Election analysis - courtesy of Centrebet

Australians love to have a punt, and what better even to throw our money on than a federal election? Going on the assumption that the favourite always wins, let’s have a look at how the election will unfold, as predicted by the good people at Centrebet.

And there you have it - Labor to win nineteen seats, three more than they need to form government in their own right. Interestingly, Centrebet predicts that Howard and Turnbull will both retain their seats, despite the slim margins they are clinging on to.

Get your bets in now!

Hmmm….

About one month ago, our IT contractor placed a 4,000 MB encrypted file on my laptop, and all the other laptops in the office (not sure about desktops - will have to check tomorrow). Should I be worried?

Set the controls for the heart of the sun

Six years after his death, Douglas Adams’ novels continue to serve as inspiration to people everywhere, including it seems the Australian Academy of Science. The boffins have hatched a plan to crash a space ship into the sun, in a fitting tribute to Hotblack Desiato.

This one-way suicide mission is set to be launched in the next ten years, and already nominations for the position of pilot have been flooding in. Germaine Greer is believed to be an early frontrunner, and the Australian Democrats have nominated themselves as crew. Unfortunately, nobody voted for them so they’ll be stranded on earth for now.

Howrudd - caught on film!

Mr Jokin Howrudd - the next PM of Australia.

Newhouse stuffup

The ABC is reporting this morning that Labor candidate George Newhouse may be constitutionally ineligible to run for the seat of Wentworth. His former boss is refusing to release his undated resignation letter, which would seem to indicate that Georgie has stuffed up and forgotten to resign more than 24 hours before nominations were announced.

Wentworth is the 9th seat that Labor requires to win this election, and is likely to be one of the closer fought battles. Should Newhouse win, this little oversight could see the seat of Wentworth (and possibly the outcome of the entire election) decided in the courts, US style.

All this uncertainty can only provide relief for Malcolm Turnbull, a man who entered politics for only one reason: to become PM. Labor’s poll lead still looks to me rather tenuous - 16 seats is a big ask, especially if you’re screwing up the technicalities along the way.

Stand by for more mediocrity to come. Ten days to go until the election, and unless this is cleared up, it could be months before a result. Oh, the pain!

Mr Howrudd

Still one and a half weeks to go before we usher in a new era of Australian politics. Whichever shade of grey comes out on top of this election, two things are certain:

1. The Australian Democrats are no more.

   I like to attribute this fact mainly to Meg Lees, who sold her soul for the 10% we like to call GST. From what I can see, the GST is basically an excuse to send NSW’s money to the states that are making a mint from the mining boom, aka Queensland and WA. Cheryl Kernot’s defection to Labor in the late 90s didn’t help, nor did the downfall of Natasha’s leadership. All in all, it’s probably best that the Democrats are put to death at this election - it could be embarrasing for one senator to hold onto their seat, only to play a backseat role to the Greens for the next six years.

2. Democracy will be restored to the Australian political system

   No party should ever have control of the senate. That is the beauty of proportional representation - it’s basically impossible to garner the required votes to be able to push through whatever legislation you please. Three years ago, Queenslanders (and, to some extent, Victorians) allowed this to happen, and we have paid dearly for it with all manner of cutbacks on civil rights (disguised as anti-terror legislation), as well as the obvious IR reforms which a large portion of the community seem to be unhappy about. We’re lucky that the Howard government required either Barnaby Joyce or Steve Fielding to pass their legislation, or it could have been a lot worse.
   Please note that Labor control of the senate would probably be just as bad. The senate is there to review government legislation, make amendments as required, and pass bills that benefit the whole of Australia. Giving control to one party is always going to be disastrous, no matter who is wearing the President’s hat.

Meanwhile the main campaign gets more and more boring, as Rudd argues that his $9,999,999 worth of promises are far less inflationary than Howard’s $10,000,000 worth of promises. I say we should surgically splice the two of them together, and then we can all vote for Mr Howrudd, remove any confusion the electorate may have, and go back to watching Dancing With The Stars. Goodnight, Australia.