Stilts and Houseboats
Let me preface this by stating that I am not surprised.
Kevin “Copperfield” Rudd has pulled yet another trick out of his bag, juggling some very dubious numbers to make a 5% reduction commitment look like a 41% reduction! At least that’s what Penny Wong was yammering on about on AM this morning. Who put this rabid lunatic in charge of climate change anyway?
Anyway, the Australian Government’s latest Apology Paper details first of all that it’s just too hard to set a target of greater than 5%, before justifying the 5% target against the background of increasing population, and then goes on to canonise the Hawke and Keating Governments for some unexplained reason.
The Wongster’s message this morning was that everyone will have to do their part in contributing towards a low-carbon economy, however Middle Australia will have 120% of their costs given to them in pork-barrel payouts, at convenient moments leading up to the next election.
Furthermore, the big polluters will be given 90% of their costs in pork-barrel payouts, which effectively means that they’ll be paying a maximum of $4/tonne for carbon emissions – less than the current (woeful) price of an NGAC certificate! And the more you pollute, the more you save!
And what’s with limiting the maximum price? What ever happened to the free market? How are renewables going to compete when carbon pollution has a capped price?
Oh yeah, my favourite section: new polluters will get compensated at the same rate as existing polluters! I can build a brown coal-fired plant in 5 years and claim my 90% handout. Genius.
I will rate the white paper under my new two-tiered rating scheme. First of all, the potential to save the world rating:
Secondly, the spin rating:
In conclusion, K-Rudd has provided a great platform for me to launch my new business: Stilts and Houseboats. Bring on the flood!
Tags: carbon emissions, carbon pollution reduction scheme, carbon trading, kevin rudd, penny pong
Environment, Politics | stu | 
December 16, 2008 10:23 am
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By Richard
, December 16, 2008 @ 1:44 pm
lucky middle Australia voted for a change in government and policy.
By Duncan
, December 16, 2008 @ 5:03 pm
That’s ridiculous Richard. The economic climate has changed significantly since the Coalition got the arse. Is this scheme rubbish? Yes. Considering that Howard was still questioning the importance of climate change in April 2007, would the Coalition’s response have been better? Not fucking likely. In fact, here’s what Turnbull had to say: “We have to remember that we have a lot of industries in this country which provide a lot of jobs, and a lot of prosperity, which are emissions-intensive and which compete with countries that are very unlikely to have, in the forseeable future, an emission trading scheme or a carbon tax.” Should Labor have done better? Yes. Would the Coalition have done better? No.
By Foster
, December 18, 2008 @ 11:57 pm
Classic as always Stu – food for thought and the ratings scheme is nothing if not genius
By Kevin Rudd
, December 19, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
Dear Stuart,
Should I give you a response, I ask myself? Yes. I think I should. You must understand, however, that as leader of this great bureaucratic department we call “Government” (a subset of the tremendous institution we call “Australia”) I do have a lot on my plate, besides this pollution digdoggery. But “Kapow!”: here is my reasoning, and hopefully you’ll go “poof!” up in a puff of smoke and leave me alone.
I spent most of the morning fiddle-faddling around in my grey pyjama suit, pondering whether I should set up an Australian Bureau for Ironing to deal with Therese’s decidedly pathetic housewifery. I’ll certainly call some round table proceedings with Wayne to discuss whether it’ll fit into the next budget.
I spent the next eleven and a half minutes brushing my teeth. This exercise, truth be told, is quite the mission for a reasonable prime ministerial fellow like me, given my rather diminutive oral cavity. My father always told me that ‘a big mouth will get you nowhere’. It’s true (look at that slackjawed yobbo Mr Howard), but all the same I presume this was because my father was also a small-mouthed bastard.
As my toothbrush thrusted in and out, graceful as a dromedary through the eye of a needle, I devised with my eighteen-point plan to save the planet from “floods”, and “warming of the globe”. Eighteen points, I ask myself? Yes, that is correct, eighteen points. I currently only have 6 points but I will be sure to fill out the rest in quick time, with the help of the Righteous Wong. As to the 6 I have mentioned, well, we are developing them 24/7. Does that answer your question, I ask myself? Yes, I think it does. Everything that can be done is being done. If you wish to disagree, don’t bother addressing me a letter as I can already see you. We’re always monitoring. Even Right Now.
To that end, put some clothes on, Stuart. Nakedness in front of the computer breaches Art. 6840-1 of the Australian Internet Protection Act.
With Kind Regards,
Kevin Rudd.