Jumping ship: your options
NSW is done for. Tax hikes, plummeting growth, the prospect of a crappy credit rating and two and a half more years of Nathan Rees mean that it’s time to get out. Let’s have a look at the other states and territories, in no particular order.
Australian Capital Territory
Pros: Decriminalised mull, cheap fireworks and sex stores that make Bunnings look like a shoebox.
Cons: Politicians, public servants and zero night life.
The nation’s capital isn’t really an attractive option. More a country town than a city, it suffers from the dual ignominy of firstly being completely surrounded by NSW, and secondly having its best suburb (Quenbeyan) in NSW. Cold in winter, too far from the beach in summer, the only advantage to be obtained from moving here is that Central Coast bogans won’t often be motoring down the highway for a visit.
Rating: One titanic 
Victoria
Pros: Trams, cafes, bars and music.
Cons: Having to admit that Melbourne is better than Sydney, realising that Melbourne is a lot uglier than Sydney.
South of the border, down Mexico way offers the most obvious choice for a disgruntled New South Welshman. Of course, you’ll have to start supporting Collingwood and drinking Carlton Draught, but Victoria’s economy is strong, and Melbourne will soon once again be Australia’s biggest city. Sydneysiders will fit right in with the fast-paced lifestyle, but be warned; no one is ever on time here. You can also enjoy paying exorbitant tolls for the privilege of sitting in traffic. It’s like you never left home!
Rating: Three titanics 


Queensland
Pros: Relaxed lifestyle, great steak and the best devonshire tea in the country (thanks Flo!).
Cons: The heat, the bogans and the cane toads.
Beautiful one day, stinking hot and humid the next. Sunny Brisbane is situated on the bank of the Brisbane River, however it seems to be immune to any form of breeze and so summer days are long and sweaty. Thanks to the relaxed Brisbane lifestyle, you can beat the heat by having a couple of XXXX Golds at lunch, followed by a XXXX Gold at afternoon tea, and a couple of quick XXX Golds after work. People are friendly, the girls are good looking and thanks to the mining boom, business is on the up. If city life in Brisbane is still too hectic for you, you can always head up the coast to unwind. Plus, if you’re a political type, you’ve got a great chance of reaching the dizzying heights from up here - you would be alongside the PM, the treasurer and the G-G.
Rating: Four titanics 



South Australia
Pros: Coopers, fine wines, amusing palindromes.
Cons: Abundance of upper class twits, sharks.
Second only to Canberra in terms of boringness, I haven’t spent any time in Adelaide so can’t really comment too far. The climate is mild, they seem to produce some good bevoirs, and if you want to have a good time you just need to don a pair of fishnets and hit the town. Give it a whirl, if you’re that way inclined.
Rating: Two titanics 

Western Australia
Pros: Mining boom, great pubs, nice city.
Cons: Distance.
The final frontier, Perth is the most isolated city in the entire world. If you want to leave, it’s at least a five hour flight to anywhere decent. That said, the city is picking up as more and more money flows in thanks to the mining boom, and they seem to know how to have a good time. The pace is slow, and they are 2 hours behind, so if you’re dealing with the rest of the country you can knock off at 3pm every day. Better still, you’re a really *really* long way from the Central Coast, so you’ll almost never see a sub-human from Umina driving around your city. Speaking of the city, it is quite pretty, especially along the Swan.
Rating: Four titanics 



Northern Territory
Pros: Beer.
Cons: Heat.
This is the only capital I haven’t visited, so I really don’t have much to say at all. They drink a lot of beer (twice the national average), but it’s also bloody hot. You also have a very high chance of being eaten by a crocodile while performing such everyday tasks as crossing the road. Only for the very adventurous.
Rating: Two titanics 

Tasmania
Pros: Cool climate, beautiful city, excellent seafood.
Cons: No jobs.
Hobart is a fantastic city. Relaxed, friendly, no traffic, and best of all, you can’t even drive there from the Central Coast without catching a ferry. It could be a bit chilly in the winter, but the energy is mostly sourced from the hydro scheme, so turn those heaters up! If you can find a job down here, it’s definitely the place to be - especially as climate change kicks in and it gets a couple of degrees warmer. The locals all seem to exhibit mild signs of inbreeding; if you’re planning on procreating, send your kids to the mainland so they can meet someone from outside the family.
Rating: Three titanics 


New Zealand
Pros: Russell Crowe
Cons: Russell Crowe
The seventh and final state, New Zealand is still maintaining a façade of independence by retaining its own currency and stamping passports whenever mainlanders visit. Importantly, if you do decide to move to New Zealand, your national cricket captain won’t be Ricky Ponting. The snow is great, the beers are cold, and the accents are hilarious. What more could you want?
Rating: Three titanics 


That’s all from me. Good luck with your decision.






