I have recently been accused of providing neither beer nor sympathy on this site.
These allegations are outrageous, unfounded, and fatuous.
If you rearrange the letters in “beer and sympathy”, you get “brandy, peas, thyme”. This, quite possibly, has no bearing on the topic.
However, it is very similar to my shopping list.
Let it be known that beer and sympathy is available to all, for free, at my place of residence. For readers who are unable to get there, I also offer a special gift box containing beer and sympathy.
For the special introductory price of $19.96 (plus P&H), you can enjoy beer and sympathy anywhere around the world.
Contact me for further details.
Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 11:20:54 +1100
From: “S.J. Auld”
To: admin@cdp.org.au
Subject: Website claims
—
Hi,
On your website, you claim that “It is mathematically impossible for either Labor or Liberal to have A majority in the Upper House after 24 March.” Can you please verify how you have come to this conclusion, as this seems to be a misleading claim.
Total number of MLCs: 42.
Continuing: 21
Labor: 10
Liberal: 5
National: 2
Green: 2
Christian Democrats: 1
Shooters: 1
Retiring: 21
Situation 1: Labor scores at least 57% of the vote. 12 Labor members are elected, Labor holds 22/42 seats (a majority).
Situation 2: Liberals/Nationals score at least 71% of the votes. Result: 10 Liberals and 5 Nationals are elected, Coalition holds 22/42 seats (a majority).
Regards,
Stuart Auld
What are the chances that I’ll get a (sane) response?
I love browsing through the opinion pages of the Tele. The sheer linguistical gymnastics that goes into their articles is phemonenal. Take for example this piece by Joe Hildebrand.
Sentences: 39. Paragraphs: 34. Average number of sentences per paragraph: 1.1.
This guy gets paid a full time salary to regurgitate a whopping 500 words per week. Even Miranda manages to produce 2.5 articles a week, and that’s in between bathing in her own self-righteousness.
I think it’s time for a career change. Where do I sign up for this gravy train?
I’ve just had breakfast with 60 drug dealers… the Prime Minister willingly associates with dodgy characters.
Tony Abbott leapt to the defence of his beloved PM after Porn mogul Scott Phillips had allegedly asked Mr Howard to star in his upcoming film, Breasty Bureaucrats #7. “Scott Phillips may be a violent pornographer and a convicted criminal, but at least he’s not from WA,” Mr Abbott stated. “This is a completely different situation to that of the flithy, lying leader of the opposition.”
Had Mr Howard agreed to star in the porno, he would have been following in the footsteps of his former boss Malcolm Fraser, who famously removed his pants during the filming of Phillips’ earlier work, Misused Ministers of Memphis.
Scott Phillips has vowed to continue his quest to sway politicians to the pornography industry. “I hear than Amanda is quite interested, now that she’s been boned by Howard,” he stated. “I’m hoping to get her boned a few times on tape later in the year.”
With any luck, she’ll do us all a favour and refuse.
Hypothesis: the amount of work achieved in a day is directly proportional to the amount of sex you have had in the previous 48 hours.
So here’s my grand plan:
Step 1: Research. We need to find out if the above hypothesis has any scientific backing.
Step 2:
Step 3: Profit. We make millions by increasing the productivity of office workers all over the country.
Thoughts?
The Israeli ambassador to El Salvador was recalled today after being found “drunk, naked, and bound and gagged with a rubber ball in his mouth and sex toys lying near him.”
Apparently he wasn’t representing Israel properly – i.e. he wasn’t trying to blow the crap out of anyone wearing a turban. Here’s a photo which I dug out of Tsuriel at the after-party of his official appointment to the post.
Having fun is now grounds for recall from diplomatic posts. We’d better not send Amanda Vanstone to Italy, she’ll be sent back within days.
Our favourite PM-to-be in the history of the universe now has his own dedicated fan site! Rudd Cam will follow the movements of the prince of teflon all the way up to the election, through his first term as PM, and beyond into the inevitable decline in morals and values.
I told youse I’m the best, man. I knocked his arse out. To all my critics, you can call me two-time.
Well, you can say whatever you like about Mundine, but he sure has a way with words.
Kerry Packer isn’t dead, he’s hiding out at Crown Casino. He faked his death for tax reasons.
Put a bet on for me Kezza.
Fundamentalist encyclopedia Conservapedia has a hell but no heaven. Maybe it’s cause they also don’t have any beer, women, or rock and roll.
Hell (n): 1. A place populated entirely by fundamentalist christians; 2. A place entirely devoid of beer, women and rock and roll.
Yep, they fit both descriptions perfectly.
Beer and Sympathy
General | stu | 
March 28, 2007 7:02 pm | 
Comments (1) 
