Step aside, CERN
In five days time, European scientists will fire up the greatest penis extension ever constructed – the 27 km Large Hadron Collider. The aim? To prove once and for all the existence of the Higgs boson, otherwise known as the God particle.
Preempting the results and moving forward a little, I would like to present my latest research paper on the Next Big Thing. No doubt, once the hullabaloo surrounding discovery of the God particle has died down, scientists will start to get bored again, and mankind will long for an even bigger penis extension. I dub this construction the Mega Large Hadron Collider. It will be 42,000 kms long, and constucted in orbit, in the shape of a Klein bottle.
After being cooled to 1/π th of a degree kelvin, the Mega Large Hadron Collider will be switched on. The purpose of this experiment? To split the God particle, of course! My predicted outcomes of this particular project are presented below.
As you can see, the neutral God (Higgs) particle created from the two colliding quarks is hit by an ultrafast χ beam. The God particle is then split into its three component Auld-Higgs particles, designated Gf, Gs and Gh. In layman’s terms, I like to call these the father, son and holy ghost particles.
Unfortunately, it will be at least 100 years before the technology exists to build the Mega Large Hadron Collider, but when it happens, don’t be too surprised if I receive a posthumous Nobel prize.
September 5, 2008 5:11 pm 
