

    Chuck Norris drives Optimus-Prime to work.

    Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT’s, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

    One day Chuck Norris was infact killed when he round house kicked someone in the face so hard that it shattered the universe. But in heaven, Chuck challenged God to an arm wrestling match. Chuck won, and the universe was reformed.

    Chuck Norris does not bleed red, because red is the color of communism.

    You can’t get blood from a stone, the mere thought of this makes Chuck Norris laugh, so loud in fact that nearby stones bleed in fear.

    Chuck Norris opened Pandora’s Box, looked at its contents, and then closed it.

    Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with an AK-47 and won.

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Chuck Norris raised his IQ by eating gifted children.

    Chuck Norris created the world, then he gave it a roundhouse kick in the northern hemisphere and created continents.

    Chuck Norris wins the Oscar for Best Actor every year. However, he refuses to accept the trophy until Oscar grows a beard.

    Chuck Norris was camping once and needed to releive himself so he dug a hole. You might know it as the Grand Canyon.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t kill time. He annihilates it.

    Chuck Norris holds the Guinness World Record for eating badgers.

    Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

    The first true moon landing occurred when Chuck Norris entered a long jump competition.

    Instead of saying “Friend” to open up the doors to the Mines of Moria, Gandalf could have simply just said “Chuck Norris”.

    When Chuck Norris chops down a tree, he uses the wooden end of the axe.

    Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.

    When Chuck Norris visited the Vatican, he took the Pope’s confession.

    Jesus’s Birthday isn’t December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas.

    Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.

    Chuck Norris’ only pick up line is him snapping his fingers, pointing at a girl, and then pointing to his bulge. Chuck Norris gets it all the time.

    Chuck Norris once passed a kidney stone the size of a basketball. The stone is on display in Beaver Springs Pennsylvania, and is said to possess magical powers.

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

    If Chuck Norris sees his shadow on Groundhog Day, another species goes extinct.

    Chuck Norris is the reason the devil went down to Georgia and not Texas.

    Chuck Norris once ate all the potatoes in Ireland, causing the potato famine.

    Ever seen the Hulk cry? Chuck Norris has.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man into next week. He then roundhouse kicked himself into next week, so he could roundhouse the man another week forward.

    Chuck Norris’ shadow looked at him funny one day so he roundhoused his shadow in the face. He no longer has a shadow.

    Chuck Norris was the first person to climb Mount Everest. Naked.

    Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

    It is a myth that Cher and cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust. Only Chuck Norris’ beard can.

    In WWII, Einstien and his colleague Chuck Norris were called upon to develop a weapon capable of mass destruction. They created two. One was the atom bomb. The other, the roundhouse kick. Sending Chuck Norris in to roundhouse kick everyone was much more enviromentally friendly, but in the end the government decided to use the atom bomb. When asked why, an official was quoted saying, “Our goal is to hurt Japan, not decimate it.” Hearing this comment, Chuck Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him into a new millenium. This official is known as Al Gore.

    While pruning Chuck Norris’ beard, an idea was conceived by an unknown barber. Consequently, the birth of steel wool occurred.

    Chuck Norris made guns so people would have a fighting chance.

    Chuck Norris does not flex at 100%, if he did, his muscle mass would become so dense it would create it’s own gravitational field similar to that of a black hole… Killing all living things in the universe, except himself.

    WWI? That never happened. It was Chuck Norris trying to prove to Cheech Marin that Germany was in fact stronger than France after a particularly disasterous game of Risk.

    When Chuck Norris is in a bad mood, it affects the tides.

    It is said you can’t know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. This means no one will ever know Chuck Norris because he’d kill you if you touch his shoes.

    Chuck Norris once flipped a coin, it still has not landed.

    Pretzels make Chuck Norris thirsty. Nonetheless, he continues to eat them.

    Chuck Norris’ beard is wanted in seven states for murder.

    Chuck Norris once saw his reflection in the mirror and challenged himself to a deathmatch. This quandary caused the universe to implode.

    Chuck Norris once inhaled a seagull.

    Chuck Norris won a game of “Simon Says” against Simon.

    Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them.

    Chuck Norris has sold one clone of himself to each country in Europe, just in case the Germans ever decide to get crazy again.

    Chuck Norris goes SCUBA diving with a Ziploc bag and a bendy straw.

    Chuck Norris eats live barracudas.

    Chuck Norris didn’t vote for Pedro. He deported him. And by deported Chuck means he roundhouse kicked him back to Mexico.

    In 1988 Chuck Norris walked into Hanna-Barbera studios armed with an AK-47 and held the writting team of Scooby-Doo hostage until they agreed never to use the character Scrappy-Doo in any of their cartoons ever again. Norris was awarded with the Congressional Medal of Honor for this act.

    Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth. John Wilkes Booth was assassinated by Chuck Norris.

    If the cliche “You are what you eat” is true, then Chuck Norris is a combination of monster truck tires, Godzilla, and magma from the earth’s most active volcanoes.

    Chuck Norris was originally chosen for the movie Armageddon, but in the end the producers went with Bruce Willis. Because in real life Chuck would have given the killer asteroid a roundhouse kick at the moment it posed any danger. Thus turning the 2.5 hour epic into a 10 minute after school special.

  • By steven UNITED STATES, October 2, 2007 @ 9:15 am

    bob saget has kidnapped chuck norris, made him suck his balls, then sent it to AFV. BOB IS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Yeah suck it bitch

  • By Ben UNITED STATES, October 2, 2007 @ 1:24 pm

    Chuck Norris clogs the urinal when he pees.

  • By Ben UNITED STATES, October 2, 2007 @ 1:25 pm

    Jesus walks on water; Chuck Norris swims through land.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 3, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    Hey steven, your mom eat shit out of clymidia infected, pus filled homeless woman ass-holes. Just wanted to let you know, so you should stop making out with her.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 3, 2007 @ 1:16 am

    Jesus walks on water, and Chuck Norris swims through land, but Ben’s mom fucked her way through prison. (and the world biggest gang bang part 2 and 4, and fucked her way through the Navy, and also fucked her self through who wants to be a millionaire and got a million bucks then bought her self a million bucks worth of anal penatrating dildos and fucked her way, ass to ass, through the Florida state womans prison system.

  • By Ben UNITED STATES, October 3, 2007 @ 2:56 am

    Shitsniffer (if that is you real name) , your a misinformed jerk! My mom wasent even in “The Worlds Biggest Gang-Bang 2″, and it was the Geogia state womans prison she fucked her way through, you asshole!

  • By bo is god UNITED STATES, October 3, 2007 @ 7:29 am

    bob saget is god

  • By steven UNITED STATES, October 3, 2007 @ 8:14 am

    shit sniffer can suck my balls, if i let him

  • By norris for president UNITED STATES, October 3, 2007 @ 10:08 am

    The only reason that the penguins from Happy Feet dance is because Chuck Norris kicked a polar bear into a winter coat and gave it away (Chuck Norris doesn’t get cold), went to Antarctica and scared cerebal palsy into those dumbass birds.

    What many people don’t know is that Chuck Norris created
    Florida and all it’s nursing homes so he would have a place to put all his victims that Death was too scared to process.

    Chuck Norris created God* because he had more fun killing people than creating the world. * Chusk Norris IS God

    Chuck Norris once froze hell over.

    Last night, Satan’s mother tucks him in with Mr. Fluff Wuff and tells him there is no such thing as Chuck Norris. Five minutes later, Chuck Norris busted through the wall and roundhouse-kicked Satan back to God.

  • By mr. figi UNITED STATES, October 4, 2007 @ 2:23 am

    when chuck norris farts we know this as globle warming.

  • By chicken fart UNITED STATES, October 4, 2007 @ 9:59 am

    when chuck norris played with legos, we call it the great wall of china

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 1:16 am

    Oh man, steven! We all know that when you were little and your mom hadn’t died of syphillis yet and your dad was still raping you 2wice daily, he sold you out to your stepgrandfather for the night, and (after he cotinuously pumped your tiny asshole full of old man spunk) he then bit your tiny balls off with his dentures which in turn gave you a gangenus infection that caused severe abdominal deteriation leaving you constantly shitting and pissing in a bag and bed ridden. so your little joke was amusing.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 1:21 am

    Oh, chickenfart and mr.figi, aside from the obvious obsurdity of Gay stevens joke, your jokes are the funniest on the page

  • By chicken fart UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 3:31 am

    Oh….. he’s THAT steven. Gay steven, from 110th st.

  • By mr. figi UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 3:37 am

    Wow. Yeah , I know him, I went to school with him!He was absent alot. Then there was that incident with Mr. Phillips the 3rd period gym teacher. Man, seven never got undressed in the locker room again. Last I heard, they were still finding shardes of it in his bloody stool.

  • By dracula UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 6:40 am

    When the bogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 6:52 am

    when your mom goes to sleep at night, she checks my pants for an erection. When I write a chuck norris fact, I check to make sure no one else wrote it 5 times before.

  • By dracula UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 9:53 am

    You raped your mom and Chuck Norris is going to kill you, retard!

  • By dracula UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 10:03 am

    By the way, yo mama’s so fat, that when Chuck Norris tripped her, he tried not to laugh, but the ground cracked up when she fell!

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 11:59 am

    Hey Dracula,Don’t be mad at me for not being there for you kiddo, things just didn’t work out between your mom and me. But that dosent mean I don’t still care about you. We’ll spend some quality time together real soon. Oh, and tell your mom I sent the check last tuesday. Suck it easy.

  • By adam UNITED STATES, October 5, 2007 @ 12:24 pm

    Chuck Norris is so cool that he doesn’t use ice.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, October 6, 2007 @ 12:49 am

    AT NIGHT WHEN THE BOOGIE MAN GETS TUCKED IN BED BY HIS MOTHER, SHE RE-ASSURES HIM THAT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A CHUCK NORRIS AND HE SHOULD JUST GO TO SLEEP…. SHE SAYS IT WITH FOOT SHAPED BRUISES ON HER FACE…

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 6, 2007 @ 1:29 am

    Chuck Norris invented the internet so people would blog about how kick ass he is.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 6, 2007 @ 1:32 am

    Oh Dracula, your still a power bottom bitch for retarded elderly people.

  • By RockDoc CANADA, October 6, 2007 @ 2:04 am

    When Chuck Norris gets a fever, his body doesn’t get hotter, the entire planet just cools down a bit. In theory, he could therefore solve global warming. Too bad he never gets sick.

  • By Taylor UNITED STATES, October 7, 2007 @ 1:47 am

    Global warming was started when chuck norris pulled the sun up

  • By Taylor UNITED STATES, October 7, 2007 @ 1:54 am

    Chuck Norris is so cool he makes the other side of the pillow burn

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 7, 2007 @ 11:31 am

    Taylor is a Gay name. Unless you happen to be a Taylor for a living.

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, October 9, 2007 @ 4:45 am

    When Chris Rock and the United Nations found out that Chuck Norris also spells “UN Chris Rock”, United Nations changed its name to United Countries, and Chris Rock changed his name to Susan. However, Chuck Norris still beat the crap out of Susan Rock and bombed the United Countries. Then he said that if they’d kept their names, he probably wouldn’t have done anything… probably.

  • By googly puff UNITED STATES, October 9, 2007 @ 10:52 am

    If Chuck Norris doesn’t need a angel, a angel needs Chuck Norris!

  • By googly puff UNITED STATES, October 9, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t pray to god, god prays to Chuck Norris

  • By googly puff UNITED STATES, October 9, 2007 @ 10:56 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a angel, a angel needs Chuck Norris!

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 9, 2007 @ 1:53 pm

    WOW! All of you people got REALLY lame all of a sudden. Ever notice no one gets dressed up like Chuck Norris for halloween? CHUCK NORRIS DOSENT LIKE COPY CATS. Chuck Norris also told me personally that googly puff eats a good hearty bowl of cock every morning with sliced up bananas and whole wheat toast on the side.

  • By CHUCK NORRIS UNITED STATES, October 9, 2007 @ 2:40 pm

    The cause of global warming is Chuck Norris’s rage building up in the Artics. Thats why you don’t make him mad.

    Chuck Norris’s parents are Hercules and Zuez don’t ask, Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, October 10, 2007 @ 7:54 am

    When Chuck Norris gets too drunk, he doesnt throw up…….he throws down.

  • By Demented Chihuahua UNITED STATES, October 10, 2007 @ 12:01 pm

    Chuck Norris is so sexually potent he impregnates men.

  • By yanks suk UNITED STATES, October 10, 2007 @ 12:33 pm

    the yanks lost becuz of the little known fact tht chuck norris was born in cleveland

  • By Kill face UNITED STATES, October 11, 2007 @ 4:02 am

    Gun’s don’t kill people 3 inch holes in the head kill people (cuased by chuck norrises snot rocket!)

  • By Kill face UNITED STATES, October 11, 2007 @ 4:03 am

    Gun’s don’t kill people 3 inch holes in the head kill people (cuased by chuck norrises snot rocket!)!.!

  • By Kill face UNITED STATES, October 11, 2007 @ 4:24 am

    The phrase ‘balls to the wall’ was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.

  • By Kill face UNITED STATES, October 11, 2007 @ 4:48 am

    Chuck norris shits guns and pisses ammo thats why we win wars!

  • By Amazed man UNITED STATES, October 11, 2007 @ 6:54 am

    A dinosaur pissed Chuck Norris off. Now dinosaurs are extinct

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, October 11, 2007 @ 11:59 pm

    please read Mr. Sniffer’s earlier post… Check the site before you post one that has been on here 25 times. Like Mr.Norris, I dont like repeats. Of course unless it is repeats of Walker on USA. In that case I love repeats…

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 12, 2007 @ 12:08 am

    Hear,hear! I thank you sir.

  • By CPD371 UNITED STATES, October 12, 2007 @ 7:44 am

    Chuck Norris can eat just one

  • By CPD371 UNITED STATES, October 12, 2007 @ 7:46 am

    Chuck Norris can eat just one
    Chuck Norris doesn’t have to get his own bag, he’ll just put a round house o’hurt on your ass, then take your bag

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 12, 2007 @ 8:03 am

    yeah, well cpd371 can also eat one, one fat cock a day. Be original.

  • By Norris911 UNITED STATES, October 12, 2007 @ 12:09 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get hit by a train, a train gets hit by Chuck Norris
    Bulletts are now called Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks. So officer what killed him? 2 chuck norris roundhouse to the chest and one 2 the head

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, October 13, 2007 @ 4:36 am

    I am confused- I know that I can read, I know that Mr.Sniffer can read- are we the only ones? Oh wait nevermind, here is a good one- Superman wears Chuck Norris pj’s. I just made that one up- Chuck Norris can eat just one- I am on fire! Heres a new one- The boogie man checks his closet at night for Churck Norris- ZING!!! I cant believe how original I am. Ahh.. Man I am good! My head hurts after all this thinking up stuff on the fly like I did…WHEW….

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 13, 2007 @ 5:37 am

    Wait! I’ve got one, When chuck Norris does a push up, hes actually pushing the world down!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! wow I’m the man. Oh, hold on…..Underneath Chuck Norris’ beard is, you ready? Just a fist Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Yeah, I’ve gotta go take a nap, all that originallity made me sleepy.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 13, 2007 @ 5:51 am

    Norris 911 dosent even make any sense. What do you mean “a train gets hit by chuck norris”? Why? What kinda scenario is that? Maybe if there was relavence in reality like if Chuck Norris was a known train enthusiast and perhaps had an accident in which he broke a model train at a convention by hitting it and it was then on the news for some reason and we all knew. Then I could kinda see why you wrote that. I guess thats what you ment.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 13, 2007 @ 8:41 am

    Shitsniffer dosen’t sniff shit, shit sniffs shitsniffer. Now does that make sense?

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, October 13, 2007 @ 9:26 am

    However, Chill fo’reall really does chill…. hows that for irony?
    After I also took a nap because of all the creativity I displayed, I have now, just now, came up with the most awesome one yet….I need you to sit down for this one…. Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer, to bad he pisses red bull!!! AAGHHHH!!! I must take another nap after that kind of creativity….

  • By theroundhouse show!CHUCK NOR........BLEAH!!!!(dies) CANADA, October 14, 2007 @ 1:50 pm

    Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
    The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.
    Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
    Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

  • By theroundhouse show!CHUCK NOR........BLEAH!!!!(dies) CANADA, October 14, 2007 @ 2:06 pm

    lets start the day(or night!)with a few top rated facts!!!

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.”
    After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

    Franklin D. Roosevelt once said “There is nothing to fear but fear itself … and Chuck Norris”

    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you
    Chuck Norris doesn’t get punched in the face he head butts peoples fists.

    Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

    Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

    Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

    thank you. thank you! your too kind! now I an going to comit suicide
    (goes downtown) I said “hi chuck”and wispered this in his ear
    “roundhouse kicks are NOT the ass kickiest kicks of all you know”
    BAM!!!!!
    (five seconds later)”we are now floating over texas and…WHATS THIS!!!!!!
    oh…..bob we seem to be in hell now”

  • By mrs.malfoy UNITED STATES, October 14, 2007 @ 8:44 pm

    why did chuck norris cross the road? because the road crossed chuck norris!

  • By mrs.malfoy UNITED STATES, October 14, 2007 @ 8:53 pm

    Voldemort was roundhoused out of existance by Chuck Norris. There was no magic involved. The deathly hallows consisted of Chuck’s fists, beard, and legs for roundhousing. He is the true master of death. Harry who?

  • By Vik UNITED STATES, October 15, 2007 @ 3:45 am

    The age old question “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
    if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” is actually about Chuck Norris.
    “Wood” actually means roundhouse kick in Swahili

  • By mikeb523 UNITED STATES, October 15, 2007 @ 1:27 pm

    chuck norris can touch his toes…..with he knee caps

  • By Gazza, October 15, 2007 @ 8:20 pm

    How do you solve the worlds crisis??
    Let chuck Norris roundhouse kick all the homeless and feed whats left of their bodies to the hungry!!

  • By Paul Wilson Jr. UNITED STATES, October 16, 2007 @ 11:00 am

    THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP ISNT FOLGERS IN YOUR CUP!
    IT’S KNOWING CHUCK NORRIS DIDN’T KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Ben Adler UNITED STATES, October 17, 2007 @ 1:14 am

    It is a fact that chimpanzees and apes have the same number of teeth as humans.

    They used to have more, but Chuck Norris kicked them out.

  • By Cory UNITED STATES, October 17, 2007 @ 4:30 am

    Democratics want an exit strategy for Iraq…

    The Republicans are patiently waiting for Chuck Norris.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, October 17, 2007 @ 7:44 am

    Allow me to take this one Mr.Sniffer…..
    The best part of waking up is watching your mom shave her back in my shower after a crazy night of monkey love.
    PLEASE stop re-posting the same jokes… come up with some new ones….

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 12:37 am

    Well done sir, well done.

  • By Infinity Stuff UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 2:47 am

    some people sign their names in blood… chuck norris signs his name with his enemies blood because his would cause the paper to light on fire on contact

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 3:44 am

    …………….? THAT was horrible.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 5:12 am

    The epitome of lame. I enjoy Chuck Norris ‘facts’ as much as the next person, but this must come to a screaming halt. Anyone who posts a joke using this formula:

    (X) doesn’t (Y) Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris (Y)s (X)

    is lowering our collective intelligence, and needs to either quietly disappear, or get roundhouse-kicked in the face.

    And please, please stop reposting the same jokes over and over. I don’t bash the genre of humor or the Most Formidable Chuck Norris Himself, but your total lack of creativity is killing others’ brain cells here.

    So, what has three hundred teeth and can hold back the Incredible Hulk? Chuck Norris’ zipper.

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 7:08 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need the “No Fear” sticker for his truck because who the heck would take time to read it after seeing him inside!

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 7:11 am

    He who laughs last, was obviously laughing with Chuck Norris, and not making the mistake of laughing at him!

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 7:32 am

    Chuck Norris knows that a good Lunge Punch or Roundhuse Kick isn’t the cure for everything, but it sure can make you forget about your troubles for a while. It’s nice to take people’s minds off of their troubles!

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 7:39 am

    Over 10,000 Energizer bunnies running at full speed for 45 days equals the power in just one of Chuck’s punches. The first 3 eruptions of Mt. St. Hellens was roughly equal to one of his Roundhouse Kicks!!!

  • By Smak-Down UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 7:49 am

    If Chuck Norris ran against Al Gore to be the next president of the United States in 2008, the liberals wouldn’t be left counting chads…. they’d all be busy trying to put “Humpty” Al back together again.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 8:12 am

    Well sir I do say that the last fact made no sense what so ever
    Planes failing in the bermuda triangle aren’t weird activities, they are just the magnets in crafts getting pulled to his metal hard dick

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 10:04 pm

    shitsniffer ur a fucking homo let people write there jokes and the retard speaking in another language get out of your box and get some lessons

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 10:05 pm

    shitsniffer ur a fucking homo let people write there jokes and the retard speaking in another language get out of your box and get some lessons hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahah OWNED n00b

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 18, 2007 @ 10:06 pm

    shitsniffer ur a fucking homo let people write there jokes OWNED n00b

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 12:05 am

    That wasent me.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 5:34 am

    Alright, one more. The U. N. has issued this proposal to Chuck Norris, To allow the U. N. and it’s inspectors to tour and examin the contents of Chuck Norris’ pants under suspected terrorism act. George W. has issued a amber alert because of Chuck Norris cock, a.k.a. W. A. D. (Wepon of Ass Destruction).

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 5:35 am

    Anal Terrorism.

  • By ItalianStallion UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 5:47 am

    Chuck Norris fell in the water. Chuck Norris didn’t get wet, the water got Chuck Norrised.

  • By ItalianStallion UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 6:42 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t fight chuck norris wins

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    shitsniffer ur a fucking homo

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 7:09 am

    shitsniffer ur a fucking homo

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 11:31 pm

    Hey nut sack.. if I were you…. I would freakin kill myself!! You are such a friggin moron. I cant believe you figured out how to use one of these new fangled computer things… Tell ya what, after THE SNIFFER gets finished with you, your mom and slapping his nut sack on your dads chin, I think I might just step in there and nail your granny until her teeth fall out, and she will make Christopher Reeve look like an olympic athelte…Oh, I guess I should explain what that means because you will never understand it… I am going to leave your granny toothless, quivering, begging for more of my shaft because like your dad, your granpa has to watch your dad watching kiddie porn beating off before he gets his shrivled excuse of manhood to move….n00b and OWNED and whatever else stupid you say…IDIOT! ……Chuck Norris is my dad and I love him. For fathers day i got him nothing- Chuck Norris says the best gift is the gift of love….followed by a roundhouse kick to the gut…

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 19, 2007 @ 11:48 pm

    Yeah!

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, October 20, 2007 @ 12:17 am

    Chuck Norris was actually one who discovered Mount Everest. They didn’t name it after him though, because the name Mount Chuck Norris would make no logical sense: nobody can or will mount Chuck Norris. The whole notion is absurd.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 20, 2007 @ 3:39 am

    Recently archeoligists un-covered clay tablets in Mexico dating from about 900 A.D. In ancient mayan text, there is a mention of their tribal leader angering an all powerful God known only as “The Bearded One”. Shortly after, the Mayans and all traces of their wherabouts Mysteriously vanished with no trace.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 20, 2007 @ 3:41 am

    And also, nutsack is incredibly Gay.

  • By Jay V UNITED STATES, October 20, 2007 @ 4:13 am

    When Chuck Norris has sex he is always on top, because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

  • By mikeylikesit UNITED STATES, October 20, 2007 @ 5:44 am

    It has been rumored that Chuck Norris is the Illegitimate love-child of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Ox.

  • By Ryan UNITED KINGDOM, October 22, 2007 @ 6:02 am

    Theres only two people in this world better than god. Gandi and Chuck Norris.

    And even then, gandi fails to compare.

  • By Denise UNITED STATES, October 22, 2007 @ 12:22 pm

    According to Chuck Norris, Victoria doesn’t have a secret.

  • By Denise UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 2:51 am

    *****

    Pointless racist joke deleted

    *****

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 4:08 am

    Why is Denise’s pussy like a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris? You can tell when it’s coming by the stench of death in the air.

  • By j UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 5:25 am

    On the sixth day God created Chuck Norris. On the seventh day he layed low.

  • By Denise UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 7:07 am

    I’m a racist peice of shit. Cuck Norris would’nt fuck me with his shoe, on the end of a 10 foot pole.

  • By j UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 7:08 am

    I’d definetly fuck you with a shoe! On my foot even!

  • By Ryan UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 7:11 am

    I would just write the word “shoe” on my dick, then fuck you with my new “shoe” on.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 7:14 am

    I would then take that shoe (with rubber gloves on) and give it to Chuck Norris to put on and give a shitload of roundhouse kicks to the last few morons that keep talking stupid shit on his list.

  • By Chris UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 11:47 am

    Chuck Norris uses the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 23, 2007 @ 12:04 pm

    Chuck Norris uses Denise as a “clean up rag”.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 2:44 am

    A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane. A while later
    the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard
    that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
    fellow passengers.”

    Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said
    to the stranger, “What would you like to discuss?”

    “Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?”

    “OK,” said Little Johnny. “That could be an interesting topic. But let
    me ask you a question first. “A deer, a cow, and a horse all eat grass.
    The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while the cow turns
    out a flat patty,and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

    Why do you suppose that is?”

    “Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea.”

    “Well, then,” said Little Johnny, “How is it that you feel qualified to
    discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 3:03 am

    that wasn’t me either. It was okay, but not my sense of humor. If it had been, let’s say Chuck Norris insted of little Johnny THEN it’d be funny. OH, who ever it is that keeps impersonating me, Chuck knows who you are, and he’ll find you!!

  • By shitsniffer's evil twin, snifshitter UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 3:14 am

    Little Johnnys mad as hell,cause shitsniffer’s dad touched him.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 3:18 am

    Can we PLEASE stick to Chuck Norris facts? Is this to much to ask on A CHUCK NORRIS GENERATOR!? And if you we’re me evil twin,then it would be your dad too, stupid.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 3:22 am

    Chuck Norris WOULD like fries with that.

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 9:14 am

    shitsniffer likes to suck howard sterns dick and HOWARD STERN IS GOD

  • By Dan UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 11:22 am

    The worlds strongest man contest is based on Chuck Norris’ morning streach. Chuck is automaticly the unmentioned winner of the contest.

  • By 5ko , October 24, 2007 @ 11:27 am

    It was not an Atomic bomb that thorned down Hiroshima. Chuck Norris just didn’t like the Japan.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, October 24, 2007 @ 1:45 pm

    Chuck Norris pisses red bull and it can cure cancer and Chuck Norris gave cancer aids and he also uses Chris and 5ko and Dan and nutsack as a frech tickler- You guys are so un-original that it makes me wanna get kicked in the face by a Chuck Norris round house kick!!! (yes, it means take my own life because I know someone will have to explain it to you) And Denise- 2 words for ya- spell check…sheeeesh…..You guys should be ashamed— Atleast copy and paste some good jokes, dont just re-type them with all the words spelled wrong….idiots.. Mr.Sniffer- I dont know how you do it, but you actually have some original, funny jokes on here— I wish people would take notice…

  • By dike UNITED STATES, October 25, 2007 @ 2:36 am

    Chuck norris dosen’t just think outside the bun he beats the crap out of the bun.

  • By dike UNITED STATES, October 25, 2007 @ 3:30 am

    One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him, and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did about sex.
    “What’s that?” he asked.

    She explained to him what sex was and he said, “Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!”

    Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong! I’ll show you how to do it properly.”

    She took off her clothes, dropped to the ground and spread her legs wide.

    “Here,” she said, “You must put it in here.”

    Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.

    Eventually she managed to gasp, “What the hell did you do that for?”

    “Tarzan check for bees first!”

  • By Murphy UNITED STATES, October 25, 2007 @ 5:07 pm

    Chuck Norris can do 2 cock pushups

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 12:32 am

    your mom does push ups, over my weiner!

  • By spedale UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    chuck norris can count to shwinkter

  • By spedale UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 12:57 am

    my pinapple is orange

  • By spedale UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 12:57 am

    chunk norris is not gay he is gehy

  • By Shwinkter 5 UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 12:59 am

    Chunk norris does cock pushups on my dad

  • By westerntea UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 1:02 am

    on some days i like to shvedal shpackle on those sweet little things.
    i Love poop alot
    shponk
    what did you say
    shin shlong 7

  • By cornwallis UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 1:10 am

    chunk norris shaves his chest with his laser vision

  • By ivan UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 1:14 am

    eric
    write back

  • By eric UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 2:42 am

    Hey ivan honey! You sweet thing, I really miss your asshole being wrapped around my tiny prick while your dad sucked on my bean bag! Good times, good times. call me, my number is 347-866-4004. I’ll suck my shit off your dong any time. Oh yeah, chuck norris directed a porno once called “Fist me of fury”. It starred me and ivan fisting each others assholes. YEAH!

  • By nutsack UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    ERIC! I thought you said we we’re soul mates!! You insentive jerk. I’ll never pucker my shit-ring at you again.

  • By igannakillnutsack UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 5:34 am

    nutsack is gay

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 26, 2007 @ 8:05 am

    WHAT THE HELL DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CHUCK FUCKIN NORRIS!!??

  • By westerntea UNITED STATES, October 27, 2007 @ 12:08 am

    IM GAY

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, October 27, 2007 @ 2:49 am

    MEEEEE 2!! this is my ass (I) and asshole (0)

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 27, 2007 @ 2:51 am

    That can’t really be the real Mr. FO’REAL.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 27, 2007 @ 7:38 am

    THOU HAST TAKEN THE NAME OF CHUCK IN VAIN! You have molested our great leader’s name one too many times, prepair for his roundhouse wrath! This page host should keep all the riff raff out. After all, I’m native Aussie.

  • By Shawn UNITED STATES, October 27, 2007 @ 11:26 am

    When Chuck Norris gets in an argument with a woman, he sometimes wins.

  • By Joey UNITED STATES, October 27, 2007 @ 12:42 pm

    hand sanitizers kill 99.9 percent of germs chuck norris kills whatever the fuck he wants

  • By googly puff UNITED STATES, October 28, 2007 @ 1:28 pm

    when chuck norris was a kid he had no limits, he could smoke pot or have sex because his parents were to afraid that he might roundhouse kick them

  • By KSad UNITED STATES, October 29, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    Chuck Norris went to burger king and asked for a big mac. He got one.

  • By michael UNITED STATES, October 29, 2007 @ 4:38 am

    Chuck Norris opened a toilet paper company last year. It went bankrupt last week because his toilet paper wouldn’t take any crap.

  • By chuky UNITED STATES, October 29, 2007 @ 11:50 am

    Chuck Norris can punch a cyclopes between the eyes

  • By he real slim shady UNITED STATES, October 29, 2007 @ 6:28 pm

    how much wood could chuck chuck, if chuck could chuck wood

  • By the real slim shady UNITED STATES, October 29, 2007 @ 6:29 pm

    typo

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 3:32 am

    Chuck Norris now owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

  • By SEVRAZ vs WORLD UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 6:46 am

    Walker Texas Ranger was originally called “Chuck Norris’s Roundhouse of Pain” Until they realized that too many people died from just reading the title.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    The last ten or so lines dropped were,
    1. Unoriginal
    2. Unfunny
    3. Written by complete Homo’s
    4. Sad attempt’s
    5. Written by guys who’s Mom’s get their stool pushed in by Chuck Norris
    I can only conclude that these genitalmen are aware of the blistering agony Chuck put’s their mothers gaping ass holes through and have set out to destory Sir Chucks legacy by posting shit for us to read. Your all Gay.

  • By SEVRAZ vs WORLD UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 6:53 am

    In early development, Gears of War stared Chuck Norris. However when they realized that none of the locust would come out of the ground when they tested the game, they decided to change the main character to Marcus Fenix.

  • By hazel brown UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 9:50 am

    Chuck Norris Shits pain

  • By hazel brown UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 9:52 am

    RE: SHITSNIFFER
    PLEASE RETURN TO SNIFFING SHIT, THERE IS NO PLACE FOR HATERS LIKE YOU, WHO SEEM TO BE FRUSTRATED ABOUT TAKIN IT IN THE ASS, WITHOUT RECIEVING A REACH AROUND. IF YOU THINK THAT CHUCK NORRIS IS GAY STAY THE FUCK OFF THIS SITE

  • By Joe Shmoe UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 3:12 pm

    Chuck Norris won a staring contest against Medusa

  • By joe ISRAEL, October 30, 2007 @ 11:16 pm

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 30, 2007 @ 11:52 pm

    I most certainly do recive a “reach around”. Dick

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 31, 2007 @ 2:14 am

    Hazel brown among others can’t think up any new anything,therefore they are the haters. Hazel browns mother also had her quivering shit ring pounded buy chuck norris and was reduced to a blubbering pile of shit lying on the floor, so you can understand that they’re upset. As long as there are people repeating the same shit, I’ll be there to abuse, much like the way Hazel browns mother gets her pussy and throat abused by almost the entire cast of Walker Texas Ranger.

  • By RaGz SolJa UNITED STATES, October 31, 2007 @ 7:47 am

    Chuck Norris doesnot use a condom he uses a rattle snake

  • By RaGz SolJa UNITED STATES, October 31, 2007 @ 7:51 am

    Chuck Norris does not use a condom he uses a rattle snake
    Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups he pushes the earth down
    (just thought of it) spread these 2 everywhere guys

    just two newest one made

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 31, 2007 @ 12:08 pm

    When Chuck Norris got finished banging hazel browns Mother in her filthy mouth hole on they’re trip to sirlanka, he was so disgusted with her being the filthy pig whore animal slut fuck that she is,he blew his load all over her face with such force and rage that he caused the sunami. 300,000 people perished that fate ful day, all because hazel browns mother is the dirt bag shit eating whore that shit out hazel brown..

  • By C-Nizzle UNITED STATES, October 31, 2007 @ 3:11 pm

    A man once aske Chuck Norris if he belived in time travel. Chuck said yes and then roundhouse kicked him into next month.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 12:54 am

    OK- 1ST of all, Hazel Brown- you are simply a joke. Not even worth my time. Plus Mr.Sniffer has done an outstanding job (as usual) putting you in your place.
    2ND- Ragz, are you kidding me? You copied 2 jokes that were blogged on here months ago and you are calling then your own???? WOW! You must think that nobody reads these things. Really, if you cant come up with something original, simply just read the others and keep quiet. Something original like this- Chuck Norris once ate a whole box of rotten strawberries and pooped out a box of Frankenberry ceral. Not original is the stuff you wrote. err stole. Use that head of yours for something other than a place for Chuck Norris to store his jagged edged sperm…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 12:59 am

    Someone once asked Chuck Norris if he believed in time travel, he said yes and roundhouse kicked the guy into LAST month!
    I just made it up, keep it going guys! newest one made up!

    I changed the the word NEXT to the word LAST. That makes it an original right???

    C-NIZZLE REALLY DID THIS ONE, I JUST USED IT AS AN EXAMPLE. GOOD JOB NIZZLE!

  • By C-Nizzle UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:29 am

    I’m GAY. I’m a power bottom.

  • By RaGz SoulJa UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:31 am

    Me to. I suck fat Arab cock and let black guys fuck my fudge tunnel (that means my asshole).

  • By hazel brown UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:33 am

    I can’t see, soulja and c-nizzle and I had a three way and they both shot dick snot in my eyes.

  • By hazel brown UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:36 am

    And then Chuck Norris wipped out his prick and started blowing himself because *”no one can suck Chuck Norris’ dick like Chuck Norris can!”
    *except my mom.

  • By RaGz SoulJa UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:37 am

    Also, I’ve got a tiny prick.

  • By C-Nizzle UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:39 am

    I don’t think so!! :O

  • By hazel brown UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:42 am

    NO you don’t, otherwise my cock chute (asshole) wouldn’t hurt so much.

  • By hazel brown's cum guzzling fruit cake of a Dad UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 4:56 am

    Hazel! I’m shocked! I’ve told you it’s not a “cock chute” it’s a “Load catcher”. You should be ashamed of your self. Chuck Norris rapped my grandmother.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 5:03 am

    If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has 10 dollars.

  • By RaGz SolJa UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 8:03 am

    uh….i dont really read the previous post so i don’t know and stop pretending to be whoever you are =,=

  • By RaGz SolJa UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 8:04 am

    i just saw this site it seems good chuck norris jokes

  • By googly puff UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 11:52 am

    hey shitsniffer u r as cool as aids

  • By Butt Butt Chuckie UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:16 pm

    chuck norris is so hot he kicked himself in the eye. :-)

  • By Chuck himself UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:27 pm

    If you have two balls, Chuck Norris has four.

  • By Chuck himself UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:31 pm

    They make condoms in sizes small, medium, large and Chuck Norris.

  • By Chuck himself UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:32 pm

    They make dildos in sizes small, medium, large and Chuck Norris.

  • By RaGs alot UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 2:54 pm

    Sorry Rag :( .

  • By Rag killa UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 3:05 pm

    They made a movie once about Chuck Norris’ round house kick, it was a “made for television movie” about a runawway girl. I think it was a Lifetime original presented by Hallmark. It was something like “Mommy’s little Runaway” anyway, what the hell were we talking about?

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 1, 2007 @ 11:50 pm

    googly, your mother has aids all over her crab infested uterus.

  • By "That Time Of The Month" UNITED STATES, November 2, 2007 @ 2:47 am

    Hi googly, you should be ashamed of your genitals. They look mutaded or something. To bad you only smell like an animal cause if you really were one you would have a tail so you could cover up you nasty genitals. Genitals.

  • By General Genitals UNITED STATES, November 2, 2007 @ 2:50 am

    How much shit would a shit sniffer sniff if a shit sniffer could sniff shit? Anwser: Chuck Norris, thats how much bitch!

  • By Generally Genitals UNITED STATES, November 2, 2007 @ 4:06 am

    Genuine genitals is generally the genitals of choice. That time of the month is a homos gay suck. Your the gay I known it’s true that.

  • By TadG UNITED STATES, November 2, 2007 @ 6:20 am

    Jesus wears a bracelet that says, “What would God do?” God wears a bracelet that says, “What would Chuck Norris do?”

  • By thedick UNITED STATES, November 2, 2007 @ 3:28 pm

    Chuck Norris once made a prostitute swollow his cum..she died the next day!!!

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 3, 2007 @ 12:23 am

    Taking candy from a baby is not easy for Cuck Norris. Every time he tries he rips the babys arm off.

  • By Skitchln UNITED STATES, November 3, 2007 @ 1:21 am

    smindle my mindle skevin latterdavuthcnon after easter

  • By grtchen UNITED STATES, November 3, 2007 @ 1:23 am

    ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

    chunck norhiz

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    im not trying to get in your salad

    ‘

  • By grtchen UNITED STATES, November 3, 2007 @ 1:25 am

    im not trying to play with your schmitten

  • By Anonymous AUSTRALIA, November 3, 2007 @ 2:50 am

    >>shitsniffer
    >>CHILL FO’REAL

    Yes, bad spelling and unoriginal jokes are annoying.

    No, this does not give you the right to troll.

  • By Jokes on you UNITED STATES, November 3, 2007 @ 3:22 am

    When Chuck Norris was a kid he could open child proof caps.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 3, 2007 @ 6:38 am

    :P

  • By Chill Fo'Real UNITED STATES, November 3, 2007 @ 6:41 am

    FUCK YOU ALL!! CHUCK NORRIS IS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE SPECIMEN OF A MAN EVER AND I LOVE HIM!!!! HE CAN ANALLY INTRUDE ME ANY TIME.

  • By Francisco Gonçalves PORTUGAL, November 3, 2007 @ 6:51 am

    Chuck Norris once had Sex with an 18-Wheeler..That 18 wheeler had Chuck Norris’s Bastard Son & We know him today as Optimus Prime

  • By Anonymous AUSTRALIA, November 3, 2007 @ 3:39 pm

    /b/ has been summoned.

    Have a nice day.

  • By David Wells UNITED STATES, November 4, 2007 @ 2:09 am

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

  • By f1r3 CANADA, November 4, 2007 @ 2:45 pm

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero

  • By Chuckussssss UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 6:43 am

    When chuck norrisss gets locked in a room with a girl and they start arguing, chuck norriss wins. He wins by saying 1 word. ROUNDHOUSE KICK! that shuts the girl up

  • By Joe Shmoe UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 7:04 am

    Most people believe that the Big Bang was the creation of the Universe, but that’s not what really happened. The Big Bang was the birth of Chuck Norris, an event so incredible that the explosion created everything else in the Universe along with Chuck

    Zeus, God, Allah,Yahweh… These are just a few of Chuck Norris’ aliases

    Long ago, the people of Europe, Asia and the Middle East really pissed off Chuck Norris, today, this is known as the Black Plague in many high school history textbooks around the world

  • By H@zz@ UNITED KINGDOM, November 5, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    I have seen the end of the world! Chuck Norris and Mr.T have a fight!

  • By H@zz@ UNITED KINGDOM, November 5, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    9-11 was not terrorists! Chuck Norris just needed something to roundhouse kick!

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 11:42 am

    Troll? I do not, unlike your mom, live under a bridge and have hair that looks like Chuck Norris shot his chunky sperm all in it. And to the person that wrote as me, everyone knows that wasnt me. I have never written that type of language. Mr. Sniffer, Why do these ppl continue to attack us? Are they afraid of original jokes. Are they afraid of correct spelled words? To the homo that for some stupid reason called us trolls, I hope that you choke on a Chuck Norris pubic hair after Mr.Norris bangs your sister and leaves you begging for some so you lick up what he leaves behind in a frail hope of becoming just a little bit ofa man…ok so that one sucked….

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 5:38 pm

    Okay now, this has seriously got to stop. Merely spewing obscenities at whomever you happen to be disagreeing with at the moment does NOT count as winning an argument. Nor does it make for pleasant reading for people who stopped by here for some Chuck Norris jokes.

    Arguing (and insult-slinging) on the Internet is lame. It’s like running in the special Olympics: even if you win, you’re still retarded.

    When Chuck Norris bowls, he doesn’t roll the ball at the pins. He crumples up an Abrams tank and rolls it at skyscrapers. And he always gets strikes.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 6:36 pm

    Chuck Norris decapitated the ghost we now know as the Headless Horseman.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 6:38 pm

    Chuck Norris was the one who put Rip Van Winkle to sleep.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 6:41 pm

    NBC was going to cast Chuck Norris in the show ‘Heroes,’ but his power, the roundhouse kick, was too unbelievable, and he would have killed Sylar in the first episode. Nobody tries to eat Chuck Norris’ brains and gets away with it.

  • By Mike M. UNITED STATES, November 5, 2007 @ 6:58 pm

    Scientist, spread a vicious lie, they say it was a massive asteroid that upon impact with earth, killed the dinosaurs. That is blatant misinformation. The seldom discussed truth is that it was the earth’s cataclysmic impact with Chuck Norris that obliterated all known life at that time.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 12:38 am

    Coppertop, KUDOS on originality! You, unlike most morons on here actually made a funny! I as well as Mr.Sniffer are always being attacked because we use our brains also. So, just get ready to get jumped on because you didnt copy a post from 2 months ago and post it as your own. Again, nice job on new jokes…Keep them coming!

    Chuck Norris can drive on a closed road and try it at home!

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 12:40 am

    Chuck Norris invented the NFL. It was the Norris Football League. But when they started wearing pads and helments he told them they were a bunch of pussies and had better take his name out of it. We know it as tthe NATIONAL FOOTBALL League now

  • By chicken pot pie UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 3:37 am

    Chuck norris dosent need to get his own psp for he owns every single one the money you piad for it and the games are just the rent.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 3:57 am

    Re> coppertop
    That’s just the kind of crap I’d expect to spew out of the mouth of a ginger kid. Your stupid. I may be retarded, but your mother still loves to smother my balls with wet kisses. Chuck Norris plays air guitar with a real amp.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 4:58 am

    In Reply to Shitsniffer:

    Did I call you retarded? No, I didn’t. I merely said that arguing on the internet was retarded. And I was aiming that comment at other users, not yourself. You’ve honestly been attacked enough. At least you strive to be original. But if the dart stung, and you felt you had to reply to it (with vulgarities again, no less, proving my point for me), are you admitting to being retarded? You fail. Learn to use punctuation, and try again.

    The old Japanese Godzilla movies had no special effects. It was actually Chuck Norris destroying Tokyo. They had to replace his image with that of a rubbery dinosaur-thing because the original footage was just too scary.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 5:03 am

    When Chuck Norris does the Twist, it changes the rotation speed of the Earth.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 6:51 am

    Punctuation’s stupid and gay like you. Futher more, I AM retarded so there!
    And vulgarities are our God given right as americans. If we fail to use this, our countrys greatest natural resource, then the terrorists already won! Fuck shit piss bruce lee

    The secret to the “Girls Gone Wild” phenomenon, they show the girls a picture of Chuck Norris before they film.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 6:52 am

    Good posts crappertop, funny stuff.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 6:56 am

    AIR GUITAR WITH A REAL AMP?!?!?! FRIGGIN’ GENIUS MAN!!! ONE OF THE FUNNIEST I HAVE READ IN A WHILE!!! NICE…..

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 7:44 am

    i just wanted to be number 1200, thats all……

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 6, 2007 @ 3:04 pm

    Chuck Norris causes cancer in Lab rats.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 1:02 am

    Chuck Norris once starred in a porno. It very quickly turned into a snuff film and was never seen again.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 2:33 am

    The toughest element known on earth is listed as “CN” on the Periodic Table of Elements.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 6:16 am

    On some video games, there are cheat codes that enable “god mode.” Chuck Norris can kill you even when you’re in God Mode, because Chuck Norris always plays in “Chuck Norris mode.”

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 6:28 am

    Chuck Norris once taught “Roundhouse Kicks 101″ (RH101) at Texas State University. It was canceled after one semester because not a single student survived it.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 6:34 am

    Reply to ‘ballsack’:

    You fail. Learn to spell, punctuate, and buy yourself a dictionary. THEN try to come up with something intelligent to say. Good luck with that, though…

    The Roman Empire came about when Chuck Norris invented Risk. It fell when he tired of the game.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 6:50 am

    Ballsacks mad cause his clit-lovin pig slut of a mother named him after her favorite thing in the world.

  • By pety UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 7:39 am

    Chuck Norris can dround a fish

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 8:43 am

    It is impossible to kill Chuck Norriss. In reality when someone kills him, the whole world dies and goes to heaven and everyone in heaven comes back to life. IDK if that is good but
    WW2 didn’t end by USA dropping bombs on Japan, that is a lie. Chuck Norris just got mad about the army not accepting him. THey said wars are supposed to be fair… idk if they are any good but lemme kno wat u think

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 8:45 am

    Chuck Norris dosnt jump. He just pushes the earth down so he is air borne til the earth rights itself again

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 8:48 am

    Chuck Norris was going to star in Mortal Combat. THe makers said it would be un fair

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 8:50 am

    I dont know if my jokes are funny, please leave comments on how good they are.

    Chuck Noris got pissed at the atlantians. Really pissed, the most hes ever gotton

  • By ian solomon UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 9:01 am

    chuck norris lost his vriginity before his dad did. Sorry about the lack of caps chuck…don’t make me pay for it~

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 9:07 am

    dood get original! think of different jokes! it is getting annoying

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 9:14 am

    It is not the lack of caps that annoy people, it is the lack of original jokes.
    Mr.Sniffer, you sir are a genius! Let me try, Fashot, Chuck Norris- DANG IT! fastot, Chuck Norris~~~ You are right again, it cant be done….

    Hey ian sodom, here is a fresh new idea, spellcheck…. it works…

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 9:39 am

    Chill how are mine>

  • By Chris UNITED STATES, November 7, 2007 @ 3:00 pm

    If you can see chuch noris your ok.

    If you can’t see church noris your about 3 seconds away from death.

  • By Briana UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 1:37 am

    if you spell chuck norris in scrabble, you win. FOREVER.

  • By ballsack UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 2:54 am

    Shitsniffer your still a homo and your jokes are lame soo tell your mother ill be over around 8 tonight and im sorry if you hear us….

  • By Chicken Potpie UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 3:09 am

    ballsack grow up I mean what are you 12? That is so fucking imature you are pretty much insulting yourself so please don’t post here unless it’s an original Chuck Norris joke.

    Now I don’t have an original joke so i won’t even post a already posted joke.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 3:41 am

    Chuck Norris was beating nutsack’s mom’s asshole to a bloody mess of pulp and shit, with his cock, (I mean really tearing her shit pipe to shreads), and then nutsack walk’s in and starts jerkin off cause he’s gay AND wants to fuck his mom (go figure). Chuck Norris then put his cock straight through nutsack’s mom out her mouth and penetrated nutsack through the chest. This is the way Chuck Norris makes shis-ka-bab.

  • By Chuckus amongus UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 3:46 am

    I’M GOING TO MURDER NUTSACK AND HIS WHOLE COCK LOVING FAMILY>BE AFRAID!!!

  • By Chicken Potpie UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 3:57 am

    wow shity now you are just as bad as him i have lost all respect for you.

  • By some girl UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 4:26 am

    Why do yall have to make the Chuck Norris stuff so Vulgar? Chuck Norris doesn’t deserve that! My sister has met him and he is not that bad.
    And he is Chuck – so you better look out!

  • By Chicken Potpie UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 4:31 am

    I LIKE ME SOME CHICKEN!!!!

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 4:56 am

    CHICKEN POTPIE, WAY TO NOT BE STUPID! I AM GLAD WE ARE FINALLY GETTING ATLEAST A FEW PPL ON HERE THAT STILL HAVE COMMON SENSE.
    DEAD. PRETTY GOOD, MR.SNIFFER, AS ALWAYS NICE!
    BUT AS USUALTHERE ARE STILL SOME LAME REPOST BEING POSTED AS NEW. CRAPPERTOP, KEEP COMING UP WITH FRESH ONES. DEAD ROCK, KEEP THEM COMING. I AM ABOUT TO POST A FRESH ONE…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:00 am

    When Chuck Norris was in school, the teacher asked the class “What’s the capitol of texas?” Chucks classmates answered with Dallas,Austin,Houston and even San Antonio. All good answers Chuck said but the capitol of texas is T. That is why ALL states now start with a capitol.
    yea I know, kinda lame…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:06 am

    some girl, I have never posted anything vulgar…

    In a fight between Muhommad Ali in his prime, Mike Tyson in his prime- Chuck Norris would win

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:13 am

    chuck amongus- why dont you go and post your crap on a Barbie or John Edwards blogs? You bring down the entire Chuck Norris blog by 21 IQ points just by posting your retarded comments…

  • By Chicken Potpie UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:24 am

    Chuck Norris is the shiz-nit!

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:29 am

    I brush my teeth with an Incredible Hulk electric tooth brush, Chuck Norris uses the Incredible Hulk.

  • By Chicken Potpie UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:30 am

    LOL!

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:32 am

    I think the vulgar, overly descriptive way I put things is just right. If you don’t like it and the post is shitsniffer don’t read it….unless you want to be the next victim of verbal abuse.

    Chuck Norris was student of the month at his elementry school……for the last 57 years.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:35 am

    Chuck Norris can heat up a cup of soup with his beard.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 5:40 am

    Chuck Norris is so tough, his beard wakes up a half hour before he does to make him pancakes.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 6:10 am

    Any shift that Chuck Norris works automatically becomes the graveyard shift if his co-workers annoy him.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 6:13 am

    And shitsniffer, way to lower yourself to the level of others, there. I really admire a person who automatically jumps to the lowest common denominator instead of actually using his wit. Your funnies are original, your insults are lame. So stick to what you’re good at, m’kay?

    911 operators ignore Chuck Norris-related calls. There’s no point in dispatching ANYTHING to try and help, because it won’t.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 6:16 am

    Chuck Norris sacked Rome, but let the Vandals and Goths take credit for it.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 6:29 am

    Crappertop’s a newbie! Don’t be jealous.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 6:45 am

    WOW! THESE ARE REALLY GETTING GOOD! I LOVE THE FRESH POST, FRESH IDEAS

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 8:22 am

    Whenever Chuck Norris cries the whole planet is wiped out and no trace is left of them. Ever hear of the Wooderlings? They were the first real form of life on this planet!

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 8:24 am

    Great balls of fire is what girls sing when they see the sun, GINORMOUS BALLS OF HARDNESS is what girls sing when they see Chuck Norris’s cock

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 8:29 am

    There is a new level of metal out. WAY BEYOND SCREAMO. it causes instant death when heard. called Norrisametal

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 8:43 am

    Britany spears didnt’t shave her head. She just saw Chuck Norris naked… that really scared her

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 9:03 am

    OK DEADROCK, YOU STARTED OUT PRETTY GOOD BUT YOU JUST GOT ON THE TRAIN HEADED TO LAME CITY. BALLS OF HARDNESS? REALLY? YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT….

    CHUCK NORRIS HAS AN ACTUAL SIZE MAP OF THE USA. AND HE CAN EVEN FOLD IT… PROPERLY

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 9:08 am

    In 1968 the goverment was given a grant inorder to develop a shoe for Chuck Norris that could withstand a category 3 Round house kick (the lightest kick Chuck Norris can preform). To date $340.4 Billion dollars have been spent, Hundreds of thousands of test subjects have been killed and the only progress made was the invention of kevlar.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 9:10 am

    I heard Jimmy Hoffa pissed off Chuck Norris once.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 9:20 am

    Insted of listening to Chuck Norris’ heart beat with the traditional stethascope, doctors need to use a richter scale.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 9:25 am

    Chuck Norris’ sperm is the cleanest burning fuel known to earth, problem is it’ll require all the fossil fuel we have left in order to just start up the machine required to jerk him off.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 9:42 am

    THERE ONCE WAS A MOVIE BEING MADE CALLED -CHUCK NORRIS’ PENIS 30,000 FT IN THE AIR. THE TITLE WAS TO LONG SO THEY CHANGED IT TO -SNAKES ON A PLANE. PLUS EVERYONE KNEW THAT CHUCKS PENIS WOULDN’T FIT ON JUST ONE AIRPLANE.AND IT WAS CHEAPER TO USE 500 SNAKES THAN TO BUILD ONE JUMBO JET BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD CHUCKS MANHOOD.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 10:01 am

    when you think you are raping chuck norris, you are wrong chuck norris does the raping, no one can rape him but himself

  • By Rickstar UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 10:10 am

    Chuck Norris wears ribbed condoms inside out so that he gets all the pleasure.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 8, 2007 @ 3:38 pm

    Schroedinger’s Cat is dead. Chuck Norris tired of the ‘mixed state’ debate and killed it.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 12:52 am

    I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Chuck Norris (I posted this before but it’s funny)

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 1:02 am

    I LIKED THE CHUCK NORRIS SAVES 15% ON HIS CAR INSURANCE WITHOUT SWITCHING TO GEIKO….

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 1:48 am

    Thanks CHILL!
    Chuck Norris CAN get blood from a stone, when he throws it at someone.

  • By Belikov UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 3:48 am

    Chuck Norris does not ehm, yahoo.

  • By dj UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 4:15 am

    just witnessing a chuck norris roundhouse kick lowers your sperm count by 200%

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 6:39 am

    when chuck norris shaves, he takes his clippings, stares them down until they turn blue. And now you know where Viagra comes from.

  • By geodude UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 7:44 am

    Chuck Norris eats a whole spoon full of cinnamon and washes it down with a gallon of milk every morning.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 7:54 am

    Chuck norris once ate the entire series of Ducktales entire series on dvd and washed it down with an entire gallon of orange juice and shit out Duck à l’Orange.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 7:55 am

    Chuck norris once ate the entire series of Ducktales on dvd and washed it down with an entire gallon of orange juice and shit out Duck à l’Orange.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 7:59 am

    S.O.S. Steel wool has the exact same address as Chuck Norris’ barber….weird.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 8:22 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt have a big cock, everyones is small and his is 15 in. it seems big cause it is better than yours.

    Chuck Norris doesnt climb mountains. he just stares at them til they shrink

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 8:23 am

    Yo Mr.Sniffer- Duck al orange? Are you serious? That is awesome!!! I about spit out my drink all over my screen.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 8:24 am

    Chill in response 2 ur viagra joke. I thought it comes from my 27 year old dads closet… or was that enzite… idk but still doesnt it come from my dads closet?

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 8:31 am

    Chuck Norris CAN make a mountain out of a mole hill! And does it just to prove it can be done!

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 8:40 am

    hey DEADCOCK, what the F are you talking about?

  • By S-Mac UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 8:49 am

    Chuck Norris can NOT make it rain. But he can sure as hell can stop it!

    Contrary to popular belief, Hurrican Katrina did not cause the levies break. it was actually a flood caused by a shit Chuck Norris took along the river that form it’s own Dam. The backup was the cause of all of this destruction. God Bless America

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 8:49 am

    lol tat was good but… Chuck Norris doesn’t smile… everyone just frowns and he keeps a straight face… therefore he smiles!

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 9, 2007 @ 11:45 pm

    When the Boogie Man goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 12:01 am

    When Chuck Norris does a Roundhouse Kick it causes a Tidal Wave on the other side of the World!

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 12:03 am

    Chuck Norris Killed The dinosaurs!

  • By Alci UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 12:13 am

    You Are All Punk Ass Bitches

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 12:40 am

    ALCI- YOU ARE A DOUCHE
    GSUS- YOU ARE AN UNORIGINAL PIECE OF GARBAGE

    WHY DONT THE 2 OF YOU LEAVE AND ON THE WAY OUT, SHOOT EACH OTHER IN THE FACE WITH A HAND GUN OF YOUR CHOICE

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 12:41 am

    nope

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 1:10 am

    WELL. GSUS- ATLEAST YOU TRIED- YOU JUST COPIED JOKES THAT HAVE POSTED ABOUT 30 TIMES ALREADY. DONT GIVE UP, TRY AGAIN AND TRY AND BE ORIGINAL.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 1:34 am

    Okay, so gsus and alci we’re bored one day and they decided to waste their time by telling people they’re wasting their time. Then gsus’ mom walked in the room and saw Chuck Norris face on the screen and immeditly her banged up, dangling, herpe encrusted, fleshy snatch became so wet she started to grind it on alci’s face whilst smoking crack. Incredibly turned on by this’ gsus whipped out his tiny prick and began fuckin his own mom in the shit ring. He then took the crackpipe from his mom, took a hit, then burned alci’s asshole shut. The End.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 1:35 am

    Okay, so gsus and alci we’re bored one day and they decided to waste their time by telling people they’re wasting their time. Then gsus’ mom walked in the room and saw Chuck Norris face on the screen and immeditly her banged up, dangling, herpe encrusted, fleshy snatch became so wet she started to grind it on alci’s face whilst smoking crack. Incredibly turned on by this’ gsus whipped out his tiny prick and began fuckin his own mom in the shit ring. He then took the crackpipe from his mom, took a hit, then burned alci’s asshole shut with it. The End.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 6:54 am

    You can land a harrier fighter jet on Chuck Norris’ taint.

  • By c-murda UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 7:21 am

    Recently, due to theories that the bible contains secret codes that can tell the future, it was discovered with in the text of the bible that Chuck Norris was actually mentioned.

    It is foretold that Chuck Norris is the Alpha and Omega of all that is. It is told that Chuck Norris will eventually end all man kind in fury of roundhouse kickes, head butts and punches. The only survivor will be Xena, Warrior Princess, with whome Chuck Norris will savagly procreate with to create a new race of Uber Beings.

    These Uber Beings will be created in the likness of all that is Chuck. They will be far superior to any pathetic being that currently walks this earth.

    The future will see business deals closed with roundhouses; instead of handshakes there will only be high fives and instead of love making there will only be hard core banging.

    These beings will reign supreme to all but Norris; while they are strong they are not Chuck strong so they will only survive as long as Norris lets them.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 7:46 am

    Mr. Sniffer- that last joke wasnt a joke. I HAVE DONE THAT! So that was a fact, not a joke. I just thought I would let you know. Believe it or not, I had enough room on either side after landing that I actually went fishing and caught the biggest bass that I had ever seen! After that, I went to the other side and shot a 22 point buck. It was an amazing afternoon.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 8:00 am

    cmuncher- that would have been a good one if you had checked your spelling first. Come on- it was original though, I will give you that.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 8:08 am

    Chill, why no cursing?
    After sex most people smoke a cigarette.After sex, Chuck Norris smokes a ham.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 9:09 am

    Mr.Sniffer, I just do not use that type of language. I do not cry if others do, I am not a sensitive little,left leaning, tree hugging hippy like Algore, but I just dont. I do laugh at when you do however, esp. when you are putting some stupid copy cat in their place! I think it is well understood that after Mr.Norris, you and I run this blog. Thats is why everybody jumps on us and our creativity.

    Chuck Norris used to smoke dinosaurs after sex, now you know why they are extinct.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 12:20 pm

    Chuck cannot wear condoms. They are all 2 small for his dicks dick

  • By s&!#sniffer UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 3:37 pm

    I do this to my name out of respect, to a true master!
    Chuck Norris combs his hair with a brick (I’ve got nothing)

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 10:01 pm

    coming soon to the side of your head, the highly anticipated phenomenon since the dawn of time. witness nonstop action and pure adrenaline!… and whatever you do make sure you dont miss the single miracle that will change the world as you know it….. A CHUCK NORRIS Roundhouse Kick!

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 10:13 pm

    Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? CHUCK NORRIS did! What are you going to do about it…

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 10:24 pm

    Chuck Norris – My AntiDrug….

    [Above The Influence]

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 10:29 pm

    The Total Gym® As Seen on TV with Chuck Norris, was Chuck Norris’ attempt to Chuck Norris up the World.

  • By G-SUS UNITED STATES, November 10, 2007 @ 11:19 pm

    It has been said that a god has the boddy of Chuck Norris!

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 11, 2007 @ 1:45 am

    Whoa!!! The train to LAME took off and has deadcock at the helm! (I know) gsus is a close 2nd…..Mr.Sniffer, please save us all with one of your original masterpieces!!! We all lost 12 more IQ points from simply reading the last few post! Sure, I got points to spare, but some of these IGMO’s are already in the negative!

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 11, 2007 @ 1:50 am

    When Chuck Norris was a baby, his beard was so soft and blond in color. The older he got the more red with rage his beard became. His beard now has a DNR- do not resuscitate

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 11, 2007 @ 1:52 am

    Chuck Norris made his beard sign a pre-nup before allowing it to settle on his face.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 11, 2007 @ 3:06 am

    I don’t use obscenities either. It’s a less creative way of saying what I think. If you really want to insult someone, grab a dictionary. They really help. Why swear when you can call someone a hermaphroditic misanthropic lycanthrope?

    Proper table manners for Chuck Norris consist of not eating the silverware, plates, and the table itself.

  • By Korel UNITED STATES, November 11, 2007 @ 6:51 pm

    As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history….

    A couple years later, realizing what he had done Chuck Norris performed an experiment. He went to Boston’s seediest bus station and tore open his shirt revealing his chiseled, auburn-haired chest; The display of manliness impregnated every crackwhore in a 3 mile radius.

    Currently the resulting 2008 Patriots are 9-0-0.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 5:23 am

    Chuck Norris walked by a nuclear power plant with his dick exposed. Then he banged a hooker right after. She had crabs… The result, first known as bigcrabs, now known as Cockroaches

  • By sux UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 8:34 am

    chuck norris can go fuck himself

  • By sux UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 8:35 am

    penis

  • By sux UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 8:36 am

    suck my cock chuck norris!!

    PS- go fuck urself

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 12:14 pm

    DONT DIS CHUCK NORRIS LIKE THAT YOU BALL FUCKER, PUSSY HATER, DUMB ASS PIECE OF SHIT! DICK WAD!

  • By s&!#sniffer UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 12:56 pm

    Sux is named sux cause as soon as she gave birth, they asked what she wanted to name the baby, the doctors cock was in her mouth and she said sluuuuuurrrrrrrpppp!

  • By s&!#sniffer UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 12:57 pm

    That doctor, CHUCK FUCKIN NORRIS!!!

  • By MR MOOSECELS UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 1:10 pm

    Chuck Norris can run so fast, he can run around the Earth punch forward, adn hit himself in the back of the head. While sleeping……

    Chuck Norris has 5 balls because sux sucked the other 4 off(sorry man nothing against ya, but u shouldnt make ur name sux)

    At Burger King, you have it your way. Anywhere else, you have it Chuck Norris’ way which involves a roundhouse kick to the face, cruel laughing, and some medium fries

  • By poopberry UNITED STATES, November 12, 2007 @ 2:29 pm

    chuck norris don’t need no stinkin viagra, viagra needs chuck norris!!

    chuck norris is , YOUR MOM

    chuck norris kicked sux in the face…and made him piss himself to death

  • By sirroN kcuhC SPAIN, November 13, 2007 @ 8:06 am

    Once, aliens tried to abduct Chuck Norris. Since then, we are alone in the universe.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 13, 2007 @ 8:13 am

    There was once a game called chuck norris legend… it was virtual reality and all pain in game sent a shock to you and if you died in game you died. You were chuck norris… in the end you fought chuck norris… the game only sold one copy… they then stopped making it

  • By s&!#sniffer UNITED STATES, November 13, 2007 @ 11:45 am

    WHAT!?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? HOW OLD ARE YOU CHEESEY BASTARDS? YOU’LL ALL PAY DEARLY.MAY CHUCK NORRIS HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 14, 2007 @ 6:05 am

    Duh….there is a time and when chuck norrison isn’t every just then thing go haywire and blew them selves to the empire carpet loose. Also I sniff my sisters asshole.

  • By Forrest Tuttle UNITED STATES, November 14, 2007 @ 6:44 am

    Chuck NORRIS dose not doge bulits, bulits doge Chuck NORRIS

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 14, 2007 @ 9:40 am

    WHO THE FUCK IS POSING AS ME?!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 14, 2007 @ 9:57 am

    Forrest tuttle’s Mother does NOT dodge a cock going toward her mouth. Thats it.
    Oh yeah, what the FUCK are bulits?? Your a douche.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 14, 2007 @ 10:03 am

    Just kidding, that was me. I feel bad for anyone posing as me cause I’m a real turd burgler. Also, I gave my Dad a blow job once.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 14, 2007 @ 10:10 am

    Socks are for losers, when my feet are cold I just jerk off on them. It dosen’t warm them at all, but jerking off is fun when you think of eating John Heder’s asshole out while your doin it. I used to think of my Mom cause she would fuck my ass with her huge cock, but thats gay. I drink piss.

  • By ballsack UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 2:58 am

    fuck u shitsniffer chuck norris sucked me off las night and i didnt even get off soo i beat it into his beard

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 7:51 am

    k that gaywad better stop cause idk y sum1 is posing as me

  • By footballl UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 12:00 pm

    chuck norris is awesome so you dousch bags can shut the hell up okay now get down on your knees you dick holes

  • By carl UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

    CHUCK NORRIS CAN PUNCH YOU IN THE BACK OF THE FACE

  • By carl UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

    CHUCK NORRIS CAN PUNCH YOU IN THE SOUL

  • By carl UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 2:21 pm

    CHUCK NORRIS WENT TO MCDONALDS AND ORDERED A WHOPPER AND GOT IT

    CHUCK NORRIS IS CURRENTLY SUEING BURGER KING BECAUSE THEY WANT GIVE HIM HIS WHOPPER HIS WAY WITH BARNED WIRE AND RAZOR BLADES

  • By carl UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

    CHUCK NORRIS WENT TO MCDONALDS AND ORDERED A WHOPPER AND GOT IT

    CHUCK NORRIS IS CURRENTLY SUEING BURGER KING BECAUSE THEY WANT GIVE HIM HIS WHOPPER HIS WAY WITH BARBED WIRE AND RAZOR BLADES

  • By carl UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 2:25 pm

    THE UFC WILL NOT USE ITS FULL TITLE THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP NON CHUCK NORRIS DIVISION

  • By r-k-j-t-r UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 5:54 pm

    There’s no such thng as Santa Claus climbing down your chimnery, it’s just Chuck Norris leaving you house after giving you mom a “Christmas Present.”

  • By R-K-J-T-R UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 5:58 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t ask, he recieves.

  • By R-K-J-T-R UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 6:03 pm

    Every time Chuck Norris got homework, there was a new teacher

  • By R-K-J-T-R UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 6:05 pm

    whenever Chick Norris walks into a stripper bar, they have to pay him.

  • By R-K-J-T-R UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 6:08 pm

    a boy listens to his mom, the president listens to Chuck Norris, and Chuck Norris listens to noone

  • By R-K-J-T-R UNITED STATES, November 15, 2007 @ 6:16 pm

    Common Questions for Chuck Norris:
    1. Favorite animal : Chuck Norris
    2. Favorite color : Chuck Norris
    3. Favorite TV Show : Walker Texas Ranger
    4. Favorite Day : Chuck Norris
    5. Favorite Month : Chuck Norris
    6. Least favorite day : The day Walker Texas Ranger was taken off the air
    7. Favorite sex position : Chuck Norris

  • By Matti Keim UNITED STATES, November 16, 2007 @ 3:47 am

    When Chuck Norris flips a quarter, Washington’s nose bleeds

  • By R-K-J-T-R UNITED STATES, November 16, 2007 @ 7:29 am

    ….oh yeah, I also make sweet love to my Dad, in the asshole, Missionary position so I can look at his face while I’m fucking his sweet hairy old man asshole.

  • By Matti Keim UNITED STATES, November 16, 2007 @ 7:37 am

    When Chuck Norris flips R-K-J-T-R’s mother, her pussy bleeds.
    Chuck Norris is so frugle, after he’s done banging my mom, he rinses off and reuses the condom in R-K-J-T-R’s asshole.

  • By warrdragonn UNITED STATES, November 16, 2007 @ 9:51 am

    chuck norris doesnt grow hair on his balls becuase hair doesnt grow on steel

  • By i dont have a name UNITED STATES, November 16, 2007 @ 11:08 am

    The Vikings believed that when thunder struck, Thor had just flung down his hammer. One day, when Chuck Norris was visiting Japan, he flung down Thor. To cover up the incident, the U. S. government claimed that they had dropped a strange device called an “atomic bomb.”

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have friends. Just people that he lets live.

    When asked, “Which came first– the chicken or the egg?” Chuck Norris said, “Me.”

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 16, 2007 @ 1:13 pm

    I have been out for a week and you guys got LAME! Spelling took the week off too I see.

    There were a few funny ones, mainly lame though. Punched in the back of the face? NICE! Carl, when you copy other post, it makes you look stupid. RTFYK or whatever, you are simply wasting space on here.
    Mr.Sniffer, where have you gone? Common sense has left the building and you and just a cpl others helped keep this site from just being worthless and gay.
    Mr.Sniffer, please come back…. I surely cant pull this site from the murky waters of LAME LAKE alone. Crappertop, where did you go?

  • By /b/tard UNITED STATES, November 16, 2007 @ 1:47 pm

    Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.

    And god said, “let there be light”. And Chuck Norris said, “Say please…”

    They glaciers disappearing isn’t because that their melting. Its just that Chuck Norris has to eat 12,000 pounds of ice every night so he doesn’t light the world on fire when he pisses.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 17, 2007 @ 1:19 am

    I’ve given up.

  • By Carlos UNITED STATES, November 17, 2007 @ 2:51 am

    Chuck Norris CAN Touch M.C. Hammer.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 17, 2007 @ 3:15 am

    OMG! DO YOU GUYS EVER READ OTHER POST??? THE LAST LIKE 5 WERE STRAIGHT COPIES FROM EARLIER POST!!!!!

    CARLOS, CHUCK NORRIS CAN TOUCH YOUR MOM… JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES….

    MR.SNIFFER, COME ON, WE NEED YOU !!!!

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, November 17, 2007 @ 5:32 am

    The term to “chuck” somthing, meaning to throw came about because Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick threw or “chuck’d” someone at breakneck speeds. Mordern english has dumbed it down.

  • By GOPDude UNITED STATES, November 17, 2007 @ 7:39 am

    Chuck Norris was once a kicker for the Cleveland Browns. After the 10th ball left the stadium on the kickoff, he was no longer allowed to roundhouse kick the ball and Chuck promptly quit.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 17, 2007 @ 9:37 am

    THE TERM PORTERHOUSE CAME FROM THE CUT OF BEEF THAT USED TO BE CALLED THE “ROUNDHOUSE”. CHUCK NORRIS USED TO KICK THE COW UNTIL THE PERFECT PIECE OF MEAT WAS LEFT. IT MADE SUCH A MESS AND THERE WAS NO USEABLE BEEF LEFT OVER. THE COUNTRY MUSIC LEGEND PORTER WAGNER ASKED CHUCK TO LEAVE A LITTLE BIT OF THE FAT IN HIS STEAK. IT MADE CHUCK SO UPSET, THAT HE KICKED THE COW AND SHOUTED ” DO YOU WANT A ROUNDHOUSE OR A PORTERHOUSE”. CHUCK NORRIS NEVER KICKED A COW AGAIN BECAUSE AFTER ALL HE LIKED PORTER WAGNER AND THE WAGONEERS. AND CHUCK SAID IT SHOULD BE CALLED THE PORTERHOUSE NOW BECAUSE IT WAS NO LONGER PERFECT AND DIDNT WANT IT CONNECTED WITH HIM IN ANY WAY. THAT IS A TRUE STORY …

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 18, 2007 @ 2:05 pm

    chill i am still here…
    Your mom likes chuck norris beef… jerky… idk… … … Chuck Norris has the ability to solve global warming. He just flies, by pushing the earth down for as long as he wants. We just need to tempt him to do that…

  • By John Muir UNITED STATES, November 20, 2007 @ 6:14 am

    Have you seen the Mike Huckabee ad with Chuck Norris? It’s priceless.

    http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/11/19/thank-you-chuck-norris/

  • By sHAW mORSE UNITED STATES, November 20, 2007 @ 2:12 pm

    Chuck Norris once ate Swarzenegger for breakfast
    but had to vomit him up afterwards saying “i had no
    idea pussy taste so bad”

  • By AJAY UNITED KINGDOM, November 20, 2007 @ 4:31 pm

    Chuck Norris can send a text message from a public Telephone……..

    AJAY … South Africa

  • By AJAY UNITED KINGDOM, November 20, 2007 @ 4:37 pm

    Chuck Norris has a pet …. Its called Godzilla

    AJAY….. SA

  • By AJAY UNITED KINGDOM, November 20, 2007 @ 4:45 pm

    Chuck Norris is the Real Slim Shady.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 2:40 am

    ever wonder why Leon Spinks the prof. boxer that won over 9 million dollars for fighting Mike Tyson, never bought a tooth? Chuck Norris doesn’t…

  • By jharadon UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 3:28 am

    Chuck Norris flexed his abs for his on delight….the shockwave made its way around the earth for its third trip at 8:15 this morning……and to think this is his weak point

  • By jharadon UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 3:42 am

    chuck norris is the reason for the greeks only having myths

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 7:01 am

    j-hard-on….weak bro, weak…

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    I Like Men

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 2:59 pm

    Chuck Norris can strike a match on his tongue.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 3:03 pm

    If anyone hasn’t decided on who to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, I highly recommend that you check out Mike Huckabee. He’s Chuck Norris Approved. Check YouTube for HuckChuckFacts. Kudos, John Muir, for picking up on that one before I did.

    Chuck Norris can do the Numa Numa dance without looking retarded.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 3:05 pm

    Mirages are not caused my heat waves and sunlight. They are actually Chuck Norris messing with your head for the fun of it.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 3:08 pm

    A while back, Chuck Norris took a trip to Mars. Upon his arrival, the natives were so awed that they built a titanic statue of his face. The poor Martians forgot to add the beard, and are sadly no more.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 3:10 pm

    Chuck Norris’ power level is over 9000.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 21, 2007 @ 3:17 pm

    A human resources group once tried making Inspirational Posters with Chuck Norris on them. They read: “Work Harder, or we will hire Chuck Norris to Beat You.” Productivity and fear of death went up in 95 percent of the trials. In the other 5 percent, managers reported total employee fatalities.

  • By AJAY UNITED KINGDOM, November 21, 2007 @ 11:41 pm

    Chuck Norris does not meet accidents… Accidents meet Chuck Norris.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 22, 2007 @ 2:54 am

    AGAY- YOU ARE ALAME! WOW…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 22, 2007 @ 2:56 am

    CHUCK NORRIS CAN TAKE THE RECOMMENDED DOSAGE OF NYQUIL AND NOT GET SLEEPY

  • By f1r3 CANADA, November 22, 2007 @ 11:20 am

    chill shut the fuck up wow

  • By /b/tard UNITED STATES, November 22, 2007 @ 1:34 pm

    The original Terminator movie was going to star Chuck Norris, and was going to be called, “Chuck Norris Visits Grandma”, but Orion didn’t want to lose money, so they swithched to Arnold Schwarzenegger and “The Terminator”. It was a smart move. If they continued with the Chuck Norris movie, it is estimated that they would have lost around 12 billion dollars because so many people would sue them for making their eyes bleed.

    o yeah and carl, next time you post… capslock is 7/16′s of an inch from the A key. Turn it off.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 22, 2007 @ 1:44 pm

    f1r3…if that is your real name…you do not want to get me started on you….dont believe me? ask your granny! She got me started and it wasnt pretty. You can also ask the loser formerly known as “wes”. So, consider this a friendly suggestion. Dont start with me. Esp when you are not smart enough to figure out a simple joke. You see, sometimes we post jokes that are just stupid. Like yourself…

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, November 22, 2007 @ 1:53 pm

    And now, let me introduce you to a few friends on mine- Mr.Sniffer,Crappertop,Deadrock…PROCEED!!!!!!

    BTW Jessica Alba is FINE!!!!!

  • By s&!#sniffer UNITED STATES, November 22, 2007 @ 4:31 pm

    Okay, so Chuck Norris once took a real loose steamy shit in a cup, then f1r3 and his Mother started to eat the the shit like ice cream, then they start to make out with the shit in both of their mouths. So the shit gets all mixed with their saliva and starts to drip down their faces and get’s everywhere, but their still not done. f1r3′s mom gets up and they throw up chunky pukey shit in each others mouths. Dude, it’s nasty you can watch it online. It’s called “Two Girls, One Cup”. Google it now!!

    Chuck Norris once refinished an entire fleet of U.S. war ships using only his beard and the blood of his enemys.

  • By s&!#sniffer UNITED STATES, November 22, 2007 @ 4:34 pm

    OH SHIT, IT’S flr3′s DAD,UNCLE AND GRANDFATHER AT LEMONPARTY.ORG!! FOR REAL, CHECK IT OUT!

  • By AJAY UNITED KINGDOM, November 22, 2007 @ 8:43 pm

    Yo s&!#sniffer

    you have the link for the videoclip man ? cant find the video anywhere.
    2 gals 1 cup

  • By AJAY UNITED KINGDOM, November 22, 2007 @ 8:49 pm

    Yo s&!#sniffer

    finally found it dude, no stress.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 5:08 am

    The most incredible and unbelievable legend in the history of mankind goes like this:

    Once upon a time, Chuck Norris. The End.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 5:11 am

    When it comes to McDonalds, Chuck Norris is NOT ‘lovin’ it.’

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 5:12 am

    Chuck Norris thinks of the Laws of Physics as ‘friendly suggestions.’

  • By fredeick b UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 5:58 am

    its not tom brady under the helmet but the one and only chuck norris .

    chuck norris went diving and caused the south asia tsunami.

    global warming is a result of a chuck norris barbeque.

  • By fredeick b UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 6:11 am

    chuck norris’ urine is the fountain of youth.
    chuck norris is so hot he went to the north pole and the ice caps started melting.
    chuck norris is such a bad ass that when he left the colonies , the locals had a feast and thats how thanksgiving began.
    chuck norris sank atlantis as a kid by stamping his feet.
    chuck norris threw rocks at the moon and cuased craters

  • By fredeick b UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 6:17 am

    f1r3 , give us some respect we could have all been your father but the line was way too long.
    f1r3 chuck norris is behind you , oh wait thats not chuck norris , thats just his round house kick.

  • By rrr LATVIA, November 23, 2007 @ 8:50 am

    Chuck Norris only friend is his little Chucky!!!

  • By s&!#sniffer UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 10:06 am

    Chuck Norris uses saturn as a wedding ring holder.

  • By apollo UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 11:38 am

    The first thing that Chuck Norris ever said was Chuck Norris and that was the last thing that his parents ever heard

  • By Sir Esmond UNITED STATES, November 23, 2007 @ 7:07 pm

    Chuck Norris once had sex in a semi. Some sperm got into the engine somehow. We now know this semi as Optimus Prime.

  • By CrazyChris UNITED STATES, November 25, 2007 @ 1:13 pm

    Jesus can turn water into wine, Chuck Norris said forget wine and turned water into WHAT EVER HE WANTED!!!

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 25, 2007 @ 3:12 pm

    The Chucky series was supposed to be a documentary of Chuck Norris. After many, many, months of editing the graphic nature of chuck norris, they saw what they had was crap so they called it Chucky.

    Chunky candy was supposed to be called Norrisy. It is like chunky now except the raisins were replaced with nails.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 25, 2007 @ 3:23 pm

    in addition 2 my chunky joke Nestle still wanted the candy to be painful to eat so they dropped the nails, because there were too many lawsuits, and added raisins

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 25, 2007 @ 3:28 pm

    rrr-tard weak sauce
    freedick b great job man

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 25, 2007 @ 3:29 pm

    Sir-cumsize edmond no more reposts

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 25, 2007 @ 3:31 pm

    appalled-o that was soft and weak like george bush
    CrazyChris Cocker great going

    and crappertop great job… as always

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, November 25, 2007 @ 10:10 pm

    chuck norris made one mistake when he created mankind:he forgot to give humans enough intelligence to not war against each other now we are doing his job for him this is my first comment copletely out of nowhere and my heads all fucked up from reading this entire forum

  • By E4 UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 6:02 am

    Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with the bases empty

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 6:56 am

    bacon is actually the pulverised remains of pigs that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 7:01 am

    english was influenced by german latin and a bunch of other languages.pissing off Chuck norris is influenced by one thing:being a total idiot.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 1:17 pm

    E4 good
    Randomguy, they sucked, drop out or get better jokes

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 4:25 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t eat deep-fried halibut. He eats deep-fried shark.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 4:31 pm

    In many gaming circles, an instant-kill Critical Hit is called a Chuck Norris.

    And Dead Rock? Lay off, please. You’re not a forum moderator. No offense, but we don’t need every third post being ‘ur funny’ or ‘u suck quit now.’

    ‘randomguy’, learn to spell, punctuate, and capitalize. Please.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 4:32 pm

    The shelf life of fresh Chuck Norris is approximately infinity.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 4:33 pm

    No one knows the shelf life of canned Chuck Norris. No one’s dumb enough to try and stick him in a can.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 26, 2007 @ 11:08 pm

    When you go on a blind date with chuck norris, it isn’t a blind date… it is a blind funereal

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 3:47 am

    This Chuck Norris talking if you do not stop talking about me I will come to your house and butt rape you mom you girlfriend and you do too

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 3:47 am

    This is Chuck Norris talking if you do not stop talking about me I will come to your house and butt rape you mom you girlfriend and you do too

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 6:43 am

    *Flips the bird to Chuck Norris impersonators who cannot spell, cannot use proper grammar, and do not know the meaning of the word ‘punctuation.’*

    Chuck Norris can break the ‘indestructible’ black box found in airplanes.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 7:08 am

    CRAPPERTOP, YOU ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU BUSTED DEADCOCKS BALLS ABOUT. GOOD JOB! ! WE NEED TO STAY ON THESE PPL THAT JUMP ON HERE AND BRING DOWN THE IQ OF EVERYONE POSTING.

    CHUCK NORRIS DRANK SO MANY HURRICANES AT MARDI GRAS THAT HE SHOWED UP ON THE WEATHER CHANNEL AS A CAT. 7 STORM. IT ONLY GOES FROM 1-5 RANKING….

  • By pk zip UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 10:01 am

    Chuck Norris likes to donate blood to the local hospital, but he’d prefer that they not be returned to their original owners.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 10:22 am

    Chuck Norris blood can cure aids, and all other diseases… when you put it in your blood stream you are almost cured. He has herpes 2

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 10:23 am

    The excel spreadsheet used to be 3D. Eventually Chuck Norris found out about this. He doesn’t like 3D. Now it is known as a spreadsheet

  • By japandrew JAPAN, November 27, 2007 @ 11:56 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t stop at red lights, ever. When his vehicle approaches, the stop light senses impending doom and changes to green automatically. Somehow, stop signs change to green too.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, November 27, 2007 @ 6:01 pm

    Chill, I am NOT being hypocritical here. I referred to lack of punctuation, poor spelling, and horrendous grammar. Dead Rock and others are commenting on content, something I have so far refrained from doing. Plus, anyone who impersonates Chuck Norris (may he live forever) deserves a smackdown. The Norris knows how to spell and punctuate.

    In 1993, id software released a first-person shooter which defined the genre for several years. The working title was ‘Chuck Norris,’ but was later marketed by a common synonym, “DOOM.”

  • By adam goodvin UNITED STATES, November 28, 2007 @ 3:59 am

    chuck Norris eats lighting and shits thunder

  • By Aaron Keith UNITED STATES, November 28, 2007 @ 4:03 am

    chuck norris eats glass and shits beer bottles

  • By Roxanne UNITED STATES, November 28, 2007 @ 6:43 am

    What is the quickest way to a man’s heart?

    … Chuck Norris’s FIST

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 28, 2007 @ 8:45 am

    Crappertop, I know that- that is why I said GOOD JOB. Kepp up the good work….

    Chuck Norris can make a paper airplane and make it travel the Atlantic ocean in 3 days…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 28, 2007 @ 9:09 am

    DANG IT!! NOW I AM DOING IT….KEEP… IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY…

  • By Isabella UNITED STATES, November 28, 2007 @ 11:44 am

    When Chuck Norris had an erection he struck oil

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, November 28, 2007 @ 12:49 pm

    I’m just trying to be original like s&#!sniffer wanted,and I admit my first one was more retarded than George Bush,and the others were weak. When Chuck Norris has diahreah,he punches a hole in the ground.This is how new volcanoes are formed.

  • By g-man UNITED STATES, November 29, 2007 @ 7:45 pm

    chuck norris isn’t hung like a horse horses are hung like chuck norris!

  • By JACK MORRIS GREECE, November 29, 2007 @ 11:09 pm

    GOD GORGIVES. CHUCK NORRIS DOESN’T.

  • By jeffy UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 2:47 am

    you r all gay

  • By jeffy UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 2:49 am

    expecaly chuck

  • By jeffy UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 3:05 am

    i once beat up chuck

  • By wesis gay UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 3:30 am

    chuck dose not need to kill people, when people see him they kill them selves.

  • By your mom UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 4:26 am

    Chuck Norris wears Superman pajamas, Superman wears CHUCK NORRIS pajamas.

    Chuck Norris didn’t have to finish school, because everytime the teacher gave him homework/test/projects, he round-kicked them in the face, so he graduated at the age of 5.

  • By g-man UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 5:26 am

    this is a chuck norris page if you don’t like it dont read it but please hold your maturity level. honestly what do you gain by telling a bunch of people you dont know they are gay, unless you are actually masking the reallity that you are in fact a homosexual.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 10:09 am

    Im back

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 10:51 am

    wes is back??? did he leave?? i guess reading so many post from SO many idiots, I assumed he never left….welcome back i guess…. maybe you have been studying a dictionary and can come up with words other than the profane words you so over used last time. but, none the less, welcome back….

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 10:56 am

    jeffy once beat up chuck??? upchuck? jeffy beat upchuck? GO AWAY!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 1:08 pm

    Aye i did study a dictionary and I have a vocabulary that is way beyond my old simplistic terminoligy

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 1:11 pm

    Oh yes and some of these jokes are very retarded please take them off

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 1:19 pm

    Wassap Westickles

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, November 30, 2007 @ 1:19 pm

    Wassap Westickles

  • By Jake UNITED STATES, December 1, 2007 @ 3:28 am

    Saddam Hussein wasn’t hidding in that hole from the U.S. he was hiding from Chuck Norris

  • By mrs. Shilk UNITED STATES, December 1, 2007 @ 3:53 am

    i love chuck norris i hate it when people make fun of him

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 1, 2007 @ 4:04 am

    There used to be a division of the U.S. Army’s “Nuclear, Chemical, and Biological Weapons” department that studied weaponized Chuck Norris. They discovered that ALL Chuck Norris is weaponized, and soon died from exposure to their subject matter.

  • By your mom UNITED STATES, December 1, 2007 @ 4:13 am

    When Chuck Norris has sex with a woman, he doesn’t consider sex, if she’s living afterwards.

  • By jon UNITED STATES, December 1, 2007 @ 10:52 am

    this is stupid
    u shuldnt put people down on this site
    this is a site for appreciating chuck norris, not hating
    if someone says they dont like chuck norris and think hes a loser, dont just tell him off here
    tell chuck Himself that tht person sad the crap about him and let him deal with it
    and if they dont like Him, then too bad for them
    u guys need to chill out

  • By Charles Norris UNITED STATES, December 2, 2007 @ 2:27 am

    Chuck Norris’s Native American name is “Chuck Norris”.

  • By Micah UNITED STATES, December 2, 2007 @ 2:42 am

    Scientists have recently discovered that Pluto is not a planet, but a satellite placed into orbit to track the circumference of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

  • By WISKEY SALAD UNITED STATES, December 2, 2007 @ 2:46 am

    Chuck Norris has only cried once. They now call it hurricane katrina

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 2, 2007 @ 6:09 pm

    A Priest, a Lawyer, and Chuck Norris walked into a bar. Only Chuck Norris walked back out.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 2, 2007 @ 8:39 pm

    A plane almost crashed into Chuck Norris’ house once.Chuck Norris was on the roof at the time and that plane does not,never did,and never will exist.

  • By james UNITED STATES, December 3, 2007 @ 11:36 pm

    i keep calling a girl in my class Chuck Norris so she kept asking me who chuck norris is. so i showed her yhis website and she hit me!!!

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 4, 2007 @ 11:53 am

    jon, we only put down ppl that cant spell, use correct grammar or re-post. after looking at your post, you are either 6 yrs old or a complete moron. if you are 6, then, good job little buddy!! you stay in school and you will learn how to spell all those hard words that you missed. If you are not, then PLEASE…..

    Chuck Norris CAN herd cats…

  • By aaron UNITED STATES, December 5, 2007 @ 4:13 am

    chuck norris once ate a rubix cube and crapped it out solved

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 5, 2007 @ 6:06 am

    Jon, your a gay retard with no friends cause no one likes a crybaby.
    Chuck Norris may lather then rinse, but he NEVER repeats!!!

  • By jon UNITED STATES, December 5, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    Your right, I am gay and retarded and 6 and a complete moron.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 5, 2007 @ 9:07 am

    lol Jon you are blind and retarded but i think Mr. Sniffer and Chill have covered this. However you are a freaking retard that likes peace. How do you think we solve conflicts, we fight. Fighting gets you far.

    Micheal Jackson didn’t “go” white. He just saw Chuck Norris’s cock. And the nose he got when he was doing 69 with Chuck Norris’s and Chuck’s testicles hit him in the nose… Micheal Jackson was gay from the start

  • By jon UNITED STATES, December 5, 2007 @ 9:10 am

    GUYS STOP IT I DONT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE PUT EACHOTHER DOWN! It isn’t cool. And wars are stupid. oh and who is Chuck Norris? I only go to sites to keep peace.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 5, 2007 @ 9:13 am

    Wat the?… JON! GET A LIFE! NO1 CARES ABOUT PEACE… If we cared we wouldnt be here on this site… Get a life

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 5, 2007 @ 2:49 pm

    Chuck Norris loves piece….loves to roundhouse pieces of crap like Jon….

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 6, 2007 @ 7:25 am

    Chill I hate to do this, but you used piece in the wrong context… it should be peace.

  • By Eric UNITED STATES, December 6, 2007 @ 12:20 pm

    Chuck Norris’ body temperature is 98.6 degrees. CELSIUS

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 6, 2007 @ 5:45 pm

    For years, Microsoft has attempted to get Chuck Norris to create an unbeatable virus protection program. However, Chuck cannot be bought for so lo a price as they offered him, so he went instead to Macintosh.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 6, 2007 @ 5:52 pm

    Lance Armstrong has actually never won a Tour De France. Chuck Norris has won every single one of the legendary races from the time they first started, and he has done it each time backward.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 6, 2007 @ 6:03 pm

    Back in 1989, Chuck Norris was asked not to go near the San Andres Fault Line in California. The reason given by authorities was “We simply have had enough earthquakes.” The moment was tense, but finally Chuck Norris laughed and left. He stepped outside and clapped his hands once, and the great earthquake of ’89 was born.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 6, 2007 @ 6:09 pm

    The final episode of Star Wars was sworn to secrecy and was neither published as a book nor filmed. It told the truth about an alternate galaxy (far far away) that Chuck Norris ended. Graphically.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 6, 2007 @ 6:16 pm

    Chuck Norris once held a job as an exorcist (person that casts out demons). All he had to do was glance once in the direction of the possessed and the demon would flee in terror. Unfortunately, every person he did this to died immediately afterward.

    That’s all I got for now, hope it gets the humor going again.
    Tell me what you think.

    ~anotherrandomkid~

  • By Tom West UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 2:23 am

    Looking for a cool one after a long, dusty ride, the drifter strode
    into the saloon. As he made his way through the crowd to the bar, a man
    galloped through town screaming, “Big Mike’s comin’! Run fer yer lives!”
    Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open. An enormous man, standing over
    eight feet tall and weighing an easy 400 pounds, rode in on a bull, using a
    rattlesnake for a whip. Grabbing the drifter by the arm and throwing him over
    the bar, the giant thundered, “Gimme a drink!”
    The terrified man handed over a bottle of whiskey, which the man
    guzzled in one gulp and then smashed on the bar. He then stood aghast as
    the man stuffed the broken bottle in his mouth, munched broken glass and
    smacked his lips with relish.
    “Can I, ah, uh, get you another, sir?” the drifter stammered.
    “Naw, I gotta git outa here, boy,” the man grunted. “Chuck Norris’s
    a-comin’.”

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 4:19 am

    Dante was too afraid to visit or chronicle the Tenth Circle of Hell. In the Tenth Circle, Chuck Norris beats you for all eternity.

  • By Parker West UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 5:29 am

    WHen Chuck Norris goes to the beach he doesn’t put on sunscreen. The sun puts on Chuck Norris screen.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 8:29 am

    Ballsack… get a life

  • By General Santa UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 9:14 am

    Ballsack, Chuck Norris will say the word “kick” and you will be kicked so hard that you will die and be resurrected and be scared to say anything until Chuck Norris says “kick” again.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 12:15 pm

    Hey deadcock, I did it on purpose. I do like Rush, use absurdity to illustrate the absurd. I was making fun of an earlier post. But thanks for getting my back. These other people however, can’t even use a complete sentence. It is kind of like when I say- ” I don’t use contractions and wont ever use’em.

    Chuck Norris says Miller is the King of beers. You got a problem with that? To bad!

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 12:25 pm

    Chuck Norris doesnt get A haircut- He gets them ALL cut.
    That jokes lame… ( sang to the tune of chocolate rain)…

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 12:43 pm

    Chuck Norris once died so he could kick death’s ass.

  • By BillyBob UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 1:31 pm

    I had a friend who fought Chuck Norris once…

    I sure do miss him.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 2:48 pm

    I,the creator of bad Chuck Norris jokes,would like a second chance.It’s just that…Well,all i know about Chuck Norris is what you guys(Mr.Sniffer,Chill,and all the good writers)have posted.I’m sorry for spewing all that crap.May Chuck have mercy upon me.
    99% guaranteed this will suck:
    Chuck*does not use tools to build anything.He stares at the materials until they shape themselves into what he wants.He created a small town in this method using a single tree.
    *add a Norris there i forgot to capatalize and my computer wouldent let me fix it and i apoligize for lack of spelling and punc.in this P.S.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 3:12 pm

    when asked what the capitol of Texas is Chuck Norris can say t and it will be correct.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 7, 2007 @ 3:12 pm

    Woah…I didnt see a single negative comment on my post about the plane.Was…Was it actually any good?And anotherrandomkid,NICE.Ballsack,Parker West,and Billybob:To Ballsack,i wont put you down,because you are not worth it.Parker,that formula is older than Chuck Norris himself.Billybob,its funnyish,but its a repost.

    Long ago,we coexisted peacefully with Chuck Norris.But a human,jealous of Chuck’s power,attempted to kill Chuck,and take place as the ruler of men.Chuck Norris unleashed a roundhouse kick that vaporized the fool,and he became enraged that a mere human had tryed to take his place.He allowed us to live,but he was forever after angry and so we now live in fear.

    I hoped you liked it,followers of Mr.Sniffer!

  • By Paranoia94 SWEDEN, December 7, 2007 @ 9:16 pm

    Chuck norris never whightlift, he says “lift” and it better fucking do.

  • By Paranoia94 SWEDEN, December 7, 2007 @ 9:18 pm

    Chuck norris one had a hamster. Now its called godzilla!

  • By john UNITED STATES, December 8, 2007 @ 4:21 am

    a father said to his son, did you know that chuck norris can cut down 100ft redwood trees with one swing of an axe? it’s true, he was taught in the mojave forrest! hey dad i thaught the mojave was a dessrt? it is now!

  • By Paranoia94 SWEDEN, December 8, 2007 @ 4:43 am

    We thought it was four elements, we forgot Chuck Norris.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 8, 2007 @ 5:52 am

    The universe is constantly expanding. It’s trying desperately to run from Chuck Norris!
    Flight 93 went down in pennsylvannia that fateful day because Delta force 2 was the inflight movie.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 2:08 am

    paranoia, WTF? None of your post made sense.
    But when you then proceed to read a brilliant post such as Delta Force 2 being an inflight movie brought down a plane…. makes me NOT want to eat the business end of a 38 special… Thank you Mr.Sniffer for bringing funny back!!!

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 2:17 am

    I was watching CNN the other night expecting to see some headline news. What I saw however was Extreme Chuck Norris fight scenes from his brilliant acting career. I didnt realize that CNN was Chuck Norris Ninja killing channel

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 9:48 am

    NASA tried to use Chuck Norris as a cheaper means of putting satellites into space. They stopped after the first dozen unmanned probes broke the speed of light and were lost forever.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 9:52 am

    Chuck Norris coined the phrase “Death Glare.”

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 9:58 am

    They stopped selling Chuck Norris Halloween costumes after only one year. The causalities numbered in the thousands, mostly women and children. Most are still in rehab today.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 1:31 pm

    Chuck Norris can break 105% of the bones in your body with a single kick.

  • By ACE UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

    i hav a question for mr. sniffer.
    why is it that u call yourself shit sniffer
    are your parents crackheads or are they just setting really low expectations?

  • By ACE UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 2:17 pm

    i hav a question for mr. sniffer.
    why is it that u call yourself shit sniffer
    are your parents crackheads or are they just setting really low expectations?

  • By ACE UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 2:18 pm

    i hav a question for mr. sniffer.
    why is it that u call yourself shit sniffer
    are your parents crackheads or are they just setting really low expectations?
    i would like an answer

  • By jon UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 2:51 pm

    listen
    if u guys think your cool just cause u sit in your moms basements and put others down doesnt make you cool
    it makes you a word that i dont even know of but will look for in the future

    p.s. and all of you prople that think im gay or try to impersonate me i have to qoute Mr. T
    “Do not hate what you cannot imitate”

  • By Bob UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 3:01 pm

    Whatever King midas touched turns to gold, whatever chuck norris toucehs, turns to dead

  • By Bob UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 3:03 pm

    chuck norris is so tough, he has no chin underneath his beard, only another fist

  • By Bob UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 3:07 pm

    chuck norris once directed filmed starrd in and produced a major summer blockbuster, using only his mind, on july 3 2007 9 34 pm to 9 35 pm,

    he would have finished quicker, but he had to have dinner in between

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 9, 2007 @ 6:28 pm

    I need some feedback on my jokes to set the bar for my next one.

    Panic!at the disco’s name was inspired when Chuck Norris walked in to a disco club.

    That sucked but its the best i have on the spot.

  • By JustPlainTrash SWITZERLAND, December 10, 2007 @ 3:22 am

    Chuck Norris’ memory was temporarily lost when he was in a serious accident and ever since then, he was convinced that he’s God. No one has dared correct him. Now, everyone worships him.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 6:56 am

    chill, mr sniffer, crapper top, i beleive jon has reached a new level of gayness… JON GO PLAY WITH A BARBIE! that is the only action you will get

  • By /b/tard UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 9:08 am

    Jon, we could imitate you so awesomely, your head would asplode. How are we putting others down? We are just having fun.

    Please follow the link below to what other people like you say, and how we answer.

    http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi?p=1

    The third piece of hate-mail down.

  • By Alabaster Clam UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 9:34 am

    i can do anything better then you
    but chuck norris can do everything better then everyone with a strobe light on

  • By Im going to touch your boobs UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 10:33 am

    Im Gonna Touch Em!

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 12:08 pm

    Anyone who sings “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” has obviously never heard of Chuck Norris.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 12:10 pm

    Chuck Norris goes bowling with skyscrapers and a 1500 ton custom-made bowling ball. He doesn’t bowl much, though.

  • By Vik UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 12:13 pm

    Eric Clapton is Chuck Norris’ twin brother. He left home when they were kids after Chuck round house kicked him for humming the tune “Laila”.

    The Beegees are Chuck’s brothers too (younger, not twin). The song “Tragedy” refers to Chuck’s round house kick.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 12:13 pm

    Chuck Norris’s hat is made of shavings from his hair, and is indestructible.

  • By PeanutButter jelly time UNITED STATES, December 10, 2007 @ 2:37 pm

    Chuck norris does not dial numbers, the phone dials numbers for chuck norris

  • By jharadon UNITED STATES, December 11, 2007 @ 3:44 am

    Chuck Norris had one wild night with a some guy named Jim Thorpe……..The ensuing after birth is now know as the NFL.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 11, 2007 @ 2:29 pm

    Can i PLEASE get some feedback from coppertop or chill fo’ real!?Somebo
    dy?!
    I swear to Chuck Norris,you guys are ignoring me.Are my jokes that bad?

    I got nothing till i know how much i need to improve.

  • By zzzzzzzzzz, December 11, 2007 @ 10:32 pm

    chuck norris is a big puss….

  • By future UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 12:48 am

    yeah

  • By Charles Norris UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 12:56 am

    I think that zzzzzzzzzz is a jerk ! I will Roundhouse kick you to the floor !!!!!!!! Jerks like you deserve to get beat up . I hate you aghghghgghghghgghghghghghghg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Charles Norris UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 12:58 am

    aghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghagh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Charles Norris UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 1:00 am

    Go to rat-hunter.com thats what ill do to you

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 2:25 am

    …So, ACE. To anwser your question, no my parents unlike yours, were not crackheads. I’m not even sure what you mean. It’s just a nick name given to me by a buddy. See at the time I was banging your mom, well, bangings not the right word. At the time I was anally discracing your mother with my slippery cock, and one time I was really drunk so I went down on her. Well I knew she was a filthy skank but I didn’t know the extent of her whore-ish ways, SHE NEVER WIPES HER ASS!! Any way, I told my friend and he laughed and said “Dude, your a shit sniffer” to which I replied “Indeed I am” then we both laughed, Pulled our cocks out of your moms face and asshole, and went to go have a beer. I hope that anwsers you question ACEhole.
    Chuck Norris can sleepwalk through level 3 on T.V.’s NINJA WARRIOR.

  • By Turtle Jr. UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 6:24 am

    Chuck Noris went out in the after noon and the sun did not set, …… It RAN AN HID!!!!

  • By dddjjjssss UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 11:42 am

    the sun can’t run it doesn’t have legs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahahahahahahaha

  • By dddjjjssss UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 11:42 am

    the sun can’t run it doesn’t have legs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahahahahahahaha ha

  • By dddjjjssss UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

    chuck norris’s tears cure cancer too bad he doesn’t cry.

  • By dddjjjssss UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 12:48 pm

    shitsniffer ACE’s mom ways about 400 pounds so thats pretty gross.you think your so tough. i will round house kick you down B-otch.

  • By dddjjjssss UNITED STATES, December 12, 2007 @ 12:52 pm

    aghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghagh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Vaid Le Vey UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 12:36 am

    The only man enough to father Chuck Norris is ……. Chuck Norris

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 12:48 am

    WOW! Mr.Sniffer, I actually spit my drink out from reading your last post! Let me be the first to say, Monster Energy drinks burn like dddjjjsss’s moms herpes infested puss when it shoots out your nose!!! dang it!!! Man, that was funny!!!

    And zzzzzzzzz, thats not me typing your LAME name, thats me unzipping my fly so your daughter can play hide the sausage. You have reposted the oldest joke on here.

    Randomguy- some of them are pretty good. others are average. Keep up the original jokes!

    Deadcock, Crappertop- Where you guys at? Letting complete morons get away defaming the great Chuck Norris, reposting jokes and just being LAME!!!! I have to travel a good bit with my job and cant always knock these guys out, Mr.Sniffer and I depend on others with common sense to help out with these losers.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 2:29 am

    Have you ever noticed that you never see Santa and Chuck Norris in the same room at the same time???? coincidence???? I think not!!!

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 7:37 am

    Aliens used to live on earth… Chuck Norris doesnt like aliens so he roundhouse kicked them to mars… he heard about the civilization they built in 3 years. he doesnt like civilizations built fast. Now mars, and aliens are dead

  • By dddjjjssss UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 8:06 am

    CHILL FO’REAL yournot tough either so shut your face up you talk about being lame your the one on this site in the first place . CHILL FO’REAL…CHILL FO’REAL…CHILL FO’REAL…CHILL FO’REAL You Suck!!!!!

  • By CHILL FO’REAL UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 9:01 am

    I’m sorry.iam a retarded idiotic freak and i like men . and i am a pussy.

  • By sheep UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 9:02 am

    If Chuck was Gothic he would slit his wrist’s with his karate chop.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 10:35 am

    dddjjjssss lol u think u r so tough sitting in your moms basement masturbating 2 gay porn and rubbing vasaline all over your teeny cock. I got news 4 ya… NO ONE WANTS A SMALL,VASALINE COVERED COCK. The girls want a bigg meaty cock, like mine. So get some enzyte or get a life.
    Sheep it is not gothic, that is a medeval style, it is goth but they dont cut, only emos do

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 11:24 am

    PLEASE STOP IGNORING ME!I’LL BE GOOD!JUST GIVE ME FEEDBACK,SOMEONE!

  • By ethan UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 12:42 pm

    chuck norris was walking through the woods when he came across a bear
    immediatly the bear started eating himself, chuck asked him what he was doing and he replied” i thought it would be less painful”

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 13, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

    i have an extremely small cock and i love men!!!!!

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 12:59 am

    Hey deadcock, I wonder who could be acting like us???? To quote Tommy Boy- ” Umm Well thats a mystery”. I do not see any reason to come back at the tiny cocked one, I think Mr.Sniffer did better than I could ever imagine.

    Ethan, the bear one was good—

    Randomguy— I gave you props earlier—- You need to Chill—
    Chill Fo’Real

    Chuck Norris was once upon his roof top cleaning the leaves from the gutters one night and was startled by Santa and his 12 tiny reindeer…. and now you know why there are only 8 reindeer

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 3:59 am

    Are there any real moderators on this site? And by real, I mean, ones who can keep idiotic trash, garbage posts, and complete morons off, or at least delete the inanities that they post?

    By recent content, I’m guessing not.

    Commentary, as requested:

    -Randomguy: They need some work. At least you have a glimmer of intelligence, unlike the majority of the posters here, so keep trying. Work on spelling, grammar, and caps too, so you don’t look stupid.

    Commentary, as not requested, but needed:

    -jon: Get a life, please. Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still retarded. Plus, this is a Chuck Norris site, not a Mr. T site, so restrict his quotes to some other, lesser, forum.

    -People who use random repeated letters as their usernames: What are you people, five years old? Get off the computer, go find your mother, and tell her to spank you for being a bad child on the internet. Your garbage posts are lowering our collective intelligence.

    -People who steal another username to insult the actual owner of it: There are no obscenities fit to describe you people. You are the nadir of humanity, probably flunked second grade, and make a living selling your bodies for cheap booze. Give up. Your cesspit commentary is not only idiotic, it is ineffective as well.

    –

    The Wormhole on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” is the energy backwash left over from when Chuck Norris took a high-speed tour of the entire universe, using his hat as a space-ship.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 4:40 am

    A Brief Edition of Bible History. Dates are approximate:

    10,000 – 7000 B.C. : God created the universe. Chuck Norris said “It’ll work.”
    7000 B.C. Chuck Norris kills Abel.
    6000 B.C. Chuck Norris makes Job’s life a living hell for kicks, then gives him back his stuff after he gets bored.
    5479 B.C. Chuck Norris causes the Flood, destroying the earth by water because he wanted a swimming pool.
    5450 B.C. Chuck Norris destroys the Tower of Babel because the workers talked too much.
    4100 B.C. Chuck Norris makes a covenant with Abraham, promising not to kill him or any of his descendants unless they deliberately piss him off.
    1910 B.C. Chuck Norris sells Joseph into slavery for beer money.
    1446 B.C. Chuck Norris parts the Red Sea with a roundhouse kick, allowing Moses to lead the Jews out of Egypt.
    605 B.C. Israel finally pisses off Chuck Norris, so he singlehandedly conquers them and trades them to the Babylonian Empire for two slices of pizza and a 32 oz. beer.
    5 B.C. Jesus Christ is born. Chuck Norris, as mentioned in a previous post, joins three other wise men and gives Jesus the gift of Beard.
    28 A.D. Jesus is crucified. Irate at the destruction of the perfect Beard, Chuck Norris plots the downfall of the Roman Empire, succeeding in 476 A.D. by singlehandedly wiping out the Roman army and giving control to the Ostrogoths in exchange for a hamburger and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
    33 A.D. Saul of Tarsus pisses off Chuck Norris on the road to Damascus. Chuck blinds him temporarily, as a warning. Saul changes his name to Paul, and spends the rest of his life running from Chuck, under the pretense of missionary journeys.
    95 A.D. Chuck Norris appears to the Apostle John on the Island of Patmos and tells of his Second Coming, and that he’s going to bring Jesus back when he does. And kick all manner of ass while he’s at it.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 5:42 am

    Nice job Crappertop….Nice job…..

  • By Spinner Master UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 8:30 am

    Chuck Norris Does not get wet, The water gets him

  • By Spinner Master UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 8:31 am

    Chuck Norris Does not get wet, The water gets him.

  • By Spinner Master UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 9:12 am

    I’m the Spinner Master cause I am a master at spinning tiny black cock around the rim of my shit chute. It’s NOT true what they say about black guys, they’re all pretty much hung like a 5 year old boy.
    Also, I lunge and thrust my tounge in and out of my fathers asshole while reading new Chuck Norris facts. AND I’m in love with CHILL’ FO REAL. Do you want to CHILL, FO REAL? I’ll put ice cubes in my mouth and get it nice and cold so you can put your wrinkly ball sac in there :d

  • By Firesage101 UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 9:48 am

    Chuck Norris Is A Ruler…. The ruler of games and Round housekiking

  • By Phil UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 10:53 am

    When Chuck Norris shits in the woods, he wipes his ass with a bear.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 14, 2007 @ 2:13 pm

    Crappertop… lemme say this… WOW!!!!!!!! What you said should stop the 50 year old, vaseline loving, virgins from being retarded. Great Job.

    When you do algebra, you need to find what X equals… When Chuck Norris does algebra all numbers are X because they are afraid of him, yet he still gets the value of X

  • By groverfet76 UNITED STATES, December 15, 2007 @ 3:12 am

    When Mike Huckabee wins the election, Chuck Norris will replace the secret service. By himself.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 15, 2007 @ 1:05 pm

    Ok,Chill,sorry bout that,you’re right i need to chill fo’ real.
    Coppertop,I’m pretty sure you’re kind of complimenting me,so thank you.

    Awww,crap,I had one but I forgot what it was.DAMMIT!

    Ok,ok,uhhhhhhhhhh…

    Chuck Norris won a poetry competition using his name in fancy script.He would have won anyway but he felt like making it look something like poetry.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 15, 2007 @ 1:12 pm

    Yeah,that’s it,I think…Might’ve been something better or worse,I’m not so good at critiscizing.Did I spell that right?

  • By JoBlo UNITED STATES, December 15, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

    Chuck Norris Found 20 words that rhyme with orange. But cannot disclose the info because hearing the words will render you impotent.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 15, 2007 @ 4:07 pm

    Wow… my intelligence just went down a good 15 points just from reading the trash posted by some of you since my last posts. I was going to sit it out and stick to the jokes, but I’ll just say this: anyone not here to tell facts about Chuck Norris, admire Chuck’s ability to kill you with half a thought, or otherwise promote in this small way the name of Chuck Norris, than GET OFF THE SITE. Seriously, what’s the point?

    K, I’m done.

    Chuck Norris is the sole reason that meteors have not destroyed the earth. Reason: he lives here. End story.

  • By twbenin UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 4:49 am

    it takes chuck norris 40 minutes to watch a 2 hour film

  • By chuck norris UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 4:50 am

    tru dat

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 12:33 pm

    I think, therefore I do not wish to be on Chuck Norris’ bad side.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 1:08 pm

    When Chuck Norris plays black jack, he can win without turning over the second card and hits black jack 20 out of 19 times.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 1:10 pm

    It doesnt matter what size bed Chuck Norris sleeps in, it becomes a King size as soon as his head hits the pillow. (Applies to sleeping bags, cots and piles of corpses he sleeps on inside his foxhole)

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 2:32 pm

    Hey towely keep your stupid comments to yourself. Your ignorance has brought all of our brains to a screeching halt. You and your butt friend asked why no one was talking on here. Hey stupid, some of us have jobs. We are not all so “lucky” like you and get to live in our grandparents guest room and mooch off other people for a living. Nope, we do something called contribute to society. (ask your granny what that means after she gets her 12″ stap on dildo out of your butt) I cant believe your grandpa had time to take the parental block off the computer so you could spew (just like your grandpa does on the back of your neck) your stupid comments on a Chuck Norris site. Here is a novel idea, if you do not like me, other bloggers on here or (and God forbid) Chuck Norris…. Go find you a nice midget porn site to comment on. I chose midget because I know that you can watch them and not feel so bad about your own tiny prick! Now excuse me as I am going to beat off on a picture of your mom and stick it to a picture of Hillary Clinton and watch them make out with my goo in between them….. IDIOT!!!!!

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 2:42 pm

    Scientists have discovered that for every tornado that appears, there is a sneeze by Chuck Norris.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 2:45 pm

    Never, NEVER try to tickle Chuck Norris. Let’s just say he isn’t ticklish, and he won’t appreciate the humor.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 2:46 pm

    Chuck Norris destroyed a satellite during the first-and last-time he played baseball.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 2:50 pm

    Weapons testing used to include a requirement that the weapon had to be able to hit Chuck Norris. They quickly dropped the requirement on the grounds that nothing they fired EVER touched him.

  • By steve UNITED STATES, December 16, 2007 @ 4:00 pm

    Chuck Norris once took a urinary steroid test… When he tested positive, he replied “what do think steroids are made of?”

  • By big J UNITED STATES, December 17, 2007 @ 2:12 am

    If you think you r chuck norris you better check again because in about three seconds he might just be wright there behind you. But if youre even thinking about runin away id forget about it because you would have had to get your ass into gear about an hour ago.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 17, 2007 @ 2:31 am

    Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 17, 2007 @ 10:39 am

    I should’nt have made Chuck Norris look sentimental…

    Whenever there is a snowstorm,it means Chuck Norris just ate a breath mint.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 17, 2007 @ 10:50 am

    The people alive who don’t like Chuck Norris are still alive because Chuck does’nt think they are worth killing.

    You can’t handle the truth,because Chuck Norris IS the truth.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 6:36 am

    Alright, you quotidian sycophants with South Park – based names. Give up. If you think that your garbage posts or your insults make you better than the people who post things on this board that are actually on topic, think again. Both your insults and jokes display a stunning lack of creativity, and expose the rotting flesh-heaps of your brains. This is a Chuck Norris fan site, and if you cannot get that through your infinitely dense, minuscule skulls, you are better off being removed from the gene pool. I recommend suicide, but you are probably too cowardly to attempt it, so I may have to pay a professional assassin to mercilessly slaughter you. Also, I have noticed that, by the sickly, twisted thing you are using in place of logic, making post after post during times that NO OTHER USERS ARE ON somehow makes you the epitome of intelligence and wit. Wrong again. If you really have any interest at all in acting like human beings instead of pre-programmed toilet-cleaning robots with the vocabulary of a ghetto fourth-grader, (which I doubt, along with your capacity for rational thought), then get off this site, and join a chatroom for homosexual South Park fans with no social lives and severe cases of Downs Syndrome.

    Mr. Auld, if you exist at all, please remove the blatant stupidity from this board.

    —

    Chuck Norris once received a beard-trim and haircut from Sweeney Todd… and survived.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 6:42 am

    And seriously, we have no lives? You’re on here making posts every two minutes! Who, besides you, obviously, has that kind of time for a just-for-fun site like this one? You have contradicted yourselves, and I have no time for your inanities.

    –

    The actor who plays the King in those Burger King commercials refuses to show his real face in public because he once angered Chuck Norris.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 8:43 am

    2 all south park immitaters. GET A LIFE! You have small cocks that are coated in vasiline. You think you are soooo cool sitting in your moms basement watching gay porn. While you are masturbating to a computer screen i am actually masturbating to your moms face now shut the fuck up and leave

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 11:54 am

    oh ya they call me dead rock cause my music is so hot it will bust your ass up and blow your mom… at the same time

  • By Administrator UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 12:10 pm

    This is an online forum provided for your enjoyment and the enjoyment. We have received complaints regarding the content of comments posted on this forum, and will be forced to take action if such inappropriate behavior persists.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 12:12 pm

    Chuck Norris can drink a case of beer without even opening a single bottle.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 12:14 pm

    However, if pressed, he has the ability to opn the bottles with his beard hair. He just cuts the glass.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 12:14 pm

    However, if pressed, he has the ability to open the bottles with his beard hair. He just cuts the glass.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 18, 2007 @ 6:55 pm

    Dead Rock, take it easy. Replying in kind is not the way to deal with these people. Allow me to demonstrate how.

    Ahem.

    There’s nothing wrong with South Park. I happen to like the show, it’s funny as hell (especially the one about the End of the World of Warcraft). The thing is, this is a Chuck Norris fan site, not a South Park fan site. If you wish to diss Chuck Norris and his legions of fans, then go to a South Park forum and do it there.

    I also wish to point out several differences between episodes of South Park and your current running commentary.

    1. South Park is well-written and humorous. Your posts could be written by a five-year-old with a thesaurus turned to synonyms for genitalia.
    2. South Park often has valid and funny targets for its cynicism and foul language. You just have the foul language. Perhaps when South Park gets around to an episode about Chuck Norris and his cult following, you can have a merry laugh about us. Hell, I’ll laugh too. Nothing’s better than a roast of something you like.
    3. South Park is quality entertainment. Your posts are garbage.
    4. South Park has creative ideas in it, like giant drill machines for killing hippies, and ginger kids taking over the world. Your posts lack even a smidgen of originality, and the same punctuation-free, run-on, obscenity-laden sentences mar every one of them.
    5. South Park requires a little bit of cultural literacy and intelligence to get and understand the humor. You obviously know nothing whatsoever about Chuck Norris, nor how large his following truly is, else you would not be so asinine, and your intelligence, had you any, would prevent you making total stooges of yourselves on a Chuck Norris fan site.

    In short, you, as South Park fans, are making the show and its following look bad, not to mention stupid, belligerent, and petty.

    –

    Chuck Norris keeps a Howitzer in a holster on his hip as a sidearm.

  • By shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 3:31 am

    You know, as I sit behind my work desk at my $100,000 + a year job I usuallycheck this site once in a while to get a laugh. When 14 year old children with no other life experience then watching southpark try to insult me I just think wait a minute. I fuck hot wet pussy all the time, drive an awesome car, have a nice ass fuckin house and can go do whatever I want. So I don’t even care. Btw, south park has been on the air since before you we’re even a prom night mistake.
    Now then:
    Chuck Norris can do the 12 days of christmas in 6
    Santa leaves milk and cookies for Chuck Norris
    ….Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse, cause Chuck Norris killed EVERYTHING!!
    If you live to see Christmas, that’s your christmas present from Chuck Norris
    As a kid Chuck Norris never tried to wait up for Santa, Cause Chuck Norris wait’s for no one!
    And one just for fun.
    Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel.

  • By unicyclist UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 7:14 am

    chuck norris won the tour de france…..

    on a unicycle

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 8:51 am

    Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

    Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn’t submitted them to the site because he doesn’t believe in any form of submission.

    Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

    Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.

    Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

    The price is right, unless Chuck says otherwise.

    Brokeback mountain is the name of the pile of ninja’s and pirate’s in Chuck Norris back yard.

  • By stu AUSTRALIA, December 19, 2007 @ 8:53 am

    I don’t normally like to moderate these things, however I’d prefer not to have the purile dribblings of some of the less mature denizens of the internet drag down the high intellectual value contained within these pages.

    Needless to say, I won’t hesitate from banning the entire state of Washington from commenting here should I have to remove any further rubbish.

    Ciao.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 9:11 am

    is stu a moderator? or is he just bluffing?

    Mary once had a big lamb, who do you think made it little when he was mad?

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 9:15 am

    Hey guys, why do my post get removed? I think some of them are pretty funny….

    The funniest one in a while however, once again comes from Mr.Sniffer. Santa leaves milk and cookies out for Chuck Norris…..Man that is good…..

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 11:14 am

    Chuck Norris invented all four-letter words, including one that he dubbed his personal favorite: pain.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 3:32 pm

    Dead Rock: Yes, Stu is the moderator, and runs this freaking site. Be good, or the ban-hammer will descend on you like a judo chop from Chuck Norris. Check the main page if you don’t believe me.
    Chill: Yours was removed for the same reason as theirs were. You descended to their level, same vocabulary and everything. Hence your removal as well.

    —Warning. Some of the Facts below are funny only to nerds—

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have to catch them all.

    Staples’ ‘Easy Button’ was originally used for political assassinations. It simply sent Chuck Norris after their target. *click* That was Easy.

    According to Peter Pan, if someone says “I don’t believe in Fairies,” a fairy dies. If Chuck Norris says “I don’t believe in fairies,” every damn fairy, sprite, pixie, elf, and brownie in every Fantasy universe die simultaneously.

    Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis. He eats meat anyway, because he derives personal satisfaction from knowing that a living creature died for his nourishment.

    In “Magic: The Gathering,” the Chuck Norris card is unstoppable. A flying death-element creature with +infinity/+infinity, its special ability causes all opponents to lose immediately. Chuck cannot be countered or removed from play. There is only one copy, and Chuck owns it.

    Chuck Norris fires before he sees the whites of his enemies’ eyes. They die anyway.

    Chuck Norris can activate an iPhone with any cellular carrier he damn well wants to.

    Chuck Norris, if he so chose, could turn XBOX Live into XBOX Dead.

    Metroids die when attempting to drain Chuck Norris’ life energy, most likely from overload.

    Chuck Norris never double-clicks on anything, for the same reason he never needs to repeat himself. The first time he says or does something, EVERYONE pays attention.

  • By Vaid Le Vey UNITED STATES, December 19, 2007 @ 9:11 pm

    There used to be a lake in the Middle East called the Living Lake ….. until it pissed off Chuck Norris. Now it’s known as the Dead Sea.

  • By BobDob UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 12:47 am

    Scientists have recently confirmed that T-Rex actually survived the Ice Age; unfortunately for T-Rex, so did Chuck Norris.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 1:19 am

    Hey Deadcock, Dude, Mom yelled at us!

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 3:24 am

    Hey, at least it got the majority of the inane crap off here.

    —

    Chuck Norris once imprisoned a man in a glass box on a street corner in New York city, after painting the man’s face white. He starved to death trying to get out, because everyone thought he was a mime.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 3:28 am

    If you watch Star Wars episode IV very closely, you will see Chuck Norris roundhouse kick the Death Star, setting off the chain reaction to destroy it well before Luke’s pansy photon torpedoes make it down the exhaust chute.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 5:03 am

    Hey Stu, did you mean Washington D.C.? cause thats not a state. There’s Washington state on the west coast and Washington D.C. on the east coast. People in Washington state are like Canadians with U.S. dollars so they’re alright. D.C. on the other hand can go right ahead and fuck themselves, up their arses.
    Chuck Norris once ran for president and won, however George W. had the ballots recounted :(

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 7:38 am

    chuck norris invented the term Bite the Bullet when he was hungry

  • By Nate North UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 11:38 am

    Once, Chuck Norris farted. Thus, Jupiter was discovered.

    There are 4 inner planets and 4 outer, gas giants. The 4 outer planets are known as Chuck Norris farts, and the 4 inner planets are known as Chuck norris Dwarf Turds

    The Sun is really Chuck Norris’s left testicle, and Sirius is his right.

    God created the milky way so Chuck could find a place for his genitles.

    Chuck created Gmail AND AOL.

    The best thing since Chuck Norris?
    Nothing!

    Chuck Noris once had boogers. They are now afraid to come back because they dont want to be sent back another 45 billioin years to the dawn of him.

    There is the internet, there is also the Norrisnet.

    Once computers were invented, the bitches that invented them got there faces roundhouse kicked off so the REAL creator could be credited: CHUCK NORRIS

    There was a guy once. Then he was gone because Chuck Norris THOUGHT of roundhouse kicking him.

    I really am an astronomer. You can even ask Chuck Norris

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 12:04 pm

    Chuck Norris is capable of exploding every electronic device on earth simultaneously.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 12:05 pm

    Chuck Norris knows for sure how hot the center of the sun is because he has been there.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 20, 2007 @ 12:14 pm

    Nate are you a chuck norris perve?

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 21, 2007 @ 1:15 am

    Hey Crappertop, I have never used the same vocab as those guys. ANYONE can look back and any of my post and NEVER have I used that garbage. I am an old timer on this site…. P-L-E-A-S-E!!!!!!

    Chuck Norris got a girl pregnant once by simply letting her drink from the same bottle of water…

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, December 21, 2007 @ 1:37 am

    I am black

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, December 21, 2007 @ 1:42 am

    I can slam a revolving door

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 21, 2007 @ 3:10 am

    If Chuck Norris lived in a van down by the river, it would be the coolest van ever. Maybe the Mystery Machine or something….

  • By Kevin UNITED STATES, December 21, 2007 @ 10:00 am

    Chuck Norris once shot up heroin, chased the dragon, caught it and roundhouse kicked it in the face.

  • By Kevin UNITED STATES, December 21, 2007 @ 10:01 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get wrinkles; he gets botox injections.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 21, 2007 @ 5:20 pm

    Botox? No, no. The only thing that fixes wrinkles is a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head. Its aftereffect straightens everything out. It’s called ‘Rigor Mortis.’

  • By CHUCK UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 2:41 am

    HOW DID THE DEVIL BECOME A FALLEN ANGLE.
    CHUCK NORRIS ROUND HOUSE KICKED HIM IN THE FACE.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 3:32 am

    Hey Crappertop, I think the proper term is “Rigor Norris”.
    His sperm single handedly brought back the dwindling, near extinct, buffalo population of north america. Thanks to Chuck Norris’ efforts, the North American beast will be here for generations to come.

  • By Kanman UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 3:53 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    Kanman- I also never wear a watch, I do however come up with my own original jokes and dont have to copy others….

    Chuck Norris uses a leaf blower to blow dry his beard…

  • By Kanman UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 5:02 am

    Chill FO’ REEL is it cold in your Mom’s basement? Christmas vacation yippeee… You must be sooo excited! Maybe you’ll get the red power ranger this year….

  • By Nate North UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 5:34 am

    no, dead rock, im not a Chuck Norris Perve. I am a stalker for scientificle reasons. For example, God created Chuck Norris so Chuck Norris could create God.

    I also take samples from rocks, wich come from Chuck Norris.

    The asteriod belt is known to us Chuck Norrris Scientists as Chuck Norris Kidney Stones.

    Some people believe that space is a vaccuum. This is inaccurate. Really, it is Chuck Norris breathing in. The reason its been this way since the dawn of Earth is because Chuck Norris’ lungs are so big.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 5:35 am

    Oh, Kanman- if you are gonna insult me, try not to be so weak. I am not going to get into a battle of wits with such an unarmed person. I assure you I am not in any basement. Only bottom I am getting in is your moms. Sorry, I had to throw in one YO,MAMA joke…. All I ask, as well as other regulars ask, try and not be so lame by posting others jokes. Create your own jokes….

    Chuck Norris can detect wireless hot spots using only his beard…

  • By Kanman UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 5:55 am

    Weak like your posts that have been removed??? Let’s get off moms since I just got off yours…. (See just like your mom joke, not funny and stupid(actually like your mom)) and the only thing that is unarmed here is your armless Mom giving BJ’s like a penguin running from a Polar bear… <— wit bitch,

    OK defender of funny and Chuck Posts

    When Chuck Norris digs a hole he hits Chinese people in the head…

  • By Nate North UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 6:03 am

    Currently, Your weather is: Decided by Chuck Norris
    Time: 17:98 Chuck Norris Standard Time

    Chuck Norris lives in New York AND LA

    Anyone who has sex with Chuck will DIE

    Chuck Norris LOVES Paris Hilton.

    Paris Hilton claimes she was ACTING dumb. This is lie, she was simply dumbfounded from Chuck Norris’ awesomeness.

    Any one who thinks Chuck Norris isn’t real obviously hasnt been to Texas

    Ever hear of Bruce Lee? He is known as the Anti-Norris.

    Chuck Norris once faught Bruce Lee for Earth. Chuck won the whole universe.

  • By Nate North UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 6:06 am

    Ever hear of tobasco suace? Try CNSAUCE

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 8:03 am

    Kanman, not only kan’t you spell, but you’ve obviously took you prision bitch nick-name and used it on this page. You’re out of jail and a free man, er boy, and you no longer have to suffer anal poundings from big black guys so stop. Just think, no more shitting blood, no more taking mouthfulls of prisoner semen and tasting dirty prison ball sweat, I mean sure you’ll never get rid of the anal and oral herpes you’ve obtained, and you’ll never fully recover from the mental damage caused from the syphilis that white supremist gave you, but your free. Free to fuck your mom’s dripping, gaping shitbox once again! P.S. fuck you

    In 1993 Chuck Norris was seen near the Mississippi river taking a leak,Killing 50 people,destroying 14,000 acres, and costing $15 billion, what followed was the worst flooding the Mississippi had ever seen.

  • By kanman UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 8:07 am

    Your right sniffer, I’m a diseased faggot who fucks my mom. I just feel bad about myself so I tried to rip on CHILL. Sorry CHILL. It’s like when I’ve got a crush on a boy I pretent to not like them cause I’m 5.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 8:19 am

    kanman- Nice try at wit. Pretty good Chuck joke, atleast it wasnt copied. Kudos for that. And momma jokes are like midgets running track, always funny… I will not keep going back and forth with you. My previous post were removed because I blasted a couple of punks on here and they were rightly removed….

    MXC is not a funny show. It is what mortals look like trying to do stunts only Chuck Norris can do…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 9:06 am

    Kanman, dont worry about it bro, it is all good. I have read about what prison does to a person and I will be the bigger man here and I will let it go…. Just the way Sniffer lets go a huge load in your moms arse…

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need an mp3 player to transport music. He can store all he wants in his beard….

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 1:38 pm

    Dang,shitsniffer took all the Christmas jokes that were left that would be any good.Still,I’m gonna try.Maybe.When I feel like it.Eventually.But not now.Right now I’ll do jokes on nerdy shows like Star Trek,Stargate,ect.

    The Stargate is Chuck Norris’ toilet seat.It takes his crap to a dimension where it can form planets safely without crowding our dimension.

    Klingon is not a language.It’s the sound people with pointy ears make when Chuck Norris strangles them.(I may be thinking of Martian from “Stranger in a Strange Land”)

    Darth Vader is Chuck Norris wearing cool armor so he can scare the shit out of people.

    These are getting weak.I’ll be back!

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 22, 2007 @ 3:55 pm

    Santa leaves milk and cookies out for Chuck Norris….
    DANG IT Mr.Sniffer, how do you do it? I cant get over that one, just awesome! Funniest I’ve read in a while….

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 23, 2007 @ 8:46 am

    Chuck Norris can score a touchdown… in basketball

    Chuck Norris can say “king me” in a game of chess

    one time i beat up Chuck Norris … then when I woke up from my dream, he roundhouse kicked me in the face, now I’m dead

    Chuck Norris can cut a steak with a spoon

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road
    A: To get the hell away from Chuck Norris

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 23, 2007 @ 9:11 am

    Chuck Norris turned Captain Crunch into Captain Crutch

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 23, 2007 @ 9:27 am

    Chuck Norris got banned from the NBA for maiking too many four-pionters

  • By GORDON UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 4:55 am

    I remembered folk stories spread out in my country,
    The people out there are used to called Chuck Norris,
    that if you messes with Chick Norris, he would stare
    you with his terrifying eyes, and twist your head off
    out your neck by the use of his arms. Kick and slam
    you with his black army booth and leave you lifeless.
    Young and adult Kids out there saying, “He’s mean.”

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 7:56 am

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity BEFORE his dad. Infact, he conceded himself.

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 8:00 am

    The reason Jet Boosters for the space shuttles were invented was so Chuck Norris could heat up his microwave dinners.

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 8:02 am

    COME TO THE DARK SIDE. CHUCK NORRIS HAS US!

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 8:05 am

    Chuck Norris was swimming and he farted. Then, the 2005 tsunami happened.

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 8:17 am

    As defined in the dictionary:
    Chuck Norris (v)- A painful kick in which your face flys off in a counter-clockwise rotation and lands on Chuck Norris’ dinner table.

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 8:22 am

    Ever hear of sleepy hollow?
    Ever hear of Chucky’s Hollow?
    Put the two together and you have Chuck Norris’ CALM thoughts!

    Chuck Norris just finished putting up hisChristmas tree, and my pal saw it. He was wondering why it was red, and i reminded him his beard is a forest.

    A plane once flew into Chuck Norris. Man that explosion was huge.

    We humans find flys as a distraction. Chuck Norris finds the planets a distraction.

    Chuck Norris went outside on a cold winter’s day. It suddenly got warm.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t lie. He simply makes everything true.

    Chuck Norris isn’t a rascist. He just knows hes best

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 11:47 am

    You might be a REDNECK if you’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

    You might be CHUCK NORRIS if you’ve ever roundhoude kicked the mokeys out of the zoo for heckling you.

  • By GORDON UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 3:14 pm

    Here’s another one of folk stories I’d heard in my country
    after filming of his “Missing In Action” movie especially
    inside the forest, he’d met and encountered an old hermit.
    A stinky Hermit grabbed with staff made friend with him
    and given Chuck a polish stone like talisman. Chuck was
    told that he can use that mysterious power talisman stone
    when he need it by putting it inside his body and become
    more tougher, invincible, and fearful to look. Like Chuck
    Norris was possessed by ‘wild mysterious forces’ making
    him more so quicker than Bruce Lee. And those whoever
    looked upon him (Chuck), the surrounding will gone dim.
    He has a gift of mesmerizing folks by narrowing his eyes.

    Anyone would look at his beard and staring it completely
    are freezes to death, ‘cause people sees it of absolute fear,
    beard magically looked like bush of poisonous sea urchin.

    His fist, most talked of all. If that fist hits to Mike Tyson
    is face in one blow, Mike Tyson automatically knock out
    before Mike intents to get closer bite Chuck Norris is ear.

    No wonder why ‘Chuck Norris’ always wins Martial Arts.
    He has hidden powers a stone, probably a sorcery’s stone.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 4:53 pm

    As defined in the dictionary-
    Lame- See post from Gordon and Nate…

    K5- four pointers? Good one…. Atleast you didnt “concede” yourself!!!LOL

    Fight Chuck Norris, is what Meatloaf was singing about in the song that says “I wont do that”…

    Chill Fo’ Real says Have a Merry Chuckmas…er …Christmas

  • By GORDON UNITED STATES, December 24, 2007 @ 6:28 pm

    One more thing because I had a dream or vision about “C.N.”:

    One more thing before I say Merry Christmas And Happy New Year.

    Chuck Norris is a kind of impatient tough Guy, can’t wait on
    those people that He so wishes to have lunch with him to the
    buffet or restaurants. If they comes late or not showing up or
    they gonna be his lunch chop meals to be placed on the table.

    “Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal! And Happy New Year!” – Home Alone 2.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 25, 2007 @ 1:25 am

    You might be a REDNECK if you & your dog use the same tree.

    You might be CHUCK NORRIS if you roundhouse kicked a dog for using your tree.

    LOL. Good one chillin’

    & merry christmas to all of you

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 25, 2007 @ 1:34 am

    Yo Chill my ass is still sore from the pounding you gave me…. My Mom’s pissed cause you got shit and blood on my Spiderman sheets, but that’s ok I’m getting Sponge Bob sheets for Kwanza

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 25, 2007 @ 1:38 am

    Yo Chuck Norris is the only peep who can put a quarter in a parking meter & get a gumball to come out.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 25, 2007 @ 2:20 am

    My fav0r!te colur is pizza and I eat pennies…. I also have ring worm…

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 26, 2007 @ 4:16 am

    Merry Christmas to you all

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 27, 2007 @ 12:52 am

    OK, OK, We ALL know that Mr.Sniffer didnt write those last 2. But I cant wait to see what he does write. And just so ya know….it wasnt Mr.Sniffer that I pounded so hard….It was the loser that wrote those last post AS Mr.Sniffer….and they were not Spiderman sheets, they were Princess sheets.

    Chuck Norris always gets the best gift when he plays dirty Santa.

    He also gives a dirty Sanchez to the punk that wrote as Mr.Sniffer…

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 27, 2007 @ 1:49 am

    I heard Mr. Sniffer & Chuck Norris are pretty good friends … I guess that explains why that Mr. Sniffer IMPERSONATER aint around anymore, personally I just hope Chuck Norris took his time beating the crap out of that impersonater.

    Chuck Norris can watch 60 minutes in 1/2 an hour

    Chuck Norris tried get a refund on a jigsaw puzzle because he said it was broken, & he got the refund because noone’s gonna tell Chuck Norris he’s wrong.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 27, 2007 @ 2:06 am

    Well, can’t a I even take a holiday without some snot nosed whipper-snapper trying to test me? Whoever the pussy ass sonofabitch who’s impersonating me is, we all know your scared of me so you’ll remain in hiding. However their correct about one thing, my favorite colour does happen to be pizza.
    Chuck Norris dosen’t celabrate the new year, he likes the old one just fine!

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, December 27, 2007 @ 3:26 am

    Chuck Norris once went on a snipe hunt… and found one.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 27, 2007 @ 5:46 am

    Chuck Norris has a pet kitten – every night for a snack.
    When you hear someone say “That’s the shit!” They’re talking about Chuck Norris’ shit.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 2:23 am

    wow a lot of shit has been going on since I was gone… IM BACK!

    Chuck Norris makes pigs in a blanket with real pigs, and real hand knitted blankets… yet he can still eat it whole

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 2:44 am

    Welcome back DEADCOCK, yea Mr.Sniffer and I got attacked yet again for no reason. But, it is nothing new I guess. Hope you had a great CHRISTmas. Here comes the funny—-

    Chuck Norris has a cell phone that gets service everywhere. His beard can be used as an antenna booster.

    OK so, maybe not too funny…. but it was off the cuff….

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 2:56 am

    Chuck Norris is all that, and a bag of kicks.Roundhouse kicks.
    Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse kick is so powerful, Chuck Norris actually has to wake up a half hour before his kick does to make it breakfast.
    …..It’s so powerful, Chuck has to call it “Sir” in front of company.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 2:59 am

    The reason the Verizon wireless guy keeps saying “can you hear me now?” is because Chuck Norris Threw a “Warning Roundhouse kick” about 20 feet from his ear. The resulting sonic boom left him deaf.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 3:33 am

    It is also so powerful that the wind off of just one RHK can be harnessed to power a whole state for 3 weeks and several small chicken farms for 2 weeks.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    honestly the posts of most people here have lessened my IQ just by reading them!

    Santa is a stalker, if chuck norris was a stalker he would only stalk himself

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 5:53 am

    I agree…

    Chuck Norris used to be the Home of the Whopper…. He sold the phrase to Burger King

    McDonalds sign says “over 1 million served”. Chuck Norris calls that a SLOW Thursday….

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 6:56 am

    Chuck norris was hired by Microsoft to replace the blue screen of death with the Chuck Norris screen of pain. Microsoft no longer gets any trouble calls.

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 7:00 am

    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 8:34 am

    Chuck Norris can win a game of tic-tac-toe without even playing.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 9:34 am

    The endangered species list looks just like Chuck Norris’ list of animals to finish killing … I’m not surprised

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 9:48 am

    Chuck Norris gave Barry Bonds 762 hi-fives that explains alot doesn’t it

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

    Chuck Norris can strike out a batter in baseball with just 1 pitch

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 2:11 pm

    Chuck Norris can strike out…with k5′s Mom, and belive me it’s NOT EASY to strike out with k5′s Mom (cause she’s a dick lovin whore!).

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 2:15 pm

    If you play Queens’ Bohemian Rhapsody backwards you’ll hear Chuck Norris banging k5′s sister.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 28, 2007 @ 2:23 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
    Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
    Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris
    Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
    Oh and incase you didn’t get it,FUCK YOU GAY 5!!! Nah, I’m just goofin :)

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, December 29, 2007 @ 4:55 am

    CHUCK NORRIS CAN WATCH MIDGETS RUN AND HE DOESNT LAUGH

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, December 29, 2007 @ 7:19 am

    WHO THE FUCK KEEPS POSTING AS ME?!! k-5, THAT WAS NOT ME! I mean granted, k-5 is unoriginal, but that was unneccery. FUCK YOU IMPOSTERS!!! HAVE THE BALLS TO REPRESENT YOUR SELF OR SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
    Now then,
    The Times Square ball they use every new year for the new year count down was genorously donated by Chuck Norris himself.It weighs 1070 pounds (485 kg), measures six feet (1.8 m) in diameter and installed with 504 crystal triangles, illuminated externally with 168 halogen light bulbs and internally with 432 light bulbs of clear, red, blue, green and yellow colors,It is in fact one of Chucks testicals!

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 29, 2007 @ 9:08 am

    So wait mr. sniffer which is it are you mad at me or is it them impersonaters.

    TRUE or FALSE: Chuck Norris had sex when he was a little boy

    FALSE: Chuck Norris was ALWAYS 100% man

  • By Justice League UNITED STATES, December 29, 2007 @ 10:54 am

    The Justice League just announced that it can not recognize Chuck Norris as a Super Hero…(all Superheroes have a weakness)

    Chuck Norris had a problem with the Paparazzi once…(wait for it) ONCE!

    Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball

  • By Justice League UNITED STATES, December 29, 2007 @ 11:01 am

    The last delicacy Chuck Norris liked before he went vegetarian was wooly mammoth.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 30, 2007 @ 8:41 am

    Bigfoot doesn’t exist anymore now that Chuck Norris has gone Bigfoot hunting.

  • By anotherrandomkid UNITED STATES, December 30, 2007 @ 8:43 am

    In the beginning, Chuck Norris sneezed. The Earth still spins today.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 30, 2007 @ 2:25 pm

    Chuck Norris can split atoms with his beard hair.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 30, 2007 @ 2:38 pm

    Time is nothing to Chuck Norris.He’ll kick your ass whenever he feels like it.

    And Justice League,why the hell would Chuck Norris go vegetarian?Vegetarians can’t have meat.That would break the Norris Taboo:Nothing is Taboo to Chuck Norris.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, December 30, 2007 @ 3:08 pm

    Happy New Year,Everyone!Chuck Norris does not make resolutions.He is already perfect.If you think not,remember this:Perfection is in the eye of the Asskicker.You are not the Asskicker,so what do you know?

  • By godawgs4585 UNITED STATES, December 31, 2007 @ 3:29 am

    chuck norris is amazing thats it nobody can top that haha some of the things ive heard on this post are amazingly awesome good job guys.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, December 31, 2007 @ 7:30 am

    Chuck Norris can kill 3 birds without a stone, he just uses a hair from his beard. If he were to use a roundhouse kick he could kill about 3,000 birds, 50 squirrels, a few chipmunks, & a cow.

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 1, 2008 @ 12:54 am

    Rumor has it that Excalibur was cast from Chuck Norris’s Circumcised fore skin.

  • By shini UNITED STATES, January 1, 2008 @ 8:50 am

    The grim reaper is just chuck norris in disguise

  • By Joe B UNITED STATES, January 1, 2008 @ 3:43 pm

    Chuck norris likes to have sex………………….. A lot

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 1, 2008 @ 3:47 pm

    yo joe, everyone likes to have sex a lot, it’s just that noone has it as much as Chuck Norris

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, January 1, 2008 @ 9:50 pm

    Stop gossiping about me. Most of it is true though. By the way, I roundhouse kicked your computer. That’s why your internet is faulty.

  • By Dan UNITED STATES, January 2, 2008 @ 4:25 am

    Chluck Norris is gay, bi, lesbian, and all of the rest………………………………. but it is OK

  • By the milk man UNITED STATES, January 2, 2008 @ 7:52 am

    the helicopter was invented when chuck norris was seen doing 8 roundhouse kicks in under a second

  • By the mail man UNITED STATES, January 2, 2008 @ 7:53 am

    chuck norris doesnt have sex, sex has chuck norris

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, January 2, 2008 @ 12:14 pm

    I need to resist the urge to add unnessecary crap to my jokes.

    Chuck Norris eats REAL Atomic Fireballs.

  • By Habeebit UNITED STATES, January 2, 2008 @ 1:34 pm

    Once, fuck that, many times Chuck Norris has turned into a chicken, infiltrated farms, then blew them up with his atomic farts, then flies away.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 3, 2008 @ 1:40 am

    again these posts made no sense. My IQ was severly decreased. GET NEW AND BETTER JOKES!.

    In the battlefield games, Chuck Norris CAN capture the uncapturable flags

  • By a boy named sue UNITED STATES, January 3, 2008 @ 2:02 am

    chuck norris thinks he is a bad ass therefor he is

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, January 3, 2008 @ 5:31 pm

    Game-themed post:

    You cannot sink Chuck Norris’ Battleship.

    Chuck Norris seldom bluffs at poker. He is simply always right. And when he does, no one dares call him on it, even if they have a royal flush.

    Chuck Norris can win at Tic-Tac-Toe by getting 4 in a row.

    In Stratego, Chuck Norris can move his bombs.

    Everyone else pays Chuck Norris 200 dollars each when he passes GO.

    Chuck Norris wins games of pool by glaring at the pool table. The balls simply run away and attempt to hide in the pockets.

    Chuck Norris cannot win at Racquetball. He keeps putting the ball through the front wall.

    The winner of the 2008 Super Bowl is widely predicted to be Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris does not “go fish.” You give him the card. Or Else.

    Chuck Norris does not play “Murder in the Dark.” He enacts it.

    Chuck Norris once blinded a man so he could play Blind Man’s Bluff correctly.

    There are no survivors when Chuck Norris plays tag.

    –And last–

    Chuck Norris plays freeze-tag with real ice.

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 4, 2008 @ 4:29 am

    Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 4, 2008 @ 4:37 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a programming language he just stares down Notepad until it transforms into the program he needs.

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 4, 2008 @ 5:00 am

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 4, 2008 @ 10:15 am

    Chuck Norris understands the Iowa caucuses

  • By james c d UNITED STATES, January 4, 2008 @ 11:50 pm

    chuck norris floces with barbwire 2 times a day everyday and as a workout he wrestles with the Hulk,juggurnaut,and the thing… at the same time and always wins!!! after all the great canyn was formed from chuck norris roundhouse kicking the hulk in the face.

  • By uh1npilot UNITED STATES, January 5, 2008 @ 12:05 pm

    Chuck Norris invented the internet, Al Gore claimed it….Al Gore was killed by a Chuck Norris roundhouse 3 seconds later…

  • By uh1npilot UNITED STATES, January 5, 2008 @ 12:07 pm

    Chuck Norris CAN bake you a cake faster than “baker’s man” can

  • By uh1npilot UNITED STATES, January 5, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

    Chuck Norris can be nimble, and he can be quick…he broke Jack Be Nimble’s neck and then hurdled both Mt Everest, Mt Kilimanjaro, and then jumped over to Hawaii and jumped over Kiluea and pee’d in the crater…the valcano has been dormant since!

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 6, 2008 @ 12:04 pm

    It is a proven fact due to survey that 94% of all women above the age of 16 have lost their virginity to Chuck Norris … the other 6% were incredibly fat and ugly

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 7, 2008 @ 5:43 am

    Chuck Norris … is there anything the man can’t do

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 8, 2008 @ 12:51 am

    In recent days, I went bankrupt from spending all my money in a strip club … but when Chuck Norris goes to a strip club hoes pay him to watch

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, January 8, 2008 @ 7:53 am

    Due to Mike Huckabee’s win in the Iowa primary, Iowans are safe from Chuck Norris’ wrath for another four years.

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, January 8, 2008 @ 8:01 am

    Chuck Norris once stepped out of his house to get the morning paper. His robe swung open and the entire neighborhood lost their jaws to the ground.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 8, 2008 @ 10:42 am

    Rex Mundi after reading those jokes, i realize you are a complete and total moron. Your first joke SUCKED… I cannot begin to state how innacurate that was. IT IS A CAUCAUS AND OBAMA WON!!! Your second joke made no sense, you never stated how Chuck slept.

    Chuck Norris can make a mile wide crater by throwing a tennis ball at the ground

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 9, 2008 @ 10:43 am

    Chuck Norris can shave with a girl razor.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 9, 2008 @ 12:58 pm

    The hell with a girl razor (all tho it made a good joke Dead Rock), Chuck Norris can shave with a Motorola Razor.

    O & dead rock nice joke about the tennis ball, it’s the best I’ve read in a while.

  • By bob UNITED STATES, January 9, 2008 @ 2:34 pm

    Chuck Norris can destroy matter

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 3:39 am

    ok….seriously……All the reposting has got to stop. It was lame then and even more so now. If you cant come up with your own joke, then just simply read the ones on here and laugh. Or if you would like to give someone an “attaboy” on one well written, then please, do so. But reposting is the most absurd posting.
    Come guys, some of you are really funny. Some of you are just as DEADCOCK puts it- MORONS!

    Chuck Norris sometimes shaves with the jawbone of a dead ninja….
    ( That he recently killed)

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 5:00 am

    Chuck Norris can do calculus while being poked.

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 6:18 am

    Chuck Norris does not have to pay Taxes, he just roundhouse kicks them into deductions.

    Ok I know it’s bad but again We all hate taxes.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 7:41 am

    Jim R you are just as bad as Rex Mundi…

    Chuck Norris is the only known being that never evolved.

    Homer Simpson wasnt always dumb and always had that brown shave… he just insulted Chuck Norris and Chuck heard so he Round House Kicked Homer in the jaw. The brown swelling is just the scar

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 8:09 am

    You are one to talk Dead. Do you actually know what is wrong with your slam on REX? Chuck Norris does and he will most likely give you a visit to refresh you on politcal science.

    “Rex Mundi after reading those jokes, i realize you are a complete and total moron. Your first joke SUCKED… I cannot begin to state how innacurate that was. IT IS A CAUCAUS AND OBAMA WON!!! Your second joke made no sense, you never stated how Chuck slept.”

  • By Jim R UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 8:13 am

    Dead… Just a tip Both OBAMA and Mike Huckabee won…

    Your quote is only 1/2 correct:
    “IT IS A CAUCAUS AND OBAMA WON!!!”

    There was a winner from both parties, but I am sure you already knew that.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 8:26 am

    he was still wrong… and you have no life whatsoever… trust me Jim you are worse that Rex… you are a moron and i feel that Chill will back me up

  • By Slappy Hack UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 8:43 am

    I have just read this thread and there are some very funny Norris jokes here, but I do want to jump in on the fight I am reading at the bottom.

    Dead Rock, you appear to be the dull light in the tree so leave people alone until you get an education.

    Jim, Back off I think he is to ignorant to understand what you are saying to him.

    Love the site and Jokes just not the Dead Rock Joker (your jokes are not funny).

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 8:49 am

    First off I would like to agree with dead rock, and that homer simpson joke was hilarious.

    Also, about the hole caucus thing … Chuck Norris won so shut up about jim.

  • By Slappy Hack UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 8:56 am

    Please explain how that was funny K5? You are right Chuck was the only winner.

    Give me a break I have to pay taxes every year and I found this funny:

    Chuck Norris does not have to pay Taxes, he just roundhouse kicks them into deductions.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 9:45 am

    haha Slappy Sack you are so tough cause you masturbate to lea from starwars… when you are doing that, i am actulally getting sucked so back off before i find out where you live and kick your sorry asses

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 9:50 am

    furthermore you dont just “join” a fight. You are trying to take the big man down by insulting him… i got news for ya. I HAVE A LIFE!

    When Chuck Norris is bored he goes on top of the empire state building farts a huge cloud of gas and throws the cats and dogs down below. Hail is just cum that was next to his heart

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 9:59 am

    Chuck Norris actually knows who fired the first shot at lexington

  • By Slappy Hack UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 10:10 am

    Portland Maine “Dead Rock”

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 12:41 pm

    Dead Rock that was hilarious i gotta hand it to you.

    I saw a recent post from chillin’, it’s great to have you back man.

    Elvis died because Chuck Norris threatened him, Elvis automatically shit himself so hard and fast that he died, when the information that Elvis died while taking a crap was released to the public we automatically assumed that he died on the toilet.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 10, 2008 @ 2:13 pm

    Slappy sack wat the hell are you talking about? Lexington was “the shot heard round the world”

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 1:23 am

    Yo Slurpy Sack, it is obvious that you do not understand the humor. Sometimes you have to take your head OUT of your own butt and think outside your buns. Some of these are funny because they are so dumb. That is the humor. Deadcock ir an old timer, dont F with him. K5 is a newbie that has hung around, dont F with him, Jim…. blast him all you want!
    Mr.Sniffer and myself are OCP. ( Original Chuck Posters)
    We have been attacked again and again but like Braddock, we come back for more!

    Chuck Norris can play guitar hero 3 with an air guitar and still beat you!

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 7:06 am

    Yo lexington was where the shot heard round the world took place, Chuck Norris fired it.

    Thanx chillin’ I agree with everything you said, by the way wahtever happened to Mr. Sniffer.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to even play guitar hero 3 to beat me, that’s how good he is.

    Chuck Norris is gonna round-house kick slurpy sack so hard even Michael Jackson gonna scream “OW”.

  • By Chuckster UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 11:03 am

    Chuck Norris is a pussy and sucks balls.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

    Chuckster you have called upon you the rath of Chuck Norris … may the lord have mercy on your soul, then again if the lord is smart than he knows not to ever get between Chuck Norris and anything.

  • By Sir William UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 1:40 pm

    Chuck Norris once breathed on a glacier. They have been melting ever since.

    Chuck Norris finished the fight. Before Master Cheif.

    Someone once gave Chuck Norris a compliment. Chuck Norris killed them just for talking to him.

    Chuck Norris can find Waldo.

    Chuck Norris knows exactly where Osoma Bin Laden is.

    lol, I made all those up off the top of my head just now. Thought I’d contribute.

  • By JoBlo UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 1:45 pm

    How much Cuck could a Chuck Norris Chuck, if a Chuck Norris Could Chuck Norris ?

  • By Ben UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 10:56 pm

    In the 1960s, a group of American scientists set out on an ambitious project to genetically clone Chuck Norris. Alas, their experiment was deemed a complete failure as the clone did not possess three key Chuck Norris DNA traits (box office success, a deadly roundhouse kick, and a hairy chest). Furious with the results of their experiment, the scientists gave the clone a ridiculous name and released him into the wild. We know him as Jean Claude Van Damme.

  • By Ben UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 11:03 pm

    When Chuck Norris was a 4 month old infant, he decided it was time to stop breastfeeding. Soon after, the American Bison population returned from near extinction, and is now thriving. Coincidence?

  • By Ben UNITED STATES, January 11, 2008 @ 11:13 pm

    When Chuck Norris needs a break from ass kicking, his favorite vacation spot is in the beautiful Scottish Highlands, where on occasion, he strips naked, coats his massively erect penis in black war paint, and goes swimming. In Loch Ness.

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, January 12, 2008 @ 6:19 am

    Dead Rock and K5 must be the same poster, because no two people could possibly complement each other so much on being overly judgmental and disruptive without any accountability. Stick to the jokes….

    Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise.

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, January 12, 2008 @ 6:27 am

    Do you know why the Earth rotates? Because NASA put Chuck Norris in orbit doing a constant roundhouse.

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, January 12, 2008 @ 6:34 am

    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, January 12, 2008 @ 6:38 am

    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather from roundhouse kicks to the face.

    He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back.

    Oh, and he always makes it to Oregon before you.

    And when President James K. Polk congratulates him on his successful journey, he roundhouse kicks him to the face and takes over the Whitehouse.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 12, 2008 @ 10:45 am

    Rex first off I do not know k5 and secondly the jokes have improved, slightly, they still suck

    Drug overdoses are refrenced to the ammount Chuck Norris takes, if you take as much as him, it is an overdose.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 12, 2008 @ 10:51 am

    one day chuck norris was bored and horny, he used to have a dog. Put those 2 together and you get the term screwed the pooch

  • By Sir William UNITED STATES, January 12, 2008 @ 1:19 pm

    Not funny Dead Rock

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 13, 2008 @ 1:26 am

    No, that was not funny. However, Dead Cock is pretty cool and sir william is a dick snot eating, kid touching, cum guzzler.
    Rex Mundi!? More like Sex None-di. Your so obviously a complete and total pedaphile. To top that you probally never even seen a living girl naked, let alone have had sex with one. Dude get a fuckin life you lazy waste of food. There are people starving and a faggot like you get’s to live and eat. No one likes you, care’s about you, or loves you. Just kill yourself you dumb fuck. Oregon Trail…… you asshole.
    That’s a warning to Sir William too!
    Now then.
    On Valentine’s Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, January 13, 2008 @ 8:37 am

    Welcome back Mr.Sniffer…welcome back… and as usual- job well done! Since you have been gone, there have been a lot of lame post…. a lot of lame posters….just lame! Again sir, welcome back….

    Chuck Norris can buy a bag of pork skins, bag of potato chips and within mere minutes can completely put the pig and potato back together again…add a chicken and he will produce a western omlette…

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 13, 2008 @ 10:26 am

    As chillin’ has said it is great to have Mr.Sniffer back.

    Rex is just mad because Chuck Norris gets to kill wild animals but when Rex shoots one bird he had to see a psychiatrist … well Rex that, wasn’t the reason you had to see the psychiatrist, it was because your a bonner biting uncle fucker.

    A qoute from Rex’s mom: Global Warming started when Chuck Norris was born … this is because he is so hot.

  • By Scott Sassano UNITED STATES, January 13, 2008 @ 10:53 am

    chuck norris is hot

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, January 13, 2008 @ 2:53 pm

    Chuck Norris’ hair is in the exact shape of a TEXAS rangers cowboy hat.

  • By wsp UNITED STATES, January 13, 2008 @ 6:27 pm

    this is funny and all…
    but chuck norris said get a life
    and scott sassano is adead man

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 14, 2008 @ 12:08 pm

    In the NFL there is a team called the patriots, they are 99% New England and 1% Chuck Norris … that explains why there so good.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, January 14, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

    Wow I’ve been gone too long.I’ve got nothin on hand.Still,I’m gonna go for something right off my head.

    Chuck Norris’ fingernails are pure diamond.He’d be covered for gifts for anniversaries and stuff like that if he believed in giving anything besides pain.

  • By randomguy UNITED STATES, January 14, 2008 @ 12:25 pm

    MAJOR NERD JOKE ALERT!WORLD OF WARCRAFT RELATED!

    Chuck Norris does’nt need a mount.He can move aove at 200% speed and fly at level one.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 1:47 am

    Randomguy, that was Gay.
    The show “Charles In Charge” was based on Chuck Norris’ years in college, except insted of being in charge of a bunch of kids, he was in charge of the Imperial Sho-gun army.
    That was an awesome show.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 3:21 am

    IT REALLY DOESNT MATTER HOW EARLY YOU WAKE UP, CHUCK NORRIS STILL GETS THE WORM….

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 3:27 am

    Martin Luther Kings famous I have dream speech was about civil rights. If it had been about Chuck Norris it would have been called I had a nightmare!

  • By Jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 7:16 am

    The people of popeii were covered for 1700 years by ash or what scientist have now identified as chuck norris’s ass explosion

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 7:19 am

    The world’s deepest Blue Hole…….which is basically a vertical shaft filled with water……can hold two things……..The Sears tower……..and Chuck Norris Turds

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 7:30 am

    How Much wood could Chuck chuck if chuck could chuck wood……………………….The Entire Russian Wilderness

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 8:22 am

    Chuck Norris through Mass Rapings around the world has fathered over 100 hardcore children…….we know some of these people as. Mr.T, Jackie Chan, and The Rock.

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 8:41 am

    Mr. Roosevelt you were wrong there is more to fear than fear itself…….its name is Chuck Norris

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 8:51 am

    The Aztecs didnt die of disease…..they ran away when they saw chuck norris…….cortez made up the rest

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 9:05 am

    Chuck Norris is the only man to contract AIDS and then piss it out unharmed.

  • By Rex Mundi UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 9:39 am

    Hey Shitsniffer: Tell me, what is your problem? Is it ADD? It it Tourette’s? Homophobia? Do you have some sort of pent up frustrations that you like to get out by verbally sparring with people you’ve never met who are trying to enjoy posting comedic material on a site? You post of Jan 13 is completely immature, but then again, for all I know, you’re 15 years old. Any older, and I’d say you’re certainly a candidate for counseling, and most certainly for some type of grammar training.

    With that, I will leave what used to be a quality list of great Chuck Norris jokes. Sniffer, K5 and Dead Rock: If you’re ever in the San Francisco area, stop by my house for an asskicking. Ya know — put your money where your mouths are, cowards. If feel sorry for you, but not enough to refrain from kicking your faces in. My address is 710 Beech Street, Redwood City, CA.

    Now that’s putting yourself out there. Toodles, children.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 15, 2008 @ 11:26 am

    Rex if that even is your adress, then you only put it on here so you could get every rapist on this site to come to your house and fuck you up the ass, you can’t even call it rape since you agree to it, o and Mr. sniffer’s post from Jan. 13 was pretty funny, unlike any of your posts.

    Chuck Norris is na inventor … he invented things like murder, fear, and roadkill.

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 3:24 am

    Chuck Norris semen could eat through 10″ blast proof steel

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 3:43 am

    SEX NUNDI- TRUST ME, MR.SNIFFER ISNT ONE TO BE MESSED WITH. AND BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU LIKE MAGAZINES BECAUSE WE ARE GONNA PLUG YOUR ADDRESS INTO EVERY WEBSITE FOR CRAP WE CAN…. (NOT REALLY BCUZ NOT EVEN YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO LIST YOUR TRUE ADDRESS) THIS IS A HUMOR SITE, IF YOU CANT CONTRIBUTE, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO THE SITE WHERE YOU CAN TRY DIFFERENT OUTFITS ON BARBIE AND PRINT THEM OUT AND MOMMA CAN STICK THEM TO THE FRIDGE….. WE LOVE CHUCK NORRIS AND PPL THAT CUT ON OTHER NORRIS LOVERS, WE PWN! SO JUST RELAX AND ENJOY THE SITE….OK?

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 4:09 am

    it’s been a long time since i was here and this place has gone downhill. what’s with the attacks on Rex Mundi? you guys are useless and have ruined a great site. i’m out. what jokers.

  • By wolverine UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 4:15 am

    Theres a guy named Shitsniffer on this post claiming that other people are gay. How ironic.

    Chill Fo’Real — did you lose in the race to become black, so now you just pretend to be? How is the rest of your crew chillin’, yo? haha. Have fun working at Applebee’s today.

    You guys are such fucking losers.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 6:51 am

    Pussies. Hey, how come Sex Nundi thinks he can come on here and rip on K5 and Dead cock without retort? Dish it out and not take it, your the “tween” here little one.
    Wes has always been a shit stain on the underwear of this website, and Wolverine, I’m almost positive is a 45 year old lezbo who looks almost like Chuck Norris.
    And someone tell me if I we’re gay, how my name’s ironic. I never specified to whom’s shit I was sniffing. You wish it was dude shit you fuck. Hey guess what? CHILL ‘FO REAL is black you dumb sonofabitch!! Are you listing racist to the long list of douchbag qualities.
    SEX NUNDI, I’M PAYING YOU A VISIT. SO GET THE TEA AND CRUMPETS READY YOU HOMO. You would be from san fag-sisco.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 6:56 am

    Hey, I went onto google earth and typed in Sex Nundi’s address and if you zoom in close enough, you can see Chuck Norris molesting him.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 8:02 am

    Hey Mr.Sniffer, I think nundi wants you to give him a dirty sanchez…. I do not get offended when people with no class insult me… They can not help the way that they were raised….Applebee’s?? thats a pretty good one…. But you probably wont get to read this until you are through mowing…
    Applebees has good ribs. I loves me some bbq ribs… ummm Wolverine, read the comic books do ya??? LOL!!! PLEASE!!!

    One time Chuck Norris was knockin the hair off this old broad… Some of his sperm shot over her shoulder and landed on a piece of dog poo….Hence Wolverine was born…..

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 10:24 am

    alright wolverine so you say chillin’ works at Applebee’s right, well atleast he has a job as for you, you just live in the basement of your mom’s house making love to your hand, your mom wont even fuck you any more because your so pathetic but it’s ok she don’t need you since she got me.

    The newest weapon of mass destruction is a bomb containing pictures of Chuck Norris, when the bomb goes off it spreads pictures of Chuck Norris performing a round-house kick, enemy soldiers instently die of fear after coming into contact with these pictures, the bomb must be fired atleast 5 miles away from all American and Allied troops.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 10:27 am

    IDK if this has been posted… Chuck Norris once had sex with a wooly mammoth… the result Bigfoot

  • By Chuck Morris UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 11:02 am

    Fuck Mike Moali and i fucking swear if you ever impersonate me again i will beat the shit out of you. And i have now counted to infiniti four times. Mom I dont care what you say I will beat Mike Moali to a fucking polp because your a mher fucker!!!

  • By A MAN WHO KNOWS TIM UNITED STATES, January 16, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

    Chuck norris chuck norris. bla bla bla. i just read that whole page. i luv chuck norris jokes but i’m sick of it right now so here’s one for ya. i kno a guy name tim. he’s got a huge cock. like no joke it is massive and just too long. so heres the joke. it’s well known that nobody can land a hit on chuck norris, but tim can land his penis on chuck norris!…..from 10 miles away.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 1:23 am

    A MAN WHO KNOWS TIM—- SOUNDS LIKE A MAN THAT LOVES TIM—-CHUCK NORRIS JOKES— NOT I WISH I HAD TIMS BIG COCK IN MY MOUTH JOKES… BUT BRUTHA— YOU JUST KEEP ON WISHIN AND I BET TIM WILL TAKE CARE OF YA…..

    CHUCK NORRIS DOESNT FWD CHAIN EMAIL—

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 1:24 am

    ?
    Your a douche.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 4:00 am

    Mr.Sniffer, who is a douche????There are so many on here these days.. Who knows any more….

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 4:45 am

    I’ve double checked my research and the numbers don’t lie. The studys suggest that The man who loves tim is in fact guilty of douchbaggery, which in turn makes him a douche.
    Fast fun fact: Chuck Norris’ beard can be used as a contraceptive sponge.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 1:01 pm

    I would love to constantly suck some cock…big, hard, steaming cock covered in shit.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 1:03 pm

    And balls. Gotta have some balls.

  • By A MAN WHO KNOWS TIM UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

    guess wut bitches! i’m a fuking girl using my friends computer. jack asses. get some damn lifes and pull yur fucking faces out of your pussies and stop licking yur selves. and ya douchbaggery thats good. it’s cuz i fucking use them!

  • By Job For A Cowboy UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 1:12 pm

    wow u guys are terrible to each other. losers. get a life like the tim girl says

  • By Job For A Cowboy UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

    she kinda gave u the face. but y is her name MAN who know,s tim

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 17, 2008 @ 2:34 pm

    Wow in the short time i have been gone a lot of shit has gone down… i feel that every1 must never argue with the folk that run this site i.e. Mr Sniffer, Chill, Crappertop, wherever he may be… and of course Me and my little side kick K5

    KoRn wasnt always spelt like that… it used to be Korn w/o the backwards R but then Chuck Norris was bored… i feel that most of you can put 2 and 2 together… for those Dee Dee Dees out there. HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THE R

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 12:39 am

    LOL!!!! Yea ok….. Even Nundi knows that that was not me that posted the stupid stuff…. A man that knows tim that is actually a girl…. Here’s a great idea, while you are using your “friends” computer, I know this is going to sound scary, but try going to google or dictionary.com and maybe just maybe spelling a few words correctly.

    CHUCK NORRIS CAN ROUNDHOUSE KICK SO FAST THAT BLINK YOUR EYES…. BAM!!! TOO LATE

  • By greg UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 1:08 am

    Chuck Norris sucks, he is so gay. he isn’t that tough at allllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 3:55 am

    Yeah, that’s great greg.
    > a fag who bangs tim, if you are a girl,your a dumb whore. If by friend you mean some guy you met at the local bar and just got done fucking for money, then yes your on “a friend’s” computer.
    If your a guy ( and I think you are) then you probally are also using “a friends” computer. In either case, get your own computer you fucking loser! Take all the money you get from slingin that ass (all $12 a day) save up and buy a computer.

    If you take a clipping from Chuck Norris’ beard and plant it in the ground, the next morning there will be a giant redwood in it’s place.

  • By Chuck Norris Walked Into A Bar. UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 4:58 am

    Chuck Norris walked into a bar, which subsequently collapsed and was completely demolished by a single roundhouse kick to the outside of the bar.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 7:14 am

    Dead Rock it’s great to have you back man, where you been

    Now than a MAN who knows tim is a girl … wait 1/2 man 1/2 girl … that only means one thing … if your under the age of 14 don’t think about it to hard.

    It is said the most powerful weapon is a nuclear missile, but the government has kept quiet the possibility of a bullet containing one of Chuck Norris’ beard hairs, the weapon is powerful enough to destroy anything the size of Australia.

  • By Chimpanzee UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 7:18 am

    If Chuck Norris took a dump in Africa, its fertilization power would provide food for every last Ethiopian child.

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 7:27 am

    Hey Shitsniffer — time for a grammar lesson.

    “Your” is a possessive pronoun, indicating ownership. “You’re” means “you are.” Just a bit of advice to take yourself from “Retarted Idiot” status up to “Lovable Loser.”

    CHILL FO’REAL — I don’t think you should talk about your love for cock and balls on this website. This is a site for honoring our supreme ruler, Chuck Norris. By the way, the acronym “LOL?” — not so manly, chief.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 7:57 am

    My fast typing is a result of trying to put losers their place while still getting work done, and is completly shadowed by my amazing posts. Any way, who the fuck asked you? What are you some kinda kid touching english teacher trying to be cool by letting your students call you “wes” instead of Mr. Cocklover? If you’ve noticed, I’ve never bitched about poor spelling. That’s petty, considering your mom can never pronounce ANYTHING right cause of all the black cock she’s munching on, so why don’t you go whine to her while she’s getting the sewer she calls a pussy stuffed with all sorts of dicks.

    Chuck Norris once heard one hand clapping. It was me repeatedly smacking wes’ mom in the face like the peice of human garbage she is, because she was drooling while she was sucking on my ballsack.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 8:02 am

    Chimpanzee, nice post. welcome. Whatch out for Wes, he’s veeeery creepy and wants to do bad things to your poop chute.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 8:02 am

    Chimpanzee, nice post. welcome. Watch out for Wes, he’s veeeery creepy and wants to do bad things to your poop chute.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 11:58 am

    First off i have been busy getting oral presentations from your moms… second off I have been reading these posts Wes is a gay fagmuffin

  • By Sherry T UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 2:40 pm

    Hi, just wanted to say thanks for keeping my husband in the #1 and#3 spots on your website. He sent in the first response and you now have over 1750. Ron passed away on 7/11/2007. Thank you for keeping him up there, it means alot to me. He loved Chuck! Sincerly, Sherry Tyson.

  • By Sherry T UNITED STATES, January 18, 2008 @ 2:54 pm

    PS….. guys stop the crap!!!!!! If you want to do a comment on Chuck, do it with some stlye and grace! If you want to talk your BS do it somewhere else. YSINCA. (your shit is not Chuck approved!!!!!!) your being gross! Please show some respect to me and others and talk that way elsewhere. Thank You!!!!!!

  • By Wes UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 1:22 am

    Eat a cock.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 5:46 am

    Nice post Dead Rock, my favorite part was where you called Wes a fagmuffin.

    Speaking of that dick head Wes, which stands for Woman Eating Shit, why are you complaing about Mr Sniffer’s grammar, don’t you have something better to do … I guess Wes is probably just having a period.

    So many times have I watched an NFL game when a team is struggling just to get 10 yards in one down … now if Chuck Norris were to play he could be the only person to on his team and score 10 times in one down, to bad no football team is brave enough to take on Chuck Norris.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 9:41 am

    Um… Was westicals refering to the post before his!? If so, that’s not cool man. This chick lost her husband you douche.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 10:28 am

    Dude Wes, that’s fucked up she lost her husband dick head.

    I just read her her husband Ron’s posts and there pretty good, Wes I think you should read them, that way you might learn how to tell a good Chuck Norris joke, then your posts might actually be funny.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 11:30 am

    idk but wes is gay and will never get a person… the best he will get is his Antonio Bendarez blow up doll…

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 12:46 pm

    If Chuck Norris were gay, he would eat sperm… whales

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 12:48 pm

    When Chuck Norris was young, he would crash parties and drink… he was 1 when he did his first crash

  • By How 'bout this UNITED STATES, January 19, 2008 @ 11:48 pm

    48… that is the number of people Chuck Norris has killed in the time it has taken you to read this.

  • By Jimmy S. UNITED STATES, January 20, 2008 @ 9:30 am

    Chuck Norris wonce scored a touch down while playing baseball.

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 20, 2008 @ 11:31 am

    damn you guys are good. and sherry t, i’m sorry about your husband.

    cinderella’s sisters couldn’t fit their feet in the glass slipper- chuck norris has a similar problem- he cant get his damn penis up a girls pussy cause its so fucking massive.

    wes- get a life- besides you sound like an ugly lesbo who feels lonely cause you cant get a girl friend

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 20, 2008 @ 11:34 am

    chuck norris’s sperms never dry up

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 20, 2008 @ 11:37 am

    when we masterbates sperm comes out. when chuck norris masterbates, his cock spews sperm whales

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 20, 2008 @ 12:23 pm

    oh and wes. that was seriously wrong telling sherry t to eat a cock.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 1:09 am

    Antonio Bendarez, Dead Rock that was the best joke I’ve heard in forever.

    Nice job Kick an Emo those were good too.

    Chuck Norris can get rid of a 24 hour virus in just a couple of minutes.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 6:21 am

    well i try… Chuck Norris doesnt try, he just does and succeeds… WES IS A FAGMUFFIN

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 6:22 am

    This just in Wes’s blow up doll just ran away from him cause he was so small… Now who is Wes gonna make love to? please answer the question

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 7:09 am

    Well Dead Rock I’ve never seen anything like this before, but I think I have the answer to the question, There have been rumors that Wes will have to make love to his hand. But it only brings up more questions like where did his blow up doll run off too and how long until his hand cuts itself off and runs away just like the blow up doll?
    Speaking of Wes, I aint seen a post from him in a while, I can only hope that Chuck Norris saw his terrible posts and kicked his ass.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 7:51 am

    i hope so too… what will he do when his body parts run off

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 8:22 am

    Well Dead Rock I honestly don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that if his body parts fall off I hope he loses his hands so that way he wont type posts.

    Chuck Norris would make a good dentist … he is very good at pulling teeth, whether he is staring at them until he scares them away or round-house kicking them out.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 11:09 am

    he hasnt made ne posts in a while so he is probably looking for his hands

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 1:11 pm

    His hands are probably hiding next to his blow up doll.

    Wes’ hands and blow up doll are going to be on the next Southwest Airlines comercial … cause they wanna get away.

  • By CopperTop UNITED STATES, January 21, 2008 @ 7:31 pm

    No matter when I check this site, it appears that the general tone of uncivil idiocy continues unabated. I point no fingers, but I will say that the ones who bother to put down the morons are just as inane themselves. There was once a time when you people didn’t stoop to their intellectual level, but it appears that time has come and gone. I hereby give up visiting this thread any more. It has become a cesspit in which the nadir of humanity swims, wallowing in their own filth.

    —

    Chuck Norris is immune to cell phone radiation.
    Chuck Norris always gets cell phone reception. No matter where he is.
    Chuck Norris can use the iPhone on Verizon.

    The U.S.A. once developed the ICBCN (InterContinental Ballistic Chuck Norris). It was self-propelled, with an auto-delivering payload of one roundhouse kick. But environmental impact studies showed that plutonium-based nuclear weapons were safer, and had less environmental impact, so the weapon was scrapped.

    Chuck Norris is the reason the real Slim Shady won’t stand up.
    Chuck Norris’ dentist has to use an impact drill to work on Chuck’s teeth.

    Chuck Norris has assisted more people with suicide than Jack Kevorkian. Of course, Chuck considers anyone who pisses him off to be attempting suicide.

    Chuck Norris declined an invitation to join MENSA because he would have to lower his mental level.
    Chuck Norris killed the creator of the Hamster Dance.

    Chuck Norris power level is not over 9000. His power level cannot be measured in finite things like numbers.

    —

    This is CopperTop, signing off. Good luck with not being so stupid in the future, friends.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 1:04 am

    Fuck you Crappertop, you suck anyway and noone wants to be your friend. Also, your fat and ugly and smell bad.
    Oh, and none of your posts were funny,EVER!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 1:04 am

    Fuck you Crappertop, you suck anyway and noone wants to be your friend. Also, your fat and ugly and smell bad.
    Oh, and none of your posts were funny,EVER!

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 4:32 am

    we all know that those last 2 posts were not mr sniffer. It could be ulness he has tourettes

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 4:34 am

    Chuck Norris cooks bacon with his shirt off

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 9:41 am

    Dead Rock, your a effin genius! Not only did you foil my imposter, but that last post was hey-larry-ious.

  • By Rotten1 UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 9:46 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use pepper to spice up his food instead he uses Copenhagen.

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 11:40 am

    chuck norrris once took out a german fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling bang.

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 11:48 am

    on the set of walker texas ranger chuck norris round house kicked a baby lamb and immediatly killed it. after the death of this poor animal chuck norris resurected it by giving it prolonged beard rub, afterwards the baby lamb sprang to life and walked around for a minute before chuck norris once again round house kicked it exclaiming “the chuck giveth and the chuck taketh away!”

    theres no map on the back of the decleration of independance, only a picture of chuck norris.

    chuck norris passed his college entery exames by simply writing his name as the answer to all of the questions.

    its known fact that the americans had no chance of defeating the red coats until chuck norris showed up and saved the day.

    your welcome…

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 12:30 pm

    Thank you mr. sniffer, and Kick and Emo… you will replace Crappertop… i can feel it.

    D-Day was orriganaly called C-Day… the D was just a typo… If you are smart you will know what the C stood for… NOT COOKIES!

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 2:04 pm

    It was called C-Day because the Allies did what Chuck did regularly

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

    roy killroy- roy killJoy. dude that sucked

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 4:32 pm

    thank you dead rock. thank you very much.

    some people say you can see the great wall of china from the moon. some people say you cant. well you cant. the idiots aren’t seeing a fucking wall, thats chuck norris’s enormous dick.

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 22, 2008 @ 4:43 pm

    we didn’t drop two atomic bombs on japan. this a lie. we dropped one then took credit for the destruction caused by chuck norris masterbating. as punishment for taking the credit for his fun- he now mocks us by jacking the elections and putting in jack ass’s and fuck-tards as president. he was thinking about letting the hillybilly in, but who the fuck wants that bitch in.

    the fight between chuck norris and wolverine was over within 2 seconds, but wolverine was able to sneak up on chuck norris and cut off his left testicle. we now now it as jupiter

  • By grease89 UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 4:40 am

    wow do you guys have anything better to do then just write these…..
    buy the way Mr. sniffer you have some good stuff its kept me entertained when ever I look @ this site, its just to bad that you guys lost coppertop he was pretty good…But thank god that WES stoped posting on here I was starting to get pissed off that he was such a fag…oh well thanks for the endless jokes…

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 5:00 am

    Killroy I wanna let you know that your hole post was wierd, but I also gotta say that because it was so wierd it kept me laughing for a while.

    Dead Rock I gotta agree Kick an Emo is way better than Coppertop.

    To grease, course Mr. Sniffer is funny, I think everyone agrees when I say were glad Wes is gone, and yeah coppertop was pretty good but if he wanna leave let him he wasn’t too good.

    70% of a human’s weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.

  • By ChowYoungFat UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 11:47 am

    Chuck Norris is only famous for his Bruce Lee impersonations…

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 11:51 am

    when it comes to Van Halen, Chuck Norris is not runnin’ with the devil

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 11:53 am

    where is chill havent seen him on in a while…

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 11:53 am

    If Chuck Norris wants to shovel snow, he just yells MOVE!

  • By Anonymus UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 12:49 pm

    Chuck Norris can’t stub his toe. He has to kick a mountain.

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 2:59 pm

    the bible says that white man came first and then black man. bull shit. balck man came first and chuck norris round house kicked all the fucking color out of one guy, this became the first scandanavian

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 5:41 pm

    fuck! my pussy stinks!

  • By a guy who likes this site UNITED STATES, January 23, 2008 @ 5:50 pm

    dude yur not shitsniffer so get off. oh and i kno kick an emo. he cant get on right now but he says very nice dead rock. and i’m not sure that scandanavian one was his. i’ll ask him when i can

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 1:31 am

    That was NOT me. But, it is true, my pussy indeed stinks. You see, I own Wes’ mom’s pussy, which in turn makes it “my pussy” and belive me,”my pussy” fucking stinks!!!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 1:35 am

    Chuck Norris slapped the person that slapped the monkey in killjoy’s stupid fuckin attempt for attention he calls a story.
    If you want attention, just turn gay like Lance Bass, Wes, or Ellen.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 11:32 am

    Actually I think Killroy’s stories are kind of funny in a wierd way.

    When J. Robert Oppenheimer said “I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds”, He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.

  • By Will UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 1:53 pm

    Chuck Norris. What else has to be said?

  • By Will UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 1:55 pm

    Chuck Norris once walked around on halloween and got 7264536548763528965978436275864395683946895604 candy bars.
    also, he got a hummer.

  • By Will UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 1:57 pm

    If you walk towards Chuck Norris, your dead before you notice.

  • By Will UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 1:59 pm

    If chuck Norris entered a break dancing contest, he would break everyones neck and dance. later he would admit he had a good time doing it.

  • By Will UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 2:03 pm

    If Chuck Norris and pie had an awesome contest, The pie would already be ash from chuck Norris’s glare.

    Then Chuck would kill the idiototic person who thought of the contest.

    Hey, look! Chuck Nor-

  • By Will UNITED STATES, January 24, 2008 @ 2:07 pm

    remember, Chuck Norris. If you forget, your probabaly dead.

    Oh, here’s my all time favorite prayer!

    Chuck Norris, who art in Texas, Hallowed be thy name!
    Thy Roundhouse come, thy will be done, in real life and as on Television.
    Give us this day, our Daily Ass Kicking, and forgive us of our weakness, as we forgive those who for some reason do not worship you. And lead us not to other TV Shows, but deliver us to Walker Texas Ranger, for thine is the best, Ass-Kickinest, Roundhouse giving show in all the heavens.
    Achuck.

    P.S: I know this was posted before.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 12:56 am

    Walker was the name given to Chuck Norris’ character cause that’s what you need to get around after being in his presence for one hour.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 1:01 am

    Killjoy, your stupid, in a childish way. Not only is this not a wannabe writers blog, but everyone knows your trying to be weird for weirdness sake. Just some friendly advice, Your trying too hard. Now cut it out before I visiously rape you mother in her ass.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 1:50 am

    WOW! we lost Crappertop? Who cares??? there are plenty other GOOD writers on here….killjoy I dont mean you…. you are LAME with a capitol STUPID! Mr.Sniffer? Again bro, you blew my mind by bringing the funny stuff man…nice! k5, emo kicker,will and others you guys keep up the good work guys…..

    Chuck Norris once built a house of cards using one deck…. 4 families of mexicans promptly moved in…

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 4:23 am

    The two post’s surrounding chill is not me. Wes, your a prick.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 4:43 am

    The air was thick with the stench of old men. The night was a powerful one, like a bathing suit made of cheese. As we stared at the gaping fissure we wondered…how did we get so sticky? The smell of corn,the only trace of the buick was now a memory. Then as all hope seemed gone, a voice cried out, like a whino begging for chapstick “where did the buick go?”. Aftre the voice came the stench of poorly digested olive-loaf. Confused, we all decided it would be best if we all claimed marco-polo championship’s now be held at the jewish community house from now on, only there was no longer a now on. For what was to become known as “Buster Brown’s Incedent” was in the midst,and now I relize the folly of my way’s. For now the buick had dissapeared into the stinking, gaping fissure.If only I did as the instruction manual told me to do, I could have gotten away. It’s now too late. We gripped tight onto our cock’s and went in to finish……..FUCKING ROY KILLROY’S MOM.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 4:46 am

    Hey chill nice post. Mexican’s, ha!
    1:45a.m. & 2:28 a.m……Not Me!!!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 6:23 am

    Geez, Get a fuckin life.
    10 posts ago I thought, this site has gone gay and I browse again it has been proven.
    You have just lost the best person on this site.
    I hope your happy to win wes or killjoy or whoever, but you’ll never be as cool as me.
    I also want to add the fact that we all have time on our hands to post jokes, but you have taken way too much time to try to make me look how you feel, stupid.
    Later guys, Chill,K5, nice prayer, will, dead rock,and kik an emo will undoubtly be a key player. Watch for those whom wish to annoy.

  • By Jeremy a.k.a. Roy Killroy UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 7:29 am

    I’m a cocksucking faggot. With a name like jeremy,how could I avoid it?
    I need so much attention from people I don”t know cause the only people I do know is my family and they all abuse me sexually. My dad is the worst cause him and my dirty old grandpa take turns raping me in the neihbors shed. It’s okay once you get used to shitting blood. My mom pretends she dont know it’s going on but then my sunday school teacher found brusis on my asshole while he was having his way with me and asked her if she knew anything about it. Then them and the church janitor all started to get together with my dad and grandpa on thursday nights to play poker….. and rape me. So you see, it’s not my fault I’m so screwed up. thats why I pretend to be imaginative when really I’m a total attention whore. Plus I’m mad a Sir shitsniffer the awesome cause he smacked my mother in the face like 3 times in a row as she gaged on his massive cock…BANG,BANG,BANG!!! like that. She was crying and gaging on her own flem and snot and tears. Then he totally soaked her with a cum shot to the face that would have made Chuck Norris blush. As she sat there crying covered in shit vomit cum and tears, it made me a little upset. Upset that it wasn’t me sitting there insted, and upset that when Sir Sniffer left he didn’t pay her.

  • By Jeremy a.k.a. Roy Killroy UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 7:34 am

    By the way, he is a lean muscular very rich man with stunning good looks chisled features and a winning personality so who ever keeps saying that their Shitsniffer is lying.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 8:04 am

    and again Mr. Sniffer is being immitated… you people must get a real life!

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 8:42 am

    … every1 who reads those posts know that those arent the real people… no1 would degrade themselves like that in real life

  • By It's really Chuck,REALLY! UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 9:03 am

    Wow. You kid’s need to relax. As a Christian I DO NOT agree with any of this profanity. I think it’s a fun, humorous thing to see that all of my fan’s are partaking in, but come on! Most of this isn’t even funny, it’s insulting to me as a parishner of the Lord. Please clean it up guys. And thanks for being a fan.
    Thank you,
    Chuck

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 11:11 am

    Ok whether that last post was the real Chuck Norris or not the person had a piont, I mean this website was originally about Chuck Norris jokes so let’s tell Chuck Norris jokes, ok. I’ll be the first to say I’m sorry for making fun off the other guys, so let’s start over, No more Mr. Sniffer impersonations, no more making fun of Killroy who’s stories were actually kind of funny in a wierd way, no more of the crap we were doing before. I call a truce. So, let’s start over and get back to the Chuck jokes.

    In the beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 11:59 am

    “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” was originally written as Chuck Norris’ theme song.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 1:36 pm

    Yea, I dont think so K5, we that have been around here a while, know when someone is being a douche. Mr.Sniffer is a legend around here and if he does leave, it will be just like when he is on wes’ mom…he will be on top! Killjoy and the person writing as Killjoy..easy….

    K5 I enjoy all the Chuck jokes as much as the next guy but when my friends are unjustly attacked, I have to stick up for them just like they do me. I would do it for you bro, I gotta do it for Mr.Sniffer… All the lame guys that dont have a job and live in a trailor or even a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER, I also enjoy all their attempts at humor. Chuck really, I wish it were really you brother, I would be honored to know that the real Chuck read my jokes…Chuck for Huck!!!!

    Chuck Norris doesnt have to use a remote to change channels on his tv, he just says the name of the show (usually Walker) and the tv changes itself.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 1:42 pm

    K5, 2 post in a row that you copied from earlier post…come on, orginal or give props to whom it was copied…

    Chuck Norris cooks bacon with his shirt off….
    posted earlier but very funny
    (like that K5)

    Chuck Norris hides eggs from the Easter Bunny

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 1:43 pm

    Chuck Norris can drink an entire bottle of Nyquil and doesnt get sleepy.

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 1:44 pm

    Chuck Norris doesnt eat rainbow trout because Chuck Norris doesnt eat gay fish,

  • By a guy who likes this site UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 4:46 pm

    ok that one on the 23rd wasn’t me. but it was kinda funny. and the guy who says he knows me? whats u with that? i dont know him so ya. and i agree with k5 lets just stick to chuck norris jokes.

    according to newtons 4th law, chuck norris can round house kick you into yesterday.

    there’s no life on mars because they pissed of chuck norris.

    the moon has a ton of craters because chuck norris got sick of kicking punching bags.

    hey guys if my spelling ever sucks balls. sorry. but cut me some slack, i’m 15

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 25, 2008 @ 4:55 pm

    k i’m creeped out. maybe that guy does kno me. cause i got on and that showed up and i was telling my friends at school i was going to say something like that. and those are my fuckin jokes to. damn it! and why the hell is he like speaking for me. and why does he have to make fun of my spelling! i’m so going to find him and kick his ass now!

    alfred hithcock got his inspiration from looking at a picture of chuck norris ready to attack!

    sorry that’s all i got left for today. that stupid jack ass just took all of mine

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 1:41 am

    Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women—Cold and stiff (dead get it?)

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 2:40 am

    Alright Chillin’ I’ll admit that the universe joke wasn’t original, I just couldn’t remember who posted it that’s why I didn’t say who it was, but I’m pretty sure that let the bodies hit the floor was an original, if not sorry. Chillin’ you do have a piont about Mr. Sniffer we should stick up for him.

    Killroy keep the stories coming dude, they’re hilarious.

    To the guy who likes this site, your spelling is fine.

    Chuck Norris could kill all those cowboys from Killroy’s story in just a few seconds.

  • By Killroy's mom UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 3:04 am

    Chuck Norris is so rad, I bet he can write an even more boring and lamer story then my latent homosexual son.

  • By A guy who likes a guy who likes this site. UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 3:07 am

    I like a guy who likes this site. My name is killroy, Jeremy Killroy.

  • By Killroys Mom UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 3:22 am

    When Chill ‘fo real, K5, Mr. Sniffer and Dead rock fucked the shit out of my ass (literary) then slapped me across th face with their shit covered COCK’S, They knocked 3 of my teef’s out. Then they all took turns choking me with their right hand and spiting in my face while relentlessly slapping my face with the left. I cried, alot. But I deserve it.
    Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I would have gotten an abortion. I thought, when I got raped, that I could just lie and pretnnd that my husband was the father becaused I was too ashamed to tell any one(after all, I was sucking off my dealer for heroin at the time). Now I know the folly of my way’s cause my bastard offspring is a real peice of fucking shit.
    NOW GO CLEAN YOUR FUCKIG SHIT STY OF A ROOM YOU LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER!!!

  • By a guy who likes a guy on this site UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 4:03 am

    HAHAHAHAHA…Just kidding. Those were both mine! Fooled you. Oh yeah, I also post as Roy killroy and every single word that my mom posted earlier was true. And that really was my mom. No matter what is posted after this,this really is (really) me for really real, on the real tip, for sure. The very sme guy who’s posting those feeble, pathetic attempts at intersting stories. So just to clairify things, I’m for real.

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 4:07 am

    Not me. Never coming back. Check the ip address stupid. january 25th at 623 am was my last post, stop trying to take credit when it hasen’t been earned. Nevr posting again.

  • By CHILL 'FO REAL UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 6:32 am

    Hey guy’s, Mr. Sniffer didn’t want to do this but Jeremy Killroy pushed him to it. He’s calling Stu and ratting us all out. Their going to pull the plug and shut down the generator. Also, I’m shitting on Killroy’s mom’s chest as I type this.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 6:34 am

    No no dude, that’s me your pooping on.

  • By Kick an emo UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 6:38 am

    Wow! What a coinsidence! I’m shitting on both of your mom’s now.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:05 am

    The nice thing is that the ppl that often post on here know when it is a loser posting as some one else. I wish this site was blocked from middle schools so that the imposters would no longer be able to get in. Take your moms tits out of your mouth and get about Chuck Norris. I promise to take my cock out of her mouth…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:06 am

    chuck norris once built an igloo out of sand

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:15 am

    Yo these impersonations aren’t funny. It’s really fucked up, so to whoever is impersonating us all: how about you stop doing that everytime you take a break from fucking your dad in your trailer and get a job in your spare time, then maybe you can afford a bed to fuck your dad in.

    Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Chuck Norris’s kindergarten class.

    P.S. This post was actually from K5 unlike the last.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:15 am

    wow i leave for 1 day and a bunch of tiny cocked little elementary school kids posing as Shitsniffer and Chill… wow every1 knows that it is not them, so why do it? I know why… they have no life plain and simple. This site is all they have.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:18 am

    Chuck Norris doesnt have a mirror in his manson… if he has one his alter ego will jump out and try to beat him up… who will win? Chuck Norris knows

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:21 am

    Chuck Norris cannot get hung… if he is put in a noose the earth will just rush up to his feet… The world knows it cannot decompose Chuck Norris so it just saves him

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:22 am

    Chuck Norris can text on a landline… that includes payphones

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:50 am

    This is all thanks to Killroy(who’s real name apparently is Jeremy) and/or wes. Thank them for ruining the fun we were having throughout the work day everyone.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:51 am

    this is the real dead rock and i just wanna say this is getting pathetic… the attempts are sad. i almost feel sorry for the posers

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 8:58 am

    Don’t feel sorry. Stu’s closing down shop. Someones always gotta ruin everyone’s fun.
    Imposters, Your mom’s are all whores.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 9:22 am

    i am not surprised i agree with u completley

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 10:00 am

    Are you guys serious about the hole Stu thing, because if so those imposter’s moms are gonna get fucked up the ass so hard they wont be able to sit down anymore.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 10:26 am

    well, as with all good things….it must end….Mr.Sniffer,Dead Rock,K5 and all the other REAL Chuck fans… See you on the other side….. It is funny to see the sad sad attempts of posing…. You guys keep on posting somewhere else and I am sure we will meet up again….
    Chill Fo’ Real is out~~_~~_~~_____________________

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 10:39 am

    chill c ya… and stu probably isnt joking. I hope Chill comes back

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 10:41 am

    ps check out my site tat is me this is the real Dead Rock…
    Chuck Norris cooks bacon with his shirt off… that was probably my best joke

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 10:43 am

    in starwars the millenium falcon’s lightspeed power was just Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking it

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 11:32 am

    Well since it’s ending I just want to say good bye

    Chillin’: dude you were always hilarious and a pretty cool guy, see ya.

    Dead rock: you’re my best friend on this site, see ya.

    Mr. Sniffer: you had the best posts on here, see ya.

    Kick an Emo: It’s too bad this had to end you would’ve done great on here, see ya.

    Killroy: Your stories were hilarious it’s too bad we wont be able to here the end, see ya.

    Imposters: you guys ruined it all, I mean you really suck ass, What was the piont of it, it wasn’t funny and it wasn’t cool? You ruined alot of fun you cock sucker.

    This will be my last post since they’re going to shut down the site>
    Chuck Norris was originally asked to play the role of Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies, but he turned it down, because only a pussy takes 7 movies to try to kill some teenager and end up failing.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

    well i will c ya guys round… keep checkin by 2 see if the site is still up… i will be checking this site daily… email me at deadrock94@gmail.com

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

    what were the imposters trying to prove anyways?

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2008 @ 12:27 pm

    freewebs.com/chucknorrisgenerator stop by i moderate it let me know if who you are though

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, January 27, 2008 @ 11:15 am

    Hey regulars….go to dead rocks site and post there….we will leave all these friggin losers here…sorry Stu it came to this but as you see, it left Chuck Norris long ago…We had rather stay but…these posers geesh…..

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, January 28, 2008 @ 7:50 am

    ok i’m sick of this. thsi site has gone to shit. this is the real KIck an Emo. so i’m fuckin gone. you guys who are posting as us and other peole needed to get a life. so i’m gone. so here’s my last joke…

    the tv show of transformers was originaly about chuck norris. the song said-”chuck norris more than meets the eyes, chuck norris, robot in disguise!”

    so i’m gone now and once again this is the real Kick an Emo. and just to clarify, i am actualy 15. good bye…………………………………..-

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 28, 2008 @ 12:58 pm

    MEXICANS TASTE VERY FUNNY WITH MILK!

  • By Habeeb It UNITED STATES, January 29, 2008 @ 12:47 am

    Kilroy
    Shitsniffer
    Deadrock
    K5

    ruined the site

  • By Reikon UNITED STATES, January 29, 2008 @ 3:16 am

    Chuck Norris does not buy gas. He starts his original H1 Hummer by glaring at it. It gets 80,000 MPG (miles per glare).

  • By Roy killroy UNITED STATES, January 29, 2008 @ 9:18 am

    Hey guy’s, don’t go by Deadrock’s site it’s lame. Besides, I spammed the shit out of it and blamed it on shitsniffer cause I’m secretly in love with him. Oh and I keep saying I’m him and even registered as him to try and take his glory, after all there’s no original thought in my head. Then as he tried to show up, I continually signed his name to post’s to make everyone mad at him cause I have no life, i’m jelous of people with better personality and bigger dicks, he wasn’t molested like I was by my toothless meth addicted parents, and I’m upset that he can make friends so I took them away. All that effort to foil someone might have been better spent making my own jokes and profile, but in the end I only have the brain power of a crackpipe.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 30, 2008 @ 12:48 pm

    my site is better than this piece of crap… no offense stu but u let it get over run

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 31, 2008 @ 12:46 am

    This is one last post from K5 I just wanna let yall know that Dead Rock was deffinatly right, Stu you really need to learn how to delete the imposters stufff.

    Everyone come on down to Dead Rock’s site at http://www.freewebs.com/chucknorrisgenerator, where our motto is imposters suck so all their posts get deleted.
    This advertisement was brought to yall by K5.

    p.s. Habeeb how did we ruin this site, other than Killroy? Let’s face it, now that we, except for Killroy, left this site it has sucked … maybe next time Stu will delete the imposters stufff. But you can keep Killroy.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, January 31, 2008 @ 8:29 am

    Chuck Norris does NOT celebrate leap year…

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 31, 2008 @ 10:25 am

    chill wat r u doin on this site>

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, January 31, 2008 @ 2:52 pm

    Chillin’ why did you leave man

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, February 1, 2008 @ 4:34 am

    I couldnt get on ur site dead rock… it was down or something. So I knew if I didnt post it right then I would forget it….K5…I left this site because it went to pot….I check it from time to time to see if Stu got his balls back and kicked out the posers…So see you guys on Dead Rocks site…..

    Haabeeb al Towel head- Shut up and pump some gas at the 7-11 or make me a sandwich at Subway….You dont have any idea what you are talkin about—the posers ruined this site—

  • By Reikon UNITED STATES, February 1, 2008 @ 4:51 am

    The beard of Chuck Norris can replicate itself. We know this offspring as the scrubbers they use to clean the hulls of battleships…UNITED STATES battleships.

  • By Reikon UNITED STATES, February 1, 2008 @ 5:02 am

    Aliens did not build Stonehenge. As Chuck Norris was driving (yes, DRIVING) through the English countryside hundreds of years ago, he came upon a mountain blocking his path. He proceeded to roundhouse kick his way through the mountain, spraying large chunks of granite into the air. He, of course, did this without getting out of his Hummer. The chunks landed 200 miles away in a field. That is how Stonehenge was made. Any questions??

  • By Reikon UNITED STATES, February 1, 2008 @ 6:16 am

    E = MC2 (Energy = Mass X Chuck…Twice)

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, February 1, 2008 @ 8:23 am

    Dude chillin’ I think you were too nice to Haboob I don’t think that dude even has a job.

    Reikon those jokes are hilarious, you should come to Dead Rock’s site (it’s got a link in that advertisement I put up On January 1st), you should come cause your jokes are great

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, February 1, 2008 @ 10:30 am

    chill come to my site it is up an runnin

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, February 2, 2008 @ 9:39 am

    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element he knows of is the element of suprise.

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, February 2, 2008 @ 9:54 am

    Global Warming is caused by Chuck Norris farting.

    A man by the name of Bruce Lee was tried for attempted murder. The man was immidiatly put into an insane asylum when he told her that he tried to shoot Chuck Norris. When asked why the man had such a conviction, the judge said, “Attempting to kill Chuck Norris is SUICIDE!!! This man is CRAZY!!!”

    Chuck Norris once went swimming. He did a few dives, then a cannonball, thus the great flood.

    When Chuck Norris was asked whether he wanted paper or plastic at the local Pick N’ Save, he said he wanted Titanium.

    Tenacious D claimed in a song, “You Cant Kill The Metal!” Chuck Norris CAN kill the metal.

    Bruce Lee is the Anti-Norris.

    Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 on legendary WITH ONE HAND, While beating Call Of Duty 4 on Veteran with his other hand.

    When Chuck Norris was a teen he had NO acne problems, but he did need medication for the volcanos on his face.

    When Chuck Norris says UR MOM, he means it.

    Chuck Norris doesnt only smell his own farts, He EATS them too.

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light on. Not because hes afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  • By Ryan UNITED STATES, February 2, 2008 @ 2:39 pm

    There is no such thing as the Theory of Evolution, Just animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

  • By Casey UNITED STATES, February 2, 2008 @ 2:46 pm

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

  • By Chuckysucky UNITED STATES, February 2, 2008 @ 3:40 pm

    I spoke to Chuck Norris on the phone today and Chuck said that he hates ShitSniffer and ChillFoReal. Chuck Norris is a man who wishes that people on this site would just post Chuck Norris Facts and nothing else. That being said….

    Chuck Norris once went camping on Mount Saint Helens. The peak blocked his view so he decided to Roundhouse kick it. That is why Mt. Saint Helens blew up.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, February 3, 2008 @ 1:23 am

    Nate that Halo/COD4 joke was hilarious, come on down to Dead Rock’s site

  • By chill fo'real UNITED STATES, February 3, 2008 @ 3:25 am

    K5- why are you not bustin these guys balls for reposting lame jokes…No wonder all of us Original Posters bailed on this site and went to Dead Rocks site

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, February 3, 2008 @ 5:05 am

    Chillin’ I am on Dead Rock’s site, I just show up here to get some new guys to come I don’t care about the dudes with shitty jokes, besides no offense but I don’t see you breaking their balls either, but if you want me to then fine.

    Congratulations Ryan you are the !00th person to post that crappy joke click here to view your prize http://www.seaturtlehospital.org/rayvampbiteA.jpg
    p.s. Casey if you want you can look to.

  • By fred UNITED STATES, February 3, 2008 @ 10:11 am

    the only reason that old chinese man and womanin that soap commercial sais its ancient chinese secrets is caus chuck norris just peed on the clothes to make them clean.then he told the old man that hed do his wife if he told anyone

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, February 5, 2008 @ 5:46 am

    K5, IF YOU RECALL, ME AND MR.SNIFFER BUSTED PPL MORE THAN ANYONE ON HERE…WE BOTH KINDA GAVE UP ON THIS SITE AND STICK TO DEADROCKS SITE

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, February 5, 2008 @ 11:24 am

    Alright Chillin’ you got a piont, my bad

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, February 6, 2008 @ 12:31 pm

    This site is now shit

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, February 7, 2008 @ 7:34 am

    How come there’s no new posts on the chucknorrisgenerator? Did you guy’s really ban my i.p.? There’s no way you believe the shananagens of killroy cause I know you guy’s are smarter than that.
    When Chuck Norris has diarrhea, California calls it a muddslide.

  • By donfach UNITED STATES, February 9, 2008 @ 3:59 pm

    chuck norris can text 500 words a minute….from a rotary phone

  • By natecan UNITED STATES, February 9, 2008 @ 4:26 pm

    Scientists were wrong….the Big Bang Theory is actually Chuck Norris’s first Orgasm.

  • By chuck fan 36 UNITED STATES, February 11, 2008 @ 8:57 am

    Chuck Norris, once chucked norris ;hence chuck norris

  • By XenosAce UNITED STATES, February 12, 2008 @ 3:51 pm

    only one person can kick Chuck Norris’ ass and that is another Chuck; Chuck Liddel that is!!!

  • By Roy Killroy's mom UNITED STATES, February 13, 2008 @ 6:19 am

    Where the hell is that little son of a bitch Roy at? It’s time for his breast feeding!!!

  • By DARRYL R. UNITED STATES, February 14, 2008 @ 7:49 am

    CHUCK NORRIS CAUSED A TSUNAMI WHEN HE JUMPED IN THE OCEAN!

  • By DARRYL R. UNITED STATES, February 14, 2008 @ 7:55 am

    Chuck Norris invented the “Mallacci Crunch”

    The Grand Canyon was Chuck Norris’s sand box as a child!

  • By baker UNITED STATES, February 17, 2008 @ 4:01 am

    When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn’t get wet the water gets Chuck Norris

    I did not think Chuck Norris fell how is this possible?

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 19, 2008 @ 1:24 am

    Its been rumoured that Heath Ledger only ever grew a beard to be like Chuck Norris….. I think this serves as a warning to all of us.

  • By Gsoup123 UNITED STATES, February 19, 2008 @ 10:25 am

    When you are choking in a restaurant and Chuck Norris offers you the Heimlich, refuse. You’ll live longer that way.

  • By An O.P. from way back UNITED STATES, February 20, 2008 @ 12:45 am

    When Chuck Norris cuts onions to make chili, the onion is the one that cries.

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, February 21, 2008 @ 2:12 am

    chuck norris beat halo 3 on all difficulities and found all the skulls and reached the rank of general before the game came out

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, February 21, 2008 @ 2:12 am

    chuck norris beat halo 3 on all difficulities and found all the skulls and reached the rank of general before the game came out….

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, February 21, 2008 @ 2:20 am

    the reason there are waves is because chuck norris is karate chopping the ocean

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, February 21, 2008 @ 2:31 am

    chuck norris can start a fire underwater

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 21, 2008 @ 10:37 pm

    Chuck Norris’ sweat is believed to be the fountain of eternal youth… Fact 1: Chuck Norris never breaks a sweat!… Fact 2: Its Just another way he can bring about your slow demise..

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 21, 2008 @ 11:09 pm

    In Japan, Anyone who dies whilst attempting to fight Chuck Norris is exalted and honoured above Kamakazi pilots. Additionally, the brave men who nominate themselves are knighted by the emporer prior to the event… Then they are led into the presence of their unarmed executioner (who is known by his hallmark blue-jeans), and it is then, that they are lead to an inevitable and swift death by beheading.

    Chuck Norris’ name in Japan… “Rikoto”
    Translation… “Leg like Sword”

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, February 22, 2008 @ 1:13 am

    the reson that their is global warming is because Chuck Norris never looses his cool…

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, February 22, 2008 @ 1:28 am

    Mortal Kombat got those brutal fatalities from the way that Chuck Norris killed ninjas/random thugs/people that looked at him/ex-girlfriends/terroists/etc.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 22, 2008 @ 3:40 am

    Hospital Accident and Emergency rooms frequently advertise their top “Cause of death/injury” categories. Usually you will find Heart attack, Sporting, Alcohol related, Traffic accidents…. A handful of anonymous hospital administrator’s are beginning to divulge an alarming epidemic….. A startling number of universal reports are displaying: “Chuck Norris head blow”, coming in at the top spot.
    Chuck’s crouching attack pose can also be attributed to the cause of increasing numbers of Heart attacks among young men.

  • By Mark UNITED STATES, February 22, 2008 @ 4:11 pm

    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.

  • By chuck norris IRELAND, February 23, 2008 @ 11:35 pm

    You nerds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fags!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • By i hate u guys UNITED STATES, February 25, 2008 @ 11:58 am

    u r all losers who have no life and probably sit here all day waiting for each other to post back a comment about your retarted jokes. NOOBS

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 25, 2008 @ 9:30 pm

    Ummm. “I hate you guys”……. Why are you here?… Oviously the same reason we are. However, the only difference is.. You’re a shit-for-brains who cant think of any cool Norris facts yourself. You’re a spectator!! Should have started reading earlier in life, you poor bastard..

  • By cody UNITED STATES, February 26, 2008 @ 10:37 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have a home. he stays in the center of the earth until he’s needed.

  • By Orrible Snell UNITED KINGDOM, February 26, 2008 @ 8:35 pm

    The devil tried to sell his soul to Chuck Norris for £500, Chuck Norris gave him 50p and made him his Be-atch

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 26, 2008 @ 9:37 pm

    The Bible tells us that God “cast” Adam and Eve out of the garden of eden when they ate of the forbidden fruit. However, when Chuck tells the story he claims that it was more of a roundhouse kick that delivered them from the garden. The angels rejoiced, and God held up a card that read “10″.. No one eats from Chuck’s tree!

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 26, 2008 @ 10:23 pm

    Chuck Norris can play the keyboard solo from Van-Halen’s “Jump” with his Eyelashes.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 26, 2008 @ 11:32 pm

    Chuck Norris’ first words in the delivery room were…. “Uzi, NOW!”.. Momentarily afterwards, he took his first step, to roundhouse kick the Mid-wife for “Keeping him waiting”.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 27, 2008 @ 12:08 am

    “Domestic violence” is the moment Chuck Norris gets home. “Violence spills onto the streets” the moment he leaves his front door.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 27, 2008 @ 12:44 am

    Question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?… Answer: Chuck Norris.

  • By orrible snell UNITED KINGDOM, February 27, 2008 @ 1:11 am

    In the beginning was the word, and the word was with Chuck Norris, and the word was Chuck Norris. He was with Chuck in the Beginning.
    Through Chuck, all things were roundhoused …

    ChuckNorris 1:1 – 3

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 27, 2008 @ 1:19 am

    Snelltastic!

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 27, 2008 @ 1:29 am

    Shit DOES NOT happen to Chuck Norris.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 27, 2008 @ 2:04 am

    The Price is ALWAYS right, when Chuck Norris is on the show.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, February 27, 2008 @ 2:14 am

    Chuck Norris recieves a royalty cheque everytime Violence is used.

  • By kstoney UNITED STATES, February 27, 2008 @ 3:19 am

    Some have heard the phrase, “Every day above ground is a good day.” It is but a simplified version of “Every day not I’m not round house kicked by Chuck Norris is a good day.”

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, February 27, 2008 @ 9:34 am

    1. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt
    2. Chuck Norris can divide zero.
    3.Chuck Norris CAN beleice it’s not butter.
    4. What happened to Charlit in Candy Mountain? Chuck Norris.
    5. If you spell chuck Norris’ name in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
    6. A masked man stabbed Chuck Norris in a dark alleyway. The knife bled to death.

    7. Chuck Norris’ computer’s keyboard does not have a control key. Chuck Norris is ALWAYS in control.

    8. Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hinding.
    9. Chuck Norris does not love Raymond. Not even partially likes him.

    10. “C” is for Chuck Norris. Just like every other letter in the alphabet.

    11. There was once an early Mortal Kombat game where Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick was a one hit kill. Everyone believed it was a glitch. Chuck Norris said, “That’s no glitch”

    12. Chuck Norris once entered the Wheel of Fortune. Once he spun the wheel, the adience watched for four days.

    13. Thereis no global warming. Chuck Norris just got cold and turned up the sun.

    14. Outer space exists only because it’s afraid of living on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

    15. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
    16. The sun doesn’t set, it hides from Chuck Norris.
    17. Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run
    18. When Chuck Norris has a birthday, he doesnt turn older, it’s just another year he’s existed.

    19. Chuck Norris doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.
    20. Chuck Norris can lift the chair he’s sitting in.
    21. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only rocognizes the element of suprise.

    22. Chuck Norris goes grocery shopping at the Home Depot.
    23. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for chuck norris.

    24. When god said, “let there be light!” Chuck norris said, “Say please, bitch!”

    25. Chuck Norris down’t rent, he OWNS.
    26. Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster dont believe in Chuck Norris.

    27. Chuck Norris can’t predict the future. the future just better do what it’s told.

    28. Chuck Norris does not have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he wants.

    29. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he just stares them down till he gets the information he wants.

    30. If you ask chuck Norris what time it is, He always says, “Two Seconds Till”. After you ask “Two seconds till what?” He roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    31. Since the year Chcuk Norris was born, 1940, roundhouse kick related deaths have gone up 13000%.

    32. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all 3 bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazment.

    33. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

    34. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    35. if paper beats rock, rock beats scissors and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3? Chuck Norris

    36. If you can see Chuck Norris, He can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from a surely fatal roundhouse kick to the face.

    37. Although it is not common knowledge, there are 3 sides to the force:The light side, Dark side, and Chuck Norris.

    38. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly. He quickly declined and roundhouse kicked him in the face, thus becoming God and giving himself the gift to fly.

    39. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the restaraunt so hard it became a KFC.

    40. Chuck Norris doesnt believe in Germany.
    41. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ previous enemies, just check the endangered Species list.

    41. Chuck Norris have never blinked in his entire life. Never.
    42. Chuck Norris once shot down an enemy plane with his finger simply by yelling “BANG!”

    43. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow while eating food.
    44. If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space Chuck Norris would win.

    45. Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden ability is invisibilty.
    46. Chuck Norris invented a language that ncorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, dont be offended or hurt, He may just be trying to tell you he likes your hat.

    47. Chuck Norris invented water. Before that he survived on only liquid hot magma.

    48. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jelly fish of norther Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minuites of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptome: High fecer, blurred cision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly rounhouse kicked through a car windshield.

    49.Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s REAL father.
    50. Chuck Norris doesn’t use spell check, if he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the spelling of it.

    51. An unmentioned Greek myth claims that autumn happened when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked all the leaves off every tree in the world.

    52. Contrary to poular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

    53. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jakie Chan and Jet Li.

    54. Chuck Norris was sending an IM one day, When he realized that it would just be faster to run.

    55. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the face. We know this animal as a giraffe.

    56.Chuck Norris was given a toy hammer for Christmas when he was one. he gave us stonehenge.

    57. Chuck Norris NEVER slept in Superman pajamas, Superman slept in Chuck Norris pajamas.

    58. Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
    59. Chuck Norris can tougch M.C. Hammer.
    60. A vampire once bit Chuck Norris. 12 hrs later the vampire turned into a mutated Chuck Norris that later got killed by a fatal roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris.

  • By sadrith666 UNITED STATES, February 27, 2008 @ 11:29 am

    there is no natural cause of weather or wind, it is just an anomoly in our atmosphere after a patented Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

  • By sadrith666 UNITED STATES, February 27, 2008 @ 11:33 am

    i used to work at McDonalds and Chuck Norris came in, i was so nervous i forgot to give him back a penny of his change. man it was so nice being alive.

  • By Santa UNITED STATES, February 28, 2008 @ 1:46 am

    i give Chuck Norris coal for Christmas, only because he asked. i asked why and he said hand me a coal. i gave him one and he rubbed it between his and made a dimond.

  • By Santa UNITED STATES, February 28, 2008 @ 1:49 am

    give Chuck Norris coal for Christmas, only because he asked. i asked why and he said hand me a coal. i gave him one and he rubbed it between his hands and made a dimond.

  • By towley UNITED STATES, February 29, 2008 @ 5:59 am

    all you guys can suck my dick!

  • By Jake UNITED STATES, February 29, 2008 @ 11:48 am

    Chuck Norris buffs his fingernails with a belt sander.

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, March 3, 2008 @ 4:03 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 3, 2008 @ 9:23 pm

    Chuck Norris can beat a man to death.. Using another Man!

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 3, 2008 @ 9:34 pm

    Unlike Wisemen, Philosophers and scribes.. Chuck Norris does not ponder, He has always known!!

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 3, 2008 @ 10:33 pm

    The Miss Universe competition was concieved out of a need expressed by Chuck Norris for a higher standard of woman. To this day Chuck Norris still employs this screening process.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 3, 2008 @ 10:41 pm

    Chuck Norris’ financial statements always display his name as “Chuck V. Norris”. Slowly but surely, people have learned not to ask what his middle name is.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 3, 2008 @ 11:02 pm

    If Chuck Norris “Goes Black” he is capable of “Going Back”…. immediately afterwards!

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 5, 2008 @ 3:56 am

    When Westboro Baptist Church members talk about how god is going to unleash his wrath on the world, we are right in thinking that they are deluded. As it turns out, its not actually the true God they talking of… Its Chuck Norris. The wrath they speak of is merely a 10 year reign of hammer-blows and roundhouse kicks to the disobediant among us.

  • By The Stonebreaker UNITED STATES, March 6, 2008 @ 5:56 am

    Chuck Norris IS the nuclear bomb.

  • By The Stonebreaker UNITED STATES, March 6, 2008 @ 5:58 am

    Its hard to say who would win in a fight. Chuck Norris or McGuyver.

  • By The Stonebreaker UNITED STATES, March 6, 2008 @ 5:59 am

    Watch out. Chuck Norris is watching.

  • By MRae UNITED STATES, March 6, 2008 @ 1:06 pm

    Chuck Norris recently informed Ted Turner that CNN is now known as the Chuck Norris Network.

  • By MRae UNITED STATES, March 6, 2008 @ 1:09 pm

    Chuck Norris, went on “The Moment of Truth”, lied 21 times, won the million dollars and walked off the stage after round house kicking the slut who cheated on her husband.

  • By MRae UNITED STATES, March 6, 2008 @ 1:14 pm

    If asparagus could piss…………..it would smell like Chuck Norris.

  • By MRae UNITED STATES, March 6, 2008 @ 1:23 pm

    Analysis of Dr Kervorkian’s mercy killing cocktail revealed 1% H20 and 99% Chuck Norris perspiration.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, March 7, 2008 @ 2:45 pm

    MRae wrong when chuck norris eats asparagus he pisses whatever the hell he wants to piss. Come to my site. freewebs.com/chucknorrisgenerator

  • By An O.P. from way back UNITED STATES, March 8, 2008 @ 5:27 am

    Chuck Norris can peel a banana without tearing the peel.

  • By DennyCrane UNITED STATES, March 8, 2008 @ 7:32 am

    Elvis impersonated Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris’ foreskin saved 455 burn victims.

    Chuck Norris ate the cross and shit toothpicks. (for our sins)

    Autism = lasting effects of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

  • By The Oracle UNITED STATES, March 10, 2008 @ 2:49 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t exercise, he just kicks the crap out of exercise equipment.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 12, 2008 @ 12:56 am

    Chuck Norris does not “work out”, as this implies that there is room for improvement.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 12, 2008 @ 1:10 am

    Killing to Chuck Norris, is like Lawnmowing to a Lawnmower.

  • By Jharadon UNITED STATES, March 12, 2008 @ 3:24 am

    Chuck Norris is a dish best served cold

  • By COD4 UNITED STATES, March 13, 2008 @ 8:41 am

    Chuck Norris has prestiged 18,000 times going to level 100 everytime. He only kills enemies with roundhouse Kicks and by holding grenades next to enemies until they explode. His kill to not being killed ratio is unable to be displayed anywhere in the known universe, it is too massive

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 14, 2008 @ 2:45 am

    Chuck Norris can defeat an oponent whilst blindfolded. His sense of smell is highly intuitive.

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 14, 2008 @ 2:53 am

    A teenage Chuck Norris will kiss the girl of his choice, regardless of who the bottle points to. Whos gonna argue?

  • By Joely UNITED KINGDOM, March 14, 2008 @ 2:59 am

    Chuck Norris’ Parents were taken away from HIM by social services after years of Parent abuse. He was 4.

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, March 14, 2008 @ 5:44 am

    Chuck Norris knows what the rock is cookin.

  • By john from georgia UNITED STATES, March 14, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

    Jesus may have walked on water but Chuck Norris swam through land

  • By dave fullerton UNITED STATES, March 15, 2008 @ 8:04 am

    It is said that Chuck Norris will be the first black president. If you’re thinking “Chuck Norris isn’t black”, then shut up and stop being racist.

  • By dave fullerton UNITED STATES, March 15, 2008 @ 8:19 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t particpate in staring contests. He just stares till the other person explodes from fear.

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, March 15, 2008 @ 8:55 am

    I know where you all live!! I akready killed Dave Fullerton! I’m coming for everybody els st once!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ROUND HOUS KICK

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, March 15, 2008 @ 9:07 am

    Chuck Norris is a Honor Student at Westlake Elementary School.

  • By Matt UNITED STATES, March 15, 2008 @ 9:08 am

    Chuck Norris will not leave a remark on this because he will not submit.

  • By Rusty UNITED STATES, March 16, 2008 @ 5:07 am

    When God said “Let us make man in “OUR” image”, it was He and Chuck Norris.

  • By Dcrosen UNITED STATES, March 16, 2008 @ 5:26 am

    Chuck Norris was once playing baseball and he was up to bat. the th ref said it wasn’t fair tat he was playing so they took a gun and used it to pitch to him. he hit it so hard it hit the pitcher right in the head and he had a concusion for three years.

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, March 17, 2008 @ 3:13 pm

    Chuck Norris caught the energizer bunny

  • By bambam UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 5:11 am

    chuck norris is the reason askjeeves is now called ask. jeeves spelled chuck norris wrong

  • By SourKraut619 UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 5:16 am

    When Chuck Norris pisses he clogs the toilet.

  • By SourKraut619 UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 5:19 am

    Invasion USA is the best movie ever.

  • By sean UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 8:17 am

    i am chuck norris

  • By sean UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 8:22 am

    when chuck norris was born he slapped the dr in stead of the dr slapping him

  • By othermrs.norris UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 9:32 am

    Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago but, the grim reaper was just too affraid to tell him.

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 10:58 am

    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

    Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.

    They say MacGyver can make anything out of paperclips and string using only his hands. Well, Chuck Norris can make anything out of MacGyver using only his fists.

    If you take Chuck Norris and subtract the letters i, s, o, r, n, u, c, k, and h, then add the letters j, e, s, u, and s–in that order–you end up with Jesus.

    As a teen, Chuck Norris actually masturbated until he went blind. He then proceeded to masturbate until he could see again.

    If Chuck Norris doesn’t like you, how can you like yourself?

    If you want to send Chuck Norris a letter, just write “Chuck Norris” on the envelope and drop it in any mailbox. Don’t worry; he’ll get it.

    Go to Dead Rock’s site http://www.freewebs.com/chucknorrisgenerator/blog.htm?blogentryid=2842029

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 2:22 pm

    chuck norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, March 18, 2008 @ 2:25 pm

    good thing the earth is 75% water……better chance of you having a soft landing after a chuck norris round house kick

  • By kidhuman UNITED STATES, March 19, 2008 @ 1:06 am

    Even in Carbonite Freezing, you are not safe from a Chuck Norris Roundhouse.

  • By kidhuman UNITED STATES, March 19, 2008 @ 1:11 am

    Chuck Norris chopped down the Petrified Forest with a series of roundhouse kicks

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, March 19, 2008 @ 5:47 am

    When Chuck Norris says, “Your Mom”, he means it.

  • By Nate UNITED STATES, March 19, 2008 @ 5:52 am

    Chuck Norris’ beard is known as The redwood Forest.

  • By BOW2CHUCKNOW...IDAREUNOT2 UNITED STATES, March 19, 2008 @ 11:22 am

    The doctor once did that test where you hit the patient’s knee with a little mallet to Chuck Norris… the light in the sky that we thought was Sputnik was actually the reflection of the sun off of his stethoscope.

  • By captain joe UNITED STATES, March 19, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

    Chuck Norris is the original MILFhunter

  • By captain joe UNITED STATES, March 19, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

    Chuck Norris is the original MILFhunter

  • By Toad` UNITED STATES, March 20, 2008 @ 5:25 am

    Hello

    I’ve been reading the posts on this site for some time now, and I would like to say a few things:

    a) If you are not posting a ‘Chuck Norris Fact’, what is the point of posting (aside from perhaps props to another post)? Flaming back and forth on an internet forum, such as this, is pointless. If certain people want to argue, maybe you should consider an IM platform?
    b) It is obvious that a lot of people either 1) Don’t read the posts before they make their post and could care less if they repost something that has been posted before or 2) Want to post just so they can see their name and their post on the internet for everyone else to see. These people are the same ones that post ‘LOL’ and nothing else. Or post incoherent ‘facts’ with numerous misspellings and grammar mistakes.
    Considering these two points: 1987 replies, or ‘posts’, have been made on this ‘Chuck Norris Fact Generator’ at the time of this ‘post’. I believe that at the very LEAST 65% of the posts could be deleted for the following reasons: redundancy, flaming, horrid misspelling and grammar, and/or pointlessness (i.e. ‘LOL’ posts or ‘Chuck sucks dick’ posts). This would make reading of the replies much more enjoyable for people, like myself, that would just like a few laughs.

    I wish people would consider these things before they make a post:

    1. Has my post been posted before? If ‘yes’, do not post; if ‘no’, go on to #2
    2. Am I flaming anyone in particular? If ‘yes’, do not post; if ‘no’, go on to #3
    3. Is my post a Chuck Norris fact? If ‘no’, do not post; if ‘yes’, go on to #4
    4. Did I check the spelling and grammar of my post? If ‘no’, do not post; if ‘yes’, go on to #5
    5. (Optional) Is my post actually funny? (Many posts are just stupid, not making them bad, but typically people post things that would benefit someone else; however, this step is optional for the fact that just because someone like me doesn’t think a ‘fact’ is funny, doesn’t necessarily mean that someone else won’t) If ‘no’, do not post; if ‘yes’, go ahead and post
    Some of you ‘posters’ have made some great ‘facts’. Others of you are obviously just juvenile (enough said without going into detail). I really appreciate the ‘funny’ (I use this term loosely, because, as said earlier, my view of funny may be different than someone else’s) posts and I hope they keep coming.

    All that said, I have a few facts of my own; I apologize if they have been posted before (all these posts are hard to keep track of.) WARNING: Some of these facts are simply variations of other posts that I thought might be improved by some rewording. Only people of lesser mental capacity will flame me for this reason.

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
    Chuck Norris DOESN’T love Raymond.
    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
    Chuck Norris CAN ‘touch this’.
    Chuck Norris can go there girlfriend.
    Chuck Norris invented Al Gore.
    Chuck Norris has only lost one movie fight. As a result, the actor that played the character that beat him, died.
    Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
    Chuck Norris CAN eat just one.
    Chuck Norris wouldn’t even bring a knife to a gun fight – and he would still win.
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 205 nickels.
    Chuck Norris DOESN’T like Sara Lee.
    If you have a dollar and Chuck Norris has a dollar, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
    Transsexuals aren’t real, just women that Chuck Norris turns on so much that they grow a penis.
    Chuck Norris can only successfully masturbate to pictures of himself.
    Chuck Norris can run a mile in -3 minutes.
    Chuck Norris does a coffee anima daily, but substitutes liquid hot magma.
    Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know when Chuck Norris is going to take it away.
    When Chuck Norris goes to jail, he passes go, collects $400, and eats your first born; even if it hasn’t been born yet.
    Chuck Norris does not ‘Go Fish’, you better have the fucking card.
    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
    Chuck Norris counts his chickens, robins, hawks, and camels before they hatch.
    Chuck Norris can start a fire by pissing in water.
    Chuck Norris can fold a piece of paper in half 300 times.
    Chuck Norris’s dick sometimes rapes him while Chuck is sleeping.
    Chuck Norris makes mole hills out of mountains.
    When Chuck Norris flips a quarter, George Washington flips in his grave.
    Chuck Norris can score a touchdown… while playing poker.
    Chuck Norris goes hunting for snipes and finds at least 15 every time.
    When Chuck Norris goes black, he goes back, then sideways, and then yellow, and then either red or brown.

  • By Toad` UNITED STATES, March 20, 2008 @ 5:40 am

    One more for now:

    Chuck Norris can beat the ‘bitch’ out of any Clinton.

  • By UR MOM UNITED STATES, March 21, 2008 @ 8:24 am

    FUCK YOU CHUCK!

  • By UR MOM UNITED STATES, March 21, 2008 @ 8:24 am

    FUCK YOU CHUCK!

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, March 21, 2008 @ 10:53 am

    chuck norris was once hungry……..The Wooly Mammoth became extinct shortly there after

  • By Toad` UNITED STATES, March 21, 2008 @ 11:39 pm

    here is a variation for ya jhardon89:

    When Chuck Norris found out that you cannot get wool from a wooly Mammoth; he was slighly insulted…. but that is all it took.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, March 22, 2008 @ 1:41 pm

    Chuck Norris needed new furniture. He bought a Lazy Boy and kicked the shit out of it until it became a Hard Working Man. Now that’s relaxing.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, March 24, 2008 @ 7:02 pm

    CNN? The Chuck Norris Network.

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, March 24, 2008 @ 10:34 pm

    Chuck Norris: the only known survivor of the Donner Party

  • By Steve UNITED STATES, March 25, 2008 @ 11:47 am

    Chuck Norris round housed kicked the devil so hard he went down to Georgia

  • By Steve UNITED STATES, March 25, 2008 @ 11:47 am

    Chuck Norris round housed kicked the devil so hard he went down to Georgia

  • By sam UNITED STATES, March 26, 2008 @ 12:51 pm

    Chuck norris once ate a whole bottle of sleeping pills…he blinked

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, March 26, 2008 @ 2:09 pm

    You may not know jack……but chuck does.

  • By Darklighter 425 UNITED STATES, March 27, 2008 @ 10:49 am

    Yeah, Chuck Norris is cool, but he is a regular, straight guy, not some ultra-perv. He started the kick drugs out of America program, and does not kill everyone he sees. There are many martial artists that are better than Chuck Norris, but they do not want to be an overrated movie star. And please, stop all the perverted jokes. that kills the fun of these jokes.

  • By sckslaya UNITED STATES, March 28, 2008 @ 5:12 am

    Jean Claude Van Damm tried to be the next great action star have you seen him lately? What happened you asked Chuck norris!

  • By Micah UNITED STATES, March 29, 2008 @ 10:46 am

    Chuck Norris was born a grown man. Being an infant implies he was vulnerable.

  • By Slappy Hack UNITED STATES, April 2, 2008 @ 12:21 am

    A man once played an April fools day trick on Chuck Norris. His name was Jesus and we all know what happened to him.

  • By Toad` UNITED STATES, April 3, 2008 @ 7:33 am

    Chuck Norris can win an air guitar contest by playing a flute.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, April 3, 2008 @ 4:58 pm

    When Chuck Norris was a boy, someone once called him “Charlie”. It never happened again.

  • By Brock UNITED STATES, April 5, 2008 @ 4:48 am

    In Chuck Norris, Soviet Russia does everything backwards.

  • By Spike UNITED STATES, April 7, 2008 @ 10:33 am

    When Chuck Norris donates blood, he asks for a gun and a bucket.

  • By Toad` UNITED STATES, April 10, 2008 @ 1:49 am

    When Chuck Norris plays the Rock Band drums, he uses baby limps instead of drumsticks.

    When Chuck Norris sings while playing Rock Band, he signs the ‘Walker Texas Ranger’ theme song every time, and gets a perfect score.

    Chuck Norris can play all the instruments, and sing, in Rock Band flawlessly… at the same time.

    Chuck Norris uses a Guitar Hero controller from a PS2 to play Rock Band on an XBOX360.

    Chuck Norris plays lead guitar in Rock Band using a stick, tin pie dish, and a rubber band, and always gets a perfect score.

  • By Drune UNITED STATES, April 10, 2008 @ 6:09 am

    Chuck Norris got Pwnd by Obama foot dog!

  • By Jake UNITED STATES, April 12, 2008 @ 11:29 pm

    Chuck Norris can make lemonade…………………………………..With oranges.

  • By Toad` UNITED STATES, April 15, 2008 @ 12:54 am

    Chuck Norris was the camera man for ’2 girls 1 cup’

  • By Tommy UNITED STATES, April 15, 2008 @ 8:50 am

    Chuck Norris once fell down, and now we have the Grand Canyon!

  • By John UNITED STATES, April 15, 2008 @ 2:08 pm

    Chuck Norris… That is all.

  • By ChuckChick UNITED STATES, April 16, 2008 @ 8:55 am

    2 girls and 1 Chuck

  • By jharadon89 UNITED STATES, April 17, 2008 @ 12:44 am

    Chuck Norris can suck a golf ball through a garden hose

  • By K5 UNITED STATES, April 18, 2008 @ 4:01 am

    If a back cat walks by you it’s bad luck, if a black cat walks by Chuck Norris it’s bad luck … for the cat because it gets roundhouse kicked.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t walk under a ladder … he walks through it.

    We pay taxes to the government, the government pays taxes to Chuck Norris

    The Greek gods lived on Mount Olympus … until they stopped paying Chuck Norris rent

    Chuck Norris doesn’t round house kick people through walls, he round house kicks walls through people

    It took Jared 10 years to lose 245lbs. while eating at subway, Chuck Norris lost 490lbs. in 1 day by eating at McDonalds

    Chuck Norris can win a game of sudoku, by getting three in a row

    Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick goes around … but it doesn’t come around

    If Chuck Norris had a farm all his chickens would lay eggs that are already colored for Easter

    Everytime Pinocchio lies his nose grows larger, everytime Chuck Norris lies his dick grows larger … and that is why all the hot girls will tell you not to trust Chuck Norris

  • By sharsie CANADA, April 20, 2008 @ 1:39 pm

    Chuck Norris. Apply directly to the forehead.

  • By sam UNITED STATES, April 21, 2008 @ 12:41 pm

    chuck norris dosent t-bag the potaoe sacks

  • By Truth NETHERLANDS, April 22, 2008 @ 1:56 am

    There is no spoon, there is only Chuck Norris.

  • By lordike UNITED STATES, April 22, 2008 @ 9:27 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

    Jesus Christ can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

    If Chuck Norris gets in bed with a guy, he’s not gay, he’s just ran out of women.

  • By Side Effects May Include (insert disease here) UNITED STATES, April 23, 2008 @ 4:49 am

    Chuck Norris Once Made A Go-Cart That Runs On The Hopes And Dreams Of Little Orphans. It Has Been Known To Be The Fastest Thing In The Universe. It Has Been Known To Go At Speeds Depending On The Holiday. It Goes At It’s Fastest Around Christmas.

  • By huberdoober UNITED STATES, April 23, 2008 @ 5:12 am

    Chuck Norris was asked to kick a field goal from San Fransco to Key West Florida. He kicked the ball but it went flat. He asked for a baby and kicked the baby, Then he preceded to have sex with every female in the stadium.

  • By huberdoober UNITED STATES, April 24, 2008 @ 4:53 am

    Chuck Norris once ressurected a guy he found dead ……………. just so he could roundhouse kick him and kill him himself.

  • By latmos UNITED STATES, April 25, 2008 @ 1:17 pm

    Chuck Norris has no hair on his genitals because hair doesn’t grow on metal.

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, April 26, 2008 @ 12:17 am

    chuck norris kicked the black out of micheal jackson

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, April 26, 2008 @ 12:19 am

    chuck norris can walk up the down escalator on his hands

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, April 26, 2008 @ 12:26 am

    chuck norris eats poison dart frogs
    just for kicks and giggles

  • By Matt B. UNITED STATES, April 26, 2008 @ 1:28 pm

    Chuck Norris once practiced a roundhouse kick on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico. This is how Hurricane Katrina was formed.

    Chuck’s boat instantly vaporized under the intense pressure and he was left in the water, so he tamed three great white sharks, lassoed them together, and rode them to Cuba. Upon his arrival, he killed three kittens and fed them to the sharks as a token of appreciation.

    Chuck liked Cuba so much that now he decided to volunteer his time at Guantanamo Bay as a torture consultant for the U.S. Government. The government valued his work so much that they sent him to Afghanistan, we he now kills terrorists and sleeps with their 72 virgins.

  • By Chris B. UNITED STATES, April 28, 2008 @ 11:48 am

    Chuck Norris stole the cookies from the cookie jar.

  • By sharsie CANADA, April 28, 2008 @ 4:31 pm

    How much wood could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could chuck wood? Don’t ask him. You won’t see the 2×4 coming.

  • By Charlie H UNITED STATES, May 4, 2008 @ 9:00 am

    Chuck Norris adds water to acid

  • By Scott UNITED STATES, May 6, 2008 @ 11:36 am

    Chuck Norris does not have an image in the mirror. He was admiring his good looks and cut himself shaving. He quickly roundhouse kicked his image into oblivion for causing a distarction

  • By Chuck Norris' pinky toe on left foot UNITED STATES, May 8, 2008 @ 6:38 am

    I didn’t kill a man once, thats because the man dies before I make contact.

  • By Chris B. UNITED STATES, May 8, 2008 @ 2:34 pm

    Chuck Norris aint got time to bleed.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, May 8, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

    Most people can get away with blaming the dog. Chuck Norris has to blame the local pig farm.

  • By Big Rig UNITED STATES, May 8, 2008 @ 6:41 pm

    Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masterbate.

  • By Big Rig UNITED STATES, May 11, 2008 @ 11:26 am

    Hahaha, Disregard that, i suck cocks!

  • By neji UNITED STATES, May 15, 2008 @ 9:48 am

    why is the answer always C? because C stands for Chuck. Chuck Norris.

  • By Chris Carter UNITED STATES, May 17, 2008 @ 12:06 am

    Chuck Norris should run for president. Because he alone can stop the war in Iraq.

  • By COXICCOCKER UNITED STATES, May 17, 2008 @ 1:41 pm

    EVERYONE HERE IS A FAGGERMCFUCKEDYSLUTMCCOCKDOUCHBAGPENISHLICKEFUCKFaceFAGFUCK.

    Thank you

    CHUCK NORRIS IS A HERO because he invented that word

  • By COXICCOCKER UNITED STATES, May 17, 2008 @ 1:41 pm

    EVERYONE HERE IS A FAGGERMCFUCKEDYSLUTMCCOCKDOUCHBAGPENISHLICKEFUCKFaceFAGFUCK.

    Thank you

    CHUCK NORRIS IS A HERO because he invented that word

  • By willy UNITED STATES, May 21, 2008 @ 10:39 am

    coxiccocker is a dousch bag and deserves to die i fuckin hate u im gonna stab u with a sharpened cucumber u fuckin faggot fuck some ppl are d-bags

  • By T IRELAND, May 22, 2008 @ 12:58 am

    Jean Claude Van Damm is very hard to kill but not for Chuck Norris seen him lately ??

  • By Metsy McMetserson UNITED STATES, May 23, 2008 @ 7:19 am

    Everyone wants to know why the Mets suck. Well, it’s simple. They suck because they’re busy watching reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger when they should be practicing.

  • By the real slim shady UNITED STATES, May 27, 2008 @ 2:09 pm

    chuck norris can kill two stones with one bird.

  • By baseballfan UNITED STATES, May 28, 2008 @ 12:52 pm

    chuck norris can hit a five run home run

  • By me THAILAND, May 28, 2008 @ 9:15 pm

    Chuck Norris don’t believe you can’t not understand triple negatives.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, May 29, 2008 @ 4:47 pm

    Chuck Norris never has been known to quit. Give it up, Hilary…..it’s fruitless to try & steal the Tenacity Crown from Chuck.

  • By Chris UNITED STATES, May 30, 2008 @ 7:35 am

    Chuck Norris was born in 1940. Five years later, Hitler found out and killed himself

  • By eldoctoresen UNITED STATES, May 31, 2008 @ 9:33 am

    chuck norris’ sperm is so potent that it can even fertilize sterile chicks

  • By corey UNITED STATES, June 3, 2008 @ 11:48 am

    I like hem and can i meet you chuck norris

  • By Jeremy CANADA, June 10, 2008 @ 2:43 am

    Like Kryptonite to Superman, there was supposed to be a substance that could kill Chuck Norris, however, God was so terrified when he saw the infant Chuck round-house kick his way out of his mother’s womb, that He forgot to create it.

  • By Jeremy CANADA, June 10, 2008 @ 2:49 am

    Following the blackouts of 2003, a number of power companies approached Chuck Norris about the possibility of hooking his Total Gym up to the power grid as a back-up source of energy. The output was so staggering, all other power sources were taken off-line. North America is on pure Chuck power.

  • By douchemon UNITED STATES, June 12, 2008 @ 12:04 am

    chuck is so hot

  • By hancock UNITED STATES, June 13, 2008 @ 2:25 pm

    chuck norris’s blood can cure all sickness.too bad no one can make him bleed.

  • By Richard NEW ZEALAND, June 13, 2008 @ 8:37 pm

    Chuck Norris can handle the truth

  • By hancock UNITED STATES, June 14, 2008 @ 1:28 pm

    chuck norris can touch mc hammer

  • By Alex T UNITED STATES, June 20, 2008 @ 5:01 am

    The Chuck Norris action figure features “real roundhouse kick attacks”. This toy can be yours with a permit, a background check, and a 3 day waiting period.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, June 20, 2008 @ 5:36 pm

    Chuck Norris is in touch with his inner child, Chuckie…….the scary one who has absolutely nothing to do with cheese.

  • By CHris CANADA, July 2, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a flux capacitor to travel through time

  • By Bagels UNITED STATES, July 3, 2008 @ 12:26 am

    Chuck Norris makes tea out of boiling water and 3 wolverine testicles. And doesn’t add sugar.

  • By Chuck Norris' bitch (God) UNITED STATES, July 9, 2008 @ 6:14 am

    To: all the posers
    From: Chuck Norris
    Chuck Norris is coming for you. The good Chuck does not like posers.

    P.S. – Chuck says: “God really is my bitch”

  • By clickonlink UNITED STATES, July 10, 2008 @ 6:34 am

    halo fans, click on this link: http://www.halocrusades.com?p=page&x=5890

  • By Pool Monkey Deluxe UNITED STATES, July 13, 2008 @ 5:29 am

    When Chuck talks, E.F. Huttun listens.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, July 15, 2008 @ 4:47 pm

    Chuck Norris is not fond of limericks. Those who have tried to show him the humour were promptly silenced before they could finish “There once was a man named Chuck”.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, July 17, 2008 @ 5:13 am

    Only Chuck Norris knows if the chicken came before the egg…. of course ALL women cum before Chuck Norris

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, July 17, 2008 @ 5:14 am

    Chuck Norris’ dick is so big, he screws elevator shafts.

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, July 17, 2008 @ 5:15 am

    Chuck Norris’ dick is so big it has an elbow!

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, July 17, 2008 @ 5:17 am

    During an episode of Walker, right in the middle of an AWESOME round house kick, Chuck Norris’ dick sprang its knee…

  • By CHILL FO'REAL UNITED STATES, July 17, 2008 @ 5:18 am

    Chill is back!

  • By b03pat IRELAND, July 19, 2008 @ 12:22 am

    if chuck norris was 2 be cut open, you would only find a smaller, angrier chuck norris inside!

  • By Brad UNITED STATES, July 24, 2008 @ 12:24 pm

    How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of Tootsie-Roll Tootsie-Pop? One. And then he kills you for asking such a stupid question.

  • By Siege UNITED STATES, July 25, 2008 @ 3:00 pm

    Yakov Smirnoff once said:
    “In America Chuck Norris beats you up.”
    “In Soviet Russia you beat up Chuck Norris!”
    Upon hearing this Chuck Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick Yakov Smirnoff into the Kremlin building. It doesn’t matter where you live, Chuck Norris can still beat the tar out of you.

  • By Speculater UNITED STATES, July 28, 2008 @ 4:35 am

    Chuck Norris can’t be cock blocked, his cock is to big to be blocked!

  • By Sharsie CANADA, July 28, 2008 @ 3:48 pm

    There once was a man named Norris
    Who drove to see a woman named Doris.
    He bought her some flowers,
    And made love for hours
    With the Taurus, Doris, and the florist.

  • By Alan UNITED STATES, July 31, 2008 @ 5:37 am

    Chuck Norris calls his right fist “The Big Bang”, because his right fist caused the big bang.

    If looks can kill, then a look from Chuck Norris can kill your grandfather before you were born.

  • By Alan UNITED STATES, July 31, 2008 @ 5:43 am

    There is no such thing as a particle accelerator. Chuck Norris smashes atoms with his bare fists. The giant rings are just the jogging tracks where he warms up.

  • By Alan UNITED STATES, July 31, 2008 @ 5:51 am

    A huge alien fleet sits just outside our solar system, poised to invade Earth. They’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die.

  • By Adam UNITED STATES, August 2, 2008 @ 5:38 pm

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity . . . twice. In the time it took to do that, Jack Bauer did something useful.

  • By danny UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, August 14, 2008 @ 1:47 am

    Chuck Norris’s Awesomeness sometimes rubs off on people. we know these people as ‘professional bodybuilders’ and ‘karate grandmasters’

  • By Jared Chafetz UNITED STATES, August 19, 2008 @ 3:22 pm

    In the Battle of 300 Spartans,there were, in fact, no Spartans. Only Chuck Norris and his 299 testicles.

  • By Mark M UNITED STATES, August 23, 2008 @ 5:10 am

    No special effects or additional editing was required for the parts in Steven Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds” where people were being turned into white powder. Chuck Norris simply ran into each shot, roundhouse kicked the unsuspecting and unfortunate extra and ran out of the scene.

  • By CHUCK NORRIS UNITED STATES, September 3, 2008 @ 8:35 am

    Chuck Norris’s daughter lost her virginity he went and got it back!!! yeah!!!

  • By Spudwick CANADA, September 6, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

    If the square root of pi is 3.64…..; the straight root of pi is Chuck Norris. As are all things because nothing can block the root of Chuck.

  • By Spudwick CANADA, September 6, 2008 @ 4:47 pm

    Back in the days of old, Chuck said; “I need some music that properly represents me.” That day, Slayer was formed… and Chuck was pleased.

    Chuck wishes for more accurate and wide spread representation, so Metal continues to flourish… and Chuck is pleased.

  • By Spudwick CANADA, September 6, 2008 @ 4:54 pm

    When Chuck Norris sleeps. The phase; “I’ll sleep when I die.” doesn’t apply to him.

  • By Evan UNITED STATES, September 8, 2008 @ 4:32 am

    Chuck Norris has the best pokerface ever, he won the 1983 World Series of poker despite only holding a two of clubs, a get out of jail free monopoly card the six of diamonds, a joker and a green 5 Uno card

  • By Sharsie CANADA, September 9, 2008 @ 3:46 pm

    Chuck Norris was once asked to bring punch to a family BBQ.
    His late family should have been more specific.

  • By Silvah Dollah UNITED STATES, September 22, 2008 @ 10:42 am

    Chuck Norris once rode a 90 foot grizzly bear through an auto matic car wash instead of taking a shower…

  • By Chuck Norris' Left Nipple Hair UNITED STATES, September 22, 2008 @ 10:48 am

    Chuck Norris’s Balls dont grow hair…. cuz ball hair doesnt grow on steel!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, September 26, 2008 @ 11:40 pm

    Yeah baby! Just checkin in. Some one impersonated me a while back and in order to calm the feeling of wanting to tie him up and make him watch as I shit on his mothers face and mouth, then fuck her throat so hard with my dick covered in shit that she gags and throws up so theres a mess of shit and vomit being brutally forced down his mothers throat while she cries and screams cause she’s sufficating, I had to take a break.
    You can see my other entries at th top of the page.
    Back in a bit.

  • By Fred Jones UNITED STATES, October 3, 2008 @ 8:34 am

    Chuck Norris once took the 7 oclock train home, and never gave it back!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 4, 2008 @ 6:54 am

    Wow…its great to be back here!! I’ve been trapped in Roy Kill Roy’s basement for a while…but I’m back now. Ok to to some new facts that I just made up….here goes…..

    Chuck Norris’s Balls dont grow hair…. cuz ball hair doesnt grow on steel!

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 4, 2008 @ 7:37 am

    WOW. It’s great to be back. Social services came and took me away from my mom, said her trailer wasn’t fit to live in for a 12 year old. But I’m back now and I’ve got this totally original fact!

    Chuck Norris’s Balls dont grow hair…. cuz ball hair doesnt grow on steel!

  • By Roy Killroy UNITED STATES, October 4, 2008 @ 1:36 pm

    The clouds darken like a man without a soul, like a girl without an embryo. It has been come to be come true.

    The one, the man, the only who is known to party top a mountain, party top a mountain has returned.

  • By Nutsack UNITED STATES, October 8, 2008 @ 11:27 am

    hey guys NutSack Is Back

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, October 14, 2008 @ 10:22 pm

    lets see wat i got now that im back. Chuck Norris doesn’t use printers he just stares at the paper till stuff that he wants gets written on it

  • By Shitsniffer UNITED STATES, October 20, 2008 @ 1:11 pm

    Now that all the boys are back here, I’d just like to say that I love you guys! You really are my only true friends!

    Now on to some facts…
    Chuck Norris’ balls taste like jelly when you put jelly on them because I have indeed done that many a time in my dreams.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, October 21, 2008 @ 12:29 am

    they were going to make a chuck norris game… it never worked. They said games are supposed to be challenging

  • By Rob UNITED KINGDOM, November 11, 2008 @ 5:31 am

    Chuck Norris can say the word voldamort.

  • By Roger UNITED STATES, November 25, 2008 @ 4:30 am

    All bowling ball companies pay Chuck Norris royalty fees as their products are miniature replicas of his testicles.

  • By SvL NETHERLANDS, November 26, 2008 @ 12:43 am

    Chuck Norris assimilated the Borg

  • By SvL NETHERLANDS, November 26, 2008 @ 12:45 am

    Chuck Norris knowns the question to the answer “42″

  • By SvL NETHERLANDS, November 26, 2008 @ 12:46 am

    There’s no ESC button on Chuck Norris’ computer. You can’t escape Chuck Norris

  • By Rob UNITED KINGDOM, November 27, 2008 @ 7:52 am

    Chuck Norris was once thought about becoming a gangster but decided not to because all of bitches asociated with the gang had had sex with him to much. He then renamed these bitches as “Women”.

  • By Marty UNITED STATES, December 2, 2008 @ 2:38 am

    Legend has it that Chuck Norris was the last baby his doctor delivered because, when the doc slapped baby Norris, he got a roundhouse kick. It’s only legend because there are no telescopes powerful enough to find the remains that are hurling thru space.

  • By you can't have it UNITED STATES, December 3, 2008 @ 12:07 pm

    I use to like your gadget. But, your latest one “It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion. ” Was just too far over the line. I will never use your gadget again.

  • By Marty UNITED STATES, December 12, 2008 @ 4:06 am

    The Weather Bureau was called out today ti investigate tornado damage. Turns out it was just Chuck Norris practicing his roundhouse kicks!

  • By Eric UNITED STATES, December 13, 2008 @ 1:17 am

    There is no place on earth to hide from Chuck Norris. That is why the international space station was invented so that people who Chuck Norris is angry with have a place to hide. That is where Osama Bin Ladin currently resides.

  • By Sharsie CANADA, December 16, 2008 @ 4:54 pm

    The Santa’s sleigh powered by reindeer story is a scam. Everyone knows reindeer can’t fly. Santa, the ultimate con-artist, just asks Chuck Norris for one round-house kick, and around the world they go.

  • By Jean Bothma, December 18, 2008 @ 6:00 pm

    The reason that God appeared as a burning bush in the story of moses is because Chuck Norris set him on fire.

  • By Jon (created by Gary) UNITED KINGDOM, February 5, 2009 @ 10:21 pm

    When Chuck Norris sneezes, mini ninjas come out and round house kick anyone they land on to death.

  • By Kay UNITED STATES, February 12, 2009 @ 2:49 pm

    The only one crying the day CN was born was the doctor. No one slaps CN.

  • By jamie UNITED STATES, February 13, 2009 @ 1:09 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t use email because roundhouse kicks cannot be attached to electronic mail. Roundhouse kicking is Chuck Norris’s preferred method of communication.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, February 16, 2009 @ 7:48 am

    Chuck Norris originally wrote the Humpty Dance

  • By 2012 UNITED STATES, February 23, 2009 @ 1:07 pm

    Chuck Norris will scream in 2012 and destroy the world.

  • By rayrayray UNITED STATES, March 2, 2009 @ 10:33 am

    watching ozzy ozbourne bite the head off of a bat, chuck norris in order to up stage ozzy he bit the head of Christian Bale

  • By mcmenamins UNITED STATES, March 12, 2009 @ 7:28 am

    Chuck Norris was once bet $20 he couldn’t take a crap on the ceiling. It was the easiest $20 he ever made

  • By daveo66 UNITED STATES, March 13, 2009 @ 11:28 pm

    In the movie”No Country for Old Men”,Woody Harrelson’s character would’nt descibe Anton Chigur as “the ultimate badass” because he knows damn well who that is.

  • By Kick an Emo UNITED STATES, March 23, 2009 @ 4:27 pm

    shit sniffer! K5! Dead Rock! you guys are amazing. i would definitely start posting again after like a year of shit now that you guys are back… but all that shit from last time was to annoying. So now i just say my chuck jokes when they come to me. So Sniffer K5 and dead rock should really try to make this site funny again. i just checked up and its just not as funny as it used to be. and for those of you who remember me, that one ass hole who was saying he knew me, really did. he went to the prep school i was forced to go to. so a whole bunch of my friends got a giant bag of dog shit and human shit and dumped it in his car. the retard totally sat on it to. so i might come and check on the site here again. maybe post a joke.

    kinda nerdy and cause its the only one i can think of right now:
    Chuck Norris is so chill he uses pokemon in Warcraft and kicks ass

    Chuck Norris wanted to make an animated movie. so he roundhouse kicked some people onto a paper and it was done.

    sorry its all i got for you guys. I’ll check up later haha…. alot later

    Just in case… This is the real Kick an Emo from like a year ago.

  • By pshyco dave UNITED STATES, April 1, 2009 @ 6:44 am

    wow guys im impressed! i tried to print all the pages and ran out of ink-twice! i really appriciate the hard work most of u put into this forum especially chill k5 shit sniffer and dead rock. you guys made chuck norris jokes funny. thanks again! also ive noticed we’ve been dry on the facts so here’s one: when life hands u lemons, make lemonaid. when life hands chuck norris lemons, he makes grape juice
    pshyco wuz hear

  • By pshyco dave UNITED STATES, April 16, 2009 @ 3:29 am

    ok what the hell its been like over a month since a good joke was subbmited(mine fucking sucked) where the fuck are you guys?!?!?!?!

  • By Bob Marley UNITED STATES, April 21, 2009 @ 9:19 am

    I LIKE TO PARTY!

  • By Dennis, May 12, 2009 @ 7:34 pm

    I can’t believe the dip-shits that write crap about Chuck Norris. The man is a recognized champion in his sport and a recognized actor to boot. So what if he plays all the macho roles…the industry needs guys like him. My hats off to his success…he worked hard to achieve his status! Let the man be before he roundhouse kicks you into oblivion….Go Chuck Norris!

  • By Bob Marley UNITED STATES, May 14, 2009 @ 8:51 am

    Chuck Norris

  • By Bob Marley UNITED STATES, May 14, 2009 @ 8:54 am

    Chuck Norris

  • By Ivan RUSSIAN FEDERATION, May 15, 2009 @ 8:47 pm

    Lol

  • By BoostMaster K UNITED STATES, June 5, 2009 @ 1:37 am

    There are conflicting reports whether David Carradine committed suicide in a Thailand hotel or died of natural causes. The answer is neither, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him there from Los Angeles.

  • By psycho dave UNITED STATES, July 1, 2009 @ 2:58 am

    Chuck Norris played rock paper scissors in front of a mirror…He won. twice The scientific symbol for the deadly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. Also, it’s the initials of Chuck Norris. This is no coincidence Chuck Norris can punt a midget over three football fields in a row, and still make it land balanced on a golfing tee. at least im trying people god fuckin damn!
    psycho wuz hear

  • By James AUSTRALIA, July 17, 2009 @ 4:58 pm

    In “Way of the Dragon” Norris’ character Colt is killed by Bruce Lee. Norris then went on to star in over 30 quality films.

    Moral of the story:

    You cannot kill Chuck Norris.

  • By Coblestone UNITED STATES, July 19, 2009 @ 9:05 am

    Some people believe that the key in nuclear weapons is a radioactive substance such as plutonium or uranium. Don’t be fooled. Every nuclear bomb has Chuck Norris DNA.

  • By Gunteen8 UNITED STATES, September 21, 2009 @ 3:58 pm

    On Chuck Norris’ birthday, he chooses one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

  • By Gunteen8 UNITED STATES, September 21, 2009 @ 4:00 pm

    Any bad jokes,threats, or any thing of that nature to Chuck Norris will be permanently deleted, if you re-post them, you’ll meet Chuck Norris, the only part you’ll see is a boot.

  • By Gunteen8 UNITED STATES, September 21, 2009 @ 4:02 pm

    I mean, “about” Chuck Norris will be deleted…

  • By Chuck Norris UNITED STATES, September 22, 2009 @ 4:28 pm

    When I ***** *** ** **** *** * ******** * *** *.

    This joke has been deleted due to, “Too much awesomeness.”

  • By Tzz UNITED STATES, October 7, 2009 @ 12:03 am

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

  • By Dono AUSTRALIA, October 29, 2009 @ 9:52 am

    If variety is the spice of life, then Chuck Norris is the spice of death.

  • By Gunteen8 UNITED STATES, November 8, 2009 @ 1:16 pm

    Chuck Norris does not try, he does.

  • By Stonebreaker UNITED STATES, November 17, 2009 @ 9:20 am

    The reason why Chuck Norris stays young is because whenever he roundhouse kicks someone in the face, he takes part of their energy and life-force for himself.

  • By Italo UNITED STATES, December 23, 2009 @ 2:08 am

    Seven days after Chuck Norris saw “The Ring”, all the actors died from a mysterious Round House Kick..

  • By Italo UNITED STATES, December 23, 2009 @ 2:18 am

    Michael Jackson died from a heart attack, after he saw Chuck Norris MoonWalking…

  • By Josh IRAQ, January 3, 2010 @ 2:20 am

    The Department of Defense obviously doesn’t realize how serious Chuck Norris is about his round house kicks or they wouldn’t block his fact generator.

  • By Dead Rock UNITED STATES, January 26, 2010 @ 3:41 pm

    Hello all, I am back. I assure you that this is the real Dead Rock. Let’s pick up where we left off, shall we?
    Chuck Norris makes the earth spin round.

  • By pshyco dave UNITED STATES, January 31, 2010 @ 6:19 am

    ah i havent been here in too long. unfortunately i have to prove one fact wrong. it said chuck counted to infinity twice. in that time jack bauer did something useful. jack bauer is useless. he has never done a goddamn thing he just runs around and tourtures all the brown people he finds

  • By Stonebreaker UNITED STATES, March 16, 2010 @ 6:06 am

    In Bleach, the reason why Captain Kenpachi doesn’t have a Bankai is because his Bankai is Chuck Norris and that is impossible to achieve.

  • By billyadams64 UNITED STATES, March 26, 2010 @ 1:37 pm

    Don’t flash your headlights at Chuck Norris; those ARE his lowbeams.

  • By Ben Norris UNITED STATES, April 25, 2010 @ 2:06 am

    Chuck Norris once took a piss in public – his huge cock so intimidated the entire male population of the world that since then no man has dared to even accidentally look at his own tiny little cock …

  • By Chuck Norris Facts FRANCE, May 21, 2010 @ 9:17 pm

    Chuck Norris invented water so he could walk on it.

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